The Art of Charm

Happiness does make a difference. "Happiness is an incredible competitive advantage."-Shawn Achor The Cheat Sheet: Shawn gave a talk about happiness at the Pentagon: true or false? The science behind the contagiousness of happiness. The importance of mirror neurons explained. What is the 10-5 Way and how can it improve your life? At what point in her career was Oprah most depressed, and why should you care? And so much more... Is happiness a choice? And which comes first: happiness or success? Here to answer these questions is Shawn Achor, Ted Talk speaker, Harvard professor, positive psychology expert and author of The Happiness Advantage. Not only does he answer these questions (and more), he also provides the science to back up those answers. On this episode we'll discuss why happiness is such an advantage in every area of life, as well as some simple happiness hacks you can practice right now. Listen in for all of that and so much more on episode 344 of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: Shawn Achor is the leading expert on positive psychology; he won over a dozen awards for his teaching at Harvard on this topic (his class was the most popular at the university), he's also written several best-selling books including The Happiness Advantage, has been featured in The Harvard Business Review and even had a two-hour interview with Oprah. But today's episode isn't about what he's done, it's about what his research has discovered about the happiness advantage, and why happiness matters. The first thing to address is his definition of happiness. It's not mere pleasure like the enjoyment of a good dessert or the like. Happiness is the joy you feel as you are growing into your full potential. With a definition like that, it's much easier to be an optimist. A study done with Metlife sales personnel as the subjects reflects the power of a positive attitude. They took two groups of people: in one group they hired optimists who scored low on the industry standard tests and in the other group they hired pessimists who scored high on the same tests. Within a year, the optimists had done 19% more in sales. Within 2 years they had done 57% more in sales! It's not just sales that are impacted by attitude and outlook, optimists are consistently found to be more attractive, more trustworthy, better liked and are more likely to receive promotions at work. And the people around the optimists are found to be happier as well. The link between optimists and those around them being happier could lie in the science of mirror neurons, a subject we've talked about on the show before. Put simply mirror neurons are those neurons in our brain that influence our bodies to respond as a reflection to what's happening around us. Shawn gives us another study to explain the mirror neuron phenomenon. At its core the research showed that if you are near someone who is anxious, you will start to feel anxious. If that person is tired, you'll feel tired. The same is true of happiness. Shawn also shares the brain functions that explain why happiness begets success, NOT the other way around. Achieving goals doesn't make us happier, because when we achieve those goals our brain automatically creates another goal or definition of success. Now that you've gotten that big promotion, your brain automatically redefines success as the next promotion, the next "get". So instead of focusing on achieving something to make you happy, embrace the definition of happiness Shawn gives and success will naturally follow. In fact, Shawn's research has shown that if you find ways of raising your optimism and happiness, EVERY area of your life will be more successful and your happiness will continually increase through your life making you happier and healthier. But if you pin your happiness to a specific goal or set of goals, your happiness levels will flatline. We got into greater detail on all of this and more in this episode of the show, and we wrap with 5 happiness hacks you can incorporate right now to bump up your optimism levels. Shawn says you don't have to do all five, just choosing one will make an impact. All five are simple, they vary from journaling to emailing to meditating, and only take a few minutes a day. To hear the five and the rest of our fascinating discussion, listen in to the full show. After you do please join me in thanking Shawn for sharing his positive outlook, his vast scientific knowledge and the practical application of that knowledge. Thank you for listening, I appreciate each and every one of you! We'll see you next time. THANKS SHAWN ACHOR! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Shawn know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Shawn on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Shawn Achor's web siteShawn Achor on TwitterThe Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor's latest book You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)!   HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

Create real friendships with people you admire. "If you want to stand out just do what you say you will and kick ass at it." -Scott Dinsmore The Cheat Sheet: Why not to go to a networking event, and what to do instead. One awesome way to add value: Scott shares. The Ben Franklin Effect: what is it and how can you use it? Why to never accept the first salary offer you receive. The 3-second Rule that applies to every area of your life. And so much more... You've probably heard the idea that you become the sum of your five closest friends, it's something we've talked about on the show before. So what do you do if you want to change those five closest friends and you want to create new friends to become the sum of? Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend is here to answer those questions and more. Today we talk about how to reach out and connect with the greatest influencers in your life, and how to set the stage for potential friendships and real connection. Join us for the 342nd edition of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: As the founder of Live Your Legend (LYL) and Ted Talk presenter, Scott knows a few things about helping people find and express who they really are in the world. One of the keys to doing that, he's found, is connecting with the right people and surrounding yourself with your greatest allies. Originally LYL started out as career/business tools-type company but as Scott says in this episode, all the best tools in the world aren't going to do a thing for you if your friends are telling you're an idiot for using those tools. So he shifted gears and changed the focus of his organization. On today's show he shares the best practices for connecting and creating friendships with people you admire and people who are going to bring out the best in you. If you don't have those kinds of people in your life right now and you want to expand your social circle, Scott has advice for you. His first suggestion may seem counterintuitive, he says to not go to a networking event. Instead, take a look at the people in your life right now and see who you admire and inspires you, and then find someone who brings you down. This next week choice to trade out time with the energy vampire for the person you admire. If that person you admire is someone you know personally invite them to get together. Find some way to add value to them, obviously it's easier if they are already your friend you can simply ask them. But if you don't know them yet, do your research and find out what they may need help with right now. Always remember you do have something to offer to other people, even those who seem to have everything, you simply may have to find a creative way to help. It may be as simple as sharing with them what you're good at and then asking how you can apply your talents to help them. If you feel nervous about talking with them or initiating contact simply imagine they are your best friend, and you just haven't chatted yet. Scott gives us a great example of how he did this when a well-known blogger moved to his area. The blogger invited about 50 people to meet up and chat when he settled in. Scott knew he'd only have a minute or two to chat with the blogger, who had been very influential for him, so he wanted to make it count. Scott knew the blogger and his wife were vegans and he also knew the blogger was an avid runner. So he compiled a list of vegan restaurants in the area and a list of the best local running trails. He chatted with the blogger, thanked the man for being such an influence in his life and then handed him the suggestions he'd gathered. The blogger was so touched he invited Scott out for a run, that run led to the two becoming friends and running an ultra-marathon together. Whether or not you meet your new BFF this way, you can still apply the same principles. Find someone you admire and want to connect with, find out a need they have and find a way to fill it. They'll remember you, and will be very willing to interact with you in the future. Naturally there's plenty more in this episode with Scott so check it out to get the full scoop! Then join me in thanking him for being here and sharing his tremendous knowledge. He was an awesome guest and you're awesome for listening. Thanks and we'll see you next time! THANKS SCOTT DINSMORE! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Scott know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Scott on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Live Your Legend's special gifts for AOC listenersScott Dinsmore's Ted TalkScott Dinsmore on Twitter Try Squarespace (for free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD!  If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there.   FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

Humor connects you and your audience. "There's nobody more judged than a stand-up comedian."-Jerry Seinfeld The Cheat Sheet: How to have people talking about your speech after it ends, in a good way. 22 hours of work go into 1 minute of a 60-minute stand up comedy set: true or false? Are keynotes dead? The rule of 3 ('tree'): what is it and how to use it. What is rehearsed spontaneity? And so much more... Have you ever been in the audience for a speech so boring everyone around you stopped listening and starting doing other things? Is it your worst fear that someday YOU will be speaking and will be that dull? David Nihill is here to help us all be better public speakers through comedy. David is a comedian and public speaker who was once terrified of being in front of an audience! Hear how he went from a terrified public speaker to a stand up comedian killing it on stage, and all the applicable comedy habits he learned along the way. Join us for all of that and more on episode 341 of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: For many of us public speaking is our top fear, even greater than our fear dying. As the joke goes "We'd rather be IN the casket than giving the eulogy at a funeral." But if you're wanting to face that, or are in a position where you must face that fear, today's chat with David Nihill will give you some tools you can use to overcome your fear and give a great presentation. Not long ago David was rubbish at public speaking, he dropped far too many F bombs and was generally a nervous, sweaty mess. When one of his friends suffered a severe spinal cord injury David wanted to help raise funds. He suggested organizing a comedy show with top comedians as a fundraiser and the idea took off. The only glitch? David's friend insisted he give the opening speech, and David was petrified. Instead of backing down from the challenge, David emulated one of his mentors Tim Ferriss and rose to the occasion. He took a very Tim-like approach to the subjects of comedy and public speaking. He wanted to break down the best speeches and comedic routines to figure out how he could follow in their footsteps. Were there common processes for both? Did the two overlap and if they did, how could he fuse them together to make his opening speech funny and well-received at his friend's fundraiser? David went through a laborious and intensive study, and it paid off. His opening for the fundraiser was well-received, so much so that he was invited to open for a group of comedians at The Punch Line in San Francisco. And that opened a new door for him. Today he has performed comedy routines at some of the top comedy clubs in California, he held the first Funny Bizz conference in 2014 and has just published his first book 7 Comedy Habits to Be a Funnier Speaker. On today's show David explains a few of the many lessons he's learned about public speaking and comedy. The first topic we touch on is how to use humor in your presentations and speeches. Humor is the easiest way for others to relate to you, so use it early on in your speech to connect with your audience. If you're coming to their town learn something about the city you're in and use it humorously to show your audience you care about where they live and what their lives are like there. Humor also makes your speech or presentation memorable;it accomplishes this by breaking down barriers between you and them. If you can break down those barriers and make people laugh, they will remember you and will be talking about you long after you've finished speaking. All of that is well and good but how do you make people laugh? Is there a formula or a process we can take from comedy and apply to public speaking? There are several and we go into each of them on this episode; the one we'll discuss here is evaluating your performance. The best public speakers and the best comedians all evaluate themselves. Yes it's awkward, uncomfortable and unpleasant, but it is how anyone improves anything they do (especially public speaking and stand up comedy). So record yourself and dissect what you do, how you do it. Look at what worked, what didn't work, trim out everything you can and hone in on the good stuff. Get a coach to help you if you can. David dishes out other ways we can make our speeches and presentations funny and memorable including using the art of the callback and the rule of 3. So tune in to hear all of that and more, then join me in thanking him for the laughs and the learning. He was an awesome guest and you're awesome for listening. Thanks and we'll see you next time! THANKS DAVID NIHILL! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let David know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank David on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Funny BizzDavid Nihill's web site7 Comedy Habits to Become a Funnier SpeakerRobin Williams crashes TED BBC ConferenceDavid Nihill on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

Veteran Jon Davis stops by to discuss readjusting to civilian life after deployment in Iraq, what employers will "just never get" about vets, and how to annoy a veteran in 3 easy steps. Happy Veterans' Day, and, if you're a vet, we thank you for serving. Support Jon Davis at http://www.patreon.com/ jondavis More Voices for Vets: http://voicesforvets.co HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!  

Stay relevant in the workforce. "There is no linear career path anymore."-Dan Schawbel The Cheat Sheet: How many jobs do most people have between the ages of 18 and 45? 20% of the workforce is retiring in the next 4 years: true or false? Which are the top majors that land jobs after college? How to network effectively, even if you're an introvert. EQ or IQ: which is most desirable in a job seeker? And so much more... There's no denying it any longer, the workforce today is an entirely different animal than it was even a decade ago. Long gone are the days of working for one or perhaps two companies in your lifetime. Now most people will work in at least 3 different careers in their lifetimes, some of us will work in as many as six! And note that says careers, not jobs. If you're like millions of others trying to get a leg up on the fierce competition in the marketplace, we've brought in Dan Schawbel to talk about how. Dan is the author of Promote Yourself, and that's exactly the topic we dive into today. Dan shares the facts, figures and suggestions he has for the best ways to promote yourself and stay relevant in the workforce today. All of that and more on the 338th episode of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: Dan Schawbel has made a successful living by studying what other people do for theirs. He has specifically studied the millenium generation, otherwise known as Generation Y or The Millenials. But he's discovered some interesting facts and applicable information for everyone along the way. For example when it comes to your ability to promote yourself and stay relevant in the workplace, Dan suggests zagging when everyone else is zigging. What does that mean exactly? The current trend is for most people to bounce to another company in order to be promoted or earn more money, there isn't much loyalty anymore. And Dan says you can capitalize on that by staying put and developing a strategy to make yourself indispensable. The first one is fairly easy to do: generally it's easier to stay where we are than to find a new job. But not all of us have a strategy to make us indispensable, and to be sure the company we're working for keeps us around and that we're also top of mind for promotions. Dan shares how to do this on today's episode. His first suggestion is master your current role. Do the job you've been hired to do and do it well, do it to the best of your abilities. Often this will take you at least the first six months you're in a new position. Dan says you can't stand out until you've done what you've been hired to do. Once you've done that, then you can ask for more work, ask for that special project, offer to pitch in to help others in new areas outside of the scope of your job. This is also when you start presenting ideas for new opportunities for work. Do you see any area where the company could be more efficient, some way you can help the company make more money in an area? Now you can create a presentation and pitch it to your boss. But you can only do this once you've shown you are competent at your job, otherwise no one will take you seriously. Another great way to promote yourself is to join special interest groups outside of work. Are you intrigued by marketing? Then join up a marketing meetup group or join a local branch of a marketing association. Find a conference you can attend on a weekend about the topic you are interested in, and then bring that information back to your job. You'll find useful ways to apply yourself in your role when you do. Though we discuss many other topics, one final subject we'll touch on here is the necessity of soft skills. Nearly every recruiter and headhunter out there wants someone with great soft skills. They want to know you can work well with others, you're a team player and will enhance the company overall with a good attitude, cooperation and team work. Dan and I discuss other useful suggestions he has for staying relevant and making yourself someone your company can't live without. He gives us specifics on how to promote yourself through tracking the metrics of your successes and why growing your network will ensure you're never without job offers. It was great to have him on the show, please join me in thanking him and thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS DAN SCHAWBEL! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Dan know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Dan on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Dan Schawbel's web sitePromote Yourself, Dan Schawbel's latest book Me 2.0, Dan Schawbel's first book Dan Schawbel on TwitterMeetup Eventbrite Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)!  HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there.   FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING.  Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

Do what would make your mom proud. "We don't live in a scarcity economy any more, we live in an abundant economy." -Seth Godin The Cheat Sheet: Is there really such a thing as writer's block? Why quitting and failing aren't the same, Seth explains. When and how to quit to be successful. The two categories of failing. Why 98% of people who start online classes don't finish them. What it means to serve people. And so much more... As the author of 17 books and an uber-successful entrepreneur who has started multiple companies, Seth Godin is a man who needs very little in the way of an introduction! He is looked to as a thought leader in marketing, communications and entrepreneurship. On today's episode he shares his thoughts on the creative process, what it means to be in "the dip" and how to succeed in business without having an exclusive focus on the bottom line. Listen in for details on all of that and so much more on the 336th episode of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: Believe it or not there was a span of time when Seth Godin struggled. In fact, he says he spent 8 years teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. But living on that edge so precariously for that long brought him tremendous insights and experiences, many of which he shares on this episode. One of those experiences he shares with us is how he managed to cope and thrive from rejection. In his first year in the book business he was rejected 800 times! And he learned to see it in the best possible light: each rejection was a step closer to a yes and he was very willing to be bad until he was very good. Those rejections helped him get better until he became great. On a similar note we discuss why he says quitting and failing are not the same thing. Seth wrote The Dip to help us have mature, intelligent conversations about quitting. He believes you have to be willing to quit everything else in order to be the very best in the world at one thing. Too often today we don't quit to focus on that one thing, we become mediocre at many things. And none of us really want mediocre! We don't go on the Internet to buy from the most mediocre person we can find. We want the best from the very best. In order to become the very best and quit everything else, we also have to set parameters for our quitting. When we take on a new project or a new business we have to decide at what point we will quit, and then actually quit if/when we reach it. For example if you start a new business and you decide you will quit when you have spent the $10k you currently have set aside on that business, then you must quit when that $10k is gone (and the business isn't working). Don't burn through the $10k, have a failing business and then go mortgage your house to keep going. Set the circumstances ahead of time and then honor them. But while some paths do endure The Dip, yet others are simply dead ends. Seth suggests if you are a budding entrepreneur you should follow a path that's been trodden successfully in the past. Learn from those who have gone before you and have succeeded, figure out when you're in The Dip and ride through it. Knowing you're experiencing The Dip makes it a whole lot easier to get through. Seth goes into much more detail on quitting vs. failing and other great entrepreneurial lessons he's learned (like how to create and serve people by NOT focusing on the almighty profit). There are tons of great nuggets here so have a listen! It was an honor to have him on the show, please join me in thanking him. And thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS SETH GODIN! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Seth Godin know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Seth on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Seth Godin's web siteThe Dip by Seth Godin book Linchpin, by Seth Godin All of Seth Godin's booksSquidoo, Seth Godin's former company Seth Godin on Twitter Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

Circumstances don't define us. "I always do anything I do as if I'm at stake and I have everything to lose."-Pejman Ghadimi The Cheat Sheet: The good is the enemy of the great. What are Pejman's three circles and why do they matter? The fear that holds most of us back: what is it? How he focused on making his life count for more than just making money. It's easier to accept failure than to seek success: true or false? How to start a business if you only have an idea and nothing else. And so much more... When most people think of entrepreneurship today they generally think of the glitz and glamour of making so-called "easy money" on the Internet and working for themselves. Rarely do they think of value creation, which is what our guest for today says is at the very heart of being an entrepreneur. Joining us for episode 335 is self-made multi-millionaire and value creator Pejman Ghadimi. Today he shares his personal story of how he became financially independent by 25 as well as "Secret Entourage" and third circle theory, the name of his company and the title of his latest book. Listen in for details on all of that and so much more on this episode of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: Pejman Ghadimi learned to face challenging circumstances at a very early age. His family was forced to flee when the Iranian ruler was overthrown; his family had been working for the Shah and had to leave or face persecution. Believing the US was the best place for her son, Pejman's mother tried in vain to be allowed into the States for the next year 10 years. She raised him in France, built a successful business and provided him with a stable, happy home. After 10 years of trying she was finally granted a tourist visa. She had a choice: either visit the US and come back to the life she had created for them, or sell everything and take a huge risk to settle in the US. Pejman's uncle lived in Los Angeles and said he could help her extend her visa and eventually settle there, if that was what she wanted. So she sold as much of their belongings as she could, basically left her business and moved them to the US just a few short weeks after being granted a visitor's visa. It began a new chapter for Pejman and his mom. They had no social security numbers and no way to be hired by the usual means. So Pejman hustled, he took whatever job he could find including delivering pizzas on his bicycle in the "hood"! But he learned what it meant to lay it all on the line and to look at every opening as an opportunity, often where others wouldn't. He found work with a telemarketing company, a job most people would hate, and he found a way to succeed after an initial struggle in the position. So much so in fact that by the age of 18 he was in a management role. He parlayed that success into the banking industry before going out on his own. In this episode he shares exactly how he approached a grocery store branch of a bank and landed his first banking job which would lead to being a branch manager before the age of 25. Along the way he started several other companies on the side which continue to be successful today. When he talks about all of these roles and his experiences, he explains how his perspective and his actions have determined his success and how he has not allowed circumstances to slow him down or defeat him. We also discuss his third circle theory, the name of his company and his most recent book. He goes into the theory in greater detail on the show, but in essence the three circles are circumstances, society and life. Each of them rely on mastery of the previous circle to advance to the next. When we learn circumstances can be overcome then we can advance to the level of society mastery, where we discover how to show society we have advanced. We succeed in our jobs, we become wealthy and show others circumstances haven't stopped us. At that point we can move to the level of life mastery, this is where legacy becomes important. We are concerned with mastering life by giving our greatest gifts to the world. One additional topic we discuss is what entrepreneurship is at its heart: value creation. All of us have a degree of entrepreneurial spirit within us, some of us choose to follow it and express it through our career while others don't. Yet all of us can create value for the world, and the byproduct of that value is monetary gain. Pejman explains that in more detail, along with so much more on today's episode. It was an honor to have him here on the show! Please join me in thanking him for sharing his personal journey and his sage-like advice, and thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS PEJMAN GHADIMI! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Pejman Ghadimi know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Pejman on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Pejman Ghadimi's web siteSecret EntourageThird Circle Theory, Pejman Ghadimi's latest book Pejman Ghadimi on Twitter Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

Find out what women really want (it's science!) "As humans we are not a species that runs on physical dominance; we are a species that runs on social status, respect."-Dr. Geoff Miller The Cheat Sheet: What body types are women most attracted to? (13:00) Phenotype: what is it and why should you care? (18:40) IUDs vs. The Pills: the details you need to know (and yes you actually do). (33:00) Why women want men with money- it's not because they're gold diggers. (36:45) The correlation between the cost of shoes and how attractive women find them: explained. (38:45) Dr. Miller uses science to debunk The Alpha Male myth. (46:35) And so much more... What do women really want in a man? It seems to be a question men have asked themselves and have been trying to answer for centuries. If you're tired of wondering and you want actual answers to help you better understand, connect and have quality relationships with women then have a listen to today's show. Our guest is Dr. Geoff Miller, is evolutionary psychologist at the University of New Mexico-Albuquerque and author of several books including The Mating Mind. Presently he is teaming up with Tucker Max to produce podcast episodes for Mating Grounds and a book on the same subject: understanding what women want and how to give it to them. Listen in for details on all of that and so much more on the 334th episode of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: To understand what Dr. Miller shares in today's episode it's helpful to understand his background and his line of studies. He is an evolutionary psychologist which means he spends his time understanding topics like human sexuality, mate choice, and human emotions to name a few. He says he has long been fascinated by women's psychology and why women chose the men they do and the links those choices have to our history as humans. And one common thread he has found is that attraction transcends all other boundaries, certain ways of attracting a mate are not exclusive to particular cultures and countries. It is primal and instinctive within humans. Attraction doesn't have a secret language, anyone can learn it and use it wherever they live. We get into several useful applications of mating behavior in this episode, the first of which is the body types women are most attracted to. Dr. Miller says women in general find tall and lean men most attractive, they want the Olympic swimmer-type look. They prefer men who look capable and athletic, but still have some body fat so long as it's not abdominal fat which women are turned off by. So why does it seem like women like the super-buff gym rats? During their most fertile times of the month women find more masculine traits attractive, like big muscles. You can use this to your advantage if you aren't a big muscle guy. If a girl says no when you ask her out one week, try again the next week. It could just be where she is in her cycle. Another fascinating topic we dive into is how to know when a woman is at her most fertile. It seems men know this on a subconscious level, Dr. Miller gives us an example of a study done that showed women who were professional lap dancers made more money during their peak ovulation times (ie their most fertile time of the month) then they did at another time of the month. But if the woman you have your eye on isn't a lap dancer, there are other cues you can look for. You'll need to know her a bit for this but watch how she dresses. It's been scientifically shown that women who are closest to their peak fertile times will dress more provocatively, wear red, wear lipstick or more makeup than usual and will wear more jewelry than usual. Sort of "peacocking" female-style that seems to happen about 10-14 days into her cycle. Dr. Geoff also explains a woman's cycle and the time of the month when she will generally be most fertile. He gives us reasons why we as men need to know about hormonal birth control and how it impacts a woman's choice in a man - there is scientific evidence that shows women on hormonal birth control choose different man than if they are not using hormones. An important lesson to know whether you're dating or in a relationship. He also gives us tips on how to attract women whether we're wealthy or poor, the important role language plays in dating and mating, and what we should be focusing on to attract quality women (and it's not more time in the gym!). It was a pleasure to have Dr. Miller on the show, I want to thank him for joining us and to thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS DR. MILLER! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Dr. Miller know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Dr. Miller on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Dr. Geoffrey Miller's web siteMating Grounds, Dr. Miller and Tucker Max's podcastThe Mating Mind, Dr. Miller's first book Dr. Miller on Twitter Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

It's better if you tell your own story. "In order to be successful today we have to make reinvention a constant part of our repetoire."-Dorie Clark The Cheat Sheet: Elements of a personal brand: what are they and how can you use them? (7:00) Why the days of being a "lifer" are over. (12:00) How you can determine and define your personal brand. (21:00) The wingman strategy and how it can enhance EVERY area of your life. (27:30) Why having no online presence is just as much of a red flag as a negative one. (41:00) How to have attention and respect before you walk into any meeting. (44:00) And so much more... Do you think personal brands are only for the likes of Dr. Phil, Oprah Winfrey and CEOs? Think again. In today's workplace we all have a personal brand, and too few of us are managing it. So says our guest for today's show, Dorie Clark. Dorie is the author of Reinventing You, a former presidential campaign spokeswoman and regular contributor to Harvard Business Review, Forbes and Entrepreneur magazine. Today we cover what a personal brand is, how to discover yours and recreate it to your liking, the wingman strategy and so much more on the 333rd episode of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: While you may not think you have or even need a personal brand, today's workplace demands it. Long gone are the days of working for one company for the duration of your career. The working world is in the midst of a new era, a world where workers are a commodity and you have to set yourself apart from the rest. And the best way to do so is through your personal brand. Dorie Clark says to manage and truly benefit from your personal brand you first need to understand what a personal brand is, then find out what yours is and then either recreate it or find ways to bridge the gap between your personal brand as it stands today and the personal brand you want to be in the world. On the first point she says a personal brand is what people say about you when you're not in the room, it's what you leave people with. Your personal brand is synonymous with your reputation and it acts as career insurance. No longer can we rely on loyalty and mentorship to bring us up through a company's ranks. Often our mentors are let go or leave for a different position and if we've solely relied on them to teach us and spread the word about who we are and what we're committed to, we're left in the lurch when they go. To avoid being in that position, Dorie says to find out what your personal brand is and then either reinvent yourself if you don't like it or bridge the gap between what your brand is today and where you want it to take you tomorrow. An easy way to discover your personal brand is by asking at least six people close to you (family, friends, co-workers including your boss) the three words they'd use to describe you. When you do so it'll be revealing and you'll see patterns. Take stock of those patterns and then start to think about where you want to go. Envision it and get clear, then create a narrative about it so you can explain to people how your past matches up to the current opportunity you're either working on or working towards. Once you've done that, take the necessary steps to move you from your place today to your vision of tomorrow. According to Dorie this approach, actually working on your personal brand, gives you a significant advantage over almost everyone else and is worth your effort. Dorie also fills us in on the wingman strategy. A lot of you may know this as it applies to dating, but Dorie says we can use it in the business world as well. Wherever you use this strategy it works in the same way. You and a friend attend an event together (dating or work-related) and while you're talking with others, you bring up your friend's most salient and relevant points during the conversation. By doing so you're giving them status in the other person's eyes, then later you introduce your friend to the person you mentioned them to. It works best if you know who you want to meet prior to or at the beginning of the event, and then you team up to meet each other's interests. It's a relevant strategy we've discussed on the show, and it also works exceptionally well in a networking environment! Dorie provides additional insightful strategies and relevant strategies on this episode, including how to command respect and attention before you attend a meeting (even if no one knows you) and the most common mistake most people make in their personal branding. It was a pleasure to have Dorie on the show, I want to thank her for joining us and to thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS DORIE! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Dorie know by clicking on the link below and sending her a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Dorie on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Dorie Clark's web siteReinventing You, Dorie Clark's latest book Dorie Clark on Twitter Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordan@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

Experiment with your own life. "I wouldn't say fail faster, I'd say fail more. For every ten failures you're going to get one success."-AJ Jacobs The Cheat Sheet: Digital reminders: how to use them to become happier. (10:00) How to use the Song of Solomon to get a date. (14:40) Radical honesty: can it be effective in dating and relationships? (19:30) Cafeteria Religion defined. (24:45) The Odysseus Strategy:what it is and how to use it to make yourself happier. (27:35) Posture affects your testosterone levels: true or false? (44:40) And so much more... If you lived your life as an experiment and you became a human guinea pig what would that be like? What would you try out and what do you think you could learn? Our guest for episode 332 has done this several times and discovered so much through each experiment. AJ Jacobs is a four-time New York Times best-selling author who has used his life as an experiment on several occasions, and then written about it to share with all of us. For example, he once spent a year living life according to the rules of the Bible! He has also tried to become the healthiest person alive, the smartest person alive and many other adventures. AJ is here to talk about those experiment adventures and so much more on the 332nd episode of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: AJ Jacobs has experienced many things in his life, most of which we never will. He once stoned an adulterer in Central Park; he's read the encyclopedia from A to Z and he followed George Washington's 101 rules for living with civility. Instead of following in his footsteps, we can live vicariously through him by reading his books and listening to today's episode. Aside from stoning an adulterer (it was not as violent as it sounds), AJ gained a lot from his year of living biblically. One of the most profound lessons he learned was the lesson of gratitude. One of the Bible's rules is to give thanks and he found himself giving thanks hundreds of times a day. He'd be thankful the elevator took him to the proper floor and that it didn't fall to the basement. Finding things to give thanks for made him a happier person overall. We also talk about how to use the Song of Solomon from the Bible to get dates! After his year of living according to the Bible, he joined the ranks of most of us in treating religion like a cafeteria. He took the rules that made him happiest and followed those. AJ says we all do this to some degree; we pick and choose which rules to live by and which don't serve us, even the most conservative among us does this. On that same note of picking and choosing, AJ talks about our information diet and how to more carefully watch what we are consuming every day. His general rule of thumb is if something doesn't make him happier, he limits or removes it from his information diet. AJ gives us a personal example: he has a tendency to read about rare diseases or disorders on the Internet and he's found doing so leads him down a dark hole, so he has stopped doing this. We can follow suit and stop reading negative things on the Internet, listening to negative news or reading Internet comments on our sites if people are trashing us. Though we discuss plenty more, including what George Washington and George Clooney have to teach us about success, one final topic we'll mention here is that of embracing failure. He has studied some of the greatest achievers in history and he's noted this about their success: they had to fail A LOT in order to have the successes they did. He gives us a few specific examples including Picasso and E.E. Cummings. AJ gives us other insights on his discoveries through treating his life like an experiment, tune in to find out the rest! It was a pleasure to have AJ on the show, I want to thank him for joining us and to thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS AJ! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let AJ know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank AJ on Twitter! Resources from this episode: AJ Jacobs' web siteThe Year of Living Biblically, AJ Jacobs' latest book AJ Jacobs' other books AJ Jacobs on TwitterGlobal Family Reunion, AJ's latest experiment Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

Give your all while you can. "I want to know that on my last day when they lay me down in my grave, I am not taking my best work to the grave with me."-Todd Henry The Cheat Sheet: The best possible education experience you can have. (10:30) Should anyone go to college? (20:50) The key to overcoming America's economic malaise revealed. (27:00) Why it's never too late to enter the marketplace. (29:50) What's one of the biggest issues people have, according to Todd? (32:10) The most valuable land in the world is where? (37:30) And so much more... If you chose to live today by the motto "die empty" what would you do differently? What projects would you start, what relationships would you enrich and which would you let go of? These two words became the motto for this episode's guest few years ago and they had such an impact that he decided to write a book on the topic. Todd Henry, author of Die Empty, joins us to talk about the value of going to college or not going, the deadly sins of mediocrity, how to avoid becoming mediocre or get yourself out of that rut if you're already in it...and so much more on the 331st episode of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: Todd Henry is the best-selling author behind such notable books as The Accidental Creative and Die Empty. He's also the man behind The Accidental Creative podcast and a consultant who helps companies create more effectively. He calls himself "an arms dealer for the creative revolution"! His "arms dealings" originally stem from the assistance he offered his friends, they were people who worked in large companies but often struggled with how to create effectively in their jobs. He called them Accidental Creatives because they didn't see themselves as creative types but they were still working their way through the creative process. The name stuck and later became the title of his first book. But Todd was most strongly influenced by two words he later stumbled upon, die empty. He felt these words had meaning not just for him, but for everyone. They were the keys to living a full, rich life and shaking off the dulling effects of mediocrity. He published a book called Die Empty and talks at length in this episode about how to do so. He discusses the 7 deadly sins of mediocrity in that book and in this episode we hone in on the first: aimlessness. He says mediocrity is combined from two other root words: medius and ocris. Medius meaning middle and ocris meaning rugged mountain; mediocre means to stop halfway up the rugged mountain. Many people do this by becoming comfortable where they are and never moving beyond that position, never challenging themselves further. Aimlessness is one of the reasons, one of the deadly sins that causes this. Aimlessness happens when someone loses sight of their true passion and connection to their passion project, they get stuck as a result. Todd says we can avoid this the same way he does: by following EMPTY which stands for Ethic Mission People Tasks You. Here's a breakdown of what each of those words in empty stand for: Ethic means asking yourself how do I engage in work every day? What do I bring to my work on a daily basis? Mission means applying your productive passion and understanding the thing you're really trying to do. It's the ultimate outcome you're committed to. People relates to the people in your life you have to interact with. how can you build relationships into your life that are stimulating, challenging and cause me to see the world in new ways? Tasks are the tasks if you accomplish them this week they would make it successful in your mind. You represents yourself and how you care for yourself. What self-care do you make a priority in your life? And are you developing discipline for intentional growth for yourself? And finally Todd gives us some specific ways we can implement his advice immediately. The first thing he suggests is to form of circle of 5-7 people you meet with once a month. The goal of your group is to get together and talk about work you're doing, your aspirations, what you're planning to do. Todd offers more actionable advice along with his thoughts on the pros and cons of college, how he's educating his children and tons more! It was a pleasure to have Todd on the show, I want to thank him for joining us and to thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS TODD! If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let Todd know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Todd on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Todd Henry's web siteThe Accidental Creative, Todd Henry's podcast Die Empty, Todd Henry's book Die Empty, Todd Henry's book on Audible Todd Henry on TwitterSchool of Greatness podcast Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

It only takes one. "Assertiveness and kindness is the combination most attractive to women." -Scott Kaufman The Cheat Sheet: Dopamine is the pleasure molecule: true or false? (7:25) Scott defines a true alpha male. (18:40) The Dark Triad revealed: is it as ominous as it sounds? (19:10) What is positive psychology really about? (31:00) Why chat-up lines don't work. (39:50) Mate copying: what does the term mean? (43:10) And so much more... If you've listened to the show before, you know we don't buy into the whole "alpha or beta male" mindset that is so prevalent in society right now. At the Art of Charm we stand on the belief that men are far more than just "alpha tough guys" or "beta door mats". And today Scott Kaufman, Scientific Director at the Imagination Institute and author of Mating Intelligence Unleashed, shares the science behind that belief. On this episode, we talk about why the "alpha-beta" thing is far too simplistic, what the dark triad/bad boy thing is all about, and why assertiveness, kindness and humor are some of the most attractive traits to women ...all of that and so much more! More About This Show: When it comes to the alpha vs beta showdown, Scott Kaufman sees neither as being the ultimate for an ideal male. He says there are really two paths for men: dominance or authentic. The dominance path is the one we typically associate with the alpha male: aggressive, arrogant, unstable ego and underneath the bravado, insecurity. And on the authentic path is the type of men we strive create through our work at The Art of Charm: well-earned accomplishments, positive mental health, conscientious, satisfying personal relationships, and genuine self-esteem based on knowing yourself to be a person of value. Contrary to the pop culture definition, Scott says an alpha male is really a man who has cultivated these skills and uses them appropriately. Another misnomer in today's society is that women love the bad boy. While it may be true that the "bad boy" racks up more sexual partners, scientific studies indicate that quantity of sexual partners does not necessarily indicate higher levels of personal happiness. That's why you'll often hear men who've bed high numbers of women later lament they still weren't happy. Those men who end up with such high volume of sexual partners also often score high in the Dark Triad, not an affiliation you'd want. The Dark Triad is made up of three pillars: Machiavellian tendencies, narcissism and psychopathy. They are more likely to scheme and manipulate anyone to get what they want, sex or otherwise. The short-term strategies they use are effective in generating multiple partners, but not in cultivating relationships that are meaningful, fulfilling or long-lasting. To do that, Scott says to focus on what science and studies have shown women actually want: an assertive, kind and funny man. The assertive man asks for what he wants, shares what his needs and desires are without demanding them or having them fulfilled at the expense of others. Kindness may seem like an obvious trait, but often men are concerned about coming off as doormats by being kind to others. Scott provided some useful suggestions in the show as well as meditations which are linked in the Resources section below. And lastly, on the topic of humor, Scott talks about several studies that highlight women do want men who make them laugh. But also if you're in a group of women and you make one of them laugh, she's the one you hone in on. Science proves that if a woman is already laughing at your jokes, she finds you attractive! A woman will not laugh at a man's jokes (no matter how funny they are) if she doesn't think he's attractive. Laughter is also a great indicator of the potential long-term success of a relationship. The couples who stay together longer are those who laugh together. The best pairing here is a man who crack jokes plus a woman who laughs at his jokes, that combination has the most potential for staying together the longest. Scott and I also talk about the role vulnerability and creativity both play in attraction, and so much other great info! It was a pleasure to have Scott on the show, this episode is surely an instant classic so have a listen! I want to thank Scott for joining us and to thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS SCOTT! If you enjoyed this session of the Art of Charm Podcast, let Scott know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Scott on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Scott Kaufman's web siteMating IQ Scale: The Quiz Mating Intelligence Unleashed, Scott Kaufman's book on Amazon Mating Intelligence Unleashed, Scott Kaufman's book on Audible Scott Kaufman on TwitterSchool of Greatness podcast Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!  

Negative self-talk amplifies painful experiences. "We need to monitor our emotional health like we monitor our physical health. It has nothing to do with self-esteem, it has nothing to do with masculinity." -Guy Winch The Cheat Sheet: Why avoidance doesn't work and can actually make areas of your life worse. (10:30) Chronic loneliness is like smoking a pack of cigarettes a day: true or false? (16:50) Stewing vs doing: how and why to avoid the former. (26:20) Why affirmations are not useful. (36:20) Failure distorts our perceptions: the study that proves this. (41:35) How negative self-talk damages your emotional state even more than the actual event. (49:30) And so much more... If we all learned from childhood on how to take care of our emotional hurts, our pains and our struggles, what do you think the world would look like? Probably an incredibly different place than it does today. One person helping us move in that direction is our guest for episode 328, Dr. Guy Winch. Guy is the author of Emotional First Aid; he also has a PhD and has been a trained psychologist for over 20 years. On this episode he discusses why numbing ourselves to pain doesn't help, the high health risks of loneliness, and what healthy habits to adopt in times of emotional distress...all of that and so much more on this edition of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: For over two decades, Guy has been a trained psychologist listening to what people talk about their experiences, and even more importantly, their own self-talk about those experiences. Along the way he's formed opinions and hypotheses in his field; before he shares those opinions, he researches the science that supports or disputes his opinions and he adapts from there. One of the fundamentals he stands on however is people's need to treat themselves emotionally and to provide their own emotional first aid for their wounds. Very few of us are taught how to take care of our hurts and our suffering; we're all taught how to care for our skinned knees or sprained ankles, but rarely are we taught how to care for our emotions after we've been rejected. Instead of taking care of our wounds, we often numb ourselves to the pain with alcohol, other recreational drugs, video games, sex or food. Guy says these things don't help us when we try to come back and address that area of our lives. If someone dumps us and we spend three weeks numbed out playing the latest WoW, we are going to have a tough go of it when we try to date again because we've spent three weeks avoiding the pain rather than coping with it. But those of us who obsess over a situation aren't any better off either. If we focus on replaying and replaying the break-up in our heads we are doing even more damage the actual experience did. We're physically re-creating the pain for ourselves by mentally reliving it. As a species we're hard-wired to feel even the slightest bit of rejection; Guy shares the study that discusses how MRIs show the same parts of our brains are activated by physical pain AND emotional pain. Instead of obsessing over a rejection or numbing ourselves to it, Guy offers a few tips. The first of which is to be aware and understand what's happening. Now that you know emotional and physical pain are experienced in the body in much the same way, you can stop beating yourself up for feeling bad about the experience. You're human, you're supposed to feel what you're feeling! The second suggestion he has is a useful tool to boost your self-esteem when you're suffering. This is particularly helpful if you've just gone through a break-up or a significant rejection of some kind. Spend a few minutes writing 10-15 things you're good at. So if you've just been dumped, write 10-15 qualities that make you great in a relationship. For example: you're a good cook, a good listener, you have a great sense of humor, etc. Write those 10-15 things down. Then pick just one of them and write for 10 minutes about why that quality is important and how you'll exhibit it in future relationships. You have to write it down, this isn't useful if you just think about it so be sure to spend 15 minutes doing this exercise. Doing so will help you feel better about what you bring to the table and will boost your self-esteem at a time when you really need it. Guy and I discuss several more topics (including the health risks of loneliness and numerous studies highlighting the importance of emotional first aid), one final area worth mentioning here is how to approach failure. If we can experience a failure and examine where we could have done better and where we can improve for next time, we have a much higher chance of tackling future challenges rather than simply giving up. There are always things within your control in a situation, even when you've failed, and if you can pinpoint those and how you can adjust the next time around there's a much higher chance you'll actually pursue a "next time around". Guy was a terrific guest who generously shares so much of his 20+ years of psychology experience and knowledge with us in this episode, have a listen to hear it all! There are several practical tools you can start using right away so check it out. And I want to thank him for joining us and to thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS GUY! If you enjoyed this session of the Art of Charm Podcast, let Guy know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Guy on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Guy Winch's web site Emotional First Aid, Guy Winch's book on Amazon Emotional First Aid, Guy Winch's book on Audible Guy Winch on TwitterSchool of Greatness podcast Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!  

No one has the right to hold you back. "There's nothing more important than knowing who you are, the path you are on and its final end." -Dandapani The Cheat Sheet: Why you should make your bed every day. (5:10) They watched 30 minutes of the news in his monastery: true or false? (14:20) The hierarchy of where to spend your energy as a parent and spouse. (27:50) What the law of thermodynamics has to do with relationships. (35:05) Affectionate detachment: what is it and do you need to implement it? (46:20) Why happiness should never be your goal in life. (54:05) And so much more... When you think of a monk do you think of coding, a Macbook Pro and lessons about life? Maybe the last of those three pops to mind but certainly the first two don't! And that is what makes our guest for episode 327 so interesting. Dandapani is a Hindu monk who lived in a Hawaiian monastery where they gave him a MacBook Pro and he spent some of his time coding websites! On today's show we talk about his origin story as a monk, how to keep children from sucking the energy out your relationship and what to do about energy vampires...all of that and so much more on this edition of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: Dandapani knew he wanted to be a monk since the age of 4. And he spent years looking for a teacher he connected with. He found many along the way, but none were the ideal match until he was a sophomore in college. He loved how practical and down to earth this particular teacher was and so when he told Dandapani to finish his engineering degree before joining his monastery, that's what he did. The moment he knew he had passed all of his exams and had completed his degree, Dandapani was on a flight to Hawaii. For the next 10 years he lived a life of celibacy and technology. He says his guru believed in bringing their teachings to the world, not through stone tablets, but through electronic tablets and web sites. So that's what the monks did: they built web sites, they learned a myriad of technology tools like Adobe products, Final Cut Pro, audio editing software, etc. And if that wasn't unconventional enough, they also watched 30 minutes of the news every day to keep them in touch with the world. Of course they also performed their daily chores and meditated, but only an hour of meditation per day and not the entire day like some orders. Dandapani learned a tremendous amount from his time with the order. When his 10 years were up, he left and returned to the mainland of the US (and not his home in Sri Lanka). He spent a year transitioning into "real life" and then moved to New York City with his wife where they now live. Although they don't have children yet, Dandapani has sage words for anyone who does on how to keep their marriage or relationship in tact while raising a family. He believes in what he calls "an energy hierarchy" and that if you follow his hierarchy, you will be able to stay connected to your significant other through the ups and downs of family life and you won't lose your relationship to your children's lives. In his hierarchy, you come first. That means you have to take care of yourself first, so you then have energy to give to your spouse who is next on the list. Children come in third. And why is this? Because typically if you take care of you and your spouse before your kids, you'll have the energy necessary to take care of them. On the subject of energy, Dandapani also had valuable advice on how to deal with energy vampires. He says 99% of the people he speaks with say they have energy vampires in their lives, but all too often we don't have the courage to address the issue. Once a year he sits down and assesses his relationships. He looks at who is an energy vampire in his life and then asks whether this is their natural way of being or are they simply going through a rough patch right now. If it's just a rough patch he never breaks ties with them. But if the person seems to just be depressed and negative on the whole, he finds a way to either minimize contact with them or to stop communicating with them entirely. He calls this affectionate detachment and in this episode he shares when and how to use it. One tip he gives us is to avoid communicating your stance with the energy vampire(s) in your life; you don't need to tell them you're cutting them out of your lives whenever possible because that simply instigates more negative conversation from them. Dandapani has quite a few additional suggestions and practical advice he generously shares with us in this episode, have a listen to hear it all! I want to thank him for joining us and to thank you for being here too. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you next time. THANKS DANDAPANI! If you enjoyed this session of the Art of Charm Podcast, let Dandapani know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Dandapani on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Dandapani's web siteDandapani's YouTube channel Conversations on the Spiritual Path, Dandapani's podcast Dandapani on TwitterLondon Real podcast Try Squarespace (free) and support our supporters! You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast Wanna leave a comment? Too bad! Email me instead (we read everything)! HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Download the FREE AoC app for iPhone Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!  

Alex Kouts gives us the edge we need to overcome our fear of negotiating and make deals that benefit both sides of any arrangement. The Cheat Sheet: Why everybody's price is an f-you price, according to Alex. (11:15) How to emotionally prepare for awkwardness of negotiations. (23:20) BATNA: what is it and why is it so important? (31:10) Why women are better at negotiating than men. (32:30) When to apply the silent strategy. (35:05) What's the nuclear option in negotiation and how do you know when to push the red button? (48:30). And so much more... Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/alex-kouts-art-negotiating-episode-326/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!