2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

This Fall, Lesbians all over the world will be making a striking fashion statement as they dig deep into their closets to pull out those old fanny packs we all used to wear back in the 80's. Now you can be both fashionable and sensible as you discretely carry all those Lesbian necessities - your wallet, your hairbrush, your lip balm and your car keys. Don't forget to tuck in a few cherry dental dams for good measure.

The LA County Fair is not any different from a country fair you'd find anywhere in the U.S. We have animals, carnival rides, cotton candy, silly games and crappy fried food. We also have half naked women walking around in tank tops that are too small for them and daisy dukes that go half way up their asses. The only difference is that in LA you might have to question whether their boobs are real or plastic.

In this economy it's important to make sure you come to a job interview with your "A" game. You might only get one shot at landing that important job, so make sure you're ready. A few tips to keep in mind - take a shower before you go, don't show up in your sweatpants, wear some deodorant, and tits out is optional...although not always recommended.

If you don't kiss someone that is standing under mistletoe, it means you will have bad luck for the rest of your life. Whether you believe that superstition or not, it's probably worth taking a chance by walking away if an ugly Lesbian with halitosis is standing under that mistletoe. Having bad luck for the rest of your life just has to be a better outcome.

It's never easy to ask for help when you're not able to take care of yourself as well as you used to, but if that time ever comes, you may as well do it in the best possible style you can think of. Get the wheelchair with the spinning hubcaps and gold plated rims. Deck it out with Italian leather seats with temperature controlled seat warmers. And, make sure it has a cup holder on the side to hold your diamond encrusted Pimp Cup.

It's not hard to pick up Lesbians once you know the secret. All you need is a cute puppy or a minor sports injury. It doesn't even have to be a real injury. Simply go out with a small cast or a sprained limb wrapped in some gauze, add some crutches for effect, and you're guaranteed to meet the girl of your dreams.

Global warming is a serious issue that will have long-lasting effects on our planet and impact not only our lives, but the lives of our children and grandchildren as well. But, if reducing our carbon footprint means having to ride in crowded buses and trains with sweaty strangers that stink, then it's worth burning fossil fuels for hours a day jammed on the freeway heading back and forth to work alone in your car with the air conditioning cranked all the way up.

As you search for the perfect wife, make sure you keep in mind all the good qualities that make for a long, loving and happy relationship. Try to find someone who is trustworthy, loyal, considerate, generous and fun to be around. Most importantly, make sure she knows how to fix the computers and take care of all the other electronic gadgets in the house.

There's a reason why restaurants have signs in their restrooms that insist employees wash their hands before returning to work. It's so that they don't stick their nasty fingers up their asses and then stir your latte with that same finger. If it wasn't a problem....they wouldn't need the signs.

In an ongoing effort for companies to save money and cut back on expenses, live operators are being replaced by automated phone systems. As long as they're going down that path, it's comforting to know that they've put a lot of time and effort into making those automated systems as exasperating and annoying as talking to a real live customer service agent.

It's a lot of power to wield to be the proud owner of a Va Jay Jay. You have the power to make grown men stop in their tracks cold, to start blathering like idiots, to render them unable to think with anything except the smaller version of themselves between their legs, and to make them do things they might regret for the rest of their lives. What a bitch when they find out you're a big 'ol Homo.

Just because you're a Lesbian it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like penises. Lots of Lesbians enjoy toys and strap-ons shaped like a phallus. It's just that most of them don't want to have one with a man attached to the other side touching them.

There are some things you never want to hear come out of your mother or grandmother's mouths. Some of those things might be, "Is that the sex toy shop you go to?", "Do you use the super extra-wide tampons?" and "F@#K you LA". You might just get lucky and actually hear all those things in one single week. Time to got to Vegas.

The $80 you just spent for lunch at a trendy new West Hollywood restaurant won't be near enough to make up for the amount of business they'll now lose by having the Lesbian Beverly Hillbillies show up during prime time. The restaurant just fell off Paris Hilton's "to do" list for this week.

Since the sanctity of marriage is so important, it's time for straight couples to take some responsibility in this area. From now on, every time a straight couple gets divorced, 10 Gay couples will be allowed to get married. If one commits adultery, that means 20 Gay couples can get married. And, for each politician that has an affair, that automatically gives 100 Gay couples the opportunity to get married.