NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

Patrick is in Tulsa hanging out with Roy Johnson for this year’s 4th of July happenings. Not much happened on the fourth because we spent the days leading up to it doing a questionable amount of consuming substances. Roy and Patrick talk a little bit about comedy in the heartland of America, as they do everyone they get together. The basic takeaways are that mumbling on stage is bad and some clubs suck. Patrick almost died the night before this recording and gave everyone a good scare. Roy tries to summon some of the unhappiness of days gone by just to try to fit in with angry Patrick.  

Comedian and food-writer extraordinaire Jason Harris joins Patrick in the studio. Patrick is livid at the children in his apartment complex and a smoke detector that won’t stop beeping. Jason shares his opinions on some of the latest sexual scandals, including Chris Hardwick. Jason is a big foodie, and we talk about some of the best restaurants in Vegas, and throws in some advice on cannibalism. Never meet your heroes, especially if it’s Tom Green. Patrick thinks reenacting shootings is a pastime that will probably never catch on based on our current sensitivities.  

Comedian Carmen Lynch joins Patrick in the studio in a sweltering hot Las Vegas. Carmen and Patrick have been busy traveling different ends of the world doing comedy. They discuss their experience at a local taco stand, and Patrick is annoyed by people who can’t seem to get a grip on their simple jobs. Carmen doesn’t know how to eat a burrito. There’s some secret involving Barry Manilow that Carmen won’t get in to for some reason. We also talk about Father’s Day, gross bunny ranch brothel girls, fucking for money as a career, and deciding your own fate for tons of money.  

Patrick sits down with Moody in New Zealand to talk about all kinds of stuff. Fan Will also joins, as we dive in to the history of New Zealand and find out why Kiwis seem to have such a disdain for Australia and it’s people. Patrick is frustrated that people don’t know how to walk in public. Moody gets taunted about solar roads, but we decide to save it for the aftershow. Moody has introduced Patrick to one of the most covered weirdos on the internet, Christian Chandler. The story behind this guy just keeps getting weirder and weirder the further down the rabbit hole you dive.  

Patrick is surrounded by comedians in Sydney, Australia for this show. Comedians Ben Darsow, Justin Jones, Gavin Scott, Sam Menzies, and the always-sweet Josh Cohen join the show to see if we can try to formulate thoughts while Kyle Legacy is screaming incoherent gibberish in the background. Kyle eventually fucks off after plugging his show and sabotaging all logical conversation, and we turn to discussing everything from fighting kangaroos to gun control. We also get in to a real deep dive about aliens and time travel, including some theories that are pretty waterproof and probably definitely facts.  

Patrick is joined in Sydney by comedians Justin Jones, Gavin Scott, and Kyle Legacy. Everyone is still interested in hooking up with Kyle’s cousin Amber, even if we just say it to drive him a little nuts. We suspect Kyle has difficulty with words on paper and make him read a passage from Peter Pan, which makes him uncomfortable as hell. Justin lets us all know his feelings about the lyrics of TLC’s song Waterfalls, we speculate on what could ultimately be the downfall of Kyle’s role model, and so many more ramblings manifested under the influence of substances.  

Patrick is riding back from the Nimbin MardiGrass festival in Australia with a carload of comics. Justin Jones, Lachlan Brooks and Kyle Legacy join in this show during our nine hour trek from Nimbin back to Sydney, recapping highlights of the weed festival weekend. There’s lots of stories, including a man who pissed himself and tried to cover it up in a way we have never seen before. The camp was stunned by the story of a guy who let a dog lick his penis to completion. Kyle failed to obtain enough weed to keep everyone happy, hippies and anti-vaccine nuts are weird, and much more.  

Patrick is joined by a group of comedians from Newcastle, Australia. The group just finished doing an open mic comedy show in a pub where the patrons were more concerned with eating two dollars tacos than watching the show that was on in front of them. Possibly rightly so. Andrew Milos from the Big Dog Pod talks about the running of the bulls in Spain and makes us watch some horrifying videos. Isaac Butterfield talks about his upcoming comedy tour which is a result of his recent YouTube fame. We also talk about a lot of things from guns in America to Marie, the weird old lady up front at the show.  

Patrick is packed in the studio with comedians Tyler Jolley and Jozalyn Sharp, as well as their sidekick Greg Price. Patrick thinks he might have ball cancer but doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Everyone tries to help Patrick brainstorm ideas for pranking a girls softball team because he’s on the mailing list somehow and knows all their business. We watch the weird videos from the YouTube shooter, talk about stupid Mark Zuckerberg and his Facebook troubles, and much more. Danny Lobell calls in to plug his new comic book and talks about possibly moving to Las Vegas.  

The hilarious Eddie Ifft joins Patrick in the studio to talk about a lot of stuff. Patrick is intrigued by some recent events involving old show guest Graham Elwood getting in a spat with Eddie. You may remember Graham from his Palm Strike Dance Party video. We talk about how to navigate comedy and social media in a climate of the #metoo movement and everyone being super sensitive. We talk about lying and embellishing stories, both on stage and off. Eddie gives Patrick some ides of what to expect in Australia, and also how and when it’s appropriate to appear racist in public.  

Join Patrick and Alex Ansel for the fast food argument to end all arguments. We’ve broken down our favorites, as well as many items suggested by listeners, in to brackets for your judgment. We’ve got milkshakes and French fries. We’ve got sandwiches and burritos. We’ve got breakfast, lunch and fourth meal. Which item will take the championship title this year and be crowned the king of crap food? Listen in as we debate the pros and cons of each, and struggle between hunger emotions and logic in this completely unnecessary and meaningless competition.  

Alex Ansel joins Patrick again in the studio. Alex and Patrick have developed a food championship bracket-style competition called Starch Sadness. Most of this episode revolves around a revisit of the popular internet mascot Cool Cat and some videos recently uploaded by his creator, Daddy Derek. Not only is Cool Cat not so in to being Cool Cat anymore, but most of Derek’s videos looks like hostage films. Derek tells the tale of nearly being robbed at an ATM, but escaping and saving the woman he was with by pulling out his gun and yelling a bunch stuff that never happened.  

Patrick is joined in the studio once again by Alex “Kool Aid” Ansel. Alex has a new show that he has started on the Las Vegas strip at Treasure Island themed around being healthy and losing weight. We find out everything about the show, including the wardrobe and dancers. Yes, dancers. It’s Vegas, so there’s always dancers. Patrick is mad at a barbecue place here in Las Vegas for being inconsistent. Alex doesn’t like candy wrappers in his macaroni and cheese, we have a flashback to the days of Crystal Pepsi, and Patrick talks about sweet mods to his Sunfire.  

Comedians Will C and Erik Knowles join Patrick in the studio. Will C was a guest on the show back in 2010 and introduced Patrick to Josh Denny. Will and Erik are a part of a group of comics known as The Veterans of Comedy that travel around performing for veterans as well as military overseas. Will was in the Air Force, the Army and the Marines, but the scariest shit he’s seen might be the inside of a hospital room. Get ready for a really cringe-worthy story about his penis. Don’t say you weren’t warned. We talk about the Florida school shooting and gun laws.  

Landry Miller joins Patrick and Roy Johnson from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Landry is a young comedian who, in addition to hosting the shows at the club for the week, prides himself on being simultaneously too good and not good enough for everyone else in the world. Landry started comedy at age twelve while branching out from magic, and Roy and Patrick are fascinated by him for some reason. Roy’s friend Jeff also joins us to talk about his teaching techniques. We read some comment cards from the club, try to get Landry to do a Seinfeld impression, and much more.