2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

It's never too early to give your kids a good education about what it will be like to enter the working world. If you're a 911 operator, an air traffic controller, or a semi-truck driver, there's no better time to get your kid acquainted with what you do every day at work. So, put them right behind the wheel, let them land planes and let them take the next emergency call to deliver a baby.

If you've been missing the days of lusting over your Lesbian gym teacher in high school...then it's time to join the gym again! Make sure you sign up for the workout lessons with the hot Lesbian trainer who will make your legs "burn". Hopefully, everyone will get sweaty enough for a post-workout shower. Hot.

With age comes wisdom. When you're young you might think that a woman with two vaginas sounds like a rockin' good time. As you get older, however, you start to think about the down side of having two vaginas. Not only will you have permanent hand cramps and a swollen tongue trying to get her off, but you'll have to spend twice as much on menstrual supplies and you'll have to protect yourself from two bouts of PMS every single month.

Gay Pride season is right around the corner, which means that it's never too early to start thinking about having your own money-making booth that you can travel with to Pride Festivals across the country to earn a little extra cash. To really succeed, however, you'll need something unique that will set you apart from the competition. This year, leave the rainbow bracelets behind and get ready to Vajazzle.

Going on a cruise can be a good time even if you never get off the boat but to get the most out of your trip you'll definitely want to schedule some interesting shore excursions. Just make sure that you buy your from a reputable company so that you don't get ripped off. Otherwise, instead of sledding with the huskies across the frozen tundra, you could be cuddling with a pack of mongrels from the pound with blue contacts in their eyes.

These days it take a lot more skill to be a newscaster than just being able to be able to read the stories on the Teleprompter. These days you not only need to pick out your own clothes, but you also need to be able to annunciate properly. You have to make sure that when you're saying "horseshoes" that someone doesn't think you're saying "whore shoes".

When you go out to the club to go dancing, you definitely don't want to leave home without your Gaydar and a fresh set of batteries. Put that in your left pocket and then put your Stripper-radar in your right pocket. These days it's not enough to be able to pick out the strippers by their heels alone.

Everyone enjoys some good bathroom reading now and again. Just don't be alarmed if you're sitting down at the crapper and you see that your wife has lovingly placed the latest issue of "Divorce Magazine" on the top of your reading pile. I'm sure she meant nothing by it.

Being a good writer takes a lot of creativity, hours of time and a ton of hard work. You have to think about the plot line, character development and all the details that keep readers interested enough to continue turning the pages. It's not a skill that you are born with or that you can learn overnight. Dashing your hopes of becoming famous, however, takes only a single moment of criticism from someone that doesn't even like to read.

According to the National Institute of Health, approximately 5% of people will develop a chronic phobia in their lifetime. That number could be understated, however. The NIH may not be taking into account the specific phobias that plague the LGBT community. Simply by counting the one most common affliction, Exophobia - the fear of exes, that number could rise to more than 50%.

Lesbians share a deep and rich history that goes way back to the beginning of time. Unfortunately, you won't find too much about the heroines of yesteryear in today's history books. That's why it's important for us as Lesbians to carry on sharing our own oral history so that these larger than life figures of the past will never be forgotten. After all, it's our civic responsibility to make sure we never forget who invented the Mullet.

Let's stand up and be counted! It's that time of the decade when Roxanne tries to find out which zip code...or country...has the largest number of cute Lesbians. She claims it's not a "dating service", but she sure has a lot of questions about you, your exes and your availability for a new relationship. Print out the survey and send your responses to Roxanne@2Homos.com

It's a jungle out there. Before you go out on a hunting expedition for your next future "ex", make sure you take all the necessary precautions. Bring a large rifle, some thigh-high boots and a large bottle of snake repellent. It's always useful to bring a net and a big bag, too, just in case you need to tie up and carry back your prey.

Sometimes it seems that your Gaydar is just not working properly. You encounter Lesbians and nothing happens, you see Gay men and there are no bells...something is just not right. If that's happening to you, it might just mean that it's time to replace the batteries in your Gaydar. Just to be safe, you may as well replace the batteries in the Crazy Meter, too. You just never know...

Scientists have very specific techniques they use when examining foreign substances for the first time. They never stick their nose in it and take a direct whiff and they never touch it to take a taste of it until they know wether or not the substance is safe. You never know if what you're examining might be what the dog excreted from its anal glands earlier that day.