The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

How were you made welcome to recovery? How are we welcoming to others? This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in the Al-Anon program. I reflect on the poem with these questions. * How did I receive the welcome expressed in this poem? * How have I gifted this welcome to others? * How have I failed to be welcoming? * How can I be more welcoming? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Thanks to Margaret Wolff for permission to share her poem in this episode. Purchase the book In Sweet Company: Conversations With Extraordinary Women About Living A Spiritual Life from Amazon, or visit her website In Sweet Company. Music from the show Björk: Come to me Kelly Clarkson: Hello Pink: F**king Perfect

How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings? Eric and Spencer explore loneliness, sadness, and recovery guided in part by these questions. * Definitions. * Sad, despair, isolated, grief, loss, * How did you deal with (or not deal with) sadness before recovery? * What brought you sadness? * What other emotions went with it? * How did you act? * When were you lonely? * What other emotions went with it? * What was your “self-talk” when you were lonely? * How did you act? * How has your recovery changed this? * How is being lonely different from being alone? * Did you used to resist being alone? * How has that changed? We made reference to a couple of articles from Psychology Today. The Surprising Antidote to Loneliness The Value of Sadness A previous episode on Hope (episode 65) was mentioned. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Smokey Robinson and the Miracles: The Tears of a Clown Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa: Scared to be Lonely Train: I'm about to come Alive Our “bumper” music is Teleportationism by Mad Hugs. Our thanks to the artist for permission to use it. Mad Hugs – Whale by Mad Hugs

An open talk by Cynthia C, speaking in 1986. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add? I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.” I related to it in so many ways, and I'll share a few with you in this episode. I'd love to hear how you connect. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Alanis Morissette – That I would be Good Tracy Chapman – Fast Car Eminem – Going through Changes  

How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones? Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives. * What is kindness? * What is courtesy? * Ways of being kind and courteous: * Smiling and saying “hi” to people I interact with in my daily life — bus driver, checkout person at the grocery store, co-workers. * Realizing that the person who cut me off on the highway has their issues, and those are not mine is being kind to myself. * Responding courteously to anger keeps me calmer and may defuse a tense situation. * Keeping my mouth shut when I want to lash out! * We read from Al-Anon literature: * How Al-Anon Works, chapter 12, Communication, the section “How we say what we say”. (Also available as a Kindle e-b0ok.) * Courage to Change, April 13. (Kindle version.) * One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 20 and October 25. * And from a couple of articles from Psychology Today: * Kindness * The Positive Psychology of Kindness Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Glen Campbell: Try a Little Kindness Serena Gomez: Kill 'em with Kindness Jackson Browne: Tender is the Night  

Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past? This show is sort of a story in 3 parts. First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one. Next, D shares her experience and feelings around the death of her loved one. Finally, Michelle explores the ways in which recovery has helped her in accepting the deaths of her parents, which occurred long before she found this program. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Aerosmith: Amazing The Verve: The Drugs Don't Work  

Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. This is part of a longer talk, so it starts in the middle of an anecdote. She talks here about Steps 6, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”, 7, “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings”, 8, “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all,” and 9, “Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Her talk is full of stories from her own life, which make me grin, make me think, and make me cry. On Step 8: “I had hurt nearly everyone that I had ever come in contact with that I had allowed to care for me.” She ends with her understanding of the promises. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change? Definition from Merriam-Webster:  freedom from pride or arrogance :  the quality or state of being humble * What is the difference between humility and humiliation? * Some have compared humility to teachability. How do you understand this statement? * How does humility help keep me from trying to control people and situations? * How Al-Anon Works says “True humility is based upon letting go of self-will and relying instead upon the will of our Higher Power.” * In the “Lois’s Story” chapter in How Al-Anon Works, she writes, “‘Humbly’ was a word I never fully understood. It used to seem servile to me. Today it means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.” * What is the connection between anonymity, as we practice it, and humility? * How is humility part of taking care of ourselves, rather than taking care of others? Eric read from “The Paradoxical Power of Humility“. Upcoming topics include “the 3 P's”, perfection, procrastination, and paralysis. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Melissa Etheridge: If I Only Wanted To Tim McGraw: Humble and Kind Mary Lambert: Secrets  

Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to? I recently started working the steps with an AWOL group (A Way Of Life). In our first meeting, we agreed to address the first 5 questions about Step 1 in the book Paths to Recovery. (Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.) * Do I accept that I cannot control another person’s drinking? Another person’s behavior? * How do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine? * Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does that change how I deal with a drinker? * How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences? * What means have I used to get what I want and need? What might work better to get my needs met? Upcoming topics include “the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis”. We will also be addressing more questions from Paths to Recovery: How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond? What would happen if I stopped trying to change the alcoholic or anyone else? How can I let go of another's problems instead of trying to solve them? Am I looking for a quick fix to my problems? Is there one? In what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people? In what situations do I feel shame or embarrassment for someone else's behavior? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Lesley Gore: You Don't Own Me 3 Days Grace: Just Like You The Pretenders: I'll Stand By You A Spotify playlist with some of the songs considered for this episode:

How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never “get it”? Recently, I heard a couple of statements that, in my head, connected to recovery. “We are not defined by what we did or who we were. Those are only the things that brought us to who we are now.” “This is who I am now, and I know I will be different later. Life is about the journey, not the destination.” Exploring these ideas: * What are my expectations of myself? * How are they shaped by my past experience? * In what ways do they not match my current reality? * How do I know? * What program tools can help me see that I am not my past? * Inventory (Step 4) * Gratitude list. * What tools can help me be more the person I want to be? * Detachment * Committing to change (Steps 6 & 7) * Amends (Steps 8, 9, 10) * Spiritual connection (Step 11) * How does seeing life as a journey feed my serenity? * Slogans: Progress not perfection. (not an official Al-Anon slogan?) * Easy does it. * One day at a time. Upcoming topics include “The 3 P's: Perfection, Paralysis, and Procrastination”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show The Allman Brothers: Change my way of Living https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDARlppOzLY Otis Redding: A Change is Gonna Come Indigo Girls: Closer to Fine    

I connected with a lot of what Corrie shared. I hope you enjoy her talk as much as I did. Upcoming topics include the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis. Do you find it hard to get started because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The pit of my stomach is churning. My neck and shoulders are tense. I don’t have any energy. My whole body is out of whack. Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and our health. * How was my body affected by the alcoholism in my house? * Laying awake at night worrying — tired and sleepy all the time. * “Knot in my stomach” — From “awfulizing” and “catastrophizing” the future and worrying about the present. * Anger and resentment — tension in my body — muscle pain * I had no energy for anything other than stewing about my situation. * No exercise * Poor eating habits (junk food) * Weight gain * Resulting in even less energy * The things I did to try to dull the pain. * Eating * My own drinking * Feedback effects * Not taking care of my body leads to loss of energy * Leading to depressed feelings. * And worry about my health. * Without the energy to “fix” it.. * Leading to more not taking care of my body. * How does recovery change things? * Letting go * When I can “let go and let God”, I can loosen the knot of worry. I can relax the tension of anger and resentment. I can get go bed at a reasonable time, because I’m not sitting up late with worry or anger (or both!) * “Take care of myself” * Easier to do when I start letting go of taking care of my loved one. * Eat “right”. * Get some exercise. * Getting enough sleep. * Breathe * Meditate * Practice being still * Relaxing physical tension * HALT — Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired — When I am these things, I am more likely to “act out”. Being aware of the state of my body can help me live a calmer, more serene life. * Putting myself (my health, my well-being) first * Putting on my own oxygen mask * Learning to support rather than control * Practicing gratitude and acceptance Readings From Courage to Change: January 21, July 21, August 16, December 19. From How Al-Anon Works: Chapter 12, Taking Care of Ourselves. * Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Lissie: In Sleep R.E.M: Aftermath Télépopmusik: Breathe Spotify playlist

Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences? The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program that focused on recovery from their experiences growing up in alcoholic or dysfunctional families. It is a separate 12-step program similar to, but separate from Al-Anon. Emily joins Spencer to explore how ACA is different from but also works together with Al-Anon in her recovery. Our conversation was guided by these questions. What is ACA? Maybe talk a little about the history? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/EarlyHistory.s) Fellow travelers – What we call fellow ACA’s How is it different from Al-Anon? The focus of Al-Anon is on adult issues or spousal drinking, vs childhood issues in ACA. What is the “laundry list”? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Laundry_List) How is the first step of ACA different? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Steps) “We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.” Why is this important? How do ACA meetings differ from Al-Anon meetings? Inclusion No crosstalk How are they the same? Common topics How has ACA helped you recover? What would you say to someone who is considering attending ACA? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa: Scared to be Lonely Lissie: Worried About Cage the Elephant: Come a little Closer  

Another busy weekend: Mothers Day and yard work. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

I really enjoyed this open talk by Sam V., who describes himself as “a man who thinks too much.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.