The Expat Files: Living in Latin America

-What’s the real cost of first-world living in Latin America? Everyone wants to know exact figures and how to make a plan and formulate a proper budget. So today I’m providing a breakdown of my own personal monthly expenses “off the gringo tourist trail”. -A word on the sometimes confusing issue of domestic water service in Latin America. Home and business owners are generally allotted what is called a “paja” of water or some fraction (or multiple) of a paja. One paja is about 8000 gallons per month, enough for a family of four gringos if properly cognizant of water conservation- whereas the same amount of water will serve a middle-class Latin family of 10 or more people. Californian’s are about to learn some difficult water lessons the Latins have been dealing with for decades.        -Some Latin American swimming pool tips you'll want to know. -Want to get off many(perhaps all) of your prescription meds? Here’s one listener’s plan on how she’s going about it once she moves down. -A few more words, and another pointed story, on vaccines in Latin America.   JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to the www.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin American plans.

-Often a husband and wife, or a couple, will come down to Latin America, one of them being the obvious driving force behind their expat move while the other partner seems not nearly as geared up. Sometimes the less enthused one displays resistance and is critical and negative about the move. When that happens, what is there to be done?  -There are still many first world people out there in “gringolandia” and Europe who would never think of coming to Latin America because they simply believe it’s too classist, dangerous, backwards and unsanitary. Today we have an email from such a person. He’s never been to Latin America and says he would not chance the trip even if he had the dough.     -When the next shoe drops and the feces hits the ventilator, might there be a backlash against gringos and expats in Latin America? Might the downtrodden locals get pissed off and come after the “rich gringo” in the neighborhood? After all, when the next worldwide economic blowout hits it will affect every country and all will be the worse for it. Surely solid blame will be placed on the American government- its lies, the reckless fiat monetary system and toxic derivatives - as it should be.    -Donald Trump is all over the Latin news this week. His words about Mexico’s low life’s and crooks sneaking in to the US and causing endless grief and damage have enraged the Latin American public- who mostly believe it’s their right to sneak into the states if they feel like it. Meanwhile Latin news op-ed pieces and the tweets appearing on TV and in the media show just how undereducated, ill-informed and petty most of these outraged responder’s comments appear to be. They want to get in and Trump’s not going to stand in their way!    JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to the www.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin American plans.

-Chinese autos have invaded Latin America. Though they look like the usual high end common models you’re familiar with(clones of Toyota, Honda even Range Rover) and seem very nicely appointed in auto showrooms and good enough in test drives, don’t fall for the low prices and the hype… there’s trouble ahead. -The case for buying non-original (clone) replacement parts versus so called original factory replacement parts for your car while down in Latin America -The news has gone viral in Latin America that under a new law, starting Jan 2015, California has given out 350,000 drivers licenses to illegal aliens. The reaction down here in Latin America is more than noteworthy. The news has lit a fire under millions of poor uneducated Latins with no skills and some very bad habits. Millions more conservative Latins are now packing for a move “gringolandia”. Now many think they'll have a sort of legal safety net that will lead to the free benefits that so many down here have been hearing about.  -Just when you thought you heard everything today we have another story pathetic but true yet so obviously stupid that it underlines just how unrealistic and pigheaded people can be especially those who desperately want their 15 minutes of fame. Wonder if anything like this could happen up in the states? Probably!      JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to the www.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin American plans.

-Expats and gringos arrive in Latin America as newbees: not registered or tracked by any agencies or databases save for their entrance on immigration computers. It’s a real gift to be free from Big Brother’s microscope and that means we all start out in Latin America with a clean slate, a low profile and with a very tiny footprint. So today we have more tips and suggestions on how to keep it that way… -A discussion of some of the various “out of the ordinary” things your friendly Latin lawyer can do for you and why you want to build a long term relationship with him and not hop from one shyster to another.     -Cell phones, SIM chips, low profiles and anonymity         -The wholesale drug trade: some very weird and scary drug news that you’ll never get from mainstream media. You won’t believe who’s involved and who has been getting busted lately, on the wholesale level, and who gets away it.        JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to thewww.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin American plans.

-More tips and suggestions when applying for Latin American residency -Today a discussion that will be of interest to any listeners who might be considering a certain type of Latin American residency called “pensionado”. Yes this special residency plan does have its small advantages, but also a few restrictive disadvantages… and at least one very serious drawback.     -Another Latin Residency avenue employed by many expats is the so-called residency by qualified investment. This is just as it sounds, meaning the applicant must make a substantial monetary investment in some kind of govt approved venture. Depending on the country, the investment can be a few hundred thousand bucks with very strict rules and monitoring, or the investment can be a very small one and the rules quite lax.        -More outrageous eye-witness examples of idiot Latin showoffs with more money than brains. Of course wealthy showoffs with bodyguards and bulletproof SUVs making pompous asses out of themselves in public may be twisted and even morbidly funny sometimes (it’s their forte). After all it’s their often stolen public money and thus their own business- kinda . Unfortunately it’s not all that amusing when the average public is inconvenienced by their stupid escapades.     JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to thewww.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin American plans.

It just might happen that a Latin friend or acquaintance will try to get you to support a local scumbag politician. Remember, it’s a huge feather in a politico’s hat to have a real live gringo at his or her event. Its considered a 1st world stamp of approval. No use telling a Latin that after a while, no matter how innocent and sincere these politicians seem at first, they all inevitably become scumbags. It’s just not news and everyone knows it. So what do you do when something like that happens, and how do you get out of a situation like that diplomatically or otherwise? Or should you?   -Here’s another very bad Latin custom to keep an eye out for. At Christmas, Easter and national holidays- in mostly poor and lower class sections of big cities- certain lower class type of drunk macho guys think it’s good fun to occasionally discharge firearms into the sky. As old Yosemite Sam knows all too well, what goes up must come down and people do get hurt. So here’s the scoop on another stupid macho past time. By the way, wealthy Latins with bodyguards and more money than brains sometimes get nuts like that too… especially at World Cup time.       -More great examples of your "Gringo Advantage" in business. -Great insider tips on learning Spanish... from a loyal listener in the thick of it along with some odd Latin homespun household customs and remedies. -A "boots on the ground" discussion of vaccines in Latin America and the Latin public's complete lack of awareness. JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to thewww.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin American plans.

A few pointed gringo/expat stories of how they’ve been ripped off or gouged by their own Latin lawyers. Sometimes clueless gringo schmucks never find out they've been scammed and sometimes they do, but only when they try to sell or mortgage that little piece of paradise. -Did you know that many Latin country land border crossings (the ones out in the boonies) allow the local foot traffic to cross back and forth –from country to country- without a passport, ID card or even a second look from the guards or immigration control?      -A new hi-tech scam comes to Latin America, and it’s just starting to affect the local import/export business community. Here’s the story of a long term Expat gringo who got snared in the trap…. with a surprise ending!   -Three easy steps you can perform to make your computer and your web searches virtually data collection proof. How to vastly minimize outside tracking and hacking of your searches as well as sharing and stealing of your personal online data       JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to thewww.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin American plans.

-Slowly but surely Latins are becoming more and more security conscious and with the usual lag time they are taking baby steps. For example, many guard shacks checkpoints at upscale exclusive neighborhoods will demand a visitor’s driver’s license upon entering, photograph it and often hold it till your stay is done and you drive out. To me that’s too intrusive. Why should one have to give personal dats to rent-a-cops with 8th grade educations? But wait, there are some simple steps an expat can take to foil them. The point is that you should always try to keep a very small footprint and a low profile. Never give out your real info if you can help it…            -More examples on how “off the tourist trail”, doors automatically open for you. The “gringo advantage” is alive and well -Most career people and professionals in the states work for the man and have never had their own business. Even though Expats in Latin America often start their own business and have great success, career people (who’ve worked for someone else all their lives) may be a bit put off at the prospect of a brand new scary venture like being the owner "boss" for once. That said, many such listeners send emails wanting to know their chances of landing a job in their chosen professions to avoid that prospect altogether. They want to know how easy or hard it is to find a nice safe job down here and what tips might come in handy.  JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to thewww.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin A

-As promised, you can now send an email and get a free copy of the new e-book, “Fast Spanish” written by a faithful listener and Expat Wisdom seminar attendee. Better hurry though, the free offer is only good for a week or so.     -Every day enlightened first world people are getting a plan “B” lined up as they see more and more examples of why the USA is heading down the tubes. Realists know there’s not a chance of the US ever recovering its former glory. Meanwhile, unenlightened, superficial people still buy the usual spoon fed media crap believing the fantasy that the US is somehow “special” and in times of trouble will always have an ace in the hole. Now more fuel for the fire… -Today we discuss unknown ways your tax dollar is being used to fund, get this, mindless Latin American soap opera productions! Unbelievable but true. US taxpayers are actually subsidizing Spanish speaking soap operas that are then distributed outside the USA.        -More concrete examples why any notion of a rigid Big Brother police state is a distant fantasy in Latin America. Why? For one, there are just too many overfed, underpaid, fat-ass, clock watching government slugs with zero discipline and work ethic. What’s not to like about that? -Many expats and gringos want to know if they can get some of the same specialty organic items and brands they buy back in the old hometown health food store. If so, where can one get that kind of stuff in a typical Latin America town and what’s the availability?  -The real story on NGO’s (Non-Governmental Organizations) operating in Latin America and the 3rd and 4th world. You may have heard that NGO’s are set up strictly as “do go good” charitable arms of first world philanthropists and foundations but the truth is that in the conglomerate they have done absolutely nothing but harm in the 60 years of their existence. Here’s a bit of eye-witness proof.      JULY 2015 -LATIN AMERICAN SEMINAR NOTICE: Make your plans today for the next Latin American Expat Wisdom seminar. Just go to thewww.ExpatWisdom.com main page and click on the Latin Seminar link for full details. The seminar will take place from Saturday, July 11th through Thursday July 16th, 2015.    -CONSULT WITH JOHNNY- SCHEDULE A CELL OR SKYPE CALL: Follow the consult link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com and Johnny will help you sort out your Latin American plans.

-Pirated Software Part 2: the latest on the use, abuse and massive availability of pirated software throughout Latin America. In this episode we see just how easy it is to purchase a $6 pirated version of Microsoft Office (normally $100+ for the legal, registered version) directly from a major Latin newspaper classified section yellow pages ad. Notice that if you purchase the stuff, no one will ever mention the word, “pirate”. They’ll simply refer to it as “unregistered”.      -If you’re trying to re-learn or bone up on your faulty high school Spanish, be sure to install at least a few of your computer programs in Spanish, not English. At first it will be trial by fire, but very much worth it in the end.  -Do #800 phone numbers work when calling them from Latin America? If so, are they free of charge? Well, yes and no….-Its “buyer beware” or better yet, “buyer’s remorse” when signing contracts in Latin America. Know that there is no such thing as a“48 hour cooling off period” as opposed to certain legal transactions and contracts in the states.-Some info for people interested in bringing a first-world franchise businesses down to Latin America -Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private phone, Skype or Mumble consult with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, we can talk about your situation one on one.   

-If you’re trying to re-learn or bone up on your faulty high school Spanish, note that lately Netflix and some of the other video downloading and streaming services are now providing the higher quality Spanish programming from Spain with Eng/Span subtitles. It’s a very good way to see how middle and upper class Latins actually converse and quite above the kind of low street lingo that average Latin gardeners and illegals in the USA hood generally speak.-DYK that all first-world college students who wish to become Spanish teachers in USA public schools must do at least a month immersion program with a non-English speaking Latin American family? Sounds logical, right? Well, hold onto your hat folks… because here’s a shocker you’ve never heard before!-Now for some startling news about scorpions. Surprisingly enough, scorpion stings are the second leading cause of emergency room visits in much of Mexico(the first being gunshot wounds, naturally) … with over 250,000 people stung each year. In fact, Durango Mexico holds the world’s record. It’s ground zero for scorpion stings worldwide!-Strangely enough, there will be times when way off the gringo tourist trail (often in the middle of nowhere) you’ll suddenly come across a bridge, park or highway named after a dead US president. Say what? Surely you’ll wonder how that happened….-The latest skinny on the use, abuse and massive availability of pirated software throughout Latin America    -Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private phone, Skype or Mumble consult with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, we can talk about your situation one on one.

-Why is it that you will instantly meet the stinking rich and the scumbag poitico movers and shakers in Latin America by simply joining a golf course or country club? It’s because there are virtually no public golf courses in Latin America. That means the cost of club membership not only rules out the Latin middle classes but also the so called Latin upper-middle classes. Only the truly wealthy (and some above average income expats) can afford the $20k or so membership fee. And though not all are pretentious jerks- that will be the general class of people you will be duffing with…  -I don’t golf anymore. One of the reasons I quit was because when I’d hit  the links with a group of Latin duffers- whether in Costa Rica, Panama or Colombia- I’d usually catch some guy cheating. And why not? Latins that can actually afford the club memberships are generally sleazebag politicians, or the snooty class of hereditary land owners, or high-ranking military jerks with dough to burn (usually on the payroll of narcos), and of course their entitled kids. But the very nice thing for us Expats is that the courses are virtually empty. The members rarely golf since the payoff for Latins is simply the status to belong…  -Like the Chinese water torture: multiple small earthquakes, tremors and the infrequent large quakes will do small but continuous damage to water pipes. Little by little, pipes will shift and thus crack and break. You can’t stop entropy, but there are a few things you can do to minimize the inconvenience and the damage..   -Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private phone, Skype or Mumble consult with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, we can talk about your situation one on one.    

-Just a few pointed observations about the often spoiled and pampered children of long-term Expat gringos. Though gringos should know better, they’re often guilty of letting their kids run roughshod over the maids, nannies and cleaning ladies. And when witnessing that stuff first hand, you just have to keep your mouth shut or lose friends …      -There are some pretty skanky Latin lawyers out there, most of the sleazy ones I’ve met personally have been plying their trade “on the tourist trail” in places like Costa Rica, Panama and Mexico- hard at work stiffing clueless gringos. Though as a rule when “off the tourist trail”, most lawyers are, nice, low key and generally boring… not nearly the right stuff necessary to swim with the sharks. -Beautiful Spanish tile and ceramic floors are to be found everywhere in Latin America and they last practically forever. But because of constant low grade seismic activity, sooner or later a tile or two will come lose and require some repair work. Sounds like a no brainer, but it isn’t. That’s when you need to crack the whip. -Certain interesting and unexpected things can happen when gringo couples come down to live in Latin America. One of the most common anomalies is- all other things being equal-the woman (gringa) learns her Spanish and bonds with the locals much, much faster than her gringo partner. So then what’s it about us gringo guys? Well, compared to gringa women, is it just that we’re lazy or perhaps a bit thick?-Another cool new Expat story that proves that when off the tourist trail, the “gringo advantage” is alive and well!               -Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private phone, Skype or Mumble consult with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, we can talk about your situation one on one. 

-There are some decidedly strange New Year’s events and traditions in Latin America. You might want to be aware of them because you certainly will get invited to Latin New Year’s celebrations. It would be nice to know ahead of time what to expect… since New Year’s parties “south of the border” are definitely NOT what you’re used to up in Cleveland.    -Did you know that Latin men have such a height complex (the average guy is about 5’4”) that the installation of “shoe lifts” is a very lucrative business? In fact, many, many, job want-ads have a minimum height posted in the classifieds; all the more reason to straighten up, and wear your hidden 2” lifts at your own next interview! And DYK that in Latin America the job wanted ad's for "Personal Bodyguards" lists the minimum height requirement at a very intimidating 5''4". -Finally, this question is addressed today:How do educated, above average gringos and expats keep mentally stimulated, happy and self-satisfied in a society that doesn’t read books, has little interest in topics like world events, nutrition, or any serious issues facing our planet today?         -Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private phone, Skype or Mumble consult with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, we can talk about your situation one on one.

-Questions have been dribbling in concerning Latin America drought conditions, leaving some listeners worried. That said, there are two Latin countries in very big trouble now (and well into the foreseeable future). Every expat should be well advised keep well away from these two particular places, and here’s why… -Some Latin businesses and families are forced into getting their water supply from the local municipality. In congested Latin cities and neighborhoods, just like in the states, one cannot hire someone to dig a private well in the backyard. Out in the boonies, yes, you can have a well….and residential towers and private subdivisions can dig their own wells too. But reality is that many, many Expats are city types and thus are unfortunately stuck with slow, spotty, contaminated municipal water sources. So, today we’ll go over the worst of those particular problems and present some easy solutions…-Some surprising news about Latin male fertility rates. Turns out, testosterone levels in young Latin men are way, way up as compared to the T levels measured in young men up the states. And it’s not due to certain things Latins eat, but rather more likely due to the things they don’t consume... though they are on much the same track.      -Do follow the link on the main page at www.ExpatWisdom.com to schedule a private phone, Skype or Mumble consult with me. If you want to discuss the details of living, working, playing, doing business and/or retiring in Latin America, we can talk about your situation one on one.