Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! show

Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Summary: Lou goes to places you never even wanted to know existed on the internet and returns with a podcast you can't stop listening to. All the posts he reads are real even if you don't want to believe it! Sometimes disturbing, sometimes enlightening but always fun to listen to. Some examples of places Lou has gone are a forum for heroin addicts where junkies share their tips on how to negotiate the world of heroin for new junkies, a different forum where people share their most awkward sexual encounters and yet another forum where teenagers who believe they are vampires tell of the time they discovered their true-selves. The internet changes everyday and Lou is there looking for the craziest and most interesting stuff to read about. Check it out today!

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  • Artist: Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!
  • Copyright: Copyright © King Lou Fernandez, 2009-Present


 Lou Reads: Craziness from the 11:11 Angels Forums | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 44:58

This episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! deals specifically with people who believe that angels, celestial teachers and other things are trying to contact us through our digital clocks. That’s right. If you happen to look over at your clock and see 11:11 or any other double number or numbers in sequence thats not just you seeing a number that happens twice a day! You’ve been touched by an angel! So, yeah. If you really want to read into seeing something then this is the forum for you. Not only that but this forum has like so seriously amazingly bananas theories about all kinds of nonsense. I can’t even get into how utterly loopy it is. I tried to read some of the explanatory stuff but it just got to be too much. Wait until you learn that we live on the 606th planet called Uranita in the System of Satania!!! I know, its almost too much to fathom! Anyway, won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads the forums of 1111angels.com //

 BLAMMM!!! TWO MORE SHOTS TO THE DOME! | File Type: application/x-shockwave-flash | Duration: Unknown

Going places you don't want in your browser history. Lou Reads explores the side of the internet you never wanted to know about and reads it for you. No snappy comments. No insults. Just reading the comments & articles of the web as found. How is that funny or interesting? Well, you'll just have to check it out and decide for yourself!

 Lou Reads: Shoe Sessions Forum. A Place to Cum in Shoes! NSFW | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 35:40

So… first of all… welcome to a new year! Thats right, it’s 2011 and I’m starting this year off with a bang! Wait… do you hear that? What’s that sound? If you guessed the gentle sound of urine filling a pair of women’s shoes you guessed right! If you guessed that it was human semen you may have also been correct if you went to this forum. Shoesession.com is a site dedicated to the myriad world of shoe fetishism. Not just the love of shoes but also the serious defiling, staining and plain old ruining of shoes. WHAT? Yeah. So get ready for some serious illness in your ears. Its not as bad as the Breeding Zone podcast but its up there! If you find out that someone you love is into this fetish you may require some Urine Off Odor and Stain Remover for your shoes… Hey! Here’s that audio clip that I mentioned in the podcast! HOORAY! HAPPY NEW YEAR! OH YEAH! FOLLOW LOU READS ON TWITTER! <– CLICK THAT

 Lou Reads: What the hell is this shit? Tales of Terrible Xmas Gifts! | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 26:38

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Go ahead! Open your present! I thought long and hard about what to get you and I really think it shows… Go ahead… We’ve all been there! It’s Christmas today and you are probably going to have to put on the happy face for a gift you don’t like at all. You probably won’t even have the slightest clue as to why someone would even think you would like something like this thing you’re holding. “DON’T YOU PEOPLE KNOW ME AT ALL!!??!!,” you’ll scream as you storm up to your room and start texting about how much you hate your family… Well the last podcast of the year at Lou Reads is all about this special moment in a persons life. The moment you peel off the wrapping and look in shock at the object picked with care, or maybe not so much, for you. The terrible present moment. I have to thank the Something Awful Goons as always for their fantastic and truthful over-sharing. As always it leads to a great and fun read. If you want to read the stories yourself then please check out the thread here. And remember you can always give someone an AMAZON GIFT CARD!!! Heres to having a happy, healthy and safe Holiday season. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!! //

 Lou Reads: Raw Tops Breeding Zone – Bareback Bonanza! – NSFW | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 33:01

Look, there is no two ways around this topic. This episode of Lou Reads is not for the weak. In fact I would say its outright gross. Now, you might say, “Hey, Lou, whats so gross about it? Its just gay men talking about mostly consensual, unprotected sex, with multiple sex partners per evening and all the ins and outs of said practice. Whats wrong with that?” Well… maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just being a prude. Maybe I should take a look at myself and as myself the tough question of, “Why am I not comfortable reading about the proper use of semen ice cubes?” I mean, I bet if I went to a shrink they’d probably ask me the same thing. So in a way this is like a free therapy session for you. When you stop crying you can thank me. One last note: At no time should you become aroused when you are listening to this episode of Lou Reads. Specifically not aroused by the subject matter discussed. If you are aroused by an external stimuli then I can’t fault you for that. However, this particular episodes kinks are just kinda over the top gross. So quit getting all hot and bothered by it. At least around me…

 Lou Reads about Sucky Customers and the Sucks who Serve them at CustomersSuck.com | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 41:09

You know… I once thought that everyone who has a job loves the job and is grateful for the customers who come in and make that job possible. Oh, what a dreamer I was. Full of grand ideas about how the world worked and free trade economic policies… Then I got a job and realized that customers, for the most part, kind of suck. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I am a customer, too. I try really hard not be a bad customer. I don’t haggle, I don’t smell, I don’t do any of the things people on this forum complain about. I AM THE PERFECT CUSTOMER! Oh wait, I do the thing where I come in and get all the info then buy online… crap… I got too full of myself… and now I’ve paid the price for my hubris… I apologize. Look, my shift is almost over so if you don’t mind I’m just going to shut the register down and get some Dunkin Donuts and go home and cry… While you imagine me crying and eating glazed donuts (such salty sweetness) won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads from the forums of Customers Suck dot com //

 2 Shots to the Dome! | File Type: application/x-shockwave-flash | Duration: Unknown

Going places you don't want in your browser history. Lou Reads explores the side of the internet you never wanted to know about and reads it for you. No snappy comments. No insults. Just reading the comments & articles of the web as found. How is that funny or interesting? Well, you'll just have to check it out and decide for yourself!

 Lou Reads tales of Bad Roommates | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 38:03

Look, I’ve had it with you. You are a terrible person to live with! You’re a slob! You stink! You won’t let my friends have sex in your room when you’re out of town! Really, you are the worst person I’ve ever lived with and when this lease runs out in 10 months I am out of here unless you move out then I wouldn’t mind taking over your room… Bad roommates are like a test from the universe. My question is what do bad roommates get out of living with good roommates? I mean besides living like the filthy inconsiderate bastards they are without consequence, of course. Now, I’ll admit that in my life I’ve been a bad roommate at times. Mainly due to my extremely privileged upbringing where I was taught that I am better than most people. I’ll just say that I’m glad that the internet was not a huge deal when I was in college or surely my name would have been in this podcast, too! I just stand by the fact that no matter how bad I was as roommate I was never as bad as the infamous “Fecal Lasagna” Roommate. Thanks to the Something Awful goons for all their tales of roommate woe! //

 Lou’s Latest Mac Tip (Video) | File Type: application/x-shockwave-flash | Duration: Unknown

Going places you don't want in your browser history. Lou Reads explores the side of the internet you never wanted to know about and reads it for you. No snappy comments. No insults. Just reading the comments & articles of the web as found. How is that funny or interesting? Well, you'll just have to check it out and decide for yourself!

 Lou Reads Anonymous Confessions from GroupHug.us | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 33:10

Hey, have I ever told you this horrible secret that I have? No? Oh right, that’s because it’s a terrible horrible secret that I can never share with anyone I know! Or at least thats what I thought until I came across the site known as GroupHug.us! Much like a FML website its a place for people to drop their gems of personal confessions. Some are short, some are long, some are painfully honest and some are just stupid bullshit thought up by jerks. To me  that makes it a mixed bag of internet wonder! Won’t you join me in shaking my head in amazement at this short assortment of crazy confessions. //

 Lou Reads: The Magic Cafe Forums! Magical Topics for Wielders of Evil Forces | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 46:42

I’m sure there is one thing we can all agree on and that is that “Magic” is an evil and deceptive art sent by the devil to convince us that coins were up our noses or that there is an super long stream of hankies somewhere in our ears that ends in some spotted boxer shorts. The Devil’s work I tell you! At least thats what I believed until I discovered The Magic Cafe and it’s sub forum for Christian Magicians. They showed me how you CAN do magic in the name of HIM who is HE who is GOOD and LIVING and LOVING and all the other words used to attribute emotions to imaginary stuff. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy listening to the mildly mind numbing discussions of how to do magic as a good Christian magician. Fasten your seatbelts! It’s about to get…. something!!! //

 Lou Reads: All About Marrying the Russian Girl of Your (Bad) Dreams | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 38:12

A wise man once said, “To make a family in America you marry a woman. In Russia, WOMAN MARRIES YOU!” Man, its times like these when I am glad I married me an American lady. Sure, I know they are hard to deal with. What with their nagging and their “Why do you spend all your time doing that podcast for no money?” and their “stop cursing in front of my mom” and their “I can’t breathe when you stand on my windpipe.” Its not all wine and roses. But at least its not what these guys have going on. These guys want anything but an American girl. I’d say they want someone who they imagine isn’t corrupted by the temptations of the West. Little do they realize that they aren’t corrupted because they aren’t here yet! I mean if they think meeting American hot babes is hard at least they aren’t traveling around the globe to a meet a chick who barely speaks English. THAT sounds hard. But whatever. Just listen to the podcast already, tovarich. Dasvidaniya!

 Lou Reads: Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs-Forum | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 32:20

Hey Guys! What? You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve been up for a week. What? Oh yeah, I got a hold of some really great Crystal Meth. What? No… Its not addictive! Whatever! I can quit whenever I run out and can’t find anyone to rob or have sex with for money. So… do you want to have sex for money? Okay, okay. No need to get all angry about it. Sheesh! Okay… what if I do a podcast about Crystal Meth and all the really great ways to have sex or re-use your urine while on it? Okay! Now we’re talking! Well you’re in luck because I already did a podcast about just that very thing from the forums at Drugs-Forum. Its actually a very informative forum as well as being a great source for unintended hilariousness. So won’t you please enjoy Lou Reads Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs Forum! This is not a picture of me…

 Lou Reads about Past Lives and Reincarnation! | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 41:28

What can I say about people who believe in past lives and reincarnation that they can’t say themselves? None of it makes any sense! Whether its a story about that one time they were alive a long time ago or if they remember being a -8 month old baby and what that was all about. Yeah, thats right, being a one month old fetus and remembering what it was like. None of it makes any sense. But that doesn’t stop these lovely people from sharing their craziness and luckily for them there is a place like Child Past Lives to do it in. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this bottomless pit of bizarre jibber jabber. I barely scratched the surface!

 Lou Reads: Tales of Being Bullied from Ebaum Nation Forums | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 23:20

What are you looking at? Yeah, I’m talking you. You reading this. I said “What the fuck are you listening to??” Oh, wait… the first time I said looking at… Sorry… its just that I used to be a Bully. But now I seek help with my issue by going to forums and reading about how my victims growing up lament the experience. I had assumed that it was a co-dependent experience not just a one sided sado-masochistic display of violence. And I gotta tell you it turns me on… Well, I said I’m working on it. Anyway, this weeks podcast is comprised solely of tales of teen woe and bullying from the members of Ebaum Nation Forum. I hope you find it entertaining. I know reading it made me laugh! Won’t you please enjoy the latest episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! Episode 52: Tales of Being Bullied.


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