Hard Factor

On todays episode we give you some of the softest shit we heard all week, including a lady who called the cops on a guy because his dog humped her dog.  An Arizona town that threatened to throw a 12 year old girl/journalist in jail for two years because she filmed the town's Sheriff and posted it on the internet, and tons of other soft shit.  Thank you to everyone who wrote reviews and made our FRIDAY show possible, we love you guys!!

On Todays Hard Factor....Michael Cohen testified in front of the House Oversight and Reform Committee today, and all we really learned is that Cohen is a jealous ex-girlfriend that got his day to talk shit about his ex.  This known liar is going to jail and wanted to dick punch Trump before he goes, and that he did.Marty Mush joins us to talk about his good luck gambling bird, Rudy.  We also talk about his run in with PETA and the threats he received over clipping his beloved birds wings, because as Marty puts it "I cant't have a bird flying around my house if I want to bring a chick home."Also in the lightening round..India and Pakistan are beefing big timeWeed will soon be legal, hopefully in your stateVA is still very racistA South Carolina drug dealer named "Fat" loves girl scout cookies. 

Donald Trump's former personal attorney and fixer Michael Cohen was officially disbarred yesterday by the New York State Supreme court. If you're confused WHICH later-middle-aged-white-dude-w/-a-legal-degree-who-served-our-president-Michael-Cohen-is... don't feel bad, we're not quite sure either.A tag team mother daughter murderous duo in Bucks Country, Pennsylvania killed five family members in one of the most gruesome murders to ever hit the Keystone State. When authorities arrived, the killers took a page right out of Livia Soprano's book and acted bewildered and unsure of what was going on. When questioned, the killers claimed their heinous acts were motivated by a sense of duty to their now-deceased family members who mutually agreed on a suicide pact.The Villages is a retirement community the size of a small city; just 62 miles from Orlando, it is known as “Disney World for Old People."  This geriatric theme park is home to 100k+ residents of varying twilight-ages, with it's youngest member bringing up the rear of the Baby-Boom generation at 55 years young. This pristine Florida gem features thirty-three sprawling 9-hole golf courses and is a virtual oasis for both golfers lovers and golf-kart enthusiasts. Over one hundred miles of cart path "streets" support the estimated 55,000 golf karts that reside within The Villages city limits - this is  by far the most golf carts in any single city in the US. It sounds like paradise right? And It is...That is... except for ONE, very sexy, problem.  A problem that's been recently plaguing residents after dark... some of The Villagers have gotten so caught up in the fun and fancy free life style afforded by retirement at The Villages that they've been engaging in hangy public sexual intercourse in open air golf-karts.

When you're Donald Trump, life is not boring, but some weeks are crazy even for him, and on those weeks, we like to give a 'Trumpdate.' This week, there is a new sexual assault accuser, Trump is beefing with large Knicks fan and tiny individual/Oscar winner Spike Lee.  Oh yeah, also the North Korea Summit Part Duex is happening this week.Guess what, another Tesla caught on fire. After a man drove his Tesla into a palm tree in South Florida, probably as an ultimate tribute to former WWF heavyweight champion The Macho Man Randy Savage, the car would not stop burning. It caught fire a half dozen times and the man was trapped in the car because the doors open upwards. Also the group of nerds at the SEC is on Elon's ass again for his tweets.Doctors/quacks are claiming there is a new weed syndrome for chronic marijuana smokers, which are those of us that smoke 20 times or more a month. The syndrome is called Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome or CHS and can lead to "scromiting" which is intense vomiting while screaming. Good news though, you can reverse the affects of CHS with a six hour long continuous hot shower.  

PETA lands directly in the soft corner after trying to take a shit on Steve Irwin's grave on his birthday. This comes right on the heels of them trying to take on Marty Mush over the treatment of his bird, Rudy.R Kelly wasn't able to make his $100K payment on his $1 Million bond. Apparently loads of overdue child support payments, and other terrible financial decisions, have left him far less wealthy than he should be.KTLA news anchor Chris Burrous has passed away after one of the most epic sex romps ever reported in detail in the national news. Listen to the pod to hear the wild details.President Trump is suspending tariff rate hikes for China in hopes of coming to a long-term deal on the next trip to Mar-o-Lago. The world's largest bee has been rediscovered, the Oscars were on Sunday night (listen to Light, Camera, Barstool to get the details on that), the NHL Stadium Series, and another chance at a Friday episode (HINT: leave more 5-star reviews on iTunes). 

On Today's Hard Factor... All the Soft Pieces of * From the Week We are throwing anti-vaxxers right in the soft corner.  Anti-vaxxers make vegans look like the Fonz.  Shocker, there are a a ton of anti-vaxxers in Portland, Oregon.  Hey all you anti-vax parents, give your kids vaccinations. Our ancestors have been working their dicks off to create these fucking vaccinations and it's a miracle they even exist, so stop spitting in science's face you losers.The man pictured above is an all time psychopath.  A father of six asked this micro-penised lunatic to stop blowing cigarette smoke into the faces of his six kids who were all under the age of 10.  A normal reaction would be to be slightly embarrassed and upset, not to get in your car and run over the entire family.  This guy is not normal.  He ran over the family and then threw the car in reverse and backed over them.  Not everyone in the family died, but the mother did.  There is going to be a lot of hard ones for this soft heartless prick in prison. Let's all find out where he's going  and mail him a letter with no writing, just pubes.If you think that statue looks like Robert E. Lee, you're as dumb as a group of anti-vax vegans from Dunn, North Carolina that tried to set fire to it, to get back at the dead leader of the confederate army.  It's actually a statue of General William Lee a World War II hero and pioneer of airborne warfare.  The statue just happened to be located outside of General William C Lee Airborne Museum.  I guess these soft brained morons missed the velcro shoes and zippers on General William Lee's flight jacket.Below is a list of other soft people. Who'd we miss? Throw it in the comments and subscribe to Hard Factor.- Jussie Smollett- Alabama ISIS lady- Coast Guard mass murderer wannabe- The Catholic Church  

On Today's Hard Factor... Jussie Smollett is officially in deep shit for filing a false police report claiming he was the victim of a hate crime, so either he is completely insane, or really really wants more fame, you be the judge.A woman who previously pledged her allegiance with the United States' biggest enemy, ISIS, says she wants to come back home to America. Sure, she could have changed and no longer a soldier of ISIS, or she could be lying and wants to come home to do some ISIS shit. Probably a good idea to not let her back in.And a Coast Guard Officer had some big plans, to kill every person on the planet. Thank God they caught this crazy son of a bitch, because from the looks of his arsenal above, he was going to make a decent dent. 

On Today's Hard Factor...I hope America is ready to feel the Bern, because everyones favorite grumpy politician has declared he will be in-fact running for president, again... that's right the 77 year old Senator from Vermont is back for seconds. If he wins the democratic nomination he will have to go head-to-head against DjTrump - which I imagine would play out a lot like a third Grumpy Old Men movie; a movie no one asked for, a movie no one wants.On Monday, the New York Times published an article about the “next big scandal” in the Catholic Church… and guess what, it's all about the priests fucking the churchgoers again, but this time it's about the secret children that they father when they do it - because while they believe in the holy trinity, unfortunately their faith does not extend to condoms.High Fashion racism seems to be in this SPRING, and why not, black face knit sweaters and sweatshirts with nooses-for-strings make a statement wherever you go, and that statement is that I have more money than brains and I will sue you if you touch me.Gucci's CEO Marco Bizarri made a trip to Harlem to apologize to the African-American community for the brand's insensitive but sheik black face pull-over which retailed for the modest price of $890. (pictured above)The ever trendy Burberry couldn't let Gucci have all the fun - this year during London Fashion Week the brand unveiled their line of KKK Noose Hoodies. Creative Director Riccardo Tisci claimed the hoodies were "nautical themed". Like that makes it better? Seafaring racists are some of the worst racists.Oh yeah and a ton of other shit. Listen, subscribe, review. 

Venezuela still has two presidents one has the support of the military and the other the support of the United States of America. Guess what side Hard Factor internet pundit Digger who lives by the motto "nothing much to say, let's ride" is on? Pamela Taylor the woman who once got fired from her government official job for calling Michelle Obama an "ape in heels," is back in the news for defrauding FEMA. It seems like Pamela Taylor took advantage of FEMA's "we can't vet everyone" during emergencies policy and collected some funds by claiming her West Virginia house flooded when it really didn't. Oh Pamela you rascal you. There is a college lacrosse player who is riding the sidelines because the NCAA can't provide a helmet big enough to fit his gargantuan dome piece. Alex Chu was able to get around this problem in high school, when he had a company cut apart and weld two of their extra large helmets together, forming one mega helmet, but the NCAA has a no limousine style helmet clause which is preventing Alex from getting on the field.Oh yeah and a ton of other shit. Listen, subscribe, review.   

President Trump has declared a state of emergency to enable him to pay for the border wall. Rapper YNW Melly is an alleged murderer. Another human/dog sex ring has been discovered in Houston. Finally, a lightning round of other headlines, including 11 year-old arrested for not saying the pledge, Anthony Weiner released from prison, a JetBlue passenger goes on an epic drunk rant, and Jussie Smollett may have staged the attack?? 

NASA launches its new SPHEREx program during the same week they officially lost the Mars Opportunity Rover. Paul Manafort got his plea deal voided by the same judge who may slap a gag order on Roger Stone in the coming days. Cages in Texas: parents are trapping their kids in em, and stoners are walking in on tigers in em. Finally, a lightning round of other headlines, including cow killing blizzards, El Chapo paying for the wall, Bill Cosby comparing himself to Mandela, and a Hard Factor Hard Body Weight Loss Competition Update. 

Surprise, surprise…. El Chapo has been found guilty of absolutely everything, and it's a lengthy list, now we all get to wait for the prison break. The saga of who leaked Jeff Bezos' dick pics rages on; was it the girlfriend's brother, a friend, Saudi Arabia?? A Florida man (pictured) got caught assaulting his girlfriend in the face and chest area with a burrito; and a lightning round of other headlines, including time running out on a border wall funding deal, the senate forcing a vote on the Green New Deal, and a Houston man slaying several in self defense. 

Pete Hegseth of Fox and Friends told everyone he hasn't washed his hands in 10 years, and then walked that back, basically explaining that it was a joke to try and own the Purell-inclined libs… nice one, Pete! Polar bears have taken over the Novaya Zemlya archipelago in Russia, eating all the trash and trying to break into everyone's house to find food. A batch of deadly homemade booze in India has killed at least 105 people and counting; and a lightning round of other headlines, including Tesla roadster may crash back down to earth one day, Barney's getting in on weed paraphernalia, dueling rallies in El Paso, and new McDonald's donut sticks. 

Surprise surprise, guys love to send dick pics and some "expert" broke down a bunch bullet points explaining why. Really they could just research Anthony Weiner's brain. Also on the show we discuss a disease in large woods based animals called "Zombie Deer Disease," another presidential candidate announcement, a woman was eaten alive by pigs and a Georgia lawyer who killed his mother is on the run. Listen to our first show back post live New York power hour.Brought to you by Tommyjohn.com/hard

The Attorney General of Virginia, Mark Herring, second in line to take over the Virginia governorship, took it upon himself to tell the world that he attended a party in 1980 in blackface, adding to the dumpster fire that is Virginia politics in 2019. President of Maduro in Venezuela has used a military blockade on a bridge to bock foreign aid coming from the US to feed the supporters of his challenger, Gauido. Finally a Lightning Round of other topics, including the suicide text girl, suitcase murder in Connecticut, Meghan Markle's “best friends,” NASA's climate report, a Hard Factor Hard Body Weight Loss Competition update, and details on the LIVE POWER HOUR on Periscope TONIGHT 9 PM ET.