Hard Factor

Michael Avenatti is a world class scumbag. The guy doesn't pay child support, rips off every business partner he ever had, makes an announcement saying he's no longer defending porn stars, and now it turns out embezzled money from his client, falsified tax returns and extorted NIKE (Allegedly). This greasy bald bastard is facing up to 97 years in prison and our thoughts are just hook is ass off the face of the earth with a giant cane and launch him into outer space.Not a great week for weed. That's not a sentence that makes a lot of sense, but New Jersey cancelled the vote to legalize recreational marijuana and expunge the records of people with prior marijuana related offenses and apparently a lot of idiots in Colorado are greening out on edibles and ending up in the ER. Let's get it together here people, stop eating too many edibles and fucking this up for the rest of us if you can't handle your shit.Do any of you have a 19 year old in your office that looks like he's probably dosing the water cooler with LSD. Well you might and if you worked at Enterprise car rental in Arnold Missouri, you did. Turns out the teenager was actually trying to help, admitting to dosing his co-workers water and coffee but saying he was only doing it to improve the negative energy in the office. Something tells me this kid is going to be dosing a few more offices before he just figures out every office has a negative energy and quits corporate life to become his own boss, selling tie dye shirts.Here's the best of the rest:- Cuck of the year flies his plane into building he thought wife was in but she and everyone else had evacuated so he just killed himself and on one else- The family that owns Krispy Kreme and Panera Bread had a closet full of Nazi German ancestors that did some real bad shit in Germany during WWII so they are going to donate a bunch of money to charity- A man was arrested at an Indonesian airport for drugging and smuggling an orangutan in his luggage 

The Mueller Report is finally done. While the entire report hasn't been provided yet, a summary from the Attorney General indicates there will be no formal charges for collusion or obstruction coming for the President. The report also contains other details about how Russia did indeed seek to influence the 2016 election.A cruise ship in Norwegian waters (first of all, why are people doing March cruises in Norway) lost control of itself in giant ocean swells and barely made it back to shore over the weekend.Mel B (Scary Spice) told everyone about how she went down on Gerri Hallwell (Ginger Spice) back in the day, and now there may be trouble with the upcoming Spice Girl reunion tour. Turns out Ginger Spice's conservative husband may not like her hanging around her old squeeze.The PowerBall is going to be at least $750 Million for the Wednesday drawing. There's a multi-state recall on avocados. Reload with your bookie, the Sweet 16 is coming, and don't forget to support New Zealand shooting victims by getting your Unbreakable shirt. 

Authorities seized 1,000 lbs of cocaine at a port in Philadelphia and coke heads in Philly are probably not happy about it.  The combined street value of the bust was 18 million dollars, but was not nearly the biggest bust in our great countries history.  In 1989 a warehouse in CA was busted with 21 tons of cocaine inside, at the time it had a street value of 6 billion.A woman who adopted 7 children and started a VERY popular YouTube in which she made them perform in sketches, has been arrested because she was not only collecting checks from YouTube, but also torturing her kids.  Her YouTube channel titled "Fantastic Adventures", which had over 250 million views and over 800,000 followers has since been taken down and her and her sons are going to jail and are permanently in the Soft Corner.Apparently Adderall can cause psychosis... Who knew that stuffing yourself with Government Methamphetamine could cause your brain to turn on itself??  Also, VERY hot tea can increase your risk of esophageal cancer, probably because when you drink 140 degree tea you are constantly burning your esophagus, leaving it susceptible to cancer...maybe.Lightening Round:- Crazy bus driver in Italy sets a bus full of middle schoolers ablaze.- President Trump needs to chill with insulting John McCain- Weight loss update 

Florida prosecutors are offering Bob Kraft an essential draw, by giving him the option to get off on all blowjob charges, with some minor penalties, if he simply admits that if he were to go to trial that he could possibly be found guilty.  If Kraft were to take the deal he would be subjected to community service, some bullshit education classes on prostitution, and would have to pay court fees..  In addition, if he did take the deal he could also face some NFL penalties under their personal conduct policies/Roger Goodell is a very jealous man policy.  We will keep you updated and we stand behind Robert Kraft.Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Gracelyn Sorrell claims she figured out how to stop masturbating.. WHAT?!?!?!  Did she also cure cancer!?!?!  We aren't sure how and we aren't sure if we believe her, but she was a great interview none the less and is a must listen!!  In all honesty, she was a great sport and we hope all our listeners who are struggling with porn addiction, guessing about 100%, listen to the interview to find inspiration...  

California Congressman Devin Nunes has been getting owned so badly on Twitter by a guy pretending to be his Mom and by someone pretending to be his cow, and he's now suing the social media platform for $250 million for being bullies and for being hypocrites. Hey Nunes, how about you come on the show otherwise we are going to start busting your balls on Twitter something we both know you don't want.Wait are we having a fucking mob war or not? Frank "Franky Boy" Cali the boss of the infamous Gambino crime family was wacked off by a 24 year old Q follower? Come on, no way. One of the other four families or someone in his own family hired this easily brain washed punk in the perfect cover. Maybe they told him Franky Boy was hiding Muslims in the attic.Apparently Space is the last place you want to go if you have herpes, and you will never guess why? Any guesses? Its because just like on earth, the virus is activated by stress, and we imagine being locked inside a capsule for months at a time, unsure of whether or not you will ever get to eat another meal with your family or if you will just get incinerated upon re-entry plays a little bit of a factor on your stress levels as you peer out the window at our very round blue planet. Also it's kind of hard to hide from your fellow astronauts for a few days in a row. "Why does Jeff have his helmet on inside the spaceship?"And so much more in the Lightning Round. All you have to do is click the link above or any of the links below to find out. 

EggBoi, of New Zealand, smashed an egg over NZ Senator Fraser Anning's head, and the internet went wild! Fraser claims that the link between muslim immigration and violence are undeniable… in the wake of the Christchurch mosque shootings. No matter how you fee about that, head over to the store to buy your UNBREAKABLE charity tee to support the victims of the shooting that claimed 50 lives.Former Italian Prime Minister, Silvio “The Knight” Berlusconi, is in hot water over paying a witness to falsify their testimony regarding his famous sex parties, and the fate of the women who attended them. Italian news does not disappoint.In the most terrifying story of the day, a woman in Long Island is suing a cemetery for $5 Million for leaving vacant space in the ground near her parents grave site that caused a sinkhole effect, plunging her into their burial plots, clinging to the gravestone to avoid falling in.Finally, a lightning round of other stories about Beto O'Rourke's bad weekend, Boeing black boxes, and a casino robbery gone wrong. 

The scandal that is shocking some, and not surprising to most who know how rich people operate, has many stars being named for paying off college coaches, as well as manipulating ACT and SAT scores to get their privledged kids into the college of their liking.  We take a look at just how this scheme was operated, who was involved and most importantly, what is the link to Olivia Jade's Instagram profile.... Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg are under yet another investigation involving two large cell phone companies, and once again selling our private data, FUCK  YOU FACEBOOK!!  It looks like Zuckerberg will again be in a lot of official looking rooms, staring at water like he has no idea what it is.  Also Facebook and Instagram were shut down yesterday, maybe still shut down, and everyone now knows just how addicted they are to those two social media sites.John Capparelli, a priest who was previously named on a list with other child molesting Priests, was found dead in his Nevada home, and police think it may have been a crime of Karma/Homicide.  This guy had a long post being a creepy pedophile, including becoming a high school wresting coach where he forced his team to wear speedos during practice while showing them just how to perform certain moves, most of which ended with his crotch in their faces.  He also ran a website dedicated to erotic sweaty male wrestling.  What a peach, may you not rest in peace you piece of shit.Lightning Round:A Bomb Cyclone/Hurricane Blizzard is destroying Colorado and leaving hundreds of motorists strandedPresident Trump finally grounds Boeings 737 Max plane, saving all of our livesAnother government shutdown seems imminentWeight Loss UpdateLIVE POWER HOUR FRIDAY AT 8PM EST, FOLLOW US ON TWITTER (LINK BELOW) FOR UPDATES ON HOW TO JOIN IN ON THE DEBAUCHERY.  WE WILL BE JOINED BY PFT COMMENTER AND MARTY MUSH, YOU WILL NOT WANT TO MISS IT!!

On today's Hard Factor we talk to our first Congressman, and maybe our first Nickelback fan, Representative Rodney Davis from Illinois.  We discuss his new found fame after his hilarious interaction about his favorite band on the House floor, his love of Budweiser Beer, his stance on legalizing marijuana, and if he has ever made love to a Nickelback song.  Overall a great guy and we cannot wait to be invited to The White House when he becomes President.Also in The Lightening Round:Brexit fails again, and Wes doesn't know what Brexit is.Rich people and celebrities were paying for their kids to get into elite colleges.Cardinal Pell of Australia is finally getting his comeuppance for a lifetime of touching choir boys.Michael Avenatti wants everyone on Twitter know that he no longer represents Stormy Daniels.

Look we've all said some things we regret or maybe don't even regret but wish not everyone heard right? We just probably haven't all done it on a shock jock radio host who arranged for his wife to fuck the Hulkster on camera's radio show for five straight years. Tucker comes off as a real asshole but the real story here is that the Hulk has a hammer and everyone that he leg dropped probably has CTE.Who has two Presidents and no electricity, that would be the country with the world's largest oil reserves, Venezuela. Venezuela is having a worse year than R. Kelly. Four days without power, that is one sweaty fucking place ... actually the weather is perfect right now in Venezuela.Nicolas Petit keeps getting close to winning the Iditarod but blowing it. First he couldn't navigate a blizzard in 2017 when he was about to win the race and likely ended up eating all of his dogs just to survive. Now two years and ten new dogs later and he finds himself with a commanding lead 83% through the race. All he has to do is not yell at his alpha dog in front of all the other dogs. Oops. Petit embarrassed lead dog Joey and Joey and all the other dogs said fuck you Nicolas and parked their asses refusing to race. Maybe next year.And so much more in the 'Lighting Round.' 

Plane travel takes a trip to the Soft Corner, as an Ethiopian Air flight crashed over the weekend despite being one of Boeing's latest models, and another Boeing Turkish Air flight experienced turbulence so bad that it broke bones and sent several to the hospital.New reports point out that Mark Zuckerberg spends almost $20 Million a year on personal security for him and his family. As you might imagine, many of his security protocols are outrageously nerdy and over-protective, listen to learn more.A Lightning Round of other headlines, including more high profile connections to "Orchids of Asia" rub and tug spot, this time it's President Trump. A doctor tells a family that a member is going to die via robot visit (pictured). Jaguar selfie mistake, and California arsonist blames "ghosts" for cause of fire.  

On Today's BONUS Episode of Hard Soft Factor…ALL SOFT CONER FRIDAYUtah 4th grade teacher who made a kid wash off his ash Wednesday forehead – you're in the soft corner.R. Kelly – obviously you're in the soft corner. Also probably hell (soon).Elon Musk haters & the former Soviet Union – get in the corner.Canadian scammers who ripped off a bunch of geriatrics – soft corner.

The Canadian government is in “shambles” because Canucks are so darn moral. Apparently Canada's favorite son (and possibly the son of one or more members of The Rolling Stones) has been pressuring cabinet ministers to give a break to massive engineering company SNC-Lavalin – who has apparently been doing some shady things in Libya. SNC-Lavalin happens to be one of the biggest employers for the people of America's hat via government contracts. There in lies the rub. Truth be told – if you're not bribing and doing business with an iron fist in Libya, you're doing it wrong. For the second time in history a person has been fully cured of HIV.  Which seems like amazing news – but  don't throw away your Trojans quite yet. It's possible to get the cure you might also need to get cancer…? That can't be right. Either way this is middling news. If you live in West Germany, you know that you DO NOT FUCK WITH 59 year-old German gardener Bernhard Graumann. He is a man who knows how to hold a grudge. The vengeful seedsman was found dead in his home on Friday leaving countless untrimmed hedges, oh and also a bunch of booby trapped bombs at the homes of anyone that ever crossed him – including his long time doctor and some other poor lady that probably criticized his mowing job.Also a Lighting Round of other headlines + a weight-loss update (Spoiler: we're slightly less fat)

A 65 year old man shot an Amazon delivery driver after the delivery driver parked in a handicapped spot and then tried to beat the old man's ass for confronting him about it.  The old man then fled to a nearby Famous Foot Wear where he was apprehended by police, perhaps looking for a faster pair of shoes to escape with.A Sioux Falls, South Dakota High School is in some hot water after putting on the play “The Foreigner”  A play which featured many of the cast dressed in KKK garb, but does the play's positive message outweigh the racist costumes it requires?   You be the judge.FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb is resigning from his post citing he needs to spend more time with his family.  Sounds a little fishy, Scott.  In some good news though, a nasal spray form of Ketamine will soon be available to fight depression and put you in a government induced K Hole.  AWESOME!!And so much more in the ‘Lightning Round.'  If you have gotten this far in the blog you owe it to yourself to click the link to the podcast at the top and find out. 

Sorry for the obnoxious title. Hard Factor has yet to attend blogger school. Let's get into today's news.It seems like the Mueller investigation is ending, although who really knows with that thing. So what's next, we just return to normal, roll up the sleeves and get to work?  Apparently not.  The House of Representatives is about to launch a very long and tedious brand new investigation against President Trump...sound familiar? Hard Factor is just hoping we learn about some obscure porn star we can look up and/or a pee tape comes out of this one.Uhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhh. Don't watch 'Leaving Neverland.'Spoiler alert: Michael Jackson fucks the daylights out of very young kids, a lot, allegedly. Nothing new here right? Well this documentary has the details from first hand victims and YIKES!A 30 year old unemployed rich girl from Potomac Maryland, decided to throw her Mom's giant landline phone directly at her head after her Mom didn't drive her to yoga. She couldn't drive herself because along with not having a job she didn't have a driver's license. She probably thought that was how you use the phone, you throw it at the person you want to talk to. Anyways this chick sucks and the story is fucking wild, so listen to the podcast to get the full details.And so much more in the 'Lightning Round.'  If you have gotten this far in the blog you owe it to yourself to click the link to the podcast at the top and find out.

Elon Musk's SpaceX team becomes the first commercial spacecraft to dock at the International Space Station, while new imagery from Mars confirms an ancient network of above and below-ground lakes that point to potential life in the planet's past. Listen to learn how Elon is inching closer toward the eventual goal of sacrificing humans to his Martian gods.The Colorado jogger who claimed he had killed a mountain lion that was "at least fifty pounds" actually just stomped out a baby kitten mountain lion, is a pathetic liar, and is headed straight for the Soft Corner.A man in Oregon got stuck in the snow with his dog in his 4Runner, and resorted to eating Taco Bell Fire Sauce packets to help him and the dog survive.Finally, a Lightning Round of other headlines, including the Senate likely voting to block the border emergency, deadly tornadoes in Alabama and Georgia, US/China trade deal inching closer, and another week of iTunes reviews for a chance at a Friday episode.