ScreamQueenz: Where Horror Gets GAY!

Can you believe it? Another Friday the 13th has passed us by, which means I'm overdue for the next installment of the FRIDAY THE 13th SPECTACULARRRR! We're now up to the fifth film in the series, FRIDAY THE 13th PART V: A NEW BEGINNING. And it's a new beginning, all right. It's the beginning of the end of my love affair with this franchise. Oh hush! This movie is terrible, and you know it! I sat down with Mister Brad to watch it again. He's never seen it before, and I thought we were both going to need new glasses after all the eye-rolling we did. Of course, the saving grace is hearing him singing the "Ooh, baby! Ooh baby!" thing in the shower ever since. (Expect audio soon!) Also, expect a lot of talk about my trip to Denver for the GALA 2012 convention. Yeah yeah, suck it up. I try to make it as fun as possible. Plus I get a little heavy and reveal some DEEP TRUTHS, so make sure you have Kleenex handy. Not like that, you pig! Gad, you're disgusting

Happy Independence Day, Screamerz! Since that last episode came out a little late, this one's hitting you a little early. That's called balance, bitches! So your date might be a little late, but it is finally time to be whisked away to the senior prom! And it's going to be one helluva Party... In 1957, Mary Lou Maloney's dream of being crowned prom queen went up in flames. And now...she's going to get that tiara if it kills you! That's right! It's finally time to discuss the Canadian camp classic HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II. And joining me is my evil twin and fellow Screamer, listener TRAE DEAN. Sitting next to him, with a flask of hootch in her bra and a spare pair of undies in her purse, is New York City cabaret songstress, the luscious Miss KAREN MACK. And oh what a ménage it is! Tell your mama not to wait up, cuz when this prom's over, NOBODY'S coming home! [youlist vid="aCN-bX4qNPk,8y8n4ToQ0k0,vatOw6FquzU"]

WARNING: This episode is CURSED. You have been warned. First up, THE NIGHTMARE CLOSET returns, and its hinges are ready to burst. I'm going to take my second attempt at watching THE HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES as an adult. For a movie that's not particularly scary, it still fills me with dread. It's time to purge this demon from my soul and get on with my life. I'm just going to hold on to this teddy bear. And this tequila. And this shotgun. Sadly, the Curse of Episode 61 struck the recording of my HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II segment. She'll be back next time, so instead you get an extra CRAPSHOOT feature. It's a cautionary tale of why one shouldn't buy outdated photographic equipment from undead mass murdereres. It's called SMILE starring Armand Assante. Ironically, I'm not happy about this or about bumping poor Mary Lou. I might have taken out my aggression on this poor movie. Too bad. SUFFER. Oh, and if you're wearing flip flops while listening to this, you might want to take them off. You have been warned. Again.

Privyet, my Krasivaya Screamers! It's time to pack your bags, your radiation suits and your douche bags, because we're off to Russia with the a truly stupid group of A-holes with THE CHERNOBYL DIARIES! I'm joined by my favorite West Coast pervert, SCOTT from The SATYRSPHERE podcast. Neither one of us cared for the movie at all, so expect rampant innuendo and Broadway tangents aplenty. I'd apologize in advance if I had any sense of decorum, which I don't, so let's move on. And while you're at it, be sure to pick up former guest host HOMER MARRS' new EP called PROM KING featuring 4 songs both hilarious and rather sexypants. Pay you you can (and for god's sake, give him something!) over at homermarrs.bandcamp.com

It's my birthday episode, henceforth to be known for all time as BIRTHAPALOOZA! To celebrate, we're taking a look, not surprisingly, at birthday-related horror. To kick off the show, THE CRAPSHOOT sets its sites on UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY, a UK exercise in weirdness, Day-Glo clothing, creepy sex and...cake. And then I'm joined by world-famous author ROBERT R. BEST to discuss BLOODY BIRTHDAY in weirdness, knees socks, killer kids and...cake. Plus, we discuss my life with the VILLAGE PEOPLE, the War on My Butt, hallucinating on the subway... ...and cake.

It's my birthday, so I'm taking the week off....sort of. I couldn't leave you high and dry (or low and moist), so enjoy THE WITCH'S TALE to tide you over until next week!

Being that this is Episode 57, I feel it fitting to adhere to the legacy of Heinz Ketchup's motto of "57 Varieties". However, I will modify it slightly to say that this episode is "57 Varieties of All Fucked Up!" This is the long-awaited reading of MRS. LUMLEY'S MASKS, an original short story by NOTLP's beloved KELLEY KOMBRINCK. I've had a amazing time putting this together for you, and if you think Kelley's all cute and cuddly...think again. Well, actually he is cute and cuddly, but he's also All Fucked Up. I believe that would be Variety #39. And if you're clamoring for movie dish, I've got the preview scoop on John Cusack's THE RAVEN. Feathers will fly. Then, I can't wait to introduce you to our Friend from Line (All Fucked Up Variety # 44), whose physical being (and demeanor) is described on the show as similar to each of the following: She's a peach! ABOUT THE AUTHOR: R.K.Kombrinck is an artist/author from Cincinnati, OH. He lives in a deeply disturbing Suburban dystopia with his wife and two sons. His interest in the horror genre began early and his urge to scare his friends and family soon developed into writer-ly aspirations. His equal interest in drawing led him into exploring storytelling through sequential art where he could pair his two passions. As an adult he's continued to plumb the depths of darkness and monstosity through short stories which have been published in several genre anthologies. He is also a founding member of the popular podcast "Night of the Living Podcast" which he uses as a mouthpiece for disseminating his horror-nerd agenda. He loves iced tea (unsweet) and genuinely believes in Sasquatch. Click here for his official AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE

It's that most wonderful time of the year! Well, except if you're a horny co-ed who stupidly chose to spend spring break at the lakehouse in the woods instead of going boob-shakin' in Boca Raton, that is. That's right! Another Friday the 13th is upon us, which means it's time for the next installment of my FRIDAY THE 13th SPECTACULAAAARRRR! This, time we're I'm tackling the fourth entry, FRIDAY THE 13th: THE FINAL CHAPTER. So, come on, Sara. Strip and dip! Give Teddybear a kiss, and find that goddamned corkscrew, because Jason is in da house! And then, The Crapshoot returns to take on a pair of creepy identical twins with evil powers in the AfterDark HorrorFest release SECONDS APART. Did this bad boys double my pleasure like Doublemint gum, or did they leave me with a bad taste in my mouth? (Get your mind out of the gutter, pig!) All this and some real side excursions into Krazytown, USA await you, so start streaming already. Gaaad! [youlist vid="pCnmr3h_X0A,MRCDQ1aP9T0"]

I'm fighting off the flu and laryngitis, so I've had to scrap my original plan for the show. Instead we're firing up the ol' WayBack Machine to journey once again to the Golden Age of Radio! This time, we're meeting VINCENT PRICE to spend the night at a creepy, nearly abandoned lighthouse. The only problem is, there are some other guests on the way. Thousands of them. And they're hungry. Really hungry! This week's classic chiller is called THREE SKELETON KEY and originally aired on the CBS's hit show ESCAPE! on March 17, 1950. Better stock up on some cheese before you listen to this one! Also, if you missed me in this year's BIG GAY SING with the NEW YORK CITY GAY MEN'S CHORUS, fear not! Despite my vocal restrictions, I give an account so detailed ans so stirring that you are actually in danger of getting blinded by imaginary sequins! ALL HAIL THE GAY AGENDA!!! [youlist vid="iklPhkRK2Hk"]

It's been a rough week. I'm depressed. I needed to spend some time talking about a silly movie with a dear old friend. Join me and the oh-so-squeezable JAY EMMITT (formerly of the "Obscure 80's Podcast") as we dish the dish about Dracula's disco dance moves in the 1979 comedy LOVE AT FIRST BITE. But be careful, Jay! I'm going to backdoor you with a FIRING SQUAD for recommending ATTACK THE BLOCK. Did I love it? Or is little Jay going to become a man before your very ears? Either way...you'll have a real good time, goddammit!

I don't care if it's not prom season yet! This episode is all about CARRIE! CARRIE the book! CARRIE the musical! CARRIE the movie! CARRIE the breakfast cereal! What? There isn't a breakfast cereal yet!?!? (note to self...get on that! Should be pork flavored and turn the milk crimson!) I'm joined by my longtime friend, the nauseatingly talent OWEN ROBERTSON, who proves he's not actually a figment of my imagination by finally coming on the show to reminisce about the unfortunate young Miss White in all of her many (occasionally ridiculous) incarnations. We also get all serious and shit, pondering why STEPHEN KING's first monster has had such a lasting fascination, especially in the gay community. If you love CARRIE, you're going to have more fun than giving JOHN TRAVOLTA a big wet talking blowjob in the parking lot! (Well, maybe not that much fun!) If you don't love CARRIE, then you eat shit!

Happy Valentine’s Day, Screamers! February is also Women in Horror Month. Instead of another rehash of MY BLOODY VALENTINE, we’re going to take a listen to music by female artists about ghostly women who haunt the seashores! Classy, right? Movie wise, we’re putting listener Zombart up against the FIRING SQUAD …

My special guest this week is my new "Coolest Person in the Entire World", the incredibly talented and remarkably woofy HOMER MARRS! He sings, he plays guitar, he writes songs, he does all kinds of comedy, and he smells nice. Mostly he's hear to share some of his song stylings with us and rap about WARLOCK. First up, THE CRAPSHOOT returns to let us know if we should watch JULIA'S EYES or just spit in them. Sure, it's reuniting producer Guillermo Del Toro, director Guillem Morales and THE ORPHANAGE'S star Belén Rueda...but that would makeit even more fun to kick their over-confident culos" And then Listener Trae has to face the music for recommending that I watch GRAVE ENCOUNTERS. Did he do a Good Thing?....or did he do a Baaaaad Thing? Either way, I'll probably yell "Fuck you!" at somebody at some point, so you can be assured about that. And finally, Homer and I chat about WARLOCK, why it was awesome, why it sucked and why it inspired him to right a poignant ballad about its star. All this and more. God, I could plotz!

It’s a huge milestone here at SCREAMQUEENZ, so I’m celebrating for making an ass out of myself for two hours….again. In this episode, I tell you all about the riot that almost broke out at a screening of THE DEVIL INSIDE. And it wasn’t because Mister Brad did the old …

Happy New Year, Screamerz! This week, I'm sitting down with Chris & Shawn from the 42nd Street Drive-In podcast to dish the dish on the 1972 Spanish classic, TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD! Even though we don't get into it on the show, this movie actually scared the livin' crud out of me when I saw it on WPIX-Channel 11's CHILLER THEATER when I was a tiny waif. Technically, this should be a beast from the NIGHTMARE CLOSET, but nothing's scarier than Brad's imitation of these undead Templar nasties. Especially when he does it nekkid. Yoinks! Plus, BETTE & DERWOOD, everyone's favorite brown-nosers call in with reviews of THE SHRINE and DREAM HOME, and then reveal that they're not the straight-A students they pretend to be. I feel a spanking coming on! And finally, the GREEN GOBLIN/TIMES SQUARE TAKEOVER gets shredded, AMERICAN HORROR STORY gets schooled, THE WALKING DEAD get reamed and then....a listener is going to get publicly and merciless thrashed on this episode. Is it YOU??? *ominous thunderclap, howling wolf, maniacal laughter, silent queef*