Retro Radio Podcast

Don introduces the latest tax payer and home owner of Beverly Hills. We learn about the termite condition in Jacks new house. His architect, Burgess, has gone overboard with dog house, swimming pool, and more as Phil, Mary, and the cast joke about the new construction. Phil plays, What was that number? I don’t know. Does Malin know… maybe Charlie… (Note: Is this the first time this tag was done? It ccertainly be the last.) Jack introduces the drama about an athlete who goes to college in England. Parts are assigned, and additional actors brought in, who set up gags for teasing Fred Allen. Kenny sings, Good Night Angel. The play begins with Jack as the young athlete. His poor family sends him to OxfordSpeedy says good bye to his gal, Maurine. She’ll be true to him while he’s gone for 4 years… right? The town sees him off in a big way, but how will he be received in England? After rowing himself across the ocean, Speedy meets a few of the odd citizens while he searches for the right road to take. Will he ever find his way?

A spy has been torturing a scientist to tell him the formula of a new explosive, but instead causes his mind to snap. So he kidnaps a fellow countryman psychiatrist Lamont just met and demands that he repair the mental damage done.

Matt is looking for Miss Kitty, and is just in time to rescue her from a man who can’t seem to take no for an answer. When Hank leaves, the two check out Chester with his new girlfriend. Actually she is Ann, and looking for her old boyfriend, Jack Shawmer. Ann is new in town, so Kitty takes her in to find a place to stay, while Matt worries how to break the news that the guy she’s looking for is a bum. Matt and Chester take Doc to visit Shawmer, to try to fix him up. Once he’s sobered up, he can’t face up to the gal that came to look for him. He tells of his failure, and why he got into his condition. Will he be able to pick himself up and overcome his past to reunite with Ann? Ann is perfectly willing to wait, and to stall, Matt spreads a few lies about her bum of a boyfriend. Matt has to chase Hank off of her when he tries to pick her up on the street. Later while patrolling the street, Matt finds Ann, who has been hurt. He takes her to see doc. What happened to her? Is it serious? Doc examines the unconscious Ann, but there seems to be no injuries, or signs of abuse, just that she remains unconscious. Meanwhile, Jack comes to Matt to fess up that he can’t face Ann, and will run away to avoid her. Doc tells that Ann just woke up and told how she was hurt. Hank had hit her hard, and it gave her a concussion. The news is just the thing to put some grit into Jack. He takes a gun and sets out for Hank. Matt interupts the violence, and Jack goes to talk with Ann. The trouble is that some stories don’t have happy, or clear cut endings. The all round tragedy seems to have no good endings for any of the players.

The big Easter Egg hunt is scheduled, and businesses are putting special eggs into the mix, valued at some nicely priced amounts. Mel’s business isn’t doing so well, but to keep up impressions he doubles his egg value to twice what Mr Colby is doing. Mr Potchnik the piano teacher enters to listen to Mel’s money problems. Can he help send some money Mel’s way? Both men are short on cash, so they decide to find each other’s eggs to save having to pay out on a potential winner. The Victor Miller Orchestra plays, and the sportsmen sing, If This Isn’t Love. Hartley Benson, the adorable Beau Brummel of every woman who meets him, brags to Mel about the ladies who chase him. Still getting nowhere in getting his egg back from the hunt, Mel gets some marital advice from Mr Cushing, the Mighty Potentate of the Zebra lodge. Will the news about the Cushing family reunion help Mel? Probably not, but instead Mel gets the idea to disguise himself. Colby has his own plan to keep egg hunters away from his own Easter egg, when farmer Mel enters the Colby Supermarket. Fending off mel’s attempts at sneaking his egg out of the store, Mel has to resort to more desperate measures. how will it all work out? Mel shares he outcome with Betty.

What has Lum so jumpy and nervous today? Squire has been coming around the Meadowlark restaurant with special guests. What is he trying to pull in the presence of the Lumburger King? Squire brags on the restaurant, and it’s service, then orders something he knows full well isn’t on the menu. The Lumburger has turned out to be a wild success, as Lum and Abner go into length to describe all about it. Once folks try them, they always seem to like them. When Lum tells how he wants to try some oysters, Abner gets confused about Lum having them up his sleeve, and how the oysters will be flown in. Will he oysters fly that airplane all by themselves? Squire and Cedric enter and rub Lum the wrong way over the way he never has what they want on the menu. What’s in that box that Cedric left behind when he and Squire leave?

In voiceover, Captain Frank Canelli describes an armed felony in action, and the response of his uniformed patrolmen. It’s a domestic dispute that has overflowed to involve waving pistols around. When John is hauled away in cuffs, his wife thinks the cops are just butting into her personal affairs. Of course, Canelli has to explain that it’s for the protection of not only her, but her neighbors. John is no saint, and has a history of encounters with the law. But there’s something fishy with the arrest. Canelli sifts through the evidence to find a cop who didn’t follow correct proceedure. Now he has to call a pair of his patrolmen on the carpet to chew them out about the importance of proper procedures, and not bending the rules for personal convenience. The audio cuts off a little short, but all that is implied is that John might be more than a petty arrest, and the botched procedure might have jeopardized the legal process.

Frank Lauring is a man who has disappeared, and Johnny has reason to believe that he is on a ship to the Panama Canal as Michael Walsh. Taking a flight to head him off at the pass, Johnny sets out to intercept Frank. First a thump on the head awaits when Johnny confronts Mrs Lauring, and name drops Michael Walsh’s name. In Panama, Walsh has kept a step ahead of Johnny, and out of his grasp. Turning the tables on traps laid in his path, Johnny closes in to deal with shady, underworld types. In seedy parts of the world, loyalties run as deep as the deepest pocket. Greasing the skids with a few dollars, Johnny soon has his man, but there’s no guarantee that Walsh wants to return to his life in America. Life is hard when you live it at the business end of a gun barrel. Note: In the background in the seedy bars of Panama, swing music can be heard playing. You would think something more of a South of the Border sound might be heard, but Panama has held close ties to America in its history as an independent nation. Current pop music is commonly heard in bars, hangouts, and radio stations, then and now. The other dominate sound is a style of music called ‘Salsa’ and is popular with many countries through the Gulf of Mexico areas. Just a little touch of social studies for those who care to know.

A cowboy comes to Matt with word of spotting a boy with some local indians. The wild boy turns out to be a white boy who was raised in the tribe. What’s Matt supposed to do, play nurse maid? Not wanting to turn the kid out, Matt rides out to see what he can do. In the raid where Yorkie was discovered, the boy had been shot in the leg. Matt tries to learn what happened to his parents, but the boy would rather identify with being an indian. Can Matt talk sense to him, or make Yorkie rejoin white society? Kitty agrees to take care of Yorkie while his leg is healing. Being something of a social misfit herself, will she connect with the boy? Will he decide to give the white world a try? Despite any progress, Yorkie has come up missing. Is he going to be too wild to tame? Can Matt and the towns folk show him the love he needs to win him over? PS: Hey, buy a brand new Edsel, and you could win a pony. I’m not sure about the Edsel, but I’m all in for the pony. Features Dick Beals as Yorkie.

It’s their annual Christmas story. Becoming more beautiful and meaningful with the passing years, it has become a mainstay since 1931 when it first aired. We join three travellers on a Christmas mission. Grandpap, Abner, and Lum trudge through the snow to meet up with Doc Miller with groceries and supplies. Some feller named Joe something or other was in the county seat to pay taxes, but he had to take shelter for the night in an old run down barn so his wife Mary could have a baby. Following the East star, the trio are guided as they talk about what Christmas means to them. Doing something for others, especially those who aren’t in a position to give back, is the best gift a person could hope to give. Not only the groceries, but Doc’s services are willingly given, and offered without expectation of being paid back. What word awaits with doc as the trio arrive? The blankets, space heater, and food will be appreciated by the out of work carpenter. Lum and Abner plan to keep the charitable spirit going by making work for Joe, and Grandpap’s woman, Charity would be more than glad to give a warm place to stay for the new family. Note: You can hear the tears in Lum’s voice as the shows final words wrap it up. A detail that Chet Lauck claimed always came natural everytime the show was performed through the years. PS: According to Tim Hollis From the NLAS archives, by special request of Nancy Lauck and Chet Lauck, we travel back to the Lauck home on Christmas morning 1946, when the family received a surprise present from Chet’s oil tycoon buddy Corny Stroube of Corsicana, Texas… a live elephant! Apparently the two had been in a yearly competition to see who could give the other the most outrageous gift. Chet reciprocated the next Christmas by borrowing an elephant skeleton from a natural history museum and having it erected in the living room of Stroube’s new home, with a sign: “Thanks, it was delicious!”

In opening, Harlow plugs a featured article in the Saturday Evening Post about the show. Ah, the days of the old fashioned pharmicist, nowadays the drugstore is the all purpose store as is plain to see when we join Fibber at Kraemers drugstore. Doc Gamble pops into the store to swap insults with Fibber. Doc’s handwriting is made fun of. When it touches a nerve, Doc changes the subject. A woman enters, and mistakes Fibber and Molly as the pharmicists. She wants to make an Easter purchase. In the process, Fibber notices the cash register drawer is stuck, so volunteers to fix it for his friend. The drawer is stuck, but Fibber is determined to do his worst, even though Kraemer says he’ll handle it later. Ole the janitor enters the store. They talk about Fibber’s determination to fix things, even Ole’s parking ticket he had in the past. Ole wants some hair coloring for his wife. Fibber continues doing surgery on the cash register, but takes a break to visit the soda counter. Harlowe is there to pitch the sponsor to whoever will listen. Milt the soda jerk is on hand to dish out Fibbers snack. The jerk has to check withKraemer on the unusual order. Then Mayor Latrivia stops in to tell about his broken down car. Some of his termonology get Fibber and Molly confused about horses. As Fibber tries to spout off wisdom, and Molly tries to clarify things, the Mayor gets frustrated over the words they put into his mouth. Even Milt pitches in a little with the misunderstandings that push the Mayor over the top of his blood pressure limits. The Kingsmen sing, Lavender Blue. Back at the cash register, Fibber is back to finish his repair. Old Timer enters the store, and thinks Fibber has finally got a job. Also he jokes about his bed at home. Molly has had about enough, but Fibber wants to demonstrate his handiwork first. The cash register works well enough, but Fibber needs to make a hasty retreat when the drawer shoots across the store.

Irma comes home complaining how her job makes her so confused. To cheer her up, Jane reads Irma a newspaper article about a wealthy eccentric man who is looking for his niece Irma to leave his inheritance to. As if on cue, a law firm calls to arrange an interview to see if this Irma Petersen is the once to recieve the inheritance from the late Henry Petersen. The professor comes by but before he can complain about his apartment, he finds himself comforting Irma, assuring her that money won’t change her. Mrs Riley comes over, and so do the apartment jokes. What will Al have to say about Irma’s inheritance? Will money change things etween them? For his own reasons, Al has left Irma, and no amount of money can raise her out of her depression. Jane and Richard convince Al to come back, and he gets a little advice from his friend Joe about the inherited cash. Just when the party at Mrs Riley’s is in high gear, the official news about the inheritance comes in. Let’s just say that Irma won’t have to worry about losing her friends or having large amounts of money chage her.

A blackmailer from the mob comes around to collect from Betty Moran. The strong willed woman refuses him, kills the mobster, then shoots herself. The news story gets the attention of Richard Diamond. Especially whenWilliam Moran, Betty’s husband shows up on his doorstep to find the others in the blackmail ring. The wisecracking Dick Diamond heads to the cops to share notes on the case. Is the blackmail story just a coverup for the demise of an unfaithful wife? Dick’s rounds lead to skid row, where he talks with an eloquent bum. Moving as quick as he can, Dick is still a half step behind death, and more murder. After a run in with the cops, Diamond goes back on the street to learn what he can, and in his own style. Acting on a hunch, Dick heads out into the foggy night for a confrontation. There’s gunplay, and a chase through the gritty streets. The truth is out, and justice is done the hard way. How does a hard boiled detective reward himself at the end of the day? With a hot woman, and a slow song.

When a nosy neighbor becomes curious about the strange incidents that go on at the house next door, she sends her son over to investigate. He soon discovers a parallel universe within its walls and solves the mystery.

In the Meadowlark Restaurant Squire Skimp talks to Lum about the newspaper article that is to be written up. Wanting to look his best for the photo that the paper is asking for, Lum gets a boost of pride. Should Abner also have his picture in the paper, since he’s a partner in the restaurant? Lum doesn’t see it that way, afterall the Lumburger was his own invention. The famous jolly cooking chief poses with his world famous Lumburger, and Abner snaps off pictures. The job is bigger than Abner can handle though, so Doc Withers lends a hand in touching off the flashpowder. Trial and error lends itself to comic affect, with false starts, failed pictures snapped, and mishaps with the highly flammable flashpowder.

Jack is at home,, and with the help of Rochester and Mary he is packing his bags for his flight to New York. He tries to be weight conscious about his clothing that he packs for the flight. Jokes about being cheap are the theme. Conversation turns to Jack’s old vaudeville days, and a pigeon. Does Polly have anything to worry about? Dennis enters and sings, Far Away Places. Phil enters to let Jack borrow his suit case. Jack talks about his itenerary in New York,and Phil brags about his good looks. With his bag packed, Jack takes a quick phone call before heading to the airport. Don has a word from the Sportsmen, who sing a goodbye song to Jack, Give My Regards To Broadway. Going over their time, it’s the phone operator who is bugged by their singing today. It’s time to head out, so Jack drives in his car, while Dennis drives his bike. Jack and Mary spend the time joking about Fred Allen. When Jack spots Dennis on his bike, he talks politely to him, while he tells Rochester to leave him in the dust. I think you know where this will go. The tired old Maxwell, has a hard time passing Dennis on the road, and it’s Dennis who leaves jack behind. At the airport, Mel Blanc is the airport announcer, and Jack heads to the information desk, only to be intercepted by Sidney Sheldon, his favorite race track tout. Jack gets away from him, and chats with Mr Kitzel instead, about his nephew. Jack shops for magazines and supplies as Mel keeps the crazy announcements coming. The tout has finally caught up with Jack, and offers advice on what fruit to buy to snack on. Finally at the information desk, Frank Nelson gives Jack his flight information, with a few insults mixed in. Jack’s plane is leaving so he rushes off. Mary watches the take off, and comments as the plane circles back. Is there a problem? Is it serious? Nope, just one last gag.