Something Wonky

THE FOCUS GROUP Austerity for them Costello and mates pay themselves $8m bonuses out of Future Fund, plus two expensive christmas parties, and generous staff credit cards. As if it was the issue, Costello specifically denies that the La Di Da burlesque venue had any strippers. Abbott makes it easier for ministers to own shares in companies that might be affected by their decisions. JSF earns more sarcastic air quotes, this time around the word “stealth”, as it turns out it can’t hide from Russian radar. Why is the ALP still supporting the terrible JSF - can’t they take the opportunity provided by all its disastrous recent developments to pull back from it? Tony’s friends apparently are still doing okay, because the LNP reckons they’ll pay $11,000 a head for breakfast with Tony. Austerity for the rest of us Commission of AWWNOYOUDIDNT - “recipe for a poorer, nastier and more brutish Australia”; remember how the CoA’s task was framed (Former BCA head told to find SAVINGS not appropriate avenues for revenue). $2.5m well spent? ALL-NEW IDEAS FROM THE EARLY 1980S. $15 medicare co-payment (good news for the sick) $5 more for PBS medicines (good news for the sick) 15,000 public service jobs lost (except in the growth industries like watching carefully what poor people spend their dole money on etc) States to collect income taxes (because it’s more efficient to have NINE governments collecting income tax, not just one) No more “horizontal fiscal equalisation” - equivalent services between states - screw you, people in poorer states. Uni students to pay much more, much earlier. Medicare surcharge to 3.5% if you don’t have prive health insurance (good news for private health insurers) Make poor young people “move to areas of higher employment” (good luck getting help paying for the move though) Flog off national assets like Australia Post, Medibank, Royal Mint, NBN, Snowy Hydro, Defence Housing, ARTC (good news for the private industry that will then get to add a profit margin into those services) “Deficit Levy” that News Corp claims will hit higher income earners more, but is likely to be a fixed rate so the lower middle class will pay the same as the obscenely rich. TONYTAX reactions NEW BROKEN PROMISE EXCUSE - The prime minister told 3AW that because a debt levy would not be permanent, it was not a broken promise. “I think if there was a permanent increase in taxation that would certainly be inconsistent with the sort of things that were said before the election,” Abbott said. “We want taxes going down, not going up, but when you’re in a difficult position, sometimes there needs to be some short-term pain for some long-term gain.” Before the election, Abbott promised: “What you’ll get under us are tax cuts without new taxes.” Can the Liberals do maths, or can News Ltd? Daily Telegraph reports that a 1% levy means $800 on $80,000 and nothing below that. LNP party room very worried: “It’s just shock,” the MP said. “There was no communication from the leader’s office. We’re all just scratching our heads. It’s the biggest f——up we’ve had in a long time.” “I can’t say anything on the record because it’s just too stupid,” he said. “If it’s wrong, then it’s bulls—t, because why would you scare the electorate? And if it’s right, then it’s even worse because we said before the election there’d be no new taxes.” Another branded Mr Abbott’s attempts to recategorise the tax as a levy as “sophistry”, calling it “an offence to voters” that was “worse than Gillard’s claim that the carbon tax was not a tax”. Miranda Devine and her readers go absolutely barmy, degenerating to “the Federal Government cannot legally

THE FOCUS GROUP Australia and The Budget Of Doom SomethingWonky fails to make enough noise about the GP co-payment and the LNP thinks it’s safe to go ahead with it; ALP mysteriously quiet. WHY chipping away at universal healthcare is a terrible, terrible idea, this zombie proposal in particular. WHY the ALP putting pressure on now, before the Libs are locked in, is so vital. Libs to close Medicare Locals, just like they promised they wouldn’t. What does your doctor know? Kevin Andrews to send DSP recipients to his crack team of NO YOU’LL BE FINE practitioners What’s the LNP’s new excuse for breaking promises? Pyne suggests it’s hey those were Labor programs, we never said we wouldn’t cut those. Greg Jericho points out the lunacy of making budget surpluses an aim of economic policy that overrides everything else. Then Greg points out that the Coalition is banking on voters confusing “fixing the budget” with “fixing the economy”, without bothering to show how. Clive Palmer threatens to block carbon price and mining tax repeals But fear not - we’ve got $12bn for fighter planes that don’t work and can barely fly and would be “quickly outmanoeuvred in the skies” if it did. Free, stupid speech Croatia slightly annoyed with Libs sending MP to pass on PM’s good wishes to celebration of pro-Nazi regime from 1940s; summons ambassador. George Brandis declares it “deplorable” that people aren’t taking climate change deniers’ transparent idiocy seriously and treating their shameless garbage with as much respect as actual science. Angry with a VCA decision to refuse a youth camp’s appeal against being subject to anti-discrimination legislation, the Australian “Christian” Lobby loons continues its courageous efforts to redefine “religious freedom” to mean “being discriminatory gits” Can we even spell infrastructure? Anthony Albaneses calls for high-speed rail, explains that Australia “needs” it, which would be great if any of us believed the ALP would genuinely make it a substantial part of their platform. Malcolm Turnbull caught out lying about the NBN to Triple J listeners Awful leftists not letting the bad sort of ICAC stuff go New NSW Premier Mike Baird yet to answer Fairfax’s ten questions about his connections with Nick Di Girolamo. Two weeks after thanking Nick Di Girolamo for his expensive wine gift, Barry O’Farrell tried to appoint him to a plum spot on an undisclosed board (without disclosing the gift). Gerard Henderson asks ICAC if it’s happy causing a Premier to lie and then decide to resign; does a Tony with his outrage at Kate McClymont daring to assert the Premier had told untruths when he told untruths. Peter Martin points out that small gifts can be much more effective at corruptly influencing decision-makers than big ones Meanwhile Queensland LNP MP who was chair of a parliamentary ethics committee resigns after another LNP MP exposes his being charged in 1999 when he was 31 with theft of $7335 from the army by producing fraudulent invoices (the Courier Mail says it is “understood” he was found guilty and got a good behaviour bond; he says “but I was not convicted so I didn’t have to declare it”). But the LNP knew before they put him in charge of thta committee. Real Australian Heroes Bloody leftists completely wrong about ANZAC Day, when Australians discovered a little thing called “friendship” and forged a nation by invading Turkey. The budget is tight but, well, if you’ve got a project to honour our diggers over in France, we’ll bloody find the money. The government that stands behind the troops shows just how far behind the troops it does stand, as FINALLY there are some consequences for that time we repeatedly “accidentally” invaded Indonesia - some anonymous navy

The Focus Group laments, if only Barry had stuck to only talking to Gladys Barry O’Farrell resigns as Premier Is there more to this story than a single bottle of wine? No post politics perks for Barry, thanks to Barry Who’s next in line? Will Nick di Girolamo continue to haunt the Liberal Party? Barry upstages Tony’s big day We look back to Canberra to see how the pre-budget period is shaping up. Tony wants to be seen with the ladies, but drops in the polls anyway Pre-Election promise not to cut pensions, education or the GST looking rather shaky. Higher Ed students to face higher fees Stop The Press follows the visit of an unemployed man and his family and seeks clarity on dog fornicators. Australia doesn’t care about becoming a republic anymore and young people are to blame ABC Managing Director apologises to The Australian’s Chris Kenny

This week, Dave and Jeremy try to upload a podcast to the Internet before insecurity gets the better of it (the Internet, not Dave or Jeremy). THE FOCUS GROUP The WA election result is whatever you want it to be: ALP lead candidate Bullock calls ALP members mad; threatens to leave if marriage equality is party policy (problem solves itself) ALP says result proves voters hate Tony Abbott; Tony Abbott says result proves voters hate the carbon tax; Greens say result proves Scott Ludlum is literally the Messiah. Voters “punish major parties” Result totally unfair because Liberals won three seats fair and square and now it’s been taken from them just because voters in WA have had a chance to see them govern which WASN’T THE DEAL and frankly this is a stupid game and I’m going home. The Australian editorial gets stuck into the real enemy: the “diishonest and cowardly” Scott Ludlum and the “protest party suited to by-elections, but not to the reality of government”, the Greens. HOW DARE YOU SCOTT TONY HAS GAY FRIENDS: The Greens, a quintessential protest party suited to by-elections, but not to the reality of government, polled well. But Greens senator Scott Ludlam’s campaign speech, delivered in the Senate and disseminated on the internet, was the most dishonest and cowardly of an unedifying campaign. He accused the Prime Minister of “waving homophobia” and “racist exploitation”. Mr Abbott is close to his gay sister, Christine Forster, and has had numerous close gay friends, including The Australian’s former columnist Christopher Pearson. His longstanding commitment to assisting remote Aborigines is well known. Paul Sheehan thinks Milne “the luckiest politician in Australia” because when external factors favour the Greens, it means the result doesn’t count, in exactly the same way as when external factors don’t favour the Greens, that result totally does. WHY DID SHE NOT FEEL “CHASTENED” WHEN THE GREEN VOTE WENT DOWN IN TASMANIA?! Bernard Keane points out the absurdity of Clive Palmer getting away with portraying himself as an “outsider”. Professor George Williams explores “one of the best bets in town”, the way the Senate ticket system pretty much creates a lottery with a cheap entry price and a staggering prize: Which micro party actually wins comes down to chance, as it depends upon unknowable factors such as slight differences between the votes for the parties and the order in which they are excluded from the ballot. The contest is akin to a lottery in which candidates pay a $2000 Senate deposit to enter. The odds are good enough, and the power and perks of being a senator so great that it is one of the best bets in town. Meanwhile, Bill Shorten to remove compulsory union membership rule for ALP membership. Stop putting ironic scare quotes around the words in “free trade agreement” just takes News.com.au’s cheering of the Australia-Japan FTA on its face, ignores that even the reduction in tariffs on our beef are only to 19.5% (“free trade”) and only over 15 years(!), and tries to forget just how badly Australia did out of the Liberals’ US-Australia FTA last time. Meanwhile Mr Denmore points out how absurdly stage-managed and fake it all is and dubs it “Lego journalism”. Freedom freedomer Tim Wilson freedoms some freedoms with freedom: Public service whistleblowers are bad but dobbing in your colleagues for having political views online IS FREEDOM (media release the leaked guide, Tony declares it a “secret”). Meanwhile Navy sacks the navy personnel intercepting refugees who were telling Facebook mates they were off to “deal with these f*ckers”. Freedom is Tim Wilson being able to use the N word We don’t need laws to reign in those with large soapboxes because their very prominence reins them in YES THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS TOTALLY. Wages? What

This week The Focus Group becomes a little less unfocussed WA gets another sausage sizzle Tony Abbott accuses Clive Palmer of trying to buy an election AEC finds 75 pre-poll votes invalid - That’s a 1300 vote improvement since September Talking tax again Charging a fee to be declared bankrupt Tony Abbott temporarily un-sacks Martin Parkinson Almost outgoing Treasury Secretary says the GST must rise Joe Hockey’s pre-budget analysis is full of crap Unsurprising news, and places not important enough for Prime Ministers High Commissioner to the UK Lord Downer Christopher Pyne spends $95,000 on image consultants Governor General will go where Tony Abbott won’t Did Tony Abbott Pre or-Dame Quentin Bryce? International News The ICJ has banned Japanese “scientific” whaling - Yay The IPCC says they’ll all be dead soon anyway - Boo Oh God, Australia, Oh God. Australian Federal Police decline to assist with the investigation of Reza Barati’s murder No more taxpayer-funded advice for asylum seekers Asylum Seekers suing the government are being transferred from Villawood in NSW, to Curtin in WA Australian government hiding Indonesian war crimes in Indonesia Stop The Press Joe Hildebrand cops a serve over family violence comments The HUN gets cross when they can’t run whatever story they like Front page dummy spit Vic Police don’t want anyone talking about it

This week, Sir Dave and Lord Jeremy are proud to present an all-new ROYAL GALA PERFORMANCE of SomethingWonky, produced by Baron Daniel Kaarma. The Focus Group covers Knights and Dames, Polls and Ghettos, Repeal Days and final days, planes, trains, God and an Australia learning to be compassionate to the less fortunate. (ONE ITEM IN THAT LIST IS A LIE.) Land Of Hope And Glory wipes a patriotic tear from its eye. We cheer that totally non-elitist, jolly old Englishman, Tony Abbott, as he brings back knights and dames to Australia. Even though he promised he wouldn’t. And then that story disappeared for a while. Then it came back. But what is this? Is our Lord’s Lord, John Howard, OM AC SSI PS OMG WTF BBQ, stabbing his protege in the back? Those silly rogues in the ALP can’t even do mock Lords and Ladies properly (Seriously, Sam? “Forth-hence”?) Bill Shorten hums Rule Britannia and refers to “the Royal Comedy channel” and Tony Abbott calls it “offensive” and insists on him withdrawing. *AUDIO at 1:14* But Dame Lady Baroness Bronwyn Bishop has had enough with people laughing in parliament. (Then she gets a no confidence motion to thank her for her non-partisan management of the House.) Meanwhile, Eric Abetz to establish support group for monarchists. Our old friend Jonathan Green suggests on the Drum that maybe this is just a distraction from the LNP’s “non-agenda”. Or is it from their ACTUAL agenda? Polls polls polls Checks in on South Australian, as the Advertiser put it, “chaos”, as the hung parliament loses one of the independents temporarily to sick leave Then the other independent picks the ALP and gets death threats: “When I explained the situation would be 23-23 (if Mr Brock aligned with the Liberals), no-one could form government and explained the scenarios with the situation of caretaker mode, the consequences of that for the state, the consequences for the … business community, lack of confidence, and then he had a different idea of the whole thing,” he said. “If I had sided with the Liberal side, there wouldn’t have been a government in SA, full-stop.” The Age suggests that maybe “legalisation of cannabis could be key issue in Western Australia Senate election” Where Did Newspoll Go? is astonished to see Newspoll fail to make the front page of The Australian and has no idea why. Sure, the 2PP is now 52-48 in Labor’s favour, but as the Oz pointed out in the story (when you found it), “Tony Abbott support still strong despite Arthur Sinodinos stumble: Newspoll”. By “support still strong”, they meant 50% of voters are dissatisfied, but 40% are satisfied. STRONG SUPPORT. Greens vote up 2 points, which is weird because if I recall from last week Andrew Bolt had reported they were “finished”. In The Ghetto Explores the O’Farrell government’s plan to exile poor people from the sight of rich people on Sydney’s waterfront. Apparently when the matter was in the hands of the Fiannce minister the plan was to re-house long-term residents nearby; as soon as it went to Community Services and Pru Goward, she demanded the removal of all public housing from Millers Point. Meanwhile Victoria has halved spending on public housing, now spending the least of all states and territories, leaving at least 34,000 people waiting for housing. On the plus side trained nurses commit to treating the homeless in Melbourne’s CBD And we have a look at Malcolm Turnbull’s “why did you buy a house where there was no broadband available? broadband policy Does No-one Like Malcolm is saddened to learn that Malcolm’s been rolled by Tony on the appointment of a new SBS head, begging questions as to the future of a merit-based selection process for the ABC and SBS top jobs. REPEAL DAY HAVE YOU BOUGHT A CARD Tony to slash the pay of low-paid governm

THE FOCUS GROUP As the AFR reports that Tony Abbott’s having the worst poll start for a new government in 40 years, Finally some real polls checks in with the voters casting actual votes. SA and Tasmania Local voters lunge to the right Are the Liberals now ready to consider Jeremy’s multi member electorate requests and save SomethingWonky listeners from ever having to hear about it again? Alexander Downer whinges that the Liberals in SA were “blocked by unfair boundaries” (under their own silly scheme) WA Senate. Preferences announced Labor and Greens do each other no favours Let’s See Them Scrutinise 8000 At Once checks out the Liberals’ “Repeal Day” on March 26. It costs money to cut spending as Tony splashes out on expensive but cheap-looking “red tape” brochures and a shiny new website. And Tony slashes funding for yet another class of shameless moochers… children of veterans. ANZAC ANZAC ANZAC tries to make excuses for “larrikin” commandos filming themselves doing dumb stuff that puts themselves and other people (inside and outside the army) in danger Can We Have A Blokes Question Now cringes with Tony Abbott as year nine students ask him much tougher questions than the Canberra Press Gallery. (Also: is it alright for students to still be leftists in Year Nine? Should they all be sent for some more religious education? Another thirty hours on the ANZACs perhaps?) We Have Signs Too checks in on the lefties as they try to fight back with - March in March. Why we march The Nuts and Bolts of contemporary Australian political discourse John Birmingham is unimpressed by the media’s inability to now even cover local news like protests and asks Will you miss us when we’re gone?. Are protests counter-productive when they’re too broad? Stop Embarrassing Jeremy visits his home state of Victoria Discovers that under the Victorian LNP’s “tough on crime” policy branding, crime rates have increased, as have prison populations (at vast additional expense, $625m in 2012-13). Is appalled to learn that the Grand Prix wasn’t loud enough Pretends Bernie Finn isn’t actually an MP actually in parliament actually declaring that abortion should be prevented even in the case of rape. (Link to that story about where the nasty anti-abortion claims come from.) Friends And Enemies admires Liberal governments’ democratic commitment to punishing critics The principled stand of George Brandis taking on ungrateful artists who don’t want to be sponsored by unprincipled corporations. (And no fewer than three articles in the Weekend Oz trying to call hypocrite first on artists taking money from an equally unprincipled federal government.) NSW Aboriginal Land Council shuts down its magazine Tracker after state Libs object to an article criticising Tony Abbott. Arthur Sinodinus resigns over his choice in friends (Tony Abbott’s earlier declaration, “The matters in question happened prior to his entering parliament and becoming a minister”, which is why he didn’t make a big deal out of Craig Thompson.) The financial planning industry doesn’t want to be friends with Arthur either. Three minutes of Oh God Manus Island Oh God Syrians suffering “severe mental health issues” offered repatriation to Syria “despite prospect of certain death”. 18yo refugee on Christmas island sets her plight as poetry, “I Will Live and Survive and I Will Be Asked” (BUT WOULD SHE ACCEPT A GRANT FROM TRANSFIELD) Scott Morrison tells his local paper that locals in Cronulla support his viciousness to refugees and have been telling him to “keep giving it to ‘em and don’t back down”. Also apparently criticism of his schemes is merely “personally motivated”. Cramming refugees into vomitous liferafts and punching them. PNG advises that Manus Island guards do not have security

THE FOCUS GROUP You’ll Blame The Carbon Tax Or No Taxpayer Money For You checks in on what’s happened to QANTAS since last week Pressured by the Coalition, Qantas tells the government what it wants to hear; Even though the carbon tax has been covered by a ticket surcharge John Borghetti at Virgin Australia knows where his interests lie and comes out again to blame the carbon tax for all his business woes. Not Workchoices looks into Tony’s choices of workplace changes that he’s chosen to send to the Productivity Commission workplace to work on its choices. Terms of Reference may consider compliance costs for business, but not unions Eric Abetz unconvincingly explains that if penalty rates aren’t specifically mentioned they must be safe Audit This checks in on the audit commission and its report the government won’t release Maybe don’t spend hundreds of millions or more on discount medicines for retirees on more than $100k a year Maybe we could save the $2m or more we’re about to pay for Will and Kate’s visit Who has a plan? chooses to be amused by anyone being surprised to discover that not having a specific plan for government can very much be the plan, if you just want government out of everything. What An Endorsement is thrilled as Tony Abbott wins the approval of far-right US Republican hardliner, sometime presidential candidate and full-time crank, Rick Santorum: Rick “Satan is attacking the great institutions of America” Santorum Rick (On a pregnancy from rape) “As horrible as the way that that son or daughter and son was created, it still is her child. And whether she has that child or she doesn’t, it will always be her child, and she will always know that” Santorum. Rick “[Contraception] is a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be” Santorum. Rick “The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical” Santorum. Rick “All the people who live in the West Bank are Israelis, they’re not Palestinians. There is no ‘Palestinian.’ This is Israeli land.” Santorum. Rick “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money” Santorum. Rick “Is anyone saying same-sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?” Santorum. Rick “If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest” Santorum. Rick “Drill everywhere… There is no such thing as global warming.” Santorum. Ask Gina seeks advice from the billionnaire who knows how to solve all our problems Look Over There It’s A Foreign Person! checks out Bernard Keane’s revelation that the usual handy diversion from young people’s anger about housing unaffordability - IT’S A CHINESE INVESTOR NOT ANYTHING WE’RE DOING - is total bollocks. It’s Like The Coalition And Qantas All Over Again is shocked, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, at conflict between the ALP and the Greens: The news the principled, progressive ALP is looking at preferencing right-wing parties above the Greens in WA. Meanwhile, in Queensland a former Bligh government minister unloads on the ETU and the Greens But You’re One Of Us learns what happens when George Brandis disappoints the IPA. What’s All This Then learns that police in Victoria can now just order protesters in Victoria to “move on” or be fined $750 or sentenced to 2 years’ jail begging the question, and let’s quote here the remarks of noted anti-abortion protester Bernie Finn

THE FOCUS GROUP establishes why SomethingWonky wins awards every week for Most New Segments In An Australian Political Podcast Hosted By Dave And Jeremy (a niche category, granted) We Didn't Start The Fire checks in on Victoria's latest scheme to drive people from Morwell, with Hazelwood still burning, more than three weeks on. Vic Lib govt eventually calls to start evacuating people from Morwell, sort of. Train ticket to anywhere... but what about when you get there? Hazelwood owner denies flogging off fire-fighting equipment. One Door Shuts, Another Opens checks out employment with the new Abbott government 50,000 jobs to go in the public service? Meanwhile, Tony finds work for 15,000 people in his "Green Army" at half the minimum wage, working without health and safety protections. Because hard manual labor is half as important as any other job in the country and twice as easy. Not clear that the Abbott government understands what the word "minimum" means. Also, plenty of work in Scott Morrison's department, with the revelation that he has 66 departmental spin doctors (plus 33 through customs) whose main job appears to be telling the media to eff off. Easy work, and Scott's not as stingy as Greg Hunt, offering paying significantly more than half the minimum wage. (Scott's subcontractors are extremely stingy, sure, paying PNG workers a few dollars a day, but not Australian citizens.) My Aunt Was Murdered By An Out Of Control Huon Pine is heartened to finally hear a Prime Minister recognise the real threat to this nation - too many trees. "We have quite enough national parks. We have quite enough locked up forests already. In fact, in an important respect, we have too much locked up forest." If Tony Doesn't See It checks in on Tony and Bill at the International Women's Day breakfast, Tony suggesting the glass ceilings were already smashed so it was fine for him to come along and get them re-glazed, both of them searching for nice things to say about their daughters and coming up with "beautiful" because FEMINISM IS REDUNDANT. This Is What Happens When You Privatise National Assets joins Tony Abbott in asking - why shouldn't Qantas have all the advantages of being the national carrier with none of the disadvantages? Or are Qantas and The Coalition now at war? Qantas "led to believe" sacking 5,000 workers will lead to government support, asks for $3 billion unsecured loan Joe Hockey and Tony Abbott claim the "carbon tax" is behind Qantas' woes Qantas issues statement saying "no it isn't" Joe then tells cabinet "if the airline was unfazed by a $106 million carbon tax bill, it could not be in serious trouble" and the Coalition says no to help other than putting a bill to parliament that won't pass Qantas points out such a bill won't pass. Abbott reveals how much money Qantas asked for and suggests Qantas managers are crap: "Look, if you go back over the last ­decade, for much of the time Qantas has been hugely profitable. Now, under good management, there is no reason why Qantas cannot be very profitable; there’s no ­reason why Qantas can’t continue to be one of the world’s great airlines." Other companies take note - if you want the help of the Australian taxpayer under the Coalition, you have to blame your woes on the "carbon tax" loudly and often. The Dog Ate My Homework Assignment (About Not Decimating Australian Industry) asks, is there anything Tony Abbott can't blame on the carbon tax? What The Hell Are You Doing!??! is astonished at the Labor Party actually complaining that the Coalition is being too slow in putting its terrible policies before the parliament to become legislation. Dear Tony Burke, PLEASE SHUT UP. Tess Newton-Cain has whinging leftists smearing the good people of the Pacific Stuck In Her Craw David Bridie points out "the people of Manus Island are neither primitive nor a pushover. They have the highest literacy rate in PNG, and Manusians punch above their weight in terms of top public service positions"

Wait You Can Do That? drops in on a meeting between members of the previous government as they learn what they could have gotten away with. FX: CLINKING GLASSES, GENERAL BACKGROUND CHATTER Did you hear last week's SomethingWonky? Yes, me too. Never miss it. ANYWAY IT TURNS OUT THAT when we won Government from the Coalition we didn't need to appoint their former MPs to cushy posts! We didn't need to make Tim Fischer Ambassador to the Vatican or Brendan Nelson Ambassador to Belgium, Luxembourg, the EU and NATO. Or that Director of the Australian War Memorial job we gave him next? We didn't have to give Peter Costello that gig with the Future Fund. Or that quite absurd "UN envoy" post Alexander Downer begged for? DID YOU KNOW we could have ended their appointments early? YOU CAN DO THAT? AND WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??! - the Liberals are releasing our cabinet papers for that insulation scheme witch-hunt? WAIT YOU CAN DO THAT?! We didn't need to respect the "cabinet confidentiality" of the Howard government on the Iraq War or the AWB scandal? We could have embarrassed the other side's politicians by publishing their confidential deliberations? WAIT YOU CAN DO THAT? (Note: even Andrew Bolt isn't sure that's a good idea.) Our Ministers could have gotten away with woeful conflicts of interest like Fiona Nash and her chief of staff Furnival and the PM could just have dismissed it as a "zephyr in a thimble" and not been a laughing stock? We could have pretended to cut such a mate adrift whilst finding him a plum public job in exactly the same area as his conflict of interest without it even making the tabloids? Also, HANG ON, the Coalition actually were serious about that Medicare fee idea - they just didn't announce it until after they'd tested the waters by leaking it over the holiday? They've waited until their research tells them that they can get away with it before getting the Health Minister to start talking about how "important" it is? WAIT YOU CAN DO THAT? You don't have to lead with your chin? AND WHAT? We could have hidden absolutely everything about boat arrivals? WAIT YOU CAN DO THAT? If anything went wrong we could have called a bullshit faux inquiry into the mistreatment of refugees in our detention? WAIT YOU CAN - oh, we already knew about that one. We could have preselected hopeless candidates in unwinnable seats who would go out there and actively abuse and insult their potential constituents - for example, calling them smelly and work shy just for the hell of it? WAIT are we sure we didn't do that already. I'm just so sniff PROUD to be Australian (Patriotic Music plays) Diplomats fear Australia will wreck UN probe into Sri Lankan war crimes CAMBODIA?!?!?! More revelations on us using our spy agency to cheat East Timor. Staggering quote from Downer: "I don’t think I mind about my legacy. I just mind about doing the right thing" In other things we're proud of - Three Minutes of Dear God Manus Island Dear God Sri Lankan ex-military operations manager over Manus Island refugees (inc those who'd fled Sri Lanka) - and the national broadcaster, the ABC screws over Asher Wolf who reported it Other citizen journalist Tara Moss reports on informant with details about more than 20 shots being fired at the compound towards refugees. (Courier Mail retaliates by putting her in a photo gallery about "boobs". Morrison has to admit his declarations to the public were fundamentally false - and the SMH reports Morrison knew a week earlier that his claims were false. But don't worry, Scott - Tony Abbott has got your back, explaining "You don't want a wimp running border protection, you want someone who is strong, who is decent and Scott Morrison is both strong and decent". G4S in PNG seizes Fairfax journo's camera and deletes photos. No we may not see what's been done to them. Witnesses report that G4S let armed locals into the Manus Island detention centre. G4S staff ordered to lie to refugees about their rights Former ALP MP who was wor

Guess who’s going to the Polls gently ribs WA as the entire state is sent back to do it properly this time. Check Out Our Generosity checks in on Australia’s light-hearted quite humane indefinite imprisonment of vulnerable human beings near angry machete-wielding locals. Manus Island - refugees injured and dead. Machetes. reports “local police went in shooting”. witness says refugees fled to save lives, an eyewitness calls his brother as asylum seekers report being attacked in the compound, and the Refugee Action Collective claims an Iranian man had his throat slit in the compound… secrecy again makes it difficult to know what happened and that secrecy insisted on by the government is nobody’s fault at all certainly not theirs for insisting on secrecy. The doublethink in denying the cruelty while relying on it to deter. Don’t tempt them by asking “Could it get worse?” Morrison eventually orders a sort of review (that he calls an “independent inquiry”) but is secretive about the parameters. Meanwhile - where’s Shorten and the ALP? Department incompetently exposes database with the personal details of one third of all asylum seekers held in Australia on its website. Andrew Bolt knows what happened: ABC BIAS by reporting on refugees. Also Morrison “has performed even better as Immigration Minister than I predicted” Cassidy to Morrison: “An Indian student committed suicide in detention last week after overstaying his visa. Could this have been avoided?” Morrison: “Could he have avoided overstaying his visa?” We look back with Malcolm Farr to when Scott Morrison said he was worried refugees might be caned in Malaysia Stuck in my Craw with the famous Mr Tiedt. Jobs for the VERY BEST MOST QUALIFIED APPLICANTS asks - who better to carry out these highly desirable taxpayer-funded foreign affairs posts than former politicians? Alexander Downer as London High Commissioner, ending Rann’s appointment early (but after SA election) after missing out on the Washington job. Nick Minchin as consul-general to New York Self-declared “climate change skeptic” Dick Warburton to head Abbott govt review into renewable energy target News Corp “paper shuffle” results in $882m payment by govt to Rupert’s mob Yo Indonesia, Wassup? explores our ever-improving relationship with our populous neighbour RAN review admits Navy breached Indonesian waters six times as a result of “miscalculations”. For their part, Indonesian Navy review says RAN incursions happening “more and more frequently” before 6 January incident. ““It was too easy for the Australian warships to enter Republic of Indonesia territorial waters without detection,” says the leaked Indonesian Navy internal report, ““In anticipation of the entry of Australian warships (foreign war vessels) into Indonesian territorial waters, already occurring more and more often, it is necessary to increase Indonesian sovereignty in carrying out more patrols in and around the waters of Rote Ndao and Dana Island, so that foreign warships do not enter Indonesian territorial waters again” Abbott finds it necessary to declare that “Australia does not spy for commercial purposes”, after revelations that maybe we do. The AFP raids Channel 7 to chase funds they suspect were paid to Corby contrary to the Proceeds of Crime Act 2002 Internets news sorts out just why conservatives are the right people to manage new-fangled technology stuff. Copyright review in and Brandis declares he’ll “crack down on piracy”. LNP admits its claims about ALP’s NBN “over-estimated cost by a staggering $35bn”. And finally, our calls for someone to point us in the direction of this ABC LEFTY BIAS have finally been answered.

The Focus Group asks “When do we get the gain for all of this pain?” Toyota announces it’s leaving - Joe blames the unions - Toyota doesn’t Qantas says they’re special Tim Dunlop Delay projects to smash unions Stop The Press gets all nostalgic Shapelle Corby Dave reviews Comics A former Serco worker speaks out Customs is broken too Defence Minister too angry to speak Shorten too gutless to back inquiry We finish up by going through the looking glass Christopher Pyne accuses opposition of bad behaviour Fiona Nash’s chief of staff loves junk food more than health

Tony’s “Promises Delivered” video removed by YouTube for “deceptive content” Commission of Audit Grattan Institute says we must hit poor with cuts bc otherwise rich will “complain of unfair treatment” DT notices that housing is unaffordable. Doesn’t want to call for things that would help - removing 50% CGT discount, increasing renter rights, ending negative gearing) so blames the natural target: FOREIGNERS The Age actually argues that negative gearing is a “positive remedy” for high house prices SMH has some ideas of things to cut (or raise, in the case of the GST) other ideas from Jericho Refugees Human rights commissioner Gillian Triggs blocked by Morrison from going to Nauru to check on the kids deporting 65 yo Afghan man bc we’d like to pretend Hazaras are fine in Afghanistan My depressing list of “application dismissed” reviews of RRT by FCC, and the nsaty “assume they’re ok” system of assessment Idiotic expensive “lifeboats” that just leave refugees to die in the jungle Julie Bishop demands an apology from the ABC Environment Official Fairfax typo correspondent Australia to dump 3 million cubic metres of sludge on the GBR - members of the panel protecting reef linked to mining Tasmania confusing UN by asking for protection, then changing its mind Mexico saving sharks while Australia kills them Are The Liberals A Charity? The people who think the Liberals are a charity. The people who don’t - Tony & Jo vs Sharman Stone and SPC. Abbott completely wrong on SPC conditions. Fish good, fruit bad But then maybe they are - Tony defends Cadbury splurge Victoria, what the? QCs back in Vic Tabcorp, Tatts sue Victoria over pokie licences bc it reckons former govt gave it special rights Not Victoria, but the same silk for ANZ as it loses case on late fees Stop the Press Classy Daily Tele’s “kids grieve for junkie actor dad” Joe Hockey keeps ringing the ABC to complain - “”There have been moments where I have phoned Mark Scott to say, ‘This is outrageous’.” Oz denies it’s attacking the ABC bc of commercial interests like the Australia Network - we’ve been bashing them for years! Miranda’s love-letter to Kevin Donnelly, “We can learn from a man who has class” Farewell Today Tonight

The Focus Group decides it’s time to pick a side, works hard for the money, and reports back from Davos. Tony Abbott claims ABC is anti Australian Some of the Coalition think the ABC is unfair Why does the ABC hate our navy? Coalition preparing us for ABC cuts : ABC & SBS Efficiency Study Past Tony Abbott doesn’t believe present Tony Abbott : And he’s making him look like a jerk over SPC Ardmona Navy to probe links to race hate groups Work for the Dole back on the agenda Abbott threatens Royal Commission into unions Ex-Coaltion MPs working as lobbyists Abbott’s Davos moment Plus, we discuss the proposal for marriage counselling vouchers. We introduce two new segments, in “The Review Review” we look at suggestions that IPA Director Alan Moran will be part of assessing the Renewable Energy Target - Wind Farms And “The Commission Commission” weighs up the value of free speech. Stop The Press reflects on the glory days of the Global Mail and asks “What’s next?” for independent media. Journalistic utopias don’t work The popular segment “Dave learns words” returns. This week, we look at the word “Indigenous”

The Focus Group wonders whether borders are quite so sovereign anymore? The Australian Navy “inadvertently” invades Indonesia People claiming to be Naval personnel work blue on Facebook Naval personnel accused of abusing asylum seekers Navy upset with Australian media’s lack of respect Nauru decides that the rule of law is not for them. I’m not a lawyer, but…. looks at “Coward Punch” laws, Craig Thomson’s trial and Australia’s ICJ performance. This week in cost cutting investigates foreign aid and unemployment. Foreign Aid Kevin Andrews calls welfare “unsustainable” - he’s wrong Talk and chalk drops in on the education debate Craig Kelly damns “gaia worship” Christopher Pyne declares that there is no place for politics in education Canberra needs an Ikea George Brandis’s new bookcase. Finally, we identify this week’s most blatant ABC bias.