Planet of the Grapes

Doctor Thornberry, of the first Spiderman movie, is the first caller to try and promote his "celebrity." This leads to Steven Tylerico, a Steve Tyler impersonator, to call and explain what he does to beautiful women on dates. Tiffany Amber Thiessen proves to be the first real celebrity to call.\n Two old callers, both of whom have fledgling bands, call to add to the fray. They are Gib from the band GIB (Gardening in Biodomes) and Joe from the band GIP'D (Gardening In Possible Biodomes). Besides their metal bands, they are both trying to help Ernie of Sesame St. escape from the secret biodome he is imprisoned in.\n Brad Pitt joins and then welcomes the crass Gonzo, who lets his bad attitude out on POTG Radio. His wordplay is combined with that of Steven Tyler and Steven Tylerico (the impersonator), with madness resulting.\n You'll also hear more from Brad Pitt, Mona Lisa, ex-wrestlers Starman and Gorilla Gross, "Mark Twain" (who is actually Roseanne Barr on LSD), and Smokey the Bear.

Host Deaze Beans begins by speaking of a pool he made up with an 8th grade acquaintance, only to find out it is now real. Each cabana is equipped with special amenities, and humans are only allowed to join if they have an IQ of exactly 137. Calls are taken from Yolenz, who is a fake Ken doll, and Scott Baio's Drugs.\n The discussion of the fantastical "pool" continues with Scott Baio's Drugs, Yolenz the fake Ken doll, and the very polite Monty Python Foot, who is a cook at the pool.\n "The Pool" keeps dominating discussion as King Hudson joins the show; apparently the whole pool is a way for a mysterious woman to court him. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs also join the fray and continue their technological feud.\n "The Real Aunt Jemima" is in rare form, looking for a date with any and all of the hosts.

The madness begins with a call from Snail/Wildebeest, quickly followed by William(Hurt)/Amoeba. It doesn't take long to find out that "Roland," Ronald's half-brother, is behind the DNA experiments, as well as a bagel fast-food chain. This prompts Ronald himself to call, and then Grimace's brother, Gimnael, who initially thinks he is Bob Dylan because he is coming off of an LSD trip. Gimnael's right-hand man in his motorcycle gang, Piglet, then joins.\n NYC's own East River calls, followed by the thorn in his side, the Harlem River. Then old radio competitor Newton Folds calls, who has given up his show and is now running a service that alerts people as to when they are being talked about on POTG Radio. The trans-gender Whale Man calls looking for a date, and gets a suitor.\n Birdman's estranged son, Birdbest (who, unlike his father, is a friend to POTG Radio), calls looking not for a date, but a mate. This prompts several obvious candidates to call: Richard Simmons' Skeleton, Edward Scissorhands, and Skeeter's Back.\n You'll also hear how POTG Radio's phone carrier drops them mid-show, stopping the calls for a few minutes, and what POTG Radio producer Willow does to fix this.

A mistaken caller believes he has reached a consumer complaint line. This leads to the revelation that there are adult versions of the pictures from the popular '80s toy Lite Brite. One of the featured characters from such pictures, Responsible Yet Promiscuous Buffalo Man, calls, followed by Yams, the fertility beast.\n Gonzo calls to help his friend, R.Y.P. Buffalo Man, sort things out with Yams the fertility beast and discuss how they like to pick up women and party hard. Dr. Time calls to try and exploit R.Y.P. Buffalo Man's "superpower."\n Gonzo and R.Y.P. Buffalo Man stay on from the previous segment to welcome Mickey Andy Charley, the boy who used to be the model on boxes of H-O Farina (also known as Cream of Wheat). The "New Quaker Oats Man" calls to try and mentor the ex-farina boy and stop Gonzo and R.Y.P. Buffalo Man from trying to corrupt him.\n You'll also hear from Vanilla Ice and Milli as they announce their new album, and their friend, the ganja-loving Scooter, who is apparently still possessed by a Jamaican soul.

The show kicks off with a call from a tragic woman named Destiny, who is simultaneously a stripper and, you guessed it, the concept of Destiny. Then, of course, Pakistan calls, and later Respect, who claims to be the child of Pakistan and Destiny.\n The giant Indian robot known as Gupta Kronog calls and is quickly followed by rival Godzilla. On a previous episode Godzilla befriended the Burger King, who now rides on his back. This prompts Swedish Mecha-Godzila to call as well, the robotic Godzilla who has Ronald inside of him in his control chamber.\n POTG Radio follows up with the Mario Bros. from the last episode's conversation, when it became clear that their lives were falling apart. The "Grime Reaper" and his sidekick, a punk rocker called Immature call to discuss how they are forcing Luigi to be the celebrity partner at a new bar they are opening in Vegas. Bowser of the Mario Bros games calls to try and save Luigi.\n This episode also includes a discussion of how radio producer Willow used the hosts' money to invest in bars, including one owned by a stingray man, and also more from Luigi's captivity in Vegas.

"Young David Hasselhoff," the cloned version of, well, David Hasselhoff in his youth, comes up against the Canadian version of himself. As discussed in a previous episode ("President's Day Blow Out," 2007), there are many Hasselhoff clones wandering about. Gimnael, Grimace's brother and leader of a motorcycle gang, invites himself onto the show in his typical manner.\n Wherever Gimnael is, his right hand-man in his motorcycle gang, Piglet, is not too far away. They are exiled in Canada since Piglet is on the run from the law. Gimnael is afraid that the previous segment's discussion of American-Canadian hostilities will incite violence between his gang and their sworn enemies, the harlequins who live in the Canadian plains. Geraldo calls to try to be Piglet's lawyer, and General Gyro calls to make Piglet and Gimael an offer to join his army.\n General Gyro stays on the phone to welcome video game stars Mario and Luigi, still in Vegas after Luigi's legal troubles there. The Brothers' old cohort, Toad, now rich from Saudi oil, calls to offer them jobs in his new casino, and the transgender Louis Louise calls to offer his/her services for giving feedback on Mario's proposed return to the stage – as a stripper.\n Continuing the discussion with the Mario Brothers, Kato Kaelin, O.J. Simpson's infamous former house sitter, calls. He reveals that the Mario Brothers in fact went to Beverly Hills high school after moving from NY to LA in their teens as they were attempting to break into the entertainment industry. Luigi and Kaelin had a rap group for about five minutes while in high school. Ex-video game star Toad is still on the phone, trying to get this motley crew to work for him.

Richard Simmons' Shorts and the Laces (on the shorts) call from the Philippines. Part of the Stain (that used to be on the shorts) also calls, in the process revealing how they came to be: they are the result of a splash from a "mayonnaise lobotomy" that Richard Simmons had administered in the past. Then the man himself calls to start explaining what that means...\n While the hosts are talking to Richard Simmons, his Shorts, Laces on the shorts, and the Stain, fast food mogul Teriyaki Boy calls. Then a Wizard (walrus/lizard) calls, as does Michael Jordan, Mr. Wizard (an actual wizard), and pro wrestler Gorilla Gross.\n An old character, LSD, wafts into the airwaves and, as usual, changes everyone into their alternate personalities. First, the hosts become strippers, and then, Michael Jordan becomes Barbara Streisand, who falls in love with Gorilla Gross, who now sees himself in a new light and instantly softens to become "Gorilla Grace." Elton John calls, and Grimace calls to marry Michael/Barbara and Gorilla Grace.\n Yotesh is the herder who guards the Essence of Italy, currently residing in a mountain in Albania. The Goat God calls to keep Yotesh in check, and then the Essence of Italy gets on the phone to speak for himself.

Barabbas McQuesinought, lawyer for both Barney the dinosaur and several Chicken MgNuggets, calls to get his clients on the phone. Two McNuggets, Duane Reade and Ninja, call. They reveal that if you flip them over they have different names and personalities; they become Maccabee and Walnut McDermott, respectively. They then all discuss how Barney has a marsupial-like pouch where he incubates McNuggets.\n Old friend Richard Simmons calls to reveal his colorful new clothing line, which includes snakeskin panties- which he's currently wearing. His friend, fashion designer Don Kong (formerly Donkey Kong), calls to add his two cents as they also discuss their new diet suggestions for the hosts.\n The Pillsbury Dough Boy calls and quickly incurs the wrath of both Gimnael, Grimace's motorcycle-riding brother, and Piglet, who has shed the timid persona he had on the Winnie the Pooh show and now is a bloodthirsty member of Gimnael's gang.\n In this episode you'll also hear more about the McNuggets' take on what it's like to be food, their rivalry with the turkey who owns the Pudgie's Chicken food chain, and their war with Ronald, who calls to gloat how he wears slippers and thongs made of McNuggets.\n

POTG Radio's favorite old president, Teddy Roosevelt, calls and somehow gets into trying a "non-comedy" routine with host U.B. Jackson's asexual parent, otherwise known as "Greater Organism Jackson."\n Grover, the Muppet, reveals why he is calling from Ms. Piggy's bed (it's not what you think). Teddy Roosevelt stays on from the previous segment and along with Fuzzy Bear tries to explain the connection between Fozzy Bear and Roosevelt family infidelity.\n The championship round of the Ms. POTG Radio pageant begins. Goat God, who joined for Round Two, comes back to mediate as promised. The three finalists are Tiffany Amber Thiessen (who had previously revealed to POTG Radio how she cannot see herself), the gender-bending Louis/Lois Louise, and BQEesha, part of a highway in NYC. Birdman calls for Question 1.\n The final round of Ms. POTG Radio continues with the second question, asked by the famed wrestler, Gorilla Gross.\n The Goat God asks the final question in the championship round of the Ms. POTG Radio pageant and a winner is finally chosen to receive the coveted prize: a typewriter and a minute piece of the Berlin Wall.

Wickford Pediatro, representing Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, calls with his slippery definition of truth. Somehow this ties in to Swedish Mecha-Godzilla, and the man currently living inside him and controlling him, Ronald. Robo Tussin, a man claiming to be a robot who had called earlier, also joins.\n It's been a long time since clandestine lovers, Ross Perot and Chelsea Clinton, have been on the show. Their old friend, Dennis Rodman, begins the proceedings by translating for their dog. Later Rodman's ex, Carmen Electra calls, as does ESPN head Extreme Strom and Gonzo, the burnt-out muppet who loves rhyming.\n The third round of the Ms. POTG Radio Pageant begins, and unfortunately for the ladies, Gonzo sticks around from the last segment. CJ, the thief who became impaled on the British crown jewels and thus through a strange process is now royalty, joins as a contestant, along with Satan, who technically is equally male and female. Then there is BQEesha, a piece of the BQE (Brooklyn-Queen Expressway) in New York City.\n Questions for the third batch of Ms. POTG Radio contestants continue, though technically this is more of a command: to tell their parents something they've never said to them before. But who could be the real parent of a woman like CJ whose blood was changed, let alone Satan, or a piece of a highway in New York?!\n The third question for the third batch of Ms. POTG Radio contestants involves Birdbest, who is woken up to perform a practice eulogy for Satan.

The Grapes from popular underwear company Fruit of the Loom, now a New York real estate mogul, calls to air his gripes with POTG Radio. He brings along his "B Team" which includes Mango and Cucumber, but his lost gay son, Pink Scarf (a watermelon with a pink scarf) is not afraid of his powerful and angry father.\n Continuing the discussion with The Grapes from Fruit of the Loom and his "people," The Apple calls to reveal the Grapes' abuse. (May be inappropriate for parrots and Benjamin Franklin).\n The next three ladies competing for the title of Ms. POTG Radio come to the studio to see how they size up to the questioning. The contest will span four episodes and this is the second. The guests include two ambiguous characters, Louis Louise and Rose Royce. Then there's Planet of the Cheese native, Birdie. Somehow the Goat God also joins the fray.\n Louis Louise, Rose Royce, and Birdie continue the Ms. POTG Radio contests by answering a "deep question."

What's worse than a guy with macaroni and cheese for teeth? A studio guest answers that question and more.\n Continuing on the theme of bizarre teeth, the next guest, Quentin Librarian, has a condition where his people can literally read what he's thinking-on his pearly whites.\n Oprah, Tiffany Amber Thiessen, and "the queen of dreams," Queen Mab, are the first three competitors on the multiple-episode-spanning "Ms. POTG Radio Pageant." They have very colorful takes on what their best and worst traits are.\n They then continue with a discussion, among other things, about their unorthodox diets.

Willow introduces the hosts to Doctor Logan, who secretes medicine through his thighs, and Al Dente the Toothless Dentist. They reveal secrets of Tibetan thigh transmitigation and Astrological root canal readings.\n Next, as per your requests, POTG Radio's hosts break down some emotional walls and speak to their parents on the show. The family consists of Deaze Beans's legume and bean parents, UB's asexual parent, and a piece of wedding cake and a parrot who loves cream cheese sandwiches as Yahdderman's mother and father.\n Santa reveals his bitter feud with Swedish Mecha-Godzilla. A special holiday interview with the jolly man himself reveals his chain-smoking, porn fetish, and desire to turn large cities into personal amusement parks. \n Also on this episode are Swedish Mecha-Godzilla's inside resident Ronald, Smalto the Jewish Dragon who hates Christian children, and his fangirl Lily.

The Grim Reaper calls to announce his image change. This leads to Fabio calling, who is trying to convince the Grim Reaper to grant him immortality and destroy falcons. The Afterbirth Fairy calls as does her current lover, the King of Thailand.\n Slain, a depressed high schooler, is upset because the Grim Reaper had just called to announce his "image change" (which involves pink suits). Satan then calls to set Slain straight. Piglet calls at the end to get them off and call attention to himself.\n Piglet announces he has recently joined the motorcycle gang headed by Gimnael, Grimace's brother. Gimnael calls shortly thereafter to announce his new love, but alas there is trouble in paradise. Slain, the depressed teenager from the previous segment, sneaks back on the show.\n Louis Louise, who is a man by day and woman by night, fights to keep the love of the straight Gimnael. S/he calls gets her friend Falucio, "God of the Harlequins," on the phone. Louis claims to have not known that harlequins and motorcyclists like Gimnael\n are sworn enemies. POTG Radio's producer, Willow, chimes in from his control booth to explain why Slain the depressed teenager keeps interrupting the show.

T.T, the official Thanksgiving turkey of 2007, calls. It turns out he's getting his kicks in before getting eaten and is in bed with a celebrity who's a favorite of the tabloids. The Harlem River calls to combat the fact that the East River was on last episode and is friends with T.T.\n The Harlem River's impersonations of other famous POTG Radio callers provokes the one and only Ronald to call. This in turn gets the Burger King to call for he first time ever. It turns out he's in Australia and is friends with Godzilla, who is originally Australian. Pretty soon it's an almost all-Australian panel as a representative from the Australian Union of Falcons calls, along with Nunchuck the kangaroo. Godzilla becomes bloodthirsty for Ronald.\n The ice cream mogul made out of ice cream, Cream Christ, calls. He apparently has discovered a certain substance, and has procured Luigi of Mario Bros. fame to help change his image. Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man and JC Superstar call to try to intervene with Cream Christ's new hobby. They all work together on JC's bid to win the election for "Ruler of United Scandinavia." Then we hear from Luigi's brother, Mario, Luigi's blow-up doll, and the woman the blow-up doll was modeled after.