NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

Patrick is in the studio with a plethora of Texas comedians performing haphazard interventions. Comedians Alex “Kool Aid” Ansel, Adam Dominguez, and George White put on a clinic for how to jump around from topic to topic with grace. George is addicted to social media and we plead with him to put the phone down. Alex has a newfound confidence inspired by his recent coupling and loss of virginity. And poor Adam has no idea what’s happening as we try to corral this show towards some sort of cohesive culmination. Patrick has some new shoes that he thinks might be a little feminine, Derek Savage can’t decide if Cool Cat likes or hates violence, and more.

Jozalyn Sharp, comedian and fellow “big picture” thinker joins Patrick in the studio for a show where everyone is too high. Patrick has decided to box up everything and move on to the next apartment, in light of recent and never-ceasing series of unfortunate events. Everything is broken. Kevin Hart has single-handedly broken the Oscars. […]

Jozalyn Sharp, comedian and fellow “big picture” thinker joins Patrick in the studio for a show where everyone is too high. Patrick has decided to box up everything and move on to the next apartment, in light of recent and never-ceasing series of unfortunate events. Everything is broken. Kevin Hart has single-handedly broken the Oscars. We have a new chewable birth control pill you’re going to crave. And finally, introducing our new service for a special, elite group of consumers – the first ever ability to time travel with very limited outcomes, as you’ll hear about. Grab your giant foam fingers and swipe right on this one. We think it’s a match.

Jozalyn Sharp, comedian and fellow “big picture” thinker joins Patrick in the studio for a show where everyone is too high. Patrick has decided to box up everything and move on to the next apartment, in light of recent and never-ceasing series of unfortunate events. Everything is broken. Kevin Hart has single-handedly broken the Oscars. We have a new chewable birth control pill you’re going to crave. And finally, introducing our new service for a special, elite group of consumers – the first ever ability to time travel with very limited outcomes, as you’ll hear about. Grab your giant foam fingers and swipe right on this one. We think it’s a match.

Patrick sits down after lunch with foodie, writer and comedian Jason Harris. There’s a lot of talk about skateboarding and extreme sports in crossover culture, stemming from some of the behavior of children in Patrick’s neighborhood. Patrick is fed up with the riffraff and contemplates moving. We learn that Patrick has too much hair on his head, and Jason doesn’t have enough. Patrick gets quizzed on culinary knowledge, someone knocks at the door during the show, and we tap dance around a charitable organization in the residential Las Vegas area. Jason provides timely news updates throughout the show.  

Patrick is in New York City and sits down with Australian comedian Sam Kissajukian. Sam hasn’t been on the show in over a year, and there’s lots to catch up on. Sam is spending some time in New York and immersing himself in the comedy scene and the condensed lifestyle that is the big apple. We discuss how magicians are probably shitty people who rely on playing cards as a crutch, how to get away with kidnapping at a restaurant, and the fragility of the human condition. Sam also recounts chilling tales of trying to help people and having it get dangerous and/or weird.  

Patrick is in the studio to ring in his birthday with former roommate Shooby and superfan Steve Curran. The drinks are flowing and the Juul’s are charged for this thirty-ninth birthday bash, and Steve even ordered a gigantic pizza to celebrate. Too bad what got delivered was a giant sheet of disappointment to Patrick, which he is not taking well on his birthday. We talk about everything from teeth to politics in this one, leaving no stone unturned in the conversation. We sing some old song, confuse pop culture idols, and Patrick shares a recipe you can use for your family gathering.  

Patrick sits down with comedian Erik Woodworth to talk about their trip to the Middle East and Africa earlier this year. This show was recorded a week and a half ago, and then corrupted digitally, but now it’s restored in all it’s glory. Erik is in town to do a show in Las Vegas for a very short time. We call a tour guide in Africa that scared the guys to death back in January. We explore what a dick nipple is and why people seem to be fascinated with them. And finally, what would a show with two fat guys be without some obligatory discussion about food in some capacity?  

Alex Kool-Aid Ansel joins Patrick today for a Halloween show. We wade back in the NLO memory shoe box and listen to an old holiday favorite. Alex is doing a roast for John Wayne Bobbit, the guy who got his penis cut off by his angry girlfriend and then reattached. Patrick notices how thick Alex’s wallet is and they investigate to find out why. Roy Johnson calls in to bitch about ranch dressing and complain about bowties. Patrick has a bone to pick with JUUL about a recent promotion. The door-to-door election pollsters and campaign mailings are getting out of control.  

Patrick is back and promising a huge announcement at the end of this show. Fans Paul and Laura from Glasgow, Scotland sit in on this show, and we all start drinking because it’s almost midnight. Paul and Laura recently got married at the MGM Grand by a guy who sometimes dress up as Elvis. Patrick has finally had the smoke detector successfully replaced. Sometimes pooping hurts a lot, and Patrick is going to tell you too much about it before talking about taking a chunk out of his toe. Everyone is stoked about the Mega Millions lottery, but mostly uneducated idiots.  

Patrick is back in Las Vegas and sits down with Canadian comedian Brad Bryans. Or Bryans Bradley. Or something. We talk about how more money really does lead to more problems, including broken refrigerators, failing batteries, and and incessantly chirping smoke detector. Brad is flying back to Toronto, but not before Patrick picks his brain about Canadian comedy. When is it appropriate to bow to Asian people, and how do they interpret it when you do? Kanye West is pissing people off, and Yoko Ono is wasting John Lennon’s money at an alarming rate and in a shameful fashion.  

Patrick is doing shows in Boise, Idaho with James Hesky. James opens up about his recent shitting activity, in a classic podcast overshare. We’ve had some weird shows so far, including a woman yelling the N-word during a show and an alpha male that did not appreciate having his woman insulted. James has been walking around Boise eating everything in sight, and we’re going to tell you about it. We come up with Hesky’s new t-shirt march, and tell you about everything in Boise that you need to know about. There’s surprisingly little political bitching in this one.  

Patrick is in Munich, Germany after a few relaxing weeks of not podcasting to you needy people. He begs your forgiveness and asks that you not hold it against him for taking some time off. Fan Stephen is also sitting in on this show to talk about his recent travels in Italy, where Patrick has also spent the past week. There’s some general recapping of Patrick’s time in Edinburgh and the UK, including food and travel stories. Other things discussed, in no particular order, include the new iPhones and why Androids are still awful, Oktoberfest expectations, and Stephen’s collection of kitchen appliances.  

Patrick is in NYC drinking with fellow comedian and big-thinker James Hesky. We are clearly drunk and clearly drinking eleven percent alcohol IPA beer. Patrick has a lot of business ideas that probably are complete shit, but you’re going to hear about all of them. Patrick has a major problem with the new Jurassic Park movie. Patrick recounts his experience going to get a pedicure at an Asian foot emporium. We are heading to Boise Idaho in October to do comedy, which might be your only chance to see us together. Most of this is just drunk rambling, and you need to be ok with that.  

Alex Kool Aid Ansel joins Patrick in the studio to talk about the depressing end of comedy. At least that’s the story of Netflix’s newest darling Nanette, and anti-standup special by Australian comedian Hannah Gadsby. Nanette is not good if you are a white male, and it has the entire mood of the show down. We get a special appearance by James Hesky discussing everything from Nanette to his tits. Patrick and Alex are both members of the #juulgang, the movement encouraging everyone to jump on the Juul vape train. There are so many smoking tips in this one for cool kids.