The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

  What does recovery have to do with a weekend “up north”?   Readings and Links A listener suggested Al-Anon phone meetings, which can be found on the Al-Anon web site Electronic Meetings page. Music from the show Panic! At The Disco: Hey Look Ma, I Made It    

We often say “take what you like and leave the rest.” How can I apply this concept of “take it or leave it” in my life? Free dictionary “take it or leave it” idioms https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/take+it+or+leave+it Things I will (want to) take; (What I like …) Help Change  Compliments Growth Notice Encouragement Validation Progress Time A breath Some space My feelings (all of them) Changed attitudes Optimism Positivity Care of myself (first) Things I will Not (don’t want to) take; Other people’s problems, burdens Other people’s responsibilities “It personally” Ultimatums Offense Demands Blame Expectations Resentment Anger Name calling Sarcasm Bad attitudes The bait, the rope Things (I want) to Leave; (The rest…) Negativity (others) Negativity (mine) Stinking Thinking The past Impatience Ultimatums Blame Fear Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 4 (Understanding Ourselves and Alcoholism – Searching for Answers) and Chapter 6 (The Family Disease of Alcoholism, Recognizing our Options). Courage to Change, October 29. Listeners mentioned several episodes, including these * 229, Holiday Expectations * 134, Holiday Survival Kit * 293, Lynne – Grief can be a wonderful thing * 301, Geneviève – Together we can make it * 303, Michele B – My Solutions were my Problems Add your voice Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show The Clash: Should I Stay or Should I Go The Eagles: Take it Easy Cage the Elephant: Take it or Leave it “Blank Stares” by Jay Allen was suggested by a listener.  

Michele B has an inspiring story of adversity and recovery. Note: The original posting of this talk had audio “glitches” that made it unlistenable for some. I believe I have corrected them here. Readings and Links Ashley told us about online Alateen “chat” meetings, and sent a link to the Al-Anon/Alateen web site, where you can find out about and register for a chat meeting. Feedback Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Jennifer's adult son has been drinking alcoholically for his entire adult life, some 30 years. She wrote and offered to tell her story, where she is now living a wonderful life, free of the obsession to do something. She loves him, she is concerned about his well-being and health, but that doesn't consume her life any more. Her son's alcoholism is so strong that he has been unwilling to seek or accept help. She still loves him, but has told him that he must live on his own, that she will not support him in his addiction. This meant that at times, he was homeless, living in the forest. She accepts (but doesn't like) that he must live with the consequences of his actions. She has given him the respect of letting him live his life, not the one she might have wanted for him. Readings and Links Jennifer read from Courage to Change, September 14, and Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, p. 15. A listener asked about where I got the Mary Pearl workshop. I bought it from Lee's Tapes and CDs at an AA convention, and it is also available online at this link. Only the last 300 episodes are available in your podcast app, but they are all available right here. Feedback Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Wayne Watson: Watercolor Ponies Wayne Watson: Class of 95 Taylor Swift: Clean    

Geneviève started recovery at the age of 14 as a member of Alateen. There, she found a family she had never had. She didn't think she needed Alateen, but there was something there that called to her. Maybe at first it was just the community – the people who welcomed her and hugged her (although that was weird at first, too). After a couple years, she dived in whole heartedly. But, when she turned 20, she was no longer a teen. And the Al-Anon members were all old. Comparing herself to them, she found so many differences. As she started to have friends who were getting pulled into addiction, she needed Al-Anon more and more. It was a “parents meeting” that helped her the most at this time. She started to identify with others and felt included. Of course, as a young adult who found so much in Alateen, she is giving back to Alateen as an AMIAS (Al-Anon member in service to Alateen). In our conversation, we discuss differences between Alateen and Al-Anon, and also how they are similar. She describes the life-changing experience of Alateen weekend conventions. And we are sad about how few Alateen meetings there are. Readings and Links Geneviève opened with a reading from the daily reader Hope for Today, page 105 (April 14). Upcoming Next week we will have a conversation with an Al-Anon member, where she will share her experience with the 25 year descent of an adult child refusing treatment and development of mental illness. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show John Mayer: In the Blood Ed Sheeran: Castle on the Hill  

The Recovery Show has reached the grand age of 300 … episodes. Or, if you prefer, over 6 1/2 years. I asked you to tell me what you found here, what brought you here, what keeps you coming back. And about 30 of you answered, with only about 2 weeks notice! So, what did you find here? What are you saying in this episode 300? You found voices speaking your experience. Voices expressing feelings you didn't know you had. Voices that opened corners of your mind you had forgotten were there. Voices of other people who have been where you are, and got through. You found a moment of calm in the midst of a chaotic day. You found an escape from the unmanageability of your life, if only for an hour. You found ideas, concepts, slogans, quotes, and other tools that you could use today, that you could bring to bear on the problems you have right now. You found friends that accompany you on your long commute, during your workout, or when you need some calm. You found a deeper exploration of the Al-Anon principles, steps, traditions, and concepts. You heard examples of others using these in “all their affairs” to deal with every day problems, and also to live with / through / after the effects of alcoholism and addiction on your life. Some of you found a way into the rooms and meetings of Al-Anon and other recovery programs. You came to believe that you could be helped, and you got over your reluctance and fear of walking into a meeting. You had some idea what might happen there and why you wanted it. Others have difficulty making it to meetings because of distance or obligations to family or work. You found here a “meeting between meetings”, a “meeting in your pocket.” It is amazing to me that this show has reached so many of you, that it has touched you in so many ways, and for some, so deeply. I have found friends here — those who have participated as guest hosts and those who have called or written to share their experience, strength, and hope. I honestly could not keep on doing this without you, whether you know it or not. In short, we have all found some measure of recovery here. I have, and so have you. Happy 300. Music from the show Taylor Swift: Don't Blame Me Blake Shelton: Savior's Shadow  

In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery. Upcoming: our 300th episode Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know!  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. To be included in episode 300, please do so before August 10, 2019.  

Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”. * “No” is a boundary. * Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and is not ours to do. * What’s the problem here? * I feel I have to justify my “no” answer. * I’m afraid you won’t like me if say “no” * I’m afraid you will respond with anger or disappointment if I say “no” * I feel like I’m being mean if I say “no” * I feel like I “should” say “yes” but I don’t want to. * I say “I don’t know” or “maybe” instead of “no.” * I say “yes” but I mean “no.” * Do I also have a problem saying “yes”? * Do I have a problem committing, in general? * Why should I learn to say “no”, period? * I don’t have an infinite store of time and energy. * Some things are more important than others. * I need to set and respect my own boundaries. * I’m not comfortable / don’t agree with what you are asking me for / to do. * What is the difference between “no” and negativity? * Strength of “no” * It is an affirmation of self. * When I say “no”, it makes my “yes” stronger and more meaningful. * When to say no? * When it keeps me true to my principles and values. * When it protects me from being exploited. * When it keeps me focused on my own goals. * When it protects me from abuse. * When I need the strength to change course. * Try saying “yes” and “no” (in your head) and see how each one feels to you. * Think about the consequences of saying “yes” (or “no”). * How can I say no nicely? * “I’ll think about it” — but only if I really will think about it and get back with a “yes” or “no” — not just to put off saying “no”. * Use softer language: “I’d prefer not to” * At least say it calmly. * “That’s really not my responsibility.” * * How can I say “no” to myself? And when is it important to say no to myself? Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change, July 25 and April 13. Eric mentioned the book Discovering Choices. Web links we used as resources include these from Psychology Today: The Power of No, When, Why, and How to say No. From Huffington Post, The Art of Saying No. From Mindful.org, No Is A Complete Sentence. We got some quotes from AZquotes.com. Related topics from The Recovery Show include these episodes * Boundaries (103, 44) * Courage (220) * Choices (164, 5) * Fear (74, 187, 236) Upcoming: our 300th episode Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know!  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Join us for the conclusion of Mary Pearl T's workshop on the 12 steps. She clearly illustrates, with warmth and wit, how she understands and lives this step. Readings and Links Listeners wrote and called with reflections on these episodes: * Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences, episode 296 * Spencer and Amy — a couple in recovery, episode 294 * Judgement, episode 104 * S-Anon, episode 280 The other Mary Pearl episodes are * Step 1, episode 259 * Step 2, episode 263 * Step 3, episode 264 * Step 4, episode 268 * Step 5, episode 271 * Step 6, episode 274 * Step 7, episode 282 * Steps 8 and 9, episode 286 * Step 10, episode 288 * Step 11, episode 291 Two listeners shared their own hope, strength, and experience on a question from an earlier episode, “What if my loved one never finds sobriety?” Please add your sharing Our 300th episode is coming soon. How has The Recovery Show helped your recovery? What episode touched you? Did you go to your first meeting after listening to us? Have you been a guest on the podcast? Call or send email with your answer to one of these questions, or to one I didn't think to ask. I'd love to construct our 300th episode from your voices. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope.

What was your spiritual awakening? What spiritual experiences have you had? Step 12 starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…”. The AA “Big Book” speaks of “a spiritual experience” as a key to recovery. What's going on here? Do we have to have some sudden “white light” experience to truly be in recovery? Both traditions answer, firmly, “No.” The Big Book says, simply, “Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience.” Al-Anon's book How Al-Anon Works affirms that “more commonly … we experience a gradual awakening of the spirit”. I found meaning in the story of the Buddha, who, shortly after his enlightenment, was questioned by a person he encountered on the road if he was a god, a wizard, a man? To which he responded, “no”. When the man asked “Well, what are  you then?”, the Buddha said “I am awake.” In this episode, 4 people describe a spiritual awakening or experience from their lives. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 8, Step Twelve. Alcoholics Anonymous, Appendix II A listener wrote about the Al-Anon book Having had a Spiritual Awakening, and how it led him to a gentle awakening. Want to contribute? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Carrie Newcomer: If Not Now Climbing PoeTree: Being Human (read it here.) Dervish dancing (Sama)  

A listener and erstwhile guest, Carrie, suggested this talk. She writes, Such an incredible story! Chock full of life experiences, wisdom, humor and hope.  I’ve listened to it several times over the years.   Makes me want to go hike in Phoenix and get a teddy bear to pass around. 

Recently, my wife, Amy, and I were guests on the podcast Sober Speak. This is our sharing — what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. We spoke both of our own experience and of our shared experience. I hope that something we said connects with you.  

Lynne tells her story – what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. She touches on grief both before and after entering recovery, on parenting, and on co-parenting with an alcoholic. Lynne tells of the alcohol fueled death of a close friend, and of the later crisis that brought her into Al-Anon. I really enjoyed our conversation together. Readings and Links Lynne read from Courage to Change, January 2. She recommend the “grief book”, Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses. Her home group is working the Steps, Traditions and Concepts using the workbook Reaching for Personal Freedom. In response to questions from listeners, we mentioned some resources with “open talks” from AA and other programs: * Recovery Radio Network, which is both a podcast and a website. * XA Speakers, a website with a huge collection of speakers from many “anonymous” programs. * Sober Speak, a podcast where members of AA (and occasionally Al-Anon) share their stories. A listener shared that she recently started using Insight Timer, and thanked Eric for recommending it. Upcoming An upcoming topic is “having had a spiritual awakening”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your spiritual experience or awakening. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real: Bad Case James Bay: Let It Go Florence and the Machine: You Got The Love  

Do you have a few sayings or quotes that support your recovery? How do you use them? Spencer and Eric explore a long list of sayings, quotes, proverbs, and parables. We talked about all of these, some at length, and some quite briefly. Some of these have dates in the form month/day, which refer to readings in the book Courage to Change. * Take what you like and leave the rest. * Let it begin with me. * You are not alone. * Don’t pick up the rope. * I don't have to attend every dog fight I'm invited to. * not my monkeys not my circus * There are only two types of business; my business, and none of my business. * We’re only as sick as our secrets. * Move a muscle, change a thought. (Act my way into right thinking.) * Don’t just do something, sit there. When in doubt don’t. * First thought, wrong thought. * I am a human being, not a human doing. * Participation is the key to harmony. * Worry is like a rocking chair; going back and forth and going nowhere. * The only way I can push people, is away from me. * Say what you mean but don’t say it meanly. * The enemy of serenity is indecision and hurry. * Came, Came to, and Came to Believe! * Show up, wake up, smarten up. * I can’t, he can, I think I’ll let him. * “If you understand, things are just as they are.  If you don’t understand, things are just as they are.” Zen proverb. * It works if you work it! * If nothing changes, nothing changes. * Let go or be dragged. * Stop living in the wreckage of the future. * Life on life’s terms. * Keep my head where my feet are. * Fear and faith can’t live in the same house. * When the student is ready, the teacher appears. * What other people think of me is none of my business. * Do the next right thing. * If I don’t have 5 minutes to meditate, take 10. * My best thinking got me here. * If my only prayer today is thank you, that will suffice. * The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas. * I may not get everything I want today but I have everything I need. * Forgiveness is letting go of hoping for a better yesterday. * Look back but don’t stare. * Parable of the two wolves — Which one wins? The one you feed. * When going through hell, keep going. * When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot. * When 1 door closes, another door opens, but living in the hallway is hell. * Before sunlight shines through a window, the blinds must be raised.  American – 3/5 * Patience is the key to paradise.  Turkish – 5/14 * When we talk of tomorrow, God laughs.  Chinese – 5/17 * The highest for of wisdom is kindness.  The Talmud – 4/13 * “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abe Lincoln * “Courage faces fear and thereby masters it.”  MLK Jr – 8/6 * “Even if I knew tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.”  Martin Luther – 11/5 * “The oak grows stronger in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.”  Peter Marshal – 3/23 * “There is no try.  There is do or not do.”  Yoda * “Fear leads to hate, hate to anger, anger to suffering.”  Yoda * “Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing.” Albert Schweitzer – 12/9 Readings and Links Links to longer explanations about or readings of the parables we discussed: Pandoras box

How have you deepened your conscious contact with your higher power? What is your practice of prayer and meditation? Mary Pearl T leads us on an exploration of Step 11, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” She uses stories to illuminates her understanding of the step with her usual blend of humor and depth. Upcoming In an upcoming episode, we will be talking about our favorite quotes and sayings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.