ADHD Essentials

I had a blast talking to my friend Dr. Kirsten Milliken. We started off doing an episode for her show, Your ADHD Life, and wrapped up with this episode of ADHD Essentials. Kirsten is a psychologist, a mother (with ADHD) of two boys (one with ADHD, one without), and an ADHD coach! So there was a lot to talk about. In today’s episode, we discuss about her journey to getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, her book PlayDHD, and the importance of learning how to pause when moments get heated. She also indulged me as I told her about a scavenger hunt I created for my boys that was inspired by her work. There’s a lot in this one. I hope you enjoy it!   Dr. Kirsten Milliken can be found at YourADHDLife.com. Her book, PlayDHD, can be found here.And you can contact her here.   Let me know what you think of today's episode by emailing me at Brendan@ADHDessentials.com. And, as usual, I can be found at www.ADHDessentials.com.  My blog post on how I created the scavenger hunt is here.    Show Notes   2:06     How Dr. Kirsten became diagnosed with ADHD 4:07     Missing signs of ADHD because you’re too close to them 5:11     The “ah-ha” moment of diagnosis 6:18     Professionals who “get” ADHD tend to have ADHD 6:49     Not all clinicians understand ADHD at a deep enough level 7:45     ADHD is a matter of degree 8:30     Does our distracted culture make it harder to prove ADHD is valid? 8:58     Yes. Unless you have a good metaphor 9:31     ADHD, asthma, and our distracted culture 11:23   Going back to Dr. Kirsten as a parent 11:38   ADHD adds a lot of fun! 12:01   Folks with ADHD can be frustrating for nonADHDers 12:52   Oftentimes strong emotions spread from mm to son, and vice versa 13:15   Wanting things to be better for our kids 14:03   The emotional challenges of ADHD 14:31   The movie “Up” gets Oliver down 14:58   “As a parent, I wanna fix that!” 15:17   Uncomfortable emotions mean you care 15:49   The challenge of being less emotionally reactive 16:04   Naming our emotions helps us control them 16:27   They’re not trying to upset us 16:56   “This is” vs. “You are” 17:04   PlayDHD 17:45   Brendan and Kirsten’s first meeting 18:28   Usibng play to help kids manage ADHD 19:18   The link between ADHD and play 20:01   What the doc means by play 21:03   Using play to help kids clean their room 23:00   Kirsten inspires Brendan’s scavenger hunt 23:53   The clues built the skills 25:05   Addressing social emotional needs with the hunt 26:41   You can use play to teach lids things 27:02   There’s a reason kids with ADHD can be class clowns. 27:16   “Just a doctor” 28:01   Coaching is the best model for treating ADHD 28:15   Coaching vs. Therapy 28:44   Therapy is about “fixing” yourself 29:19   Coaching is about where you want to go 30:41   Your ADHD Life 32:36   If you understand, you can help 32:47   Ending Essential 34:13   Managing the pause 35:58   Finding the pause after the reaction 37:41   Modeling the pause

On one of the recent snow days, I sent a message to my friend Stephanie Letourneau and asked if she’d let me interview her for the podcast. She agreed, and I’m glad she did. What followed was an excellent discussion about helping our kids break down tasks, manage their emotions, and feel included. Another topic we discuss is the challenging shift that occurs between 2nd and 3rd grade. This type of shift also happens between 3rd and 4th grade, and during the transitions from elementary to middle school, middle school to high school, and from high school to college. So, although the strategies Stephanie shares come from the perspective of a third grade classroom, they can be adapted across grade and age levels, and used both in school, and at home. If you need any help adapting the ideas in this episode, feel free to contact me at Brendan@ADHDessentials.com. And, as usual, I can be found at www.ADHDessentials.com.    Show Notes:  2:05     Why the transition from 2nd to 3rd grade is hard for students and for Stephanie 4:06     How the transition affects ADHD students 4:44     Learning to read vs. Reading to learn 6:43     Summer regression 7:06     Smash the Task! 7:13     The value of starting slow 8:08     Smash the Task Part II 9:57     One task at a time with clear instructions 10:16   Two kids with ADHD: One’s done, the other hasn’t started. 11:04   Brendan tries to translate the tips hiding in the story 13:10   Writing is thinking 13:45   Choice helps with engagement 14:44   But too much choice can be overwhelming 15:55   Know your kid’s learning styles 16:20   Things that work for ADHD kids are just good teaching strategies 16:32   School is not an office! 16:51   It’s not in the curriculum, but teaching kids to recognize their emotions matters 17:30   Slowing down the morning is about getting the emotions in line 17:56   10 minute guided meditations help with transition 18:40   Spaghetti toes 19:36   NOTE: An OT is an occupational therapist 20:13   Putting work into helping kids transition 21:05   Teaching strategies, development gaps, and the nature of ADHD 22:57   Grade-to-grade transitions, ADHD, and regression 24:25   Making sure their brains are ready 25:07   Allow time for transition. Even at home. 25:39   Alternative Seating 27:45   Systems and discussions help navigate seating (and other) conflicts. 28:11   ADHD kids like the rockers. (Tired kids do too!) 28:50   Go Noodle 29:38   Sometimes you have to stop and take a break 30:25   A lesson from Stephanie’s grandma 31:02   Meditation and “A Stitch in Time Save Nine”. 32:03   YouTube advocates lying to children 33:37   ADHD kids are more likely to be bullied 33:52   Making the classroom safe for everyone. 34:58   Creating an inclusive environment 35:29   Kindness Clipboards 37:36   We’re all in this together 38:45   Positive Attitude 39:13   Ending Essential

It was my honor to talk about ADHD with Cameron Gott. He’s been coaching people affected by ADHD for over 15 years, and is one of the people I most wanted to get on the pod. So, when he told me he liked the show, I jumped at the chance to get him on. I’m glad I did. We talk about his new book, Curious Accountability (co written with Casey Moore), as well as the trials of bringing unmedicated kids to Walmart, the importance and challenge of reflection, and what it was like for both of us growing up with ADHD. The conversation was excellent. I learned a great deal from it.   Cameron’s book is phenomenal. I highly recommend it.   Without geeking out about the whole thing, I really enjoyed the concept of presence as it relates to Curious Accountability, and the way the three conversations discussed in the book provide an effective communication frame that can be used to talk to our kids about the challenges they face. Done right, it can limit the amount of intense confrontation and emotionality that so often derail those conversations.   Cameron Gott can be found at www.CameronGott.com. The first chapter of Curious Accountability can be found at:https://www.camerongott.com/2018/01/24/curious-accountability-chapter-one/   As usual, I can be found at www.ADHDessentials.com. Please let me know what you thought of today’s episode by emailing me at Brendan@ADHDessentials.com.   SHOW NOTES: 3:10     Cameron’s first experience working with kids with ADHD. 4:31     Certain environments invite certain behaviors 5:50     Teaching trip plans 6:14     Mine the learning and apply forward 7:15     Putting accountability in a positive light 8:11     What accountability means to most people… And what gets lost in it 9:08     What Curious Accountability is about. 9:29     Pausing, Pivoting, and ADHD 9:47     Light the Rocket and Go! 11:14   Fitting reflections into the day 11:59   Don't get us started on recess! 13:15   Just enough structure to be successful 14:17   Using structure outside of the plan/schedule 15:43   ¾ of the battle of ADHD 16:06   Presence and Curious Accountability 17:30   Curiosity and assuming good 19:13   How Cameron’s ADHD shows up 19:35   Trading Volume and Speed for Mastery 20:05   The student side of the pressure to get 100% right away 21:28   Bringing accountability out in the open in our relationships 21:57   Keep an eye on the bigger picture 22:19   The 3 Conversations of Curious Accountability 23:56   The Big Carrot in the Sky 24:21   Conversation 1 24:37   Conversation 2            24:27   Conversation 3 24:57   Where the failure in the system happens 25:14   The ADHD Experience (Not being able to do what’s on the plan) 25:25   Sometimes the plan has to fail so you know what to address 25:45   How curiosity plays in 26:13   Mirror Neurons and Modeling 27:33   The Value of pairing accountability with curiosity 28:29   You need a safe place to share what’s going on… 29:20   …but it has to come from the top down 29:42   Radical transparency: Apply it at home! 30:11   The power of assumption 30:33   Curiosity is a muscle to build 31:11   Tone of voice matters 31:42   What would have helped when Cameron was in high school 32:43   Timing matters when asking questions 33:17   Prefrontal Cortex shutdown (is a good name for a band) 34:29   Ending Essential 34:59   The book is Phenomenal 35:51   Extra Bonus Ending Essential

Sandy and I had a great conversation about her husband, her kids, and the way ADHD affects their family.  One aspect of this episode that I love is the symmetry of it -  the topics we discuss early on in our conversation return again at the end, allowing us to go into more depth in them the second time through.   I was impressed with Sandy's honesty and willingess to be vulerable, as well as the clear love she has for her husband.  Being married to ADHD can be hard at times, and I appreciated her willingness to go there during her time on the show.   And she seemed to find some meaning in the thoughts and ideas that I shared.  Which is nice, since helping people is my main goal in doing this. I hope you find meaning in this episode as well. As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com. Or email me at brendan@ADHDessentials.com. SHOW NOTES: 1:46     Always 15 minutes early or 30 minutes late 2:55     Chris’s diagnosis leads to Dad’s tears 4:06     ADHD, litigation, and the need for excitement 5:18     Last minute struggles and working in bursts 7:13     Travelling in the car together 8:32     Struggles with consistency 8:54     Feeling like she has to overcompensate for Chris’s ADHD 11:26   Three kids, and one might have ADHD 13:40   Two years old and counting in three languages 14:12   How Sandy met Chris 15:06   Married to ADHD is a mixed bag 15:47   ADHD and the gap between the twins 17:00   The kid who walks into walls 18:34   Swimming lessons and mercurial moods 20:36   W’s Everywhere 22:44   What ADHD adds 24:24   Self Medicating with Surfing 24:59   Overcompensating after hurting feelings 26:51   Empathy beats fixing 27:06   Prepping the ADHD person in advance 28:44   The biggest challenge is carrying the mental load 31:58   But it depends on the day 34:15   “Is there anything you need me to do?” 35:31   Chris addressing Sandy’s needs makes a world of difference 36:17   A strong base of love and understanding helps a lot 38:35   The 5 Love Languages 40:57   Dopamine and small vs. large efforts 43:09   ADHD is just one aspect of the relationship 44:19   Communication and problem-solving 46:10   The moralization of ADHD 46:40   Sandy reflects again on Chris’s dad’s reaction to Chris’s ADHD diagnosis  

Cara Fleming is a school psychologist at the high school level, as well as a transition consultant. What’s a transition consultant? I’m glad you asked. Transition consultants help kids successfully make the leap from high school to college and/or the workforce. Cara was great to interview. We laughed a fair amount, looked at things in new ways, and discovered some interesting things along the way. Cara talks transitions, testing, and shares why she isn’t a geneticist. Her knowledge and enthusiasm really shine through. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the show. Cara can help with questions around transition from high school, and also performs independent testing for families looking into Special Education diagnosis in the New England area. She can be contacted at CaraFlemingTransitions@gmail.com. As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com. Or email me at brendan@ADHDessentials.com. P.S. This was the first episode I recorded for the podcast. I’ve learned some things since then (mostly on the technical end - editing & recording stuff), but I’m pretty happy with it.   SHOW NOTES: 2:27    The child HAS to be involved in the transition process 3:31     Kids need to have something they can succeed at 5:49     Disability Awareness 7:18     Disability documentation and the transition to college 8:08     Some colleges specialize in students with disabilities 10:13   Self-Advocacy and College 11:46   ADHD Supports in College 14:06   504 vs. IEP 16:42   Why Special Ed Teachers want to be useless 18:31   But, what if my kid isn’t going to college!?! 19:01   Licenses and 504s 19:56   How to ask for accommodations in the real world 22:28   Know your disability 23:15   “How can I do a better job for you?” 23:38   Sparkle! Sparkle! Sparkle!… Documentation 25:55   Empathy for testers and school staff 27:47   Credentials to look for in outside evaluators 29:05   The Historical Perspective 30:04   ADHD leaves a footprint in cognitive testing 31:55   Transition Plans for the Post-High School World 32:45   A Three-Legged Stool on a Really Nice Rug 32:59   The Academic Leg (which Cara turns into a prong) 33:12   Performance based tasks of attention 33:35   Cara changes the stool by adding a fourth leg/prong 34:32   Cara recaps the leg/prongs 34:48   The rug is for transition planning 35:35   ONET 38:14   You have to know what’s bad about the job you want 38:55   Cara talks about transitioning from a Geneticist to a poet (to a school psychologist) 40:37   What Cara loves about her job! (Besides the kids) 41:16   Why helping kids understand who they are matters 42:31   Self knowledge shifts the locus of control to the individual 43:43   Cara’s daughter turning 15 gave her a new empathy for parents 45:06   Ending Essentials

 As I spoke with Dan and Stacy, our guests for this episode, I was struck by how clearly their love for each other and their kids came across.  Dan's thoughfulness about how ADHD affects their family of four, and Stacy's understanding and acceptance of the struggles it presents were moving.  As was their clear support for one another, and their children.I hope you enjoy listening to this episode as much as I enjoyed recording it. As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com. Or email me at brendan@ADHDessentials.com.   Episode 004: Routines, Giggles, and Belonging with Dan and Stacy   2:44     Child Evaluation leads to Parental Diagnosis 4:42     ADHD has always been there 8:22     Counting Down for Compliance, not Completion 8:51     Routine, Practice and Habit 12:37   Kids as “Little Recorders of Us”        14:19   Giggles in the Walls 16:25   The Value of Routines 17:07   Disrupted Routines 18:32   Relationships and Belonging 24:44   Overcoming Fear at Disneyland 35:19   Evening Routines 36:06   Love and Humility 38:36   Catching Lessons 39:04   Empathy and Marginalization 41:25   Ending Essentials  

Episode 3 finds me talking to Michele Monteiro.  She's a special education teacher at a school for kids with social, emotional, and other disabilities.  Many of her students have ADHD. We talk aobut how students taking, or not taking, their prescribed medication affects both themselves, and their classmates, the importance of letting kids earn back your opinion of them when they mess up, and the transformative power of chef Boyardee and ramen. Side Note: During our conversation, Michele and I express frustration with the the fact thatn not all educators are able to understand/respect the social and emotional challenges of their students. No offense is intended. I’ve worked with a great many teachers and administrators who deeply value social emotional learning. And, given that you’re here, I’m sure you do too.   Thanks for listening!  I hope you enjoy it.   As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com.Show Notes: 2:10      Bit by ADHD 3:40      Time Blindness 6:31      How not taking Prescribed Meds affects classroom  10:16      Shame and ADHD 16:18      Effort Grades 17:26      Separating attitude from performance 18:08      Earning point back by doing well afterward 19:15      Teaching Self-Care 21:06      Why Projects don’t work for Michele’s population 22:08      Emotions Beat Academics 22:31      ADHD & Comorbidities 23:12      Why Michele Loves Her Job 24:38      The Value of Kids Putting Their Heads on Their Desks 27:31      Managing the Emotional Drain 27:47      The Value of Shared Experience 29:23      The Transformative Power of Chef Boyardee and Ramen 30:23      On Self-Care 31:55      Self Care Outside of School 32:31      Being Goofy in Class 34:22      Ending Essential 

ADHD Essentials, Episode 2! In this episode, I'm talking with Sam Gardner.  Sam is the mother of a daughter with ADHD.  (Even better, her daughter is in middle school!)  Sam shares the frustration, joy and adventure of being part of a family affected by ADHD.  We talk about selfcare, the importance of learning how best to manage your kid with ADHD, and the importance of recognizing growth in yourself and your child.Thanks for listening!  I hope you enjoy it.   As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com.   Ep 2 Sam Gardner Show Notes   2:00                 How School reveals ADHD 2:40                 Why you might not be a Helicopter Parent 3:30                 Managing Teachers when you have a kid with ADHD 4:27                 School Struggles 5:17                 Letting Go and Letting the Kid Take the Lead 7:45                 The Importance of Breaking Parental habits to Help the Kid 9:21                 ADHD Outside of School 9:34                 Fearlessness and Getting Lost at Target 11:07               Disney’s “The Circle” 12:31               Social Media & Technology Challenges 17:23               Good Things ADHD Adds 20:27               The Value of Having Friends Who also have kids with ADHD 20:50               The Ripple Effect of Joining the School Play 22:05              What Parents Have to Learn 25:40               Self Care 30:05               How an Outside Perspective Helps you See Growth 34:24               On Medication 36:57               Judgment from Other Parents 39:10               Ending Essential      

It's the very first episode of the ADHD Essentials podcast!  In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. David Nowell.  He's a clinical neuropsychologist, international speaker, and renowned expert on ADHD.   This episode is an overview of ADHD.  We talk about it all!  How ADHD works in the brain, the role of dopamine, behavior management, reframing perspectives, even mindfulness.  It's a wide ranging discussion filled with science, stories and strategies.     Dr. Nowell can be found at DrNowell.com. And, as usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com   Thanks for listening!   Ep 1 Dr. David Nowell Show Notes   1:30                 10 Second Grocery Store Description of ADHD 3:52                 ADHD/Asthma Metaphor 4:37                 Diagnosis Based on Severity / Functional Impairment  6:12                 ADHD Genes, and heritability  8:32                 ADHD Brain Basis 11:16               ADHD Look-a-likes 12:20               Major Life Changes and ADHD 13:12               Major Life Changes from the Kid’s Perspective 18:52              Systems for Kids to Manage ADHD Now and in the future. 19:39               Raising a Healthy, Well Adjusted 26 Year Old 22:44               Managing ADHD with Bright Line Rules 35:33               On Attention 38:51               Reframing the Point of Homework 40:44               Stories about ADHD Testing 42:32               How to get paid $800/hr… Sort of. 44:08               Brief Recap 44:35               Mindfulness as an ADHD Treatment

Welcome to the origin episode of ADHD Essentials!  I'm your host, Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S.  I'm a former teacher and school counselor, turned ADHD coach, speaker and consultant.   In this episode we'll be talking about the plan for the pod, and how it came about.  I'll also share some of my credentails, and preview some of the upcoming episodes and guests! The format is a little different than how the rest of the show's episodes will work.  In this one, I'm joined by my friend friend Eric Tivers, host of ADHD reWired.  Eric's been encouraging me to do this for sometime, so I couldn't think of anyone better to start out with.  In this origin episode, he'll be interviewing me.  Moving forward, however, I'll be the one asking the questions.    Eric can be found at ADHDreWired.com.And I can be found at ADHDessentials.com.   Thanks for listening!   Ep. 00 with Eric Tivers Notes   1:39               How Eric and Brendan met 2:00                Brendan is 5’6”, but his message is “the stuff of giants” 3:15                 Preview of Guests 5:02                 The Concept Behind the Podcast: 3 Silos 6:04                 What Parents will get from listening 7:20                 What teachers will get from listening 8:09                 On The Importance of Science 9:55                 What Brendan is Most excited about 11:28               Brendan’s Qualifications 12:41               Parent Groups?  15:38               Bright Line Rules 17:57              Contact Info