The Art of Charm

"Unless you're actually on Jeopardy, knowledge without action is useless!" - Adam Gilbert The Cheat Sheet: What's the top reason people fear losing weight? Why awareness is the key to making lasting changes. The broccoli test: what it is and how to use it. The most common roadblocks Adam sees. How to use discomfort as your compass. Why you need a coach and it's amateur to think you don't. And so much more... Have you ever tried to lose weight, stop drinking, start a business and a new exercise program at the same time? Did you fail and wonder why? Health and fitness psychology expert, Adam Gilbert, would say you took on too much at one time. There's a psychology to making changes that last and Adam is here to give us the golden nuggets on that very topic. Join us for episode 309 as we talk about the psychology of weight loss, why you sabotage yourself and others do too, why discomfort is the perfect compass and the most common roadblocks he sees with his clients. More About This Show: Adam Gilbert has always been fascinated by the topics of health, fitness, nutrition and psychology. And since 2007 he has made those areas his life's work. He helps people make changes in their health and fitness by understanding what's holding them back psychologically. Inherently, most of us know there is no magic pill or quick-fix to getting healthy and we know we have to eat right, exercise and take care of ourselves to be as healthy as we can be. Adam helps us understand what's in the way, psychologically, to doing so. On the topic of weight loss, Adam believes there are a lot of psychological factors at work. Is someone afraid of losing weight because they won't fit in with their friends any more? Or perhaps their spouse or significant other doesn't support them in getting fit - their partner sabotages their weight loss efforts by making meals that don't fit their diet plan. All of those examples have an underlying psychology to them that applies not just to weight loss, but to any area of our lives we're improving. And that psychology is fear of rejection, and fear of success. We may sabotage our efforts in an area because we don't want to lose the friendships and the partner we're comfortable with; we don't want them to reject our new "selves" so we make changes, but don't stick with them. Adam and I discuss the specific ways to navigate these situations so we can actually be okay with making changes, being uncomfortable and helping others while we're in the process of growing and shifting. One of the most pivotal keys to doing so that Adam and I talk about is awareness. When you're aware of what's happening, you can better navigate any change. We also dive into the related area of discomfort and how to use it as our compass. Adam believes if we truly want to become the person of our dreams, whether it's a healthy awesome body or the ideal relationship or our perfect job or business, we have to use discomfort to guide us to get there. If we continue to do what's comfortable, we'll continue to stay where we are. So in order to steer us into that new body, relationship, job or business, we have to do what's uncomfortable. There's so much more Adam and I discuss but one of the biggest takeaways we both want you to get is this: you must take action on this knowledge. All the tricks, tips and tools we give you are pointless until you implement them. So listen to this show, get yourself a coach or accountability partner to help you and then take action! Adam was a terrific guest and I enjoyed having him on the show, I hope you enjoy this episode as well. Be sure to check out the gift he's giving all of you, you'll find it in the Resources section below. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. THANKS ADAM! If you enjoyed this session of the Art of Charm Podcast, let Adam know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Adam on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Adam's web siteAdam's gift to all of you Adam on TwitterParadox of Choice, hard copy You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"If we listen, we always know what to say next." - Susan RoAne The Cheat Sheet: Your number one purpose at any event. Why drinks aren't really free at an open bar. How to remember people when you meet them. Why it's important to never burn bridges, Susan gives a personal lesson. #1 tactic to create your own luck. How to introduce yourself, even if you're shy. And so much more... Networking. It is one of the most coveted skills someone can possess; it can open doors where they were previously closed, it can create opportunities where there previously were none. One of the most informative experts on this topic is Susan RoAne. She's the author of How To Work A Room, now on its 4th edition and silver anniversary. She joins the Art of Charm podcast for our 308th episode to dish the details on the ins and outs of networking and connecting, even if you're shy. She's got advice, techniques and tips for everyone in any industry. More About This Show: Considered one of the leading experts in the field of networking, Susan RoAne has seen her share of the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to networking. And some of her favorite advice to give people is simple: you never know. You never know who someone is, who is in their network and what doors they are connected to - so always be nice to everyone. Because you never know. One of the reasons the topic of networking, and her book, have been so important and continue to be so important, is because everyone needs to network. The details may change from generation to generation, but the rules generally don't. If you want to be a good networker, always be nice to others and treat other people like you're a host. Why act like you're a host? Because hosts listen and make their guests feel welcome, and at home. That's what you should be doing when you network: make others feel comfortable in your presence. Stop worrying about, or even having an agenda when you go somewhere. Go there to have fun, be lively and connect with people...not to get someone or get something for yourself or your business. Susan says that is the essence of networking. In this episode, Susan gives us some nuts and bolts on how to prepare for an event, how to engage with people (even if you're shy) and how to really work a room. To prepare she says to go online and research the people who may be there. Find their LinkedIn profile and study it, as well as their Facebook page. Look for what you have in common with them outside of the business realm. Then when you meet them, work it into a conversation. Are you both recovering lawyers? Say so. Did you both go to the same college or grow up in the same part of the country? Say so. When it comes to engaging with people, Susan has three suggestions for starting a conversation: introduce yourself in under 10 seconds with a pleasantry, say something about the event and then give the benefit of what you do (not what you do precisely). Keep it short, sweet and to the point. To really work the room, even if you're a shy person, get there on time or within 15 minutes of the event starting. That way the room works YOU, not the other way around! As people arrive, you'll be able to mingle and mix on a more intimate basis. Susan and I really get into the finer details of networking in this episode! We talk about how to exit a conversation graciously (and it's not by saying you have to use the bathroom!), how to follow up and make yourself stand out in that follow up, and how to remember the people you meet. And here's plenty more where that came from! Susan was a terrific guest and I enjoyed having her on the show; be sure to get out your notepad or your Evernote and write her tips down so you can take action the next time you're at a networking event. THANKS SUSAN! If you enjoyed this session of the Art of Charm Podcast, let Susan know by clicking on the link below and sending her a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Susan on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Susan's web siteHow To Work A Room, hard copyHow To Work A Room, audio version Susan on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we feel, how we react and what we do." - Pat Flynn The Cheat Sheet: Why it's important to him to fail on his own terms. The best way to find potential income opportunities. The most important question to ask any business owner, and what to do with their answer. What a bucket of crabs teaches us about life, according to Pat. One of the biggest challenges entrepreneurs face is a lack of ideas: true or false? What is "just in time learning" and how does Pat use it? And so much more... One of the greatest challenges a man can face is experiencing a setback and turning it into an asset that actually improves his life. Someone who has done just that is Pat Flynn of Smart Passive Income, our guest for episode 307. Pat is the man in charge of SPI, a brand devoted to sharing with people how he's created smart, passive income streams. And it all began when his Plan A fell through. In this show, we talk about how Pat has overcome adversity throughout his career, how he has found the courage to overcome challenges and how he has become efficient and effective at work to create a better balance between work and the rest of his life. More About This Show: From a fairly early age, Pat had his career path mapped out. He got excellent grades throughout every level of schooling, including architecture school. He put in the long hours necessary to be one of the top students in his class at architecture school and did whatever needed to be done to put himself among the very best. So when he landed a job with an architecture firm and began the process of becoming a licensed architect, he thought he was well on his way. And for three years his life went exactly the way he had planned. But one day his firm dropped a bomb: they were letting people go and he was one of them. The timing could not have been worse for Pat; he had just gotten engaged to his now-wife and they were planning their wedding. He had no Plan B and had no idea what to do next. It was then that he learned how valuable it is to have supportive people in his life. His wife and family encouraged him and believed him. They all told him he'd get through this experience, and be better for it. Pat listened to them and took advantage of the few months he had between receiving news of his layoff and actually being unemployed to look for opportunities. He found one in particular that led to the creation of his LEED exam preparation guide. The LEED exam is a common certification for architects to take that helps them land better jobs. Pat had built a site while preparing to take his LEED exam and he had created a resource where people asked him questions about the test. He responded and provided valuable information for everyone who visited. He took those questions and answers and created an online ebook based on that information.Because of all the time and energy Pat had put into his site and his community in its early stages, his guidebook was a massive success early on. It showed Pat the power of online marketing and propelled him on his current path of entrepreneurship. Since then, Pat has become known as one of the most transparent business men on the planet (even Forbes said so) and he shows why in this episode. We talk at length about some of the tools he's learned to balance his work life with his home life so he's fully present in whatever he's doing. He also shares his shoebox trick for staying grateful and a few practical ways to spot opportunities and then act on them. Pat was a terrific guest and I enjoyed having him on the show. And I really appreciated the advice he gave about becoming more efficient with email and how to let go of that responsibility. Of course, there's plenty more Pat and I discuss on this show so have a listen and enjoy! THANKS PAT! If you enjoyed this session of the Art of Charm Podcast, let Pat know by clicking on the link below and sending him a quick shout out on Twitter: Click here to thank Pat on Twitter! Resources from this episode: Pat's personal web siteSmart Passive IncomeDane Maxwell on the Smart Passive Income podcast Pat on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"A day of pain is worth a lifetime of pride." - Jon Vronman The Cheat Sheet: How he invested his last $4k and how it motivated him. The 53-mile double marathon that changed Jon's life. Do you have to be an extrovert to be in the front of your life? The 3 people you admire most: a life evaluation exercise. What is one of the most powerful questions on Earth? The reason most people don't achieve their life's purpose. And so much more... If you imagined your life playing out like a concert, where would you want to live it: the front row or somewhere in the upper deck? The front row of course - that's where the action, energy and enthusiasm is happening. Jon Vroman has built a business and a life around teaching people to live like they're in the front row and he's our guest for episode 306 of The Art of Charm podcast. Join us as we talk about what it means to live life from the front row, how to reframe experiences in a positive way, why your networks are so important and how to be a contributor who makes every moment an awesome one. More About This Show: Jon Vroman wasn't always a front-row kind of guy. In fact, in high school he admits his mindset and his life were about as big as his 4'10", 85 pound frame. Until one day he found himself at a concert and had the revelation that he was living life at the same pitch as the section he was sitting in: the back rows of the show where everyone was checked out and low energy. Decided he no longer wanted that for himself, he made a commitment to shift. He began studying the greats, the people who were high energy, front-row kind of people. And he found the courage to leave his corporate job to pursue something greater than his 9 to 5. Within two years, he had $85,000 in credit card debt and was choosing whether to buy groceries or pay his mortgage. He was being paid to speak, but it wasn't yet a thriving endeavor for him. He made a front row decision to invest his last $4,000 into a mailing promoting his speaking services. He got no response from the mailing. But that didn't stop him, he understood he needed to take care of his family and so he continued to dig, dig, and dig until he worked his way out of debt and into a whole new business: The Front Row. Jon learned immeasurably valuable lessons along the way like how to treat everyone like a rock star and how to take any situation and find the positive. When it comes to treating people like rock stars, Jon says to write a list of the top 10 people in our lives, those who matter the most and add the most to our lives, and then find out what their biggest dream or goal is for this year. Now write down what you can do to help them achieve that goal. And when it comes to finding the good in a seemingly "bad" situation, always ask yourself: what else could this mean? When you habitually do that, you'll see the positive a lot faster. We also talk about legacy versus currency, and how to be a "moment-maker" versus an energy-taker. Jon was generous enough to detail a few actionable exercises to practice right now. Of course, there's plenty more Jon and I discuss on this show. Tune in, I hope you enjoy listening! Resources from this episode: Jon's web site Jon on TwitterConnected, by Nicholas Christakis and James FowlerQuiet: The Power of Introverts, by Susan Cain You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"When it comes to setting a date, just take the lead and guide the interaction. You'll have a lot better first dates and help yourself out with the Attraction Process." - Justin Jensen The Cheat Sheet: What's a social sales funnel and how do you use it in dating? Photoshopping your Tinder pics: how, when and why. How to showcase your personality on Tinder and stand out. What's the first goal on Tinder? Why it's good to give her your phone number. How to strike while the Tinder iron is hot. And so much more... Unless you've just emerged from living under a rock, you probably know what Tinder is. It's a dating app available on smart phones that allows men and women to meet. Tinder works by allowing you to post a quick profile, using your basic information (location, age, gender) and it posts a few photos of your choice from your Facebook account. There's room to write a short bio and then you simply see pictures of women in your area. You swipe right if you like them and want to connect, left if you don't. There are some keys to standing out among the Tinder crowd and setting yourself apart from the rest of the guys on there. Giving us the details on how to do just that are Justin Jensen of The Art of Charm and Byron, an AOC graduate. We talk about how to best showcase your personality through your photos and also how to establish rapport and connection with the ladies you want to meet. Join us to hear all of that and more on this episode. More About This Show: Like so many other dating opportunities out there, Tinder offers a way to meet people you might not come across during your normal daily routine. And also like other dating outlets, there are ways to stand out on Tinder that will make plenty of women notice you and want to meet you. Two guys who have Tinder on lock, Justin and Byron, tell us a few ways you can showcase yourself as an extraordinary guy. The first thing they recommend is creating some interesting and engaging photos. This doesn't mean get Photoshop and make yourself into a male model (although that might work for a little while). It means taking photos of you being you, and then maybe adding a silly message or a tongue-in-cheek phrase at the bottom to grab her interest. Doing so also gives her a talking point when you message her. You want to create as much opportunity for banter as possible when you two connect on Tinder. Once your photos are up and she swipes right to say she's interested, it's up to you to open up that line of communication for the banter to begin. Don't wait for her, you've got to initiate. Most of the women on Tinder receive plenty of messages, and that's where your witty banter and personality-based photos will help you stand out from the crowd. Once conversation has been opened, you two are communicating and bantering has been happening, then you'll want to move it along to the actual offline date. If the banter vibe is working, strike while the iron is hot and give her your number. After she texts you, text her back to tell her you'll call to set up a date later. And then actually call her. Very few men on Tinder are actually calling the women they meet, so right there you're already a leg up. When you call, give her a couple of different days when you are available for your date. Be sure to take the lead: set the date, pick the venue and let her know you're in the lead. You'll establish yourself as confident in her eyes. And if you mix in some humor, you've got the top two things most women are looking for in a man (confidence followed by sense of humor). Those are just some of the tips and techniques Justin and Byron give us for mastering Tinder. Whether you're looking for first dates to hone your skills or you want to find your ideal match, they lay it all out here in this interview. Have a listen and then get to Tindering! Resources from this episode: Free ebook about using Tinder (from The Art of Charm) You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"A lot of the best stories are the ones you are most resistant to share." - Michael Simmons The Cheat Sheet: What are brokers and why are they uniquely successful? The most common mistake people make when posting online. How to use social media as an online story-telling platform. Michael's personal story on the power of connection. The ninja Soundcloud introduction hack and how to use it. How to build that network of kindred spirits, according to Michael. And so much more... Authentic connection. It seems to be a rare commodity today, especially in the online social media world. If you're like most people, you have that one friend online who is always bragging about how great his/her life is. They post pictures of their flashy car (or even just a flashy car, it doesn't have to be theirs) and their latest awesome vacation. They're a trophy wall poster. While we might be inclined to think a trophy wall makes someone cool, it actually has the opposite effect. And here to tell us why and the science behind that (and plenty more) is Michael Simmons of Forbes magazine. More About This Show: Michael is a writer for Forbes magazine and he's also an international keynote speaker, author, teacher and entrepreneur. He was also voted one of the Top 25 Under 25 by Business Week. Today he also writes for Forbes magazine on the topic of authentic relationship building in the age of social media and he spends hours on each article. Each piece is thoroughly explored, researched and backed up by various scientific studies and expert input. We talk about numerous aspects of networking in this episode, the first being the clusters in the networks you have. Most people think they have one big network, but in actuality we all have smaller clusters within our giant network. The greatest indicator of our success and anyone else's is how well connect those clusters. According to Ron Burt, an expert on networking, the most successful people in the world are those who connect people from their various clusters. To do this, you've got to establish your identity and connections within each cluster and then move to connect your connections. It's what Ron calls "brokering" and it is what makes people the most successful. One way to build your reputation is, of course, online through social media. But where most people fall down is using social media to brag and post about how great their lives are. They only post the "trophies" and the victories, not the struggles and challenges they overcame to get those "trophies". And Michael believes sharing authentically, vulnerably and courageously about those struggles and challenges along with the triumphs is what will actually deepen and strengthen your relationships.He cites a Princeton University study on authenticity to back this up as well as work produced by Abraham Tesser, an American psychologist and research professor with the University of Georgia. Another related topic we explore is his habit of making one introduction a day. He talks about the value this creates for others and how he uses a double opt-in introduction format for the most impact. There's plenty more Michael and I talk about in this like his 7 power networking habits to cultivate and how your own story makes you relatable online and in person. There's plenty of useful and applicable content in this episode, I hope you'll listen, digest and apply all the great takeaways we share. Thanks for listening. Resources from this episode: Michael's web site Michael on TwitterThe One Thing You Should Do After Meeting Anyone New, Michael's article on ForbesContactually Emerson Spartz You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"The truth is no matter what we want in this life, every single thing is learnable." - Arel Moodie The Cheat Sheet: Shaq has a legitimate PhD: true or false? What's the most crucial component of likability? What is one of the most common mistakes he sees people make? The opposite of happiness is ____? Here's a hint: it's NOT sadness. How to make the buying decision as easy as possible for your clients. A simple technique to answer the phone that will make people feel special. And so much more... Arel Moodie is a true rags to riches story. He climbed his way out of the projects in Brooklyn to become a keynote speaker at the White House, a millionaire and one of Inc Magazine's 30 Under 30. He's also contributed to Forbes, and delivered a TedX talk. All on the subject of likability. He joins The Art of Charm today to share with us what likability is, why it had such an impact on his upward mobility from the projects in Brooklyn and how to cultivate and authentically apply it in your personal and professional life. More About This Show: Being raised on public assistance and living in the slums of Brooklyn, there wasn't much opportunity around Arel. The only reason he saw it was possible to be more, do more and have more, was because his mom put him in every possible program the city made available. Over time, he went to affluent neighborhoods and saw people who spoke and looked like him who had wealth and influence. He decided he could and would have it too; he would embody the American Dream. He learned to connect with people, even when he couldn't offer them anything other than his undivided interest and his time, that's what he did. He made people feel their time and energy were so worthwhile, so naturally they gave more. And he discovered taking action on people's advice was also a key piece of creating a likable relationship with people. He soon found one of the ultimate keys to success in any connection: understanding people, empathizing and showing you care about the other person, that is the true essence of likability. Although he's certainly got likability down to an art form, he doesn't rest on his laurels. He believes we can always strive to be better and greater, no matter how good we are at something today. For example, competitive athletes who become known as the best in their game don't stop practicing because they're now the best. Not at all! Anyone who is great at anything continues to learn, grow and push themselves. So how can we take the art of likability and apply it to our everyday lives? When it comes to business, people buy YOU. People don't buy your product or your service, they buy you. People buy from people they know, like and trust. To create that bond, you have to get interested in what your customers are interested in. And you can find out what they're interested in by listening to them, listen for clues. What does your client love, what are they into at the moment? Then find a way to either give them a gift if it's appropriate or share something about that topic you learn. They'll appreciate that you cared enough to listen and to think of them. And in your personal life, Arel gives us a simple way to let someone know you care: imagine every person you meet today has a sign around their necks that read "Make Me Feel Special". Then ask yourself what you can do to make that person feel special. The more you do this, the better you'll become at it. There's plenty more Arel and I talk about, I hope you'll listen and digest all the great takeaways...and then start applying them to your life for greater likability and success in every area of your life. Resources from this episode: Arel's website Arel on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"Part of trust is being secure, not just with you as a couple but also within yourself." - The Art of Charm The Cheat Sheet: How long-distance becomes full-disclosure and why it's good. How to work backwards when you go from long distance to being in the same city. The benefits of long-distance. Why admitting you miss her is so important. Women and plants: the correlation. Why women dig it when you remember details about their lives. And so much more... Most people will tell you long-distance relationships never work. But what if you've met an incredible woman and the only way you can be together is long-distance and you want to give it a shot? What do you do then? In this episode, I talk with Kim Seltzer, a trained therapist, about how to navigate the waters of a long-distance relationship and how to make it work. We talk about the 3 phases of dating, what factors to evaluate when considering moving in with someone, behaviors that are red flags in you and in the woman you're dating, why trust is so vital and how to communicate to keep your connection no matter how far apart you are physically. More About This Show: I put myself on the hot seat for this one! With Kim, I talk about my long-distance relationship that is soon to become a same-city relationship. My girlfriend is moving back to LA and we're talking about moving in together. Because the majority of our relationship has happened while we've been in different cities, I had a lot of concerns and questions I wanted to bring up. Like even though it's practical, is it really a good idea to move in together if we've almost always been in two different cities? What if this relationship isn't moving on the timeline I would've picked? It isn't all about me though; we also talk about some basic relationship issues like communication, trust and red flags to look out for when dating. Although we've talked about it before on the show, the topic of moving in together seems to be common. Kim and and I speculate the reason so many couples who live together first eventually divorce may be because there's really nothing to signal the significant event of marriage. When you live together you just separate your stuff, you move out and you're done. Going from this I-always-have-an-out option to marriage is a tough transition because there's really nothing that signals that big change. But if you don't live together first and then you marry and move in together, the massive change all happens at once because of the wedding ceremony (but not really of course). Suddenly it's real and it's forever and you take it more seriously than when you just lived together. Another topic is the phases of dating, in response to my concern about the ideal dating timeline. The three phases, according to Kim, are: Courting phase: This is the cat and mouse chase. This is when the guy gets girl, the girl wants the guy to chase her. Pure dating phase: This is when you've been dating for a few months. At this point you're exclusive and you're figuring out if you're compatible for the long-term. Full-blown relationship: This is when you're moving towards partnership, marriage, the forever kind of situation. One thing Kim pointed out about these phases is that if you're good at one - like most guys are good at courting - you're probably weak in another phase, like the full-blown relationship. If that's you, working on yourself and listening to this show (attending one of our programs *ahem*), are all good ways to strengthen your abilities in the other dating phases. Now if you're dating a woman and you want to evaluate yourself and her before moving into one of those latter phases, how do you know what to look out for? What are some red flags? Here are a few we talk about: You must know what you both want. Communication is huge so you have to talk about what you both are looking for in this relationship. And that leads into talking about the longer-term picture: do you both want children? do you both want to get married? etc. Look at your values: do you see money, religion, and work the same way, etc? Does she have a career and want to keep it after marriage and you start a family? If not, why not? Your social lives: is one of you more social than the other? This is especially challenging if you go from a long-distance to same-city/living together situation. Suddenly she has no one but you. It's something to think about. Obviously those are all important considerations and factors to weigh when you're looking at your relationship, whether it's long-distance or you're in the same city. And so much of that list is dependent on communication. As guys we're not the first ones to offer up our feelings, but that is one of the best ways to make sure the woman you're dating or your girlfriend (or wife) knows how you really feel about her. This is even more critical in long-distance relationships because you aren't spending time together and you can't rely on the physical aspect of the relationship to show your feelings. There is tremendous strength in being vulnerable and showing her how you feel. Periodically telling her you care, you miss her and you're thinking of her are important in any relationship, but again especially when you're long-distance. Whether it's with a phone call, a text or a Skype chat will show her you care, you'll feel good expressing yourself and she'll feel good hearing those words from you. It becomes a positive circle that grows and strengthens your relationship, even if you live in the same city. This is actually critical if you are in a long-distance relationship, it is what will keep you together. And it'll help if you start to feel jealous. The most important thing to remember about jealousy is this: if you feel secure in who you are, you can feel secure in a relationship and not be threatened by every guy who talks to her or she hangs out with. Jealousy needlessly screws up a lot of relationships because one (or both) of the two people aren't secure in their own self and it shows up in the relationship. This is of course absolutely true of long-distance relationships. Any insecurity is going to poison the relationship than you can stop it. While this episode was devoted to the topic of long-distance relationships, so much of the content applies to any and all types of relationships. Whether you're dating, in a relationship or in a committed long-term situation, I hope you found valuable content you can take action on to get what you want out of your love life. Resources from this episode: Kim's web site Kim on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"The best indicator of a successful tomorrow is having a successful day today, that's the only thing." - James Altucher The Cheat Sheet: Why starting a business is better than going to college. Anyone can take the bar exam in California: true or false? US economics in 3 minutes. Where is the money in today's economy and is there enough? James' "Choose Yourself Message": what it is, how and why to apply it to your life. The story of how he thwarted a $30 million financial fraud. And so much more... Could you get more education from starting and failing at a business than from going to college? If someone said to you sending an 18 year old to college is like sending an 18 year old to Vietnam, would you agree? That's James Altucher believes and he's our guest for episode 300. Having founded over 20 companies along with creating and publishing 11 books, James Altucher knows a few things about how the world works and he doesn't see the necessity of college for most people. Today James and I talk about alternatives to college and why they are important to thriving in today's economy, how the American Dream has gone through a death and a rebirth, how to choose yourself everyday and how James stopped a $30 million financial fraud...accidentally. More About This Show: Although he is not in favor of college for the average person, James did attend undergraduate and graduate school. He's an alum of Cornell for his undergrad degree in computer science and he earned his graduate degree at Carnegie Mellon, also in computer science. Despite this stellar education, James' programming skills were so limited his first employer sent him to a remedial school to get up to speed. Although his programming skills were eventually brought up to par, James went the entrepreneurial route. In fact, it's a route he considers to be far more valuable than a college degree for most people. If you start and fail at a business, you will learn just as much or MORE than if you would have gone to school for a college degree, according to James. He believes starting a business is the best alternative to spending thousands, even hundreds of thousands dollars in debt for a degree you may not use later on life. Another alternative he offers is to actually work in the field you want to go into. Want to be a doctor? Go work in a hospital changing bedpans for six months. If you still want to heal the sick and be in medicine, go to school for it. Think you want to be a lawyer? Go work in a law firm and see if you still like it at the end of summer. If you don't, at least you didn't waste your time and a lot of money on a legal degree. You need to do this before investing your time and money into a degree that you hate is because America's economy has shifted. No longer are there a plethora of middle management jobs. According to James that entire layer of the US economy has fallen to the wayside. While that may raise some eyebrows and some concerns, he says there is still plenty of money and innovation in our country. It would benefit everyone to explore other options instead of trying to hang on to work that is no longer there. And that's where self-care can be such a powerful tool. Instead of fretting over things you can't control and worrying about how to network your way to the top as the old mindset teaches, James believes in focusing on four areas of life every day to ensure you're healthy and happy on the inside. Everything external comes from your internal state so take care of the internal and the external will get taken care of too. Our conversation on the topic of skipping college and alternatives to higher education may be a controversial one but it's a discussion worth having. As always, we don't leave you hanging! We point out alternatives and options if you decide not to go or not to send your kids to college. Check the resources section for a complementary copy of James' 50 Alternatives To College for even more suggestions. There's plenty more Ted and I talk about, I hope you'll listen and digest all the great takeaways...and then start applying them to your life for self-mastery. Resources from this episode: James' web site James on TwitterJames' books You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"I can't control what happens outside of me, but I can control what happens on the inside." -Ted Ryce The Cheat Sheet: What was it like to see his brother's murderer executed? Ted's warrior mindset and how it has served him. The principles of resilience. Why aerobics and yoga can be beneficial, even to men. What is stress inoculation and why is important? And so much more... Today it's bordering on trendy to blame your early childhood for your present day screw-ups. For some, their dad wasn't around enough or their mom didn't hug them enough. But there are those people who truly experienced harrowing childhoods, the kind that could (and by all accounts should) - really mess you up into a non-functional human being. And yet there are stories of triumph from those who rise above to lead happy, healthy and impactful lives. Such is the case for our guest on episode 299, Ted Ryce, fitness expert and martial arts competitor. In this show, Ted talks candidly and powerfully about the impact of the kidnapping and murder of his young brother Jimmy, as well as his mom's mental illness and abusive treatment of him and his subsequent personal journey. We also discuss how all of those experiences helped Ted become a warrior in mind, body and spirit and to discover the resiliency tools he uses today to create a life of fulfillment and joy. More About This Show: When he was only 14, Ted's mother was killed in a car accident. After the birth of his sister, she became mentally ill but was never properly diagnosed or treated. Around that same time, she began beating Ted. Naturally, he was pretty distraught about the loss of his mother. He was angry and sad and lashed out as teenagers do: he skipped school, experimented with sex and drugs and even stole the family car and ran away. As he says, his high school days were all about sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. But he did enough to get through high school and get into college, where he began to enjoy himself. Still the rebel, he skipped class but was earning A's in his courses and working on subjects he enjoyed. One day, while skipping class, he went to his friend's house to see his little brother, Jimmy, after school. Ted's parents were on vacation and Jimmy was staying at Ted's friend's house. When Ted arrived, Jimmy wasn't there and had missed a piano lesson that day; all of that activity was unusual for him because he was a punctual and on-point kid. Eventually the police were called in and then the FBI. Search teams were sent out to look for Jimmy and people were questioned, especially Ted and the rest of his family members. Susan Smith had recently been arrested for drowning her children and lying about it to authorities and in the media, so the FBI wasn't going to overlook a potential family member's role in Jimmy's abduction. Despite their interrogation tactics, the FBI turned up no leads. The search parties found no trace of Jimmy for 3 months. Until one day a neighborhood woman realized she was missing some jewelry and a handgun. She suspected her farmhand of stealing them and went to the trailer he was living in on her property to look for the missing items. She didn't find her jewelry or handgun, but she found Jimmy's backpack and one of Jimmy's missing person's flyers in it. The farmhand was arrested and, after numerous wild goose chases and tall tales, he finally confessed to kidnapping, murdering and disposing of Jimmy's body. Ted and his family were distraught. The case went to trial the next year; Ted left college, stopped eating and generally didn't function even in the most basic sense of the word. It took several years before he even began to turn his life around. And he believes he was only able to do so because of martial arts and fitness. He found principles and tools in each of those areas which have helped him not just cope with his horrible loss, but also find empathy and compassion for others. What he has learned from training his body and the mental discipline of martial arts is the joy and happiness that comes from serving people and how to help those who need it AND are willing to work for it. In this episode, we talk about Ted's early life of course because it was so crucial in his path, but also how he applies nutrition, fitness and the principles of resilience to lead a warrior's life. Ted's message is a powerful one and he shares it from his heart, it's one of the many reasons I wanted to have him on the show. There's plenty more Ted and I talk about, I hope you'll listen and digest all the great takeaways...and then start applying them to your life for self-mastery. Resources from this episode: Ted's web site Ted on Twitter The Susan Smith Case You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"It's never going to be perfect, I'm never going to have all the answers and I don't want all the answers because that would be boring!" - Jesse Elder The Cheat Sheet: How he fought and won a dojo? The acid test: how to use it for success in any area of your life. His merit-based approach to dating. What is a need-free connection and how can you cultivate it? Money makes us ___. Jesse fills in the blank. And so much more! What can we learn from a "Fight Club"esque fighter/former bouncer turned martial arts school owner turned multi-million dollar businessman about self-mastery? Plenty. Jesse Elder is a present day successful entrepreneur and business man who started his career in the underground bar fight scene and learned some startling self-mastery lessons along the way. He joins The Art of Charm to share his lessons, his keen insights and authentic views on life, love and business. More About This Show: Jesse's path began like it does for many people: he took martial arts as a kid. He loved it and by the age of 15, he was teaching courses. He had the benefit of having teachers who were always happy to get out of the way once they had given the help that was needed and Jesse thrived on that support. By 17 and 18, he was competing and quite successfully so. Around this time, the UFC was gaining in popularity and one of his local clubs began to offer bar fight night on Thursdays. They rolled out a wrestling mat on the dance floor and whoever wanted to, could step into the ring. He thought this was an opportunity he would regret not seizing so he went for it. And that first night, he entered two fights and won both. A new path opened up for him; in addition to bouncing and teaching, he started fighting regularly and built up a reputation. One summer in particular, he simply kept winning. Until he faced one particular opponent. This man was 40 pounds heavier than Jesse and, unbeknownst to Jesse, was greased up with Vaseline. No matter what Jesse did, he couldn't get a handle on this guy and couldn't bring him down. For three full rounds, he sparred and tried his very best but to no avail. Jesse could not bring him down and Jesse lost, in front of hundreds of people including friends, family, and his students. When Jesse left the match, he told his crew to take him to the hospital because he couldn't breath. It felt like he was sucking air through a coffee straw. At the hospital, the doctor told him his nose was moved over an inch from where it should be, he had a concussion and his left lung was collapsed. But as Jesse sat there taking it all in and seeing what his family and friends who were waiting for him were going through, he asked himself: How I am doing right now? And the strange part was his answer: I am fine. Jesse thought, who is this I if I am fine? He understood it wasn't his body, which was racked with pain, but the energy that animated his body. For so long he had associated himself with his body, but now he understood he was far more than that. He also got that he couldn't change someone else's experiences. He saw his friends and family going through what they were going through when he was in the hospital, but he couldn't change that for them. It was their own independent experience to have. That was one of his first lessons in self-mastery. That moment in the hospital was absolutely pivotal for him. He stopped caring what others thought of him, and started seeing other people as an extension of himself. Within a year, he opened his own martial arts school and sought out successful mentors to help him understand the business side of things, he knew nothing about sales or marketing. He soon understood his success wasn't going to rely on how great of a martial artist Jesse was, but how well he served others. Not long he understood and implemented those practices, the business was earning six figures a year, then six figures a month and about the time Jesse sold it, the business was reaching six figures a WEEK. So why would he walk away from that? That brings us to his second lesson in self-mastery: he realized he was done with it. It was time to move on to the next thing, the next phase of his life. He sold his business to a partner and walked away from it because he wanted to work with people outside of (or not just within) the martial arts world. Soon after, he started coaching. His first program was done all via grassroots marketing efforts, meaning he sent people private messages on various social media outlets about the program and enthusiastically encouraging them to sign up! There was no funnel system, no landing page, none of that. He simply had the idea to go for it one day after he posted a video about self-mastery and got tons of great feedback. He wanted to help people upgrade their lives, in any and all areas. And that's exactly what he does today and why he joined us for episode 298. There's so much more Jesse and I talk about, I hope you'll listen and digest all the great takeaways in this show...and then start applying them to your life for self-mastery. Resources from this episode: Jesse's web site Jesse on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"The definition I use for networking is anything that increases the value of your network and/or the value you contribute to it. " - Derek Coburn The Cheat Sheet: Who you'll really meet at big networking events. Why successful networking is a lot like successful dating. What to ask yourself before you make an email introduction. Permission marketing: what is it, why you should use it and how. How to put together your own 20-25 person networking group. And so much more! Is networking a thing of the past? Or is there a new 3.0 version we can put into practice to make a difference in the lives of everyone in our circles? Derek Coburn is a master networker and author of Networking Is Not Working. He believes there is a better, natural way to fulfill the art of networking. He joins us for episode 296 to talk about what works, what doesn't work and how successful people network differently than the typical "big event" style. More About This Show: The concept behind networking has evolved and through over the decades, but most people are stuck in the "what can you do for me?" networking era. Some of those people have read books on the next level up of networking or the "how can I help you now so you help me later?" genre. But neither of those apply to what Derek says networking is. To him, networking is about connecting with others in your circles so everyone is enriched in the process. And this is most definitely something that happens outside of those big box-type networking events. Derek says you don't need those events and they probably won't do much to help you expand your relationships, your business/career path or any other area of your life. For the most part, they are useless. Why is that? Because, according to him, no one is who any good at networking is actually going to those events. The best and the most successful networkers won't be there. Derek goes on to explain the various versions of networking (1.0, 2.0 and 3.0) and why 3.0 is where it's at it today. According to Derek, in version 3.0 you can truly make yourself stand out among anyone else by adding value to all of your relationships through networking. That's the power of 3.0. A great example he gives is his 3 for 1's as he calls them. In the past, if he had a set of 4 tickets to a sporting event or a tournament he was sponsoring, Derek would invite 3 of his clients and the four of them would hang out together. Sounds great right? Sure, it was a good time for all of them. But Derek realized his clients would have an even better time if they were there with their friends, not a couple of guys they didn't know very well. So from then on, he began giving away 3 tickets for every 1. He gave his client a ticket to an event and then told him to invite 3 of his buddies and have a good time. Naturally, his clients loved him all the more for it. When Derek and his wife started the CADRE group, they wanted to help members gain referrals. Instead of just asking for referrals, they created an email template they could send out to anyone they wanted to invite to an introductory session. Even if you don't have your own business, you can take the principles of both of these examples and apply them to your life. Derek is always thinking about how to benefit others in his life and how he can make their life more enjoyable and more fulfilling. By adding value to their lives, they remember him and return his generosity. Think about: who do you know amongst your circles who would benefit from knowing each other? Derek also shares with us the proper way to make those introductions and pave the way for a clear connection between your two people. There's a definite way to make fruitful introductions and a way NOT to! Derek walks us through his thought process before doing so and we talk about introductions we've made on each other's behalf and what we'd do differently next time. There's plenty more to discover from Derek in this episode. He truly is a masterful networker and connector who has taught me a TON and I know he'll do the same for you. Have a listen and let me know what you think in the comments or send me an email! Resources from this episode: Derek's web site Cadre DC Why Networking Is Not Working You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"Most people feel under-appreciated so if you want to make huge jumps up the career ladder, start treating other people as if you own the company.. " - John Ruhlin If you've ever been that guy who gave his wife or significant other a vacuum cleaner for your anniversary - and you thought it was a great present - than this episode is for you. John Rulin, our guest for show 294, has made a success out of understanding the art of appreciation and gift giving. In this episode, John talks to us about the secret behind his still-unbroken record as Cutco's top salesman ever, how to be an amazing gift giver and how gifting can open doors in business and personal relationships, how to apply gifting in business, your own relationships and marriage, how John nearly died proposing to his wife and how to cultivate thoughtfulness and creativity in the gifting process. More About This Show: John's career really began with the company Cutco. For those of you who haven't heard of this company, it's a cutlery company that has the (according to John) best in class product, these are some of the finest knives in the world. And Cutco offers a top of the line training program for anyone who joins the company to sell. They've been around for over 60 years and John still holds the record for most sales made. And he attributes his success at Cutco and beyond, with understanding the value in appreciating others through gift giving. The finer details of this show include: The artifact of the relationship: what does that mean and why should you know? The 6:1 ratio: what it is and how to apply it for success in every area of your life. True or False: he was good at gift-giving in business, terrible at gifting in his home life. The wild tale of how John ended up in the ICU when he proposed to his now-wife. The appreciation plan: what it is, how to do it and why it's important. And so much more! So is there some secret to gift giving that John stumbled on or is it a super power he was simply born with and has tapped into? John says it's very much a muscle that anyone can learn to flex and use with the proper preparation and focus. Growing up, he was one of six kids on a farm in Ohio. His family never had a lot of money so gifts were incredibly rare and special. But it wasn't until he was in college and working for Cutco that he saw the true potential in the art of the perfect gift. He approached his then-girlfriend's father, Paul, who was known to be a generous gifter to his clients. John pitched him the idea of giving Cutco pocket knives to his clients. Paul asked if he could engrave the knives. John was puzzled. He agreed, if Paul would tell him why he wanted engraving. Paul's response was: "If you take care of the whole family, everything else will take care of itself." What he learned from Paul was how to be memorable with clients, how to stand out with people who already get gifts and how to gifting can make a considerable difference in all relationships, from business to personal. A great example of how John would do this: he'd find a CEO he wanted to connect with, then the CEO's wife name. He'd take a carving set and engrave the wife's name on it. Then he'd write a note that would accompany the carving set, it would say: "Carve out 5 minutes for me, I promise it'll be worth it." Naturally, John would land a meeting with the CEO. The CEO would be impressed with John's youth and fortitude. John would further cement that strong impression by explaining to the CEO how they'd set up employee appreciation programs. And John would typically get the CEO's business. Over time, John began to see that most of his clients were Type A business men, men who were terrible at gift giving both at home and at work. He realized he could capitalize on this by creating a company solely focused on appreciation and gift-giving. He has since trademarked the term Appreciative Leadership. And today he and his team speak, teach and consult for million dollar companies to 20 billion dollar companies, as well as professional sports teams. They help these people understand and implement ways to stand out and be memorable in any and all facets of their lives. So how do you apply gifting in your own relationships, business and personal? John says as humans we have to have something tangible to remember each other by, photographs are okay but they tend to get put away and forgotten. A memorable gift, however, can stay with someone for a lifetime. There is a subconscious effect of giving: we're all built for reciprocity. Take a look at a meeting of any heads of state, especially Asian cultures but really across all countries. When heads of state meet each other they offer gifts. The item you give is a token of how much you value the relationship. In business, how much is it worth to you to have your clients take your phone call? If it's worth a lot, giving a memorable and thoughtful gift is the perfect way to assure they'll pick up when you call. In your romantic relationships, many women speak the language of gifts. If you really understand why women want a big ring when you get married, you'll understand why they value presents so much. To them the ring you give her (and other gifts before and after), are a symbol of how much you value her. She feels validated every time she looks at that ring. Even if you aren't at the ring stage, a thoughtful gift will have a similar effect: if you give her something that shows you understand and cherish her, every time she sees that thing she'll be left with that feeling. And after you do get married, the gift-giving shouldn't stop there. In fact, that should be the beginning. Marriage is much like running a business, it's work but it's worthwhile in that you'll get out of it what you put into it. And giving thoughtful gifts on special occasions and NOT so-special occasions will be a worthwhile investment. If gifts are so important, how can you start giving good? John says to start by making a list of your key relationships on paper. Then jot down the short-term and long-term value (monetary if it's a business relationship) of each. Next you're going to write down everything you know that makes them tick, brings them joy, their most important people, etc. The more info you have on them on paper, the more you'll be able to do with that information when it comes to finding appreciation gifts. John has a few rules of thumb he follows. In business, he never gives a gift between Thanksgiving and Christmas. He says everyone gives gifts then and they're always the same tired gifts of wine, fruit, etc. In his personal relationships, he says to pick at least 2-3 dates a year that are not birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day occasions. Those are typical gift-giving days, you want to find a few atypical dates. These atypical dates are when you will send flowers, chocolates, or some other little memento to say "I love you, I'm thinking about you." This is the only time you're allowed to send the typical flowers and chocolate-type gifts. These surprise gifts will go along way in your relationships. There's plenty more advice and gift-giving guidelines in this episode with John. Please join me in thanking him for being here and generously giving of his time, talents and experiences. He's a goldmine in every sense of the word, I hope from now on your gifts reflect what you learned here with him! Resources from this episode: John's web site John's Business site John on Twitter You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"When I started seeing myself as I actually am and allowing other people to see that too, I started feeling more powerful. " - Michael Port Can acting teach us more about life, being human and getting real with each other? Indeed it can according to our guest for show 293, Michael Port. Michael has been on such notable TV shows and films as Sex and The City, Law & Order, Third Watch and The Pelican Brief. He's a highly sought after keynote speaker and New York Times best-selling author of several books, including Book Yourself Solid. Today he's taking what he learned from his television and movie days and applying it to the written word and to the speaking stage and he joins us to share all that and more on this edition of The Art of Charm. More About This Show: By most accounts, Michael achieved success in his acting career: he was being cast on multiple top TV shows and landing roles in hit movies. But it wasn't working for him, and he got out of the "biz". Looking back on it now, he says he was impatient and didn't do the work he needed to do to get those juicy roles he really wanted. He'll also tell you doing this was his own form of self-sabotage; he shot himself in the foot with a poor attitude. And that poor attitude was his way of controlling the outcome. He was so passionate about being a great actor that he was afraid if he really went for it and didn't get it, he'd have failed. To avoid that, he simply made up excuses and didn't do the necessary work to get the roles he wanted the most. Michael's learned from that time in his life, and today he leaves everything he has in the room or on the stage when he speaks. He is done pretending he doesn't care anymore, now people know how much he's going to give. And acting actually helps him do so. He says he does this (and you can too) by amplifying different parts of his personality so he can develop a character appropriate for particular scenes. He understands the backstory, the situation, the conflict and the resolution; and by doing so, he can increase the conflict in a positive way. In other words, he allows himself to become the person he needs to be and to risk what needs to be risked to achieve his goals. He knows the more risk taken, the more profound the experience of achieving that goal. The finer details of this show include: Where did the concepts in Book Yourself Solid originally come from? The two reasons he is called "the uncommonly honest author". What's the key to the roles we play in life? The first rule of improv: what is it and why should you care? Why he'll never hire someone who plays the devil's advocate. And so much more! How do you take greater and greater risks to raise the stakes in your own life? How do you reach that resolution and fulfill on your goals? By making really big, public promises. If you don't make big promises and don't fulfill them, nothing happens. The risk is all in that promise. no matter what you do for a living. If you make a promise that is just bigger than you think you can deliver, then you're in an exciting and compelling place. Now you'll have to reach up to deliver on that the promise you made. And when you do, you'll be center stage. And this applies to every area of your life: relationships, business, all of it. Michael says you stay center stage by adopting the first rule of improv: always be a "yes and" person. What he means by that is keeping the energy of a situation alive. Don't be a naysayer, a doubter or play devil's advocate. If you think someone's idea or new concept is crazy, there's a way to help them critically think about it without raining on their parade. And it all starts with saying "yes and". Is that the same as being a "yes man"? No, according to Michael. There's a difference between being a "yes and" person and being a "yes man". If you're simply a "yes man" (or woman), you go along with anything in any scenario. If you're a "yes and" person you jump into the energy of the situation and keep it moving forward, while still being aware of what's happening around you. That's where things get interesting in life! One final topic we discuss is Michael's eating disorder and how it spurred his growth and his ability to connect with others. For twenty years, he was a compulsive binge eater who managed to hide his secret. Til one day he had had enough. He was done; he would no longer eat his "trigger" foods and that was that. From that day forward, his life changed. His income doubled that year because he wasn't playing small by hiding out. He also noticed a rather interesting occurrence: when he would share something personal about himself (like his eating disorder) with others, in return they would be vulnerable and open up to him. It was that turning point that showed him the true strength in vulnerability and how being open and candid allows you to authentically connect with others. You instantly become more relatable and trustworthy, with everyone in every setting. On the show today, he had one final message to share with you: keep thinking big about who you are and what you offer the world; together we can do a lot more for the world than we can do alone. Please join me in thanking him for being a part of The Art of Charm, and let him know you heard his message loud and clear. Resources from this episode: Michael's web site Michael on TwitterBook Yourself Solid The Think Big Manifesto The Contrarian Effect Beyond Booked Solid You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcast HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!

"The tools and skills you need to protect yourself are things you come equipped with." - Tony Blauer If it came down to it, could you defend yourself or a loved one in a street fight? Would martial arts save the day? Probably not says our guest for episode 292, Tony Blauer. Tony is a self-defense expert and options facilitator who teaches people (from law enforcement to civilians) how to defend themselves in an ambush scenario, like being held up at an ATM or a thief in your house. And he teaches people without using any martial arts. In this show he talks about simple ways to pay attention to your intuition, read an attacker's intention and get yourself out of trouble…and plenty more. More About This Show: I originally met Tony a few years ago when I took his class while at a Counter-Terrorism Summit; it was awesome. Tony is the head of Blauer Tactical Systems (TBS), a leading consulting company that specializes in the research and development of close quarter tactics & scenario-based training. As the leader of TBS, Tony has developed systems like S.P.E.A.R. and High Gear, and many other programs. As part of his work, for the last two decades Tony has studied the body's physiology to find out what is in our genetic wiring that has allowed us to survive when other species perished. He says part of it is your startle response. When it is working in conjunction with your instinctive intuitive system, it alerts you to danger and creates awareness so you can take appropriate action. In this show, Tony and I discuss how to hone those physical survival instincts and awareness, why martial arts doesn't work and might even get you killed, when to listen to that bad feeling you've having because it may save your life, how to devalue yourself as a victim and how to manage fear to get a better read on the situation you're in. Honing those survival instincts is the first key to protecting and defending yourself and your loved ones. But you do need to practice using it. Fear is like fitness, you can exercise it according to Tony. In that respect, fear is good for you. If you face it and confront it, you get stronger and your fear management skill set becomes more adept. If that's true, then why doesn't practicing martial arts work? Because when fear kicks in, the part of the human brain that gets activated is the amygdala and the cognitive centers of the brain get bypassed. And where is your martial arts training is stored? You guessed it, the cognitive regions. In other words, when fear kicks in you don't have time to think and you react instinctively. That's why Tony says you must rehearse any of the strategies he gives you. They are abilities you already have, you just need to hone and practice them before you're actually attacked. The finer details of this show include: It's not who's right in a fight but who's ___. Tony fills in the blank. How to avoid the victim mindset. What's your reticular cortex and why does it matter? The person attacking you wants 1 of 3 things: what are they? Tony and I share our personal stories about how we avoided being victims. And so much more! When it comes to dealing with any situation where you're in danger, Tony recommends the 3 Ds: detect. defuse. defend. The first step is to detect the threat. Did you get a bad feeling? If so, now it's time to defuse the situation. This is where you will shift the power by using your verbal skills. You'll say something that gets in their head so you have time to shift psychological gears and better defend yourself. The verbal defusing is where you devalue yourself as a victim. One scenario Tony gives is this: if someone confronts you with a knife and wants your wallet, say "Hey that's an awesome knife, I collect them. I'm going to give you my pants and my wallet and buy that knife from you." That would obviously throw off your attacker, it's not a response they'd be expecting. By throwing them off, you buy yourself time to evaluate the situation further. Does it seem like they are backing down or do they not care that you just offered to buy their knife? If they're backing down, continue the verbal defusing. But if they haven't paused at all based on your response, you know they want more than just your wallet and they may be trying to kidnap or kill you. That's when you need to know how to physically fight back by gouging someone's eyes, and any other number of practical self-defense moves Tony's team will teach you. And while using the 3 D's to get yourself out of the situation, fear management will play a big role. Tony says it is possible to stay calm when faced with a frightening scenario like being attacked. The Golden Rule of self-defense, according to Tony, is accept what is happening. There's tremendous comfort in denying what is a scary situation but the sooner you accept what's really going on, the sooner you can take action and get out of harm's way. It's a natural human process to deny the fear: it's called cognitive dissonance. Your brain can't rectify the reality of the situation and so it makes excuses to keep you comfortable and keep you feeling like you're safe, even when you are not. When you do realize you aren't safe, Tony says you have to fight back: those who fight back are more successful than those who cooperate in 100% of cases. Tony is a master at the science of self-defense and reading dangerous situations; it was terrific to have him on the show and get his insider knowledge on how to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. Resources from this episode: Tony's web site Tony on Twitter Tony's videos on YouTube I Am Alpha's web site I Am Alpha on YouTube You'll also like: -The Art of Charm Toolbox -Best of The Art of Charm Podcas HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dug this episode, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from all the fluff out there. FEEDBACK + PROMOTION Hit us up with your comments and guest suggestions. We read EVERYTHING. Email jordanh@theartofcharm.com Give us a call at 888.413.7177 Stay Charming!