Read it and Weep

Alex calls an emergency meeting to talk about Avatar, but discovers both Chris and Ezra liked it. It's a good thing they're still funny when they like something.

The rapture has struck leaving only billions of people behind. Among them, comically named pilot Rayford Steele, promiscuous flight attendant Hattie "the hottie" Durham, and the Antichrist. Hijinks ensue... very slowly.

In an effort to move our show above this terrible movie in Google search results for "Read It And Weep," we review it. It probably wasn't worth it to have to sit through these atrocious 90 minutes.

Aww... have people been mean to poh Sawah? Shame on dem. You showed dem with dis book, doh. And da way you didn't wite yoself. And da way it makes you sound like a idiot and a winew.

Sarah Palin "narrates" her own "life" "story." There's a lot of exotic meats, a lot of breeding, and enough folksy wisdom to kill a chicken faster than fireweed in July.

The boys go to sold-out screenings of New Moon to stare at Charlie's mustache, Alice's hair, and Edward's ability to ruin every scene that he's in. Episode highlights: Excitable old vampires! Vampire discoballs! Steroids! Mechanical bull sex!

In this stunning non-conclusion, Bella and Edward both manage not to kill themselves, return to Forks, and everything is as if this book never happened. If only. We also learn why Edward and Bella love each other: She smells like the perfect ham sandwich to him.

In part 2, our boys discover that teenage guys are just moody werewolves, Alice still has great hair, and cliff diving and trips to Italy are both viable options for suicide.

In their (less than) triumphant return to the Twilight series, our boys groan their way through the first third of New Moon. The only good news to be found is that Bella wants to sleep with a large puppy dog.

To warm us up for our return to Twilight, we checked out The Vampire Diaries on CW. It was probably less miserable than Twilight, what with there being sex and all, but the trend of emo vampires is regrettable.

Shooting for a new low, we try to watch a show so bad The CW canceled it after two episodes. Will we like this show about the runway or will we run away?

What's the worst thing you can say about a comedy? "It's not funny?" How about "It made me want to die?" Or maybe "This awful cast ruins a perfectly bad script?"

Our hosts welcome special guest Stephen, our official D.C. correspondent, to discuss his thoughts on the Lost Symbol. Spoiler alert: the book doesn't get any better (and the Masons really don't have anything to hide).

Dan Brown has scoured the earth (and the Internet) looking for symbols with which to create his puzzle. Yet his product is mostly just SIMPLE.

The only puzzle our boys need to solve is why do people like this crap?