The Art of Charm

Welcome to Fan Mail Friday #32! No jibber-jabber, just a short show where we answer Art of Charm listener mail and give out mini-lessons for the weekend! In this episode: While it might not be the end of the tunnel, it's good that you're seeing the light -- just make sure it's the right light. How do you practice genuine gratitude without coming across as a kiss-ass -- especially in the workplace? 25-year-old virgins aren't as uncommon as you may think. (But if you're among them and you don't want to be, here are a few tips.) You may be aware that you're making progress in your life goals, but how do you quantify that progress? When you're giving a presentation, how do you deal with a question you don't really want to answer? How do you save time with one simple email? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-32-advice-for-the-25-year-old-virgin/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Neil Strauss tells The Truth about past transgressions in his latest book, but it's more than just a head-cleaning confession -- it's an exploration of options most people probably haven't considered. "Nobody's making you do anything. You have complete freedom of choice at all times. You just have to accept the consequences of that choice." -Neil Strauss The Cheat Sheet: We may look up to -- and even envy -- the rich and famous without realizing that fame just amplifies the flaws people already have. (05:59) We're not going on the line to say this is true in all cases, but many relationships get stronger after a tell-all confession. (08:18) What should you do first when you love your partner but you have a sexual desire for someone else? (12:11) How do people in non-traditional, non-monogamous relationships separate love and sex? (13:59) Two different people can be doing the exact same thing -- one for healthy reasons; the other for unhealthy reasons. But how? (24:28) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/neil-strauss-the-truth-episode-452/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

If you can learn to tell a good story, you can captivate any audience -- whether as a public speaker, while interviewing for a job, or when you're on a date. "If there's one big piece of advice that I have -- albeit I have a lot of them -- it's: make sure that you are driven to tell the story that you're telling." -Amy Port The Cheat Sheet: Even the best, most personal story can be lost in the hands of a bad storyteller. (04:26) A good story is sculpted around Aristotle's three-act structure: exposition, conflict, and resolution. (05:59) What makes a story funny? (09:53) Where do we begin if we know we're not great storytellers? (14:33) What's your story's throughline (also, what the heck is a throughline)? (25:36) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/amy-port-heroic-public-speaking-episode-451/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Welcome to Fan Mail Friday #31! No jibber-jabber, just a short show where we answer Art of Charm listener mail and give out mini-lessons for the weekend! In this episode: How do you learn to trust yourself and your instincts (especially when it comes to money)? A doctor brings a medical perspective to some advice we gave a listener in a difficult relationship back in Fan Mail Friday #27. Do phrases like "staying at home" and "left at home" make it sound like the person raising the kids and maintaining the sanctuary is doing something less than the person who goes out and brings home the paycheck? How do you overcome a negative association with something that is unfairly lumped in with a bad experience? Stop asking if you can afford to leave a job you hate if the real question is: can you afford not to? It all depends on your risk tolerance. Sometimes the best treatment for a case of Imposter Syndrome is a dose of keeping it real. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-31-homemakers-of-the-world-unite-and-take-over/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Every interaction is a performance -- whether you're speaking up in a meeting, pitching a client, negotiating a raise, or walking into a job interview. Michael Port tells us how to steal the show. "There's a benefit to being chameleon-like." -Michael Port The Cheat Sheet: At its core, a good performance is genuine. (08:10) How do we separate our desire for validation from a desire to get results? (14:58) An authentic performance requires clear objectives (20:50) Avoid talking in absolutes (it invalidates your arguments). (27:30) Choose early, and choose often. (34:42) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/michael-port-steal-the-show-episode-450/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

By recognizing in our own behavior what keeps us from being resilient against life's obstacles, we're empowered to stop the cycle and focus on what it takes to become mentally stronger. "Every time you take your eyes off of your own goals and you start resenting somebody else, it's another minute that you didn't spend working towards whatever it is you want to achieve." -Amy Morin The Cheat Sheet: How do mental health and mental strength differ? (08:37) Being mentally strong is more about self-awareness than acting tough. (09:54) There are three parts to building mental strength: regulating thoughts, managing emotions, and behaving productively despite your circumstances. (11:41) What wastes our time and energy to keep us from becoming mentally strong? (13:03) You’re only as good as your worst habit. (13:29) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/amy-morin-mentally-stronger-episode-449/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Welcome to Fan Mail Friday #30! No jibber-jabber, just a short show where we answer Art of Charm listener mail and give out mini-lessons for the weekend! In this episode: Contrary to popular belief, a lot of intelligence agents have trouble pulling off the smooth James Bond routine when trying to genuinely interact with people in real life. Sometimes, being embarrassed by and hating your "old self" just means you've made progress. Still, don't be so hard on your old self -- he or she made the choice to become who you are today. Is it wrong to abandon your wallflower friends to mingle with the crowd in a social setting? When you're in a sales position, how do you sell yourself while staying authentic? How do you stop your impressionable cousin from joining a terrorist organization like, say, ISIS (or the Baseball Furies)? Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-30-social-chops-for-covert-ops/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Do you think of people who pursue their passions and make good money doing it as lucky? Chances are that Gary Vaynerchuk works a lot harder than you. "Let me just clarify one thing -- I'm not lucky!" -Gary Vaynerchuk The Cheat Sheet: How did a kid from the Cold War era communist Soviet Union manage to escape in the late '70s and become one of the hardest-working capitalists alive today? (06:03) For all of its flaws, the US is still a better place to seize opportunity than most of the rest of the world. (09:41) You may think you're a hard-working hustler, but how do you compare to a hard-working hustler from Belarus? (13:54) If you're comfortable living in a world that's convenient for your mindset, you're poised perfectly to lose. (18:40) Learn why Gary Vaynerchuk chose to open an office in Chattanooga, Tennessee. (25:31) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/gary-vaynerchuk-climbing-the-ladder-episode-448/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Corporate culture is only as boring and stagnant -- or exciting and thriving -- as the people who create it. "You can never really create culture...but you can design all these elements around it the same way you can design a house for the kind of interactions you want to have." -Robert Richman The Cheat Sheet: What is a culture architect? (03:53) Why should you care about corporate culture -- even if you don't own or work for a company? (08:10) How can hacker philosophy be adopted by people who feel powerless to change their existing culture? (14:35) Leaders and workers take note: a self-organizing workforce can be the most efficient, maximized workforce. (24:09) How do we develop relevance? (25:42) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/robert-richman-the-culture-blueprint-bonus/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Stop worrying so much about where your inspiration is coming from and just create. "People think that authors are writing exactly what they know, but I think a lot of times, authors are writing what they're trying to figure out." -Austin Kleon The Cheat Sheet: Are you more proud of the things you're doing today than the things you were doing a year ago? (04:52) Is any creative work truly original? (06:40) Most of your favorite artists are shameless thieves -- and will freely admit it. (09:37) What's the difference between being legitimately influenced by someone and ripping them off? (12:52) The Elevator Test is a simple ethical gut check that can help clarify whether you're invoking fair use or just being a plagiarist. (18:16) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/austin-kleon-steal-like-an-artist-episode-447/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

"What men and women did to each other was beyond comprehension." -Charles Bukowski Welcome to Fan Mail Friday #29! No jibber-jabber, just a short show where we answer Art of Charm listener mail and give out mini-lessons for the weekend! In this episode: A new listener wants to know why we even have Fan Mail Friday. If we don't answer this to the satisfaction of any other listeners out there -- veterans or newcomers -- we'd like to hear from you! Show of hands: who in our audience is being kept at home against their will in the 21st century United States? (Let us know and we'll send a rescue party composed of your gender of choice at once!) Hey, you can talk crap about rampaging gunmen, ISIS, gang members, and racists all you want, but what did coal miners ever do to you? Risk life and limb to provide energy for you and your family so you wouldn't freeze and starve during the long winters? You're welcome. The only thing we're professionally embarrassed about is that it sometimes takes a controversial guest to provoke a big reaction. We appreciate all feedback -- whether good or bad -- but why do some long-time listeners remain silently supportive until they hear something they don't like? If you generally like what we do, we can always use positive reviews in iTunes and Stitcher. Please email jordan@theartofcharm.com for instructions if you're wondering how! "That had not occurred to us, Dude." There's no guarantee that the transition from working a stable day job to becoming a full-time entrepreneur is ever going to be 100% safe, but there are considerations you can make and precautions you can take to ensure it goes as smoothly as possible. Some people use resources from The Art of Charm resources to escape the humdrum and pursue the lives they want -- and Marlon is one of our favorite examples. He reminds us why we do what we do. Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-29-thanks-for-that-challenging-viewpoint/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Meditation is for doers who seek personal top performance -- from entrepreneurs to professional athletes like Kobe Bryant. "If you hand a top performer a potential advantage, they're going to try it." -Tony Stubblebine The Cheat Sheet: What benefits will life coaching offer the high-performing person vs. the low-performing person? (02:30) Meditation is more than a spiritual haven -- it's a mental strength exercise for people from hedge fund managers to professional athletes. (11:13) Three abilities are enhanced by meditation: awareness of your thoughts and emotions, control over your focus, and calm. (17:26) When meditating for mental strength, why will someone with a distracted, wandering mind get more out of the experience than someone who is too blissful and focused? (18:30) Tony guides us through a simple meditation. (39:55) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/tony-stubblebine-ruthless-meditation-episode-446/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Your talents, abilities, and intelligence aren't fixed traits -- they can be expanded and improved at any age with a mindset motivated toward growth. "It's exciting to be progressing and doing things you never thought you could do; it's less exciting to just keep proving yourself over and over -- often by staying in your comfort zone." -Dr. Carol Dweck The Cheat Sheet: Learn the differences between the fixed mindset and the growth mindset. (02::31) What's the first step toward breaking out of a fixed mindset once you've identified it within yourself? (08:05) How you define success helps pinpoint your dominant mindset. (10:24) By the same token, mindsets change the very meaning of failure. (16:58) How can we raise children to lean more toward a growth mindset than a fixed mindset? (24:48) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/dr-carol-dweck-the-motivated-mindset-episode-445/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Welcome to Fan Mail Friday #28! No jibber-jabber, just a short show where we answer Art of Charm listener mail and give out mini-lessons for the weekend! In this episode: If the pervasive drunken collegiate environment isn't offering any appealing friend/date prospects in your new town, you're probably playing below your league. Aim higher by considering these options you probably didn't realize you have. How does someone who's partially blind make up for the non-verbal communication cues they're missing out on when engaged in conversation? How do you screen for a potential partner who's as interested in improving themselves as much as you are without wasting too much time on those who aren't? Breaking the romantic connection with a casual partner who you still value as a friend can be rough if they're not getting the hint. Sometimes you just have to go beyond hints and directly address the situation. How does someone with a conservative mindset toward physical intimacy date in a world where casual sex is often accepted as part of the deal? What's the best way to find others who are more in tune with taking things slow? Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-28-stop-aiming-below-your-dating-league/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!

Even if it seems like you've got the world figured out and you should be loving life, you might be among a surprising number of high-performing people who find happiness, confidence, and connection elusive. "The high performer only ever really sees the gap between themselves and everyone else -- and how much worse they are without realizing what's great about them." -Jason Connell The Cheat Sheet: Sleep deprivation isn't a status symbol. (04:24) Regarding motivation: do you usually find yourself being pushed toward a path of action, or pulled to it? (08:42) Take yourself on a date. (10:34) Indulge your inner kid (but avoid paintball). (18:53) Do you believe in magic? (30:18) And so much more... Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jason-connell-ignited-leadership-episode-444/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Stay Charming!