6: Love Languages, Twin Gaps, and Being Married to ADHD with Sandy, Wife and Mom to ADHD

Summary: Sandy and I had a great conversation about her husband, her kids, and the way ADHD affects their family.  One aspect of this episode that I love is the symmetry of it -  the topics we discuss early on in our conversation return again at the end, allowing us to go into more depth in them the second time through.   I was impressed with Sandy's honesty and willingess to be vulerable, as well as the clear love she has for her husband.  Being married to ADHD can be hard at times, and I appreciated her willingness to go there during her time on the show.   And she seemed to find some meaning in the thoughts and ideas that I shared.  Which is nice, since helping people is my main goal in doing this. I hope you find meaning in this episode as well. As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com. Or email me at brendan@ADHDessentials.com. SHOW NOTES: 1:46     Always 15 minutes early or 30 minutes late 2:55     Chris’s diagnosis leads to Dad’s tears 4:06     ADHD, litigation, and the need for excitement 5:18     Last minute struggles and working in bursts 7:13     Travelling in the car together 8:32     Struggles with consistency 8:54     Feeling like she has to overcompensate for Chris’s ADHD 11:26   Three kids, and one might have ADHD 13:40   Two years old and counting in three languages 14:12   How Sandy met Chris 15:06   Married to ADHD is a mixed bag 15:47   ADHD and the gap between the twins 17:00   The kid who walks into walls 18:34   Swimming lessons and mercurial moods 20:36   W’s Everywhere 22:44   What ADHD adds 24:24   Self Medicating with Surfing 24:59   Overcompensating after hurting feelings 26:51   Empathy beats fixing 27:06   Prepping the ADHD person in advance 28:44   The biggest challenge is carrying the mental load 31:58   But it depends on the day 34:15   “Is there anything you need me to do?” 35:31   Chris addressing Sandy’s needs makes a world of difference 36:17   A strong base of love and understanding helps a lot 38:35   The 5 Love Languages 40:57   Dopamine and small vs. large efforts 43:09   ADHD is just one aspect of the relationship 44:19   Communication and problem-solving 46:10   The moralization of ADHD 46:40   Sandy reflects again on Chris’s dad’s reaction to Chris’s ADHD diagnosis