The answers for everything Podcast

*DISCLAIMER* there is no confirmation about the existence of that glory hole as Mr. Clay has looked for about 30 years now and has yet to find it. He will continue to search relentlessly until his dying days Last week’s cliffhanger finally gets resolved this episode. Listen up and pay close attention as there are quite a few stories bundled up into this week’s episode. The hosts banter back and forth about seeing celebrities such as Johnny Depp, Tom Hanks, Tim Allen and Nicholas Cage while visiting the Disneyland Park. Take a half hour out of your day as you sit back, relax and listen to Mr. Clay and Teapot discuss Club 33 and Jay from entertainment 1. Last but not least, get ready to visualize a Shirtless Weber walking around Disneyland kicking ass and taking names (except for the short break he took while spending time in Walt Disney’s private, Disneyland office)   Every week the title is chosen using a quote from the recording. Here are the 2 runners up: “Hey, do you want a handjob?” “I’m trying to fucking grow a snake head” Those two suggestions didn’t quite paint a Disneyland experience in a positive light like the chosen title does. Questions that get answered this week: Would it kill the Toon Town coaster operator to stay at work for an extra minute and a half? Why is Mr. Clay not invited to family picnics? How many times did a homeless man get mistaken for Mr. Clay’s dad? Can Teapot teach us all what a Foley artist is? Why would Epstein never stay in a hostel? Can Mr. Clay give his mom a heart attack by simply going to the bathroom at the Seattle airport?

Welcome back knowitalls. This week is the first part of a 2 part episode centered on Disney trip adventures. Teapot and Mr. Clay try to be humble and not come across as stuck up while revisiting their astounding amount of Disney vacations. It would seem that some of their park experiences helped shape them into who they are today. They will bring you stories about the Box “O” Pop, buying Britney Spears dolls, pasta out the asshole (literally?) and a delightful tale about a 9 year old girl (not Epstein related) story from the Finding Nemo ride in Disneyland Paris. Every week the title is chosen using a quote from the recording. Here is this week’s runner up: “Come on guys, it’s not like you’re going on a fucking Merry-go-round”.  Let us know if we made the right decision in naming the episode. Questions that get answered this week:   Is it ok to lie to your friends about 4X4ing in rented Hummers, even though you know it will break their heart? Was it water or spit coming out of the hotel shower head? Is it racist to call your new Spanish friend “Pedro” even before asking him what his actual name is? What can be like 16 orgasms at once? When someone says “America” what should be the next two words out of your mouth? Why is cheesecake for breakfast a staple when going to Disneyland? Is Disneyland best described as “the fair on the best steroids that money can buy”?

No Guest hosts this week as we have the OG crew in the studio! After a week apart, Teapot and Mr. Clay are at it again with some delicious storytelling about Jeffrey Epstein, camping with lots of family members while also having anxiety and they throw out some advice on driving through Death Valley. There is also some not so delicious discussion on Dad buttholes. Clearly the butthole discussion is not about the butthole of Clay’s Dad because tracking him down would take the skills of Sherlock Holmes, Batman and Google all working together for the task at hand. Bets have been made as to which Liquor store, Milk section or cigarette counter he may be hiding at. Sit back, close your eyes, open your ears (??) and take in all of the quality conversation this episode has to offer. Be prepared as you get introduced to the myth known only as “Judetastic”, Cousin Bleh from drawn together makes for a small topic and get ready to learn why Mr. Clay gets very jealous that Teapot saves money cuz her dad “knows a guy”. Sadly, the guy that Teapot’s dad “knows” has nothing to do with dad butts. Rest assured if he did, Mr. Clay would keep him on retainer. Questions that get answered this week are: Is it possible to do a road trip to Las Vegas and Anaheim but never see the strip or even set foot in Disneyland? How does a 2 Storey outhouse work? Where did Epstein get his money from? J/K…. they can’t answer that. What does Teapot’s dad use his “I know a guy” guy for? Was Mr. Clay 14 years old while in grade 5? Did Teapot date a 5th grader when she was 21?

With Teapot on vacation and Mr. Clay running out of options, literally asking 103 different people to record a show this week, desperate measures had to be made. Sliding into the guest host position is none other than The Real Randy Marsh. Randy and Clay have a connection due to their past lives as born and Bred BC boys who ended up relocating to the prairies for work. This week the discussion revolves around that bond as well as a few stories about the mythical beast known as Weber, the BC ferries corporation, orange juice ads featuring lesbians, why Clay’s boss told him to “please get the fuck back to work” and although the Japanese word Kabuki and the Greek word Chabookie (tsibouki) sound alike, they mean 2 completely different things. One means blowjob… can you guess which one? Some questions get answered such as: Is ass the other vagina? Why do people stuff their front grill with cardboard? How did a Futureshop sale of 3 CD’s for $10 lead Randy to his new life? What position did the head of HR offer Randy? (It wasn’t Doggystyle positiion) Are pants optional while recording with Randy? Why should you never let a handicapeable friend use a pressure washer? Can you break a keg? Did Clay ever work for Weber inc? Did Weber inc really exist? Was Randy Marsh ever a Milkman? And if he was, did he work for Weber inc?

Lucky number thirteen (Insert air horn celebration here, woot woot!) There isn’t really a theme this time around so dive in for some random chit chat about Dwayne Johnson going to pound town on Teapot (no relation to the Dollar store in the UK), listen to Teapot decide why she would marry her own mother and then discover exactly what she finds appealing about her grade 9 math teacher (It’s not his math skills… if you know what I mean???). To make this episode a solid 22 minutes of entertainment, there is a snippet about roommates that touch themselves in front of people, a quick story about Mr. Clay’s rancid smelling farts and a revelation that “to-go” meals that are 100% entirely made up of cake are probably the greatest meal ever. Mr. Clay regrettably sounds a little racist when makes fun of how is friend sounds when she speaks Tagalog in front of him. (All joking of course) There are no listener questions this week but everyone will learn answers to the following questions: As a university student, can you live off meth and cake? Is opening one door and 3 windows going to be enough to air out the rancid smelling farts that Mr. Clay allegedly used to produce? Used to… not anymore. Nowadays they smell like candy. The good kind of candy, not the black licorice types of candy. When your computer dies, can you access Facebook photo albums or are they gone forever? Every person on the planet knows the answer to this one. Or do they? Are there any foreign languages that sound like chickens clucking? Will Mr. Clay’s mom ever understand technology? Did Teapot need her dorm room bathroom to be wheelchair accessible? When Teapot’s roommate got deported, should she have finished her ice cream before or after she consoled them? Marijuana may have been a factor for this answer.

Episode 12: Your face is a fucking carnival Welcome back friends. This episode starts with stupid stories from our younger years and concludes with personal stories about doing magic mushrooms. The main talking points are related to high school skylight messages, night driving on magic mushrooms, Hansel and Gretal-ing with toilet paper, taking a leak on your friend’s lawn and also learning the nicest possible way to egg someone’s car. Get ready to discover how breathing can control your bathroom plunger and let your imaginations soar as Teapot gives us a detailed blueprint to her parent’s basement. (You will need those blueprints in order to avoid the sad room, the scary crawlspace and the bathroom that turns your pee green) Answers and questions, questions and answers!! Can you forget how to swallow? Why did Mr. Clay’s car make a collect call? After dating someone for a week, should you marry them? Should you cheat on your boyfriend with your high school crush? Why did someone threaten to throw a log of firewood through Mr. Clay’s windshield? Why did Teapot call Mr. Clay a piece of shit? Is $43.50 too much to pay for a lanyard? Do sex and drugs blend well together? Is Teapot’s friend the Devil? Why did Mr. Clay hide on the roof of the Husky Restaurant for over an hour?

Welcome back Knowitalls. This week Teapot and Mr. Clay discuss if money can in fact buy happiness. The episode begins with them pondering the stress of having too much VS not having enough money. Teapot reminisces about her teenage years when she lacked the need to curb her spending habits. They both get confused on the rules of a Genie’s 3 wishes but then on the other hand they are not confused with the idea that blowing dudes would lead to amazing vacations. Many, many questions get answered this week; What isn’t a normal monthly budget for booze? What exactly would Mr. Clay do for $20? Does Teapot still love Tokio Hotel, Metrostation and skinny jeans? Where is your sweet spot for your wealth? Is Teapot forced at gunpoint to record with Mr. Clay while they talk about weird shit? While perusing the Australian Facebook classified ads for sexual fantasies, what would $5000 get you? Why does Mr. Clay want to move to Alabama? What is more important: Getting lots of the dick in your expensive, private residence or living for free with your parents but getting very little to no dick at all? (Blood relative dick excluded, of course)

Welcome back Knowitalls. This week the topic is FOOD. We talk about when we shop, what we buy, what we definitely don’t buy and what food staples we keep in our houses. The stories take place from our trips abroad, from local shopping and also from family favorite meals. Have you ever gone on a limited edition, Reese’s Peanut butter cup scavenger hunt? Mr. Clay has. (Wanna hear all about it? Click the play button). If you would like to see some of the unique items found by Mr. Clay on his adventures then check out his instagram page @funkytreats. Stay tuned to get answers to the following questions. How many meals can coffee be a substitute for? Why does Teapot claim that she has a sack? What does ketchup belong on? When dining at McDonald’s, what would constitute a “Manager situation”? Does Teapot miss the meat? Why did Mr. Clay get an erection in the middle of the recording? Was the KFC: Cheetos Chicken sandwich worth a 12 hour drive?

Episode 9 Brings Mr. Clay and Teapot to the realization that they speed more than they don't. They discuss if luck plays a part in what happens when you get pulled over and Mr. Clay takes a little journey down memory lane to the time he asked a cop to pose with him while flashing gang signs. The discussions all begin with the love for the Autobahn, the importance of playground zones in -50 weather and blowing dudes at stop signs. The adventure reaches its finale when they discuss The difficulties in paying European speeding tickets while not being a resident and how Mr. Clay was close to being caught while performing the duties of a drug mule. The big questions this week relate to how delightful a prison in Amsterdam could be and how fast one of them had to be driving to get a $351.00 speeding ticket.

Episode 8: This week Teapot and Mr. Clay get all down and dirty with some talk on women's lingerie and men's French underwear. They answer questions on who wears these articles, when they wear them and if it's sexy to shower while wearing them. Along the journey they rehash the grey sweatpants theory from a few episodes ago and discuss if a roller derby girl's uniform is the sexy fetish of many men. Mr. Clay learns that a woman who doesn't cry in sad movies isn't a cyborg (he is still trying to wrap his head around that one.) The big question for the week is all about Mr. Clay's testicles (yes, despite his sleigh riding accident during grade 9, they are still referred to as plural)

We're back with Episode 7 (one of my personal favorites so far). Teapot and I dig deep into our memories to places of spooky experiences and unexplained phenomena. We explore situations from our youth that seem to give us more questions than answers. Turn off the lights, sit alone in your basement and be very, very aware of every little creak and moan that your house has to offer during your listen of this episode. Don't be afraid of the shadows, they can't hurt you (or maybe they can? Or even scarier... what if they are you, but trying to break free from a parallel dimension?) Goblins, shadowmen, ghostly footsteps of children from the other side, reincarnation and perhaps the answer to "Who or what is God?" are the subject matter this week.  

Episode 6 is all about quarantine boredom (or freedom, depending on your profession). We get into a little game of "Would you rather" and learn where we prioritize sex, vacations, traffic lights, relationship cheating, jail and obviously duck sized horses. My poor mother takes a technology beating (and a verbal beat down by yours truly) as I try to teach her how to create a favorites link in her phone browser. Elizabeth Hurley is a topic for my get out of jail free card (all joking of course). 

Episode 5 arrives (with some new intro music by Vancouver film school graduate j.d_mathews) and amazing stories of childhood memories from vacations and lazy afternoons hanging out at Grandma's house. Have you ever been to the 3 Sisters Volcano park or maybe shopped for Smurfs at the now defunct Pic N Save? Stories from our youth will transport you to these exotic locations but unlike us, you have the knowledge of knowing what insects to avoid and how to not be a dumbass.

Episode #4 brings the conversation around to offensive humor and why it's okay. We talk about Cards against humanity, cutting people with scissors, and how a joke doesn't always hit its target audience. This time we wrap up the episode with questions about cucumbers, rape fantasy and what to do with your hands while going down on a guy.

In the newest episode of the Answers For everything podcast, Teapot and Mr. Clay talk about cruise ship morgues, headstone messages, coffee table wrestlers and social media perception. We top it all off when we do a little self reflection while answering questions on bulges in grey sweat pants and age gap dating.