Save The Marriage Podcast | How To Save Your Marriage | How To Stop Your Divorce

This post may be a bit. . . confrontational.  But let me be clear that change requires a change.  Something must shift.  A new perspective must develop.  And personal growth is part of that. Here’s why I think this topic today is so important:  on an almost daily basis, I hear from clients by email […]

You’ve been working hard.  You’ve been trying to make some personal changes, growing and expanding yourself.  You’ve been trying to build a connection with your spouse, slowly and steadily. You feel good about what you are doing.  You believe you are gaining grown. But then, your spouse doesn’t notice any change at all! What happened? […]

When a crisis strikes, we all have a tendency to get stuck in the “What Happened” loop. We keep going over and over the details, looking for what we missed along the way, looking for the places things could be different. Many times, we are trying to re-write history, to make it have happened differently, […]

So, what DO you do when apathy strikes?  It might be YOUR apathy.  But more likely, it will be your spouse’s apathy.  It just seems there is no emotion, no care, no concern. What IS apathy? What does it mean? Why does it happen? And most importantly, what can you do about it? This week, […]

A fight.  An affair.  An indiscretion.  An argument.  Some event. Suddenly, someone announces “this is over.” You may point to that event, the moment when things seemed to turn upside down. But that event was just that:  an event.  It was a “tipping point.”  Almost always, there was a long, slow climb to the top […]

So many times, I hear couples say, “Stop Controlling ME!”  Interestingly, sometimes, both people are saying it to the other.  BOTH people are not likely to get very far in controlling.  But BOTH claim a controlling spouse, while NEITHER accepts being controlling. Why is that? From my perspective, people spend a great deal of energy […]

Have you ever noticed how often we want an easy answer? Sometimes, people ask for my help, and I start giving some guidelines, offering my System.  It turns out they didn’t want that.  They tell me, “No, can you just give me a couple of tips?” I can give tips on how to boil an […]

There are lots of mistakes people make in their efforts to save their marriage.   This particular mistake is what I consider to be the 3rd biggest.  I hear it in the questions people send me every single week. In fact, I hear this mistake probably 3 or more times each day.  And here is […]

Is your marriage on life support?  You keep watching as the life slowly leaks away from your relationship.  Maybe you feel powerless to turn it around.  But is it too late? When a marriage gets into trouble, there are 4 distinct levels to the crisis (this is not the same as the Stages I note […]

There are 5 very typical, and destructive, problems in many marriages. And yes, these are the problems that MANY people report.  Yes, they are painful and hurtful. BUT, they are not really the problems.  They are the symptoms of the problem. Let’s call these problems the 5 C’s of marital problems, and then lets discuss […]

It matters.  Your efforts to save your marriage.  They matter.  Your desire to work things through, to find a better way for your relationship.  It matters. When you are in the midst of the struggle, it can feel horrible.  You can get frustrated and discouraged, forget the reasons why you are doing it, and be […]

Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, “why am I even arguing over this?  It doesn’t matter”? I ask, because I have had that experience MANY times in my life, both with my wife and with others. It is tragic […]

You start working to save your marriage.  You are working on rebuilding the connection.  You have been trying to change and improve yourself.  You’ve been focused.  You’ve been putting in the effort. And then, your spouse says, “Too little, too late.” The bubble is burst, the sail’s deflated.  Another kick in the gut. And you […]

Which way are you facing in your relationship?  Are you looking toward where you want to be, or looking back at where you have been? I’ve noticed that as a rule, when I am driving my car, I am better served by looking out the windshield than looking in my rear-view mirror or turning around […]

It is not about “communication,” no matter what you hear (from friends or a therapist).  Most people communicate just fine.  They have another issue:  perception.  How they perceive each other, that is the bigger issue. And then the trap is laid. Perception and connection.  They create a downward spiral (unless you escape it) that traps […]