The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

“When I got busy, I got better”. I’ve heard this as an encouragement to service in recovery. What is service, and how can it support my recovery? Spencer and Ester talk about our experience with service, with support from almost a dozen listeners. Our discussion was guided by but certainly not limited to these questions. * What *is* service, anyway? What kinds of service are we talking about?* How have you given / experienced service in your recovery?* Why have you given service?* What have been your reasons for not giving service?* How do you balance service commitments with the “rest of your life?”* There’s a booklet titled “When I Got Busy, I Got Better”  What does this phrase mean to you? Have you experienced this? Why and how?* How has service changed your outlook in “all your affairs”?* Have you found service intrinsically rewarding? How might this differ from your earlier attitudes about “being of service” or “helping out”? Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change, September 7. The reading from the same book for October 2 was also mentioned. I don't recall if we mentioned the book When I Got Busy, I Got Better, but it is definitely relevant. Upcoming topics Eric suggested a new slogan “Don't engage with rage.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Simon & Garfunkel – Bridge over Troubled Water

How can we use our recovery tools to help us when our loved ones are suffering from mental illness? Is it harder when our loved one is our child? Roberta shares her experience, strength, and hope around these questions. Our conversation was guided by these questions. * How/when did you come to Al-Anon?* Give as much or as little of that journey as you wish.* How and when did you realize your daughter’s problems?* What was your initial reaction / response to them?* What program tools are you using to support her and to keep your own “sanity”?* Serenity Prayer* A place to go — program friends* Meetings — Zoom!* “This too shall pass” — the wave comes in and then it goes out* Podcast.* Loving Detachment* Acceptance* Boundaries (around what we can do)* Live in the moment — One day at a time.* Prayer* Hope (without expectations?)* What else?* How is this experience similar to your earlier experience with alcoholism?* How is it different?* How does the fact that she is your child and still a minor make a difference in * What you do?* What you feel you should do?* What you can do?* What others are telling you you should do?* What are your fears?* Where are you today, emotionally and spiritually?* What might you say to other parents who have similar struggles? Readings and Links We read from the Al-Anon pamphlet 3 Views of Al-Anon, the section titled :”An Open Letter from an Alcoholic”, and the book Discovering Choices, Chapter 10. A couple of listeners wrote about the podcast Poetry Unbound. A listener wrote in response to a question about using recovery to deal with food issues, recommending Overeaters Anonymous. Upcoming topics Upcoming topics include “Service”, and “What qualifies your for Al-Anon?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show to share on either of these topics. Music from the Show https://youtu.be/mI3au4KM4xM Nina Simone – Feeling Good Rachel Platten – Fight Song Eminem – Not Afraid (Explict) Eminem – Not Afraid (Clean)

If I’m not the problem, then there is no solution. Huh? How does this make sense for my recovery. Spencer, Eric and several listeners share our thoughts about this idea. * How would you have felt about this statement before you came into recovery?* In what ways were you trying to fix other people’s problems?* Which of those problems was actually yours?* How did trying to fix someone else’s problems make you feel?* What did you hear when you came to Al-Anon that encouraged you to think differently?* What does this statement mean to you now?* How does that affect/change your behavior?* How is it liberating?* How does it contribute to less unmanageability and more serenity in your life?* Some problems I have* Failing to LET GO.  My problem becomes, that I will be dragged.  Example, my  (Eric) marriage.  Going to AA to take the medicine, to cure her disease.* If I fail to set healthy boundaries, I will become a doormat, and accept unacceptable behavior, and become resentful, angry, and irritable, without knowing it…* If I do not practice the art of listening, intently, with an OPEN MIND, I will not hear, understand, and lose my ability to have choices, and choose a response, that is healthy and best FOR ME.* These and many other problems, are OF MY OWN MAKING.  The solutions are of my OWN choosing.  I have the power to change this “stinking thinking”.* What solutions have we found?* Detachment* Boundaries* Acceptance Eric concluded: I can’t change the weather, the traffic, and I cannot drive the car in front of me. No matter how much I want to… I CAN change, my perspective, my outlook, and my attitude towards it. There is a solution. I / we all, have the power to awaken within us, the courage to change, the things we can. And, I have come to know that that thing, is ME. I will Let It Begin With Me. Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works: p. 20 (in Chapter 4) Seeking Solutions for Ourselves, and Tradition 5, p. 113. Spencer reflected on “Phase One” by Dilruba Ahmed, a poem about forgiving ourselves, which he heard on the podcast Poetry Unbound. Gina told us about another Al-Anon podcast: www.al-anonuk.org.uk/podcasts We were reminded of these other episodes: * Freedom (241)* Perspective (258)* Enabling or Empowering? (261)* Consequences (245)* Resentment (196) Feedback If you have questions, comments, or shares on any of our episodes, you can call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Coldplay – Fix You I'm the Problem – Timothy Brindle Man in the Mirror – Michael Jackson

What are you grateful for right now? Where do you have gratitude that isunexpected? How has the practice of gratitude helped you throughturbulent, stressful events and times? My gratitude this year is centered on people in my life. * My brother, who is taking care of my aging, ailing parents. He is there when they have a crisis and need the support of medical professionals. He is there when they have a crisis that just needs some loving, physical attention. He is there when a care giver is potentially exposed to COVID and he needs to suddenly fill her schedule with someone else. He is there.* My sister, who backs up my brother in care. She lives about 45 minutes away from my parents, and can be there when he needs to take one to the ER and the other needs to stay home. I am 8 hours away by car, and really can’t be there on short notice, so I am grateful that we have two layers of support.* The fact that my parents are still alive. They may be fading out, but they are still there. I *think* I am ready for the inevitable, but how can I really know until it actually happens.* My wife, who picks up a lot of the routine tasks of living, especially financial. She is the one who negotiated refinancing our mortgage. She is the one who negotiated getting long term care insurance. Both of these involved lots of time on the phone, and lots of time on hold. She brings flowers into the house, and hugs into my life. * My religious community, who continue to be there, week upon week. Who made the transition to online worship with hardly a glitch. Who have created new opportunities to connect on a regular basis. And who let me know about the joys and troubles of friends in community. * My neighbors. The one who regularly bakes goodies and puts them on her porch for all to share. The ones who share how they are thriving or struggling in this strange time. The ones who say “hi” when we pass (appropriately distanced) on the sidewalk. The ones who figured out how to have a great neighborhood Halloween celebration while remaining safe from the virus. The ones who write birthday greetings on their sidewalk in chalk for neighbors’ children. The ones who make this a neighborhood.* All of you, who continue to contribute your experience, strength, and hope. Whether you have sent me an email or a voicemail; or have participated as a guest in the podcast. I am grateful to you, because I really could not keep on going without your support. Thank you, also, to those listeners who shared their gratitude in this episode.

Recovery takes time. That’s a good thing. Why? Ester leads us through a conversation about slow recovery, guided by these notes. Recovery, like everything in life, has its ebbs and flows.  An “ebb” in its noun form is defined in the Meriam Webster dictionary as “the reflux of the tide toward the sea” and as “a point or condition of decline” as in “our spirits were at a low ebb.”  In its verb form, “to ebb” is “to recede from the flood” or “to fall from a higher to a lower level or from a better to a worse state. The questions are: * How do I manage the inevitable ebbs in my recovery, as they come? * What can I do when the ebb manifests, particularly when I am challenged by external circumstances, to a reversion to pre-program habits or thoughts? * Recovery is slow, and it is also non-linear. I can accept this. But when is slow recovery the right pace for me and when can it become stagnation? Context/background * Challenges at work have been compounded by the specific and unusual circumstances of this year. * I can compare this with how the same challenges at the same time last year were compounded by another struggle: the aftermath of the rock bottom of my alcoholic partner.* It is possible to see the struggles I had as me being steered by my higher power toward some clarity about how my old ways of doing things aren’t working for me anymore.  Reflections/evaluations of the experiences * While I was going through these struggles, I was seeing myself as a failure at recovery. I was regressing, reverting to old behaviours, relapsing, in effect. * But what I realised, later, was that while all of this was happening, I was going through some profound transformations and realisations… * And that these were not “sudden,” or “out of nowhere.” They were the cumulative result of time/effort/commitment to the program of recovery, which is to say, working the steps with a sponsor, reading literature, and doing what I’m told… * And that if I keep doing the program and doing what I’m told, those transformations will continue happening.  * But they will be slow. And sometimes I will not see them. And sometimes I will slide out of them: three steps forward, two steps back, and on it goes. Recovery is not a straight line in one direction.* I admit: sometimes I have (shamefully) observed in myself, some little triggers for jealousy around observing other members who work the program ostensibly faster than me.* I am admitting that because I recognise my sick thinking in that. Obviously I understand that Al-Anon is not a competition. If there is such a thing as the opposite of a competition, Al-Anon is surely it. * Moreover, the pace of recovery I am doing is the pace that is right for me. And if that is slow, and sometimes, during harder times, it is really slow, then that is how it is meant to be.  Key points of transformation * I have learned how to ask for help. Or, more accurately, I was thrust into a situation where I had no choice. And now I can see how freeing it is.* I have accepted that sometimes people can see me emotionally struggle—even in professional contexts where I prefer that people think I’m some kind of well-oiled machine that talks.* I have learned how to pray every day, sometimes several times a day, and to mean it. * I have learned—and I mean really learned, in an embodied way—how futile it is to chastize myself for things I am having trouble with. That is not to say I should not hold myself responsible for things I commit to. Rather, it is that if something I am trying is not working, I try something else,

This has been a rough week for many of us in the United States, and outside the United States. As political processes wind their way through; as the pandemic is escalating; I wanted to take a moment to think about the ways in which I have used, and in which you can use program tools to survive, maybe thrive, or at least not go nuts, during this time. What tools did I use? * Meditation* Acceptance* Taking care of myself — taking a mental health day* Not obsessing* Breathing* My Dog What things did I do that were not so healthy? * Stress eating* Stress drinking* Too much screen time. How have you used the program to help you calm your anxiety?

I heard someone in a meeting say, “the great thing is that there are no experts in Al-Anon.” What does this mean and why is it a great thing? Aren’t we all experts on our own stories? * One expression of this idea is found in Tradition 8: Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.* What if we did recognize “experts”?* Would we elevate their opinions and solutions?* Why would this be harmful?* In recovery we “share experiences, strength, and hope”. * Why is this so powerful?* What have you learned from someone else’s sharing?* Would you have rejected it if it came from an “expert” as a prescription instead of from someone sharing just their own experience?* The only thing I’m an “expert” on is my own experience.  * I can share what happened, what I did, and how well (or not) it worked for me.* And you can take what you like, and leave the rest.* There is no “quiz”, no “evaluation”, no list of things you need to learn to recover.* How beautiful is that? Readings and Links We read from How Al-Anon Works, chapter 16, Twelve Traditions; and Hope for Today, December 18 Upcoming topics Our topic for next week is “If I'm not the problem, there is no solution.” How does recognizing this point you towards solutions? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: Teach Your Children Bonnie Raitt: Storm Warning Billy Bragg: No One Knows Nothing Anymore

Are you struggling with co-parenting your children with an alcoholic? What are your challenges? What tools have you found? Join Lynne and Linzi as they share their experience in a conversation guided by these questions. * What was it like before, co-parenting with an alcoholic before recovery?* What made you realize that this wasn’t how you wanted to live any more? What brought you into recovery?* What lessons did you learn in those early Al Anon meetings that you could apply to your co-parenting situation?* What does dropping the rope mean to you? How do you find the line between protecting and parenting your kids and not overstepping into that over-mothering/hyper-vigilance/hyper-functioning?* How did your family change when you found recovery and a new way of living?* How is your relationship now with your co-parent?* How do you talk to your kids about addiction and Al-Anon?* How do the traditions help you find serenity in your co-parenting situation? Readings and Links Lynne read from the Detachment pamphlet, which is available online. Upcoming topics Upcoming topics include “if I’m not the problem, there is no solution.” How has recovery let you see “your part” in problems? How does this help you to find a solution you can actually execute? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Jason Isbell – Hope The High Road The Avett Brothers – No Hard Feelings Maggie Rogers – Fallingwater

In episode 337, I talked with Amanda and Becky about how recovery and activism intersected for them. I got a lot of feedback about that episode with some very thoughtful sharing. This episode has your voices, without any discussion or comment by me. I want to thank everyone who contributed. You have given me a lot to think about. Readings and Links Amanda shared some links to articles that she found thought-provoking. These are: an article, “Activism is better for recovery,” from HuffPost; and an organization, Faces and Voices of Recovery, that advocates for recovery policy. Upcoming topics Upcoming, we have a conversation about co-parenting with an alcoholic or addict. We are planning a couple of episodes, tentatively titled “There are no experts in Al-Anon”, and “If it's not my problem, there is no solution.” How do these ideas resonate with you? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

What is it like being married to an alcoholic minister who is beloved of his congregation? How might it cause you to behave in crazy ways? Today I am sharing with you a talk by Barbara K, recorded in 1993. I listened to this recently and I thought she captured so well the ways in which WE, the partners of alcoholics, can be and act crazier than our alcoholic loved ones. Readings and Links A listener sent some information about recovery programs that are not based on the 12 steps. She listed these: * SmartRecovery.org* CelebrateRecovery.com* RecoveryDharma.org* RefugeRecovery.org* SoberGrid.com Our guest, Josh, on episode 324, Recovery Dharma, talked about that program and Refuge Recovery. Upcoming topics A topic we're considering is an exploration of the idea “if I'm not the problem, there is no solution.” How does this speak to you? It's sort of a counterpoint to our recent episode “It's not your fault.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Sheryl Crow – Every Day Is a Winding Road https://youtu.be/6ZHdxYf-5Pk James Taylor & Carole King – You've Got A Friend Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris – Why Worry

Do you feel that IT is your fault? How can recovery help you understand what is really your responsibility and what is absolutely not? Spencer and Eric discuss these questions along with shares from many of you. This topic was inspired by the scene “it's not your fault” from the movie Good Will Hunting. A clip of this scene from YouTube is shown below. * Definitions of fault and blame?* Blame: * v. Assign responsibility for a fault or wrong.* Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blame)* Fault:* responsibility for an accident or misfortune.* a misguided or dangerous action or habit* v. criticize for inadequacy or mistakes* At fault:* responsible for an undesirable situation or event; in the wrong.* When and how have you felt that “it” is your fault?* How did you respond/react to this (guilty) feeling? (258, responsibility 120, 102, patience 333)* When do others (and maybe particularly the alcoholic or addict in your life) blame you for their problems?* Do you blame yourself for the things that have happened?* Do you criticize yourself for your decisions and actions?* Does it always seem that you “could have done better”?* How have the 12 steps and the tools of recovery helped?* How are you learning to take just the right amount of responsibility for your own decisions and actions?* When do you know it is not your fault?* What are you still struggling with feeling “to blame” for? Readings and Links We read from the book In All Our Affairs, p. 85, the section titled “No Longer Blaming Myself”. We talked briefly about an article titled Is Your Guilt True or False? The conversation and your sharing prompted reference to many episodes of The Recovery Show, including these: 13 – Shame, 81 The 3 C's, 102 Responsibility and Authority, 120 Authority and Responsibility, 121 Laughter, 151 Meditation, 169 Feelings, 211 Kindness and Courtesy, 219 3 P's, 258 Perspective, 270 Do You Believe?, 328 Hope Means Possibility, 333 Patience and Tolerance Eric suggested a meditation titled She Let Go from Insight Timer. Upcoming topics Upcoming topics include feedback on episode 337 on activism and recovery. I’ve heard from some of you, and I’m planning an episode where your voices can stand alone. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show “It's not your fault” clip from Good Will Hunting The video for “Good Enough” includes a scene with domestic violence.

The serenity prayer asks for the wisdom to know the difference. What does this mean? And how does it happen? Ester joined me for a conversation about these questions. We thought we might structure our conversation by starting with the idea of “Knowing when I don’t know.” Then how “wisdom to know the difference” in the serenity prayer is helpful to recovery. And finally, how we might use “wisdom to know the difference” can apply very broadly to recovery in ways that aren't maybe immediately obvious in the serenity prayer (with Courage to Change October 10, if we need a guiding reading). Often, I need to pray for the wisdom to know the difference between a bunch of dualisms that sometimes appear to be the same, such as these: assertiveness and arrogance When does assertiveness—standing my ground on principles and values that matter to me—cross the line into arrogance? Almost always when I am fearful or insecure, particularly of my powerlessness. And arrogance is me trying to exercise my self-will again. When I use the slogans such as “think (x 3)”  I realize that I am single-handedly attempting to fight an entire system that I’m working within. When I pause I can ask myself whether I have the wisdom to know the difference between a) standing up for what I believe is acceptable in my own hula hoop, on the one hand, and  b) what I believe is a problem with an entire system, that has been occurring over a series of decades, and which I cannot will to change (no matter how many self-righteous statements I might make). something that is important and something that is urgent I often lack the wisdom to know the difference between these. Sometimes I have trouble completing important projects because I cannot always see how other things I’m focusing on doing, while they may be important, are not urgent. I tend to like “clearing my desk” so will work through things that really should be my B and C lists while items on my A list get completely neglected. Another reason for this imbalance of priorities is that I also have trouble distinguishing between doing a healthy amount of what I would call the “service” part of my job and letting it completely consume my working week with no time or energy left for anything else. I tend to view the tasks that require external accountability as the urgent ones because I am afraid of the consequences of not giving people what they want immediately and at the highest possible standard. I tend to do what someone else asks of me before the things that were already on my to-do list. Leads to neglecting my own goals. In some situations, to the detriment of my career progression. The “service” part of my job is important work, but has to sit on a steady foundation of basic needs, self-care, and wishes. Otherwise I self-sabotage, reinforce low self-esteem, and resent the people to whom I’m externally accountable. busyness and unmanageability Variety & a full life = the good kind of busyness. I might be tired afterward but go to sleep peacefully at the end of it and be satisfied with it. I can usually tell when busyness crosses over into unmanageability when I notice myself feeling agitated, crotchety, irritable. When very small things make me very mad, I know I’m becoming unmanageable.  There are certainly more we could explore, but this is where we stopped. Readings and Links

How can recovery, the serenity prayer, and the traditions of Al Anon guide me in working for societal change? When should I “let go and let God” and when should I work to “change the things I can”? Spencer, Amanda, and Becky have a wide-ranging discussion around these questions and others. We were joined virtually with voice shares from Mark and Lynne. Our discussion was guided but not limited by the outline below. * Note about Tradition 10 The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.We do not represent any 12 step program. We aim to use the Al Anon principles in all our affairs. As individuals, we can use what we’ve learned in Al Anon as tools to help us navigate our own civic engagement and activism.* LIstening is a skill. * Avoid “defensive listening”* Finding common ground* Practice “Recovered listening”* What is my motivation for what I’m about to say?* One of the primary messages of Al-Anon is that I cannot control others actions and decisions. We have slogans and tools like* Let go and let God* Detachment* Acceptance* For many of us, there are things about society and culture that we cannot accept and wish to work for change. * How do we reconcile this with the recovery messages of acceptance? * Accepting the situation as it is/coming out of denial. Accepting that others may have other views/be on different sides/ be in denial about how bad a situation is/the reality of it. * More so, how can we use recovery tools to more effectively work for change?* Personal responsibility to engage and participate. Concept 4-5  Hope for Today, p. 99* The Three A’s * Awareness (opposite of denial)* Acceptance (Pause/ Processing/emotional sobriety)* Action (Singleness of purpose, responding not reacting)* Let it begin with me  / breaking the cycling of dysfunction like the family disease of alcoholism / Skill of listening fully to others practiced in meetings (crosstalk) * Let go and let god Letting go of outcomes* Keeping things manageable, Selfcare, Boundaries (external & internal) HALT / slogans* Keep an open mind / Would you rather be right or happy * Contrast Angela Davis quote with serenity prayer.* I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept. Readings and Links We read from From Survival to Recovery, excerpts from pp. 230-231; also Hope For Today April 8 and Sept 29. A listener asked about episodes for parents. For any topic, you can use the search page to find episodes and other blog posts. Episodes are also tagged with topics. In this case, the tag search for “parent” finds several episodes. The Al-Anon World Service Office has a severe budget shortfall this year, and has had to lay off staff. If you want to help, you can make a donation or buy literature on the Al-Anon web site. Upcoming topics Upcoming: more on activism, and “it's not your fault.” Do you feel like “it” is your fault? Are you criticized, blamed, accusedand sometimes even feel responsible somehow for other’s bad choices orbehavior? Do you blame and criticize yourself? Do you think that somehowyou “could have done better”? How do the 12 steps and the tools of Al-Anon help? How are you learningto take just the right amount of responsibility for your own decisionsand actions? Where do you know that it's NOT your fault? What are youstill struggling with?

Do you find yourself becoming irritable and unreasonable. Maybe without knowing it? How does your program of recovery help you out of that? Eric, Spencer, and several of you share our experience, strength, and hope around these questions and many others. The suggested Al-Anon/Alateen opening says Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 2 * We often start with definitions* Irritability is the excitatory ability that living organisms have to respond to changes in their environment. (Wikipedia)* What's that mean? Let's try, “It is commonly defined as the tendency to react to stimuli with the experience of negative … states (especially anger) and temper outbursts.”* Unreasonable: “not defined by or based on good sense”* We spent a little time walking through an article “7 Quick Ways to Stop Being Irritable” from Psychology Today. * Figure out the source – what is really going on here? (Step 4: Inventory).* Slogans: Keep it Simple, Easy Does It. (Episodes 131 and 235 on slogans).* Reduce caffeine and alcohol – For me, I need a certain base level of caffeine, or so it might seem, anyway.* It's often the little things – a bunch of little stuff piles up and becomes a big thing. (“The straw that broke the camel's back.”)* Get in touch with your compassion – Bernice shared an incident where having a little compassion totally changed her mood. (Episode 169, Feelings. Also, the “self hug” from episode 335, Isolation, to feel compassion for yourself!)* Gain perspective – changing my point of view can change my mood, for sure. (Episode 258, Perspective)* Rid yourself of nervous energy – “Move a muscle, change a thought” (Episode 292, Sayings)* Get quiet or alone time – “5 minutes without words”, meditation (Episode 151, Meditation)* We also looked at a blog post “Traits of unreasonable people“, with particular focus on how we ourselves have exhibited these traits. The post suggests that unreasonable may lack these traits* Humility – Example: “I'm right, you're wrong, end of discussion.” (Episode 208, Humility)* Awareness – “I see where I'm right, I see where you're wrong.” (Episode 43, 3 A's; episode 292, Sayings, Quotes and Parables.)* Responsibility – “If I'm wrong, so what? So are you!” (Episode 120, Authority and Responsibility; episode 298, Saying No)* Empathy – “I'm bothered when you hurt me; when I hurt you, you're too sensitive.” (Episode 309, Gratitude; episode 33, Compassion)* Reliability – “I'm not going to change, because I'm not wrong.” (Episode 281, How do you trust? Episode 228, Trust and Trustworthy.) Listeners shared how they become irritable and unreasonable; how they recognize that this is happening; and what tools help move out of that state. Some feel irritability and unreasonableness in their body as a tightness or other sensation. A common tool for recognition is HALT (am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?),

Humans are “obligatorily gregarious”. We need other people. When we don't have the connections we need, we suffer. We suffer emotionally with depression, anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. But we can also suffer physically with symptoms like high blood pressure and heart disease. In these days, we are all isolated. Some more, some less. Our usual ways of connecting are not available to us. Meetings are not face-to-face, but screen-to-screen. When I'm on a “Zoom call”, I can't look you in the eyes when I'm talking to you. When I'm looking at you on the screen, you see me looking down or to the side. When I am looking the camera, I can't see you. Our connection is not complete. Luckily, there are some things we can do to reduce the impact of this isolation. That can help to make us feel more connected. First, breathe. Breathe consciously. Inhale, then take a little more time to exhale. Breathe through your nose (yes, really!) Right now. Breathe in. Pause. Breathe out slowly. Do it again. Now… Cross your arms and put your hands on your shoulders. Give yourself a hug. Bring your hands down your arms to your elbows and then on to your wrists. Do it again. Do you feel a little calmer? A little more connected? I do. Take time to connect. Find a meeting (online if not in person). You need it now, more than ever. Upcoming topics Upcoming, we want to talk about being “irritable and unreasonable”. When have you found yourself “irritable and unreasonable without knowing it”, as our suggested meeting opening says? How do you recognize that you are descending into that state of being? What tools do you use to get out of it and return to “serene and reasonable”? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music Simon & Garfunkel – The Only Living Boy in New York Phoebe Bridgers – Graceland Too