Sextras

Why do we have such high expectations of our romantic partners and not of our friends? Do we just have a deeper connection with our significant others than with our friends or are our expectations setting us up for failure? In this episode we discuss whether expectations are good or bad, where they come from, and what they tell us about our relationship. We begin with our segment where we hear what our listeners expect from their significant others but not from their friends. We try to unpack how expectations have hurt or disappointed us, as well as wondering what to do when expectations in relationships lead to resentment. Sometimes we place more meaning on our relationships than our friendships because we love and care about someone, but communicating your (frankly sometimes impossible to meet) expectations can help both parties clarify the reality of the situation. What are your expectations? We suggest trying to understand where they come from and compromising with your partner to find a level of happiness and understanding. If you enjoy this episode please leave us a review, rate us, subscribe, and share with everyone you know! You can find more of us here: Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com www.sextraspodcast.com See you next Tuesday! Produced by Mable Productions Original Music by Sacha Puttnam

In this episode we have a lovely guest, Matilda, telling us all about her fairy-tale-like experience with falling for her friend and moving to another country to be with him after spending only ten days as an 'item'. We begin the episode with a segment where we ask our listeners about their craziest one night stands, also sharing ours. Matilda then moves on to how she and her boyfriend met; how she realised she had feelings for him and what it was like when they first kissed. We discuss the changes in going from friends to lovers, and what it was like saying 'I love you.' We're shocked with how certain she was- enough to then move half way across the world to be with him. She tells us what moving during coronavirus was like, the difficulties she faced, and having to tell her family she was going to be moving to France. Ultimately, she says, being in quarantine together really solidified their relationship and their feelings for one another. We end the episode with a brief discussion about the differences between sleeping with someone you have feelings for versus a one night stand, and how intimacy and closeness can make sex that much more special. We're so happy for Matilda and we wish her so much luck in love- and to all the rest of our listeners negotiating love during COVID-19, we hope this story brought you some joy and optimism! (We know not everyone can be with their loved ones right now, check out our episodes 'Sex, Love, and COVID-19'; 'Sanity, Love, and COVID-19' and 'Does Distance Make the Heart Grow Fonder?' for more.) We hope you enjoyed the episode, as always don't forget to subscribe, rate, review and share, and we'll see you next Tuesday! For more content or to contact us you can find us here: Instagram @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Or check out our website- www.sextraspodcast.com Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

The coronavirus pandemic has restructured the world as we knew it, with restrictions on who we can interact with safely, and how we can interact safely, many people have been pushed into a very strange kind of isolation. In the UK we're in the middle of our second lockdown, and more curfews and restrictions are being introduced worldwide every day. Not to mention all the people that have lost their lives or loved ones, and all the people that have lost their jobs. Life is always unpredictable, but we have never experienced unpredictability like this. There is so much uncertainty that has come with the pandemic: about when we will return to ‘normal’; about when you’ll get to see someone again; whether you are infecting or harming people you love; or whether someone or something is worth all the time apart. We understand, and so this week we wanted to sit down and update our previous COVID-19 episode (Sex, Love and COVID-19), as well as outline, through your submissions, a diverse range of experiences and coping mechanisms. We asked, ‘What have you been doing to look after yourself during the pandemic?’: from making the bed to listening to wise Buddhist monks, we shared some of your self care tips. We also asked how many people’s mental health has been affected, with the majority admitting that it had been affected negatively. Lastly, we get an update on what everyone's dating lives have looked like during the pandemic, from long distance relationships, to break ups, to sexting, nudes, and difficult marriages. Sex and relationships have been hard during the pandemic, particularly in lockdown, and we wanted to get an update on what they look like now versus before. We ultimately discuss how people have changed during the pandemic and how we have seen ourselves change. We celebrate our listeners' achievements and remind everyone that even though lockdown can make life feel very monotonous it’s important to take a look at what has been going on and what we have actually achieved, and congratulate ourselves and our listeners for having the strength and patience to take this experience in and remind everyone that it’s okay not to be okay. Let us know what you’ve been doing to stay sane during the pandemic! You can find us on: Website: www.sextraspodcast.com Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe and share, and we'll see you next Tuesday! Produced by Mabel Productions Original Music by Sacha Puttnam

It's normal to feel nervous about introducing your girlfriend or boyfriend to your family. Sometimes they don't get on, or your parents don't approve of the person you're dating, and sometimes you scare your partner by suggesting they should be introduced 'too soon'. But it doesn't necessarily have to be a big deal, even if your family (and your partner) are extremely important to you. We begin the episode with our segment where we ask you guys 'What's something you would hate for your significant other's family to know about you?,' agreeing it's probably *not* the best idea to discuss anything related to your sex life or how many drugs you do around your s/o's family. We discuss what we wouldn't want our significant others' families to know about **us,** like our religious views, being bisexual, and the fact that we have a podcast where we talk about sex and relationships (we would die if they listened). We then move on to talking about the results to the polls we asked our instagram followers, with people saying it *is* a big deal to introduce your significant other to your family; it's important for them to like you and it's important for your family to like them. Our followers voted that it's also not important for someone you're dating to be close with their family, and we discuss what those situations would look like, such as your partner not telling you a family secret or not helping you to feel involved with their family when visiting. Overall, we conclude all of these questions depend on the type of person you want to date. We both want to feel involved in our partners' lives and past lives, so it's important for us to feel close with their families, but we also discuss what we would do if that wasn't the case (try and convince them to change their minds.) Let us know your thoughts and tell us your stories about your s/o's family. You can find us on: Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe and share, and we'll see you next Tuesday! Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

This week we are joined by our good friend Miranda, who we talk to about the harm trying to fit into labels can have on your sexual and emotional freedom. We begin the episode by hearing about some of your sexual fantasies, from joining the mile high club to having your wrists and ankles tied to the bed. Miranda then tells us about her own experiences of sex and being labelled as sexual growing up, explaining how often young women can try to fulfil labels that are imposed on them. We try to unpack how sex can be used to escape emotional vulnerability, even though it's often more rewarding, and how that takes away from individual sexual power. We also agree that our sexuality should not define us as women, but how it can be empowering if you're using it in the right way. We then move on to our own role in perpetuating gendered sexual roles, and how this impacts not only women but men, too. We explore the idea of blurring the boundaries of 'male' and 'female' in sex and how that can open up a whole new way of experiencing sex and relationships. Sometimes labels are helpful in categorising people, but being able to look past labels and not be fixated on them is important. As always thank you so much for listening! You can rate us, subscribe, leave us a review (Apple Podcasts and Podchaser) and please tell everyone you know about us! You can follow us and engage with us more on: Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com See you next Tuesday! Produced by Mable Productions Original Music by Sacha Puttnam

What are your first memories of hearing about sex? This week, we reminisce and examine the very first memories we have about sex, our attitudes around it and the things we were taught. We dive into the way our parents talked about sex, if they did at all, and the way we were initially taught what it was. Sex education is unfortunately lacking in many ways, and as we describe our experiences we definitely find some gaps in our knowledge, for example we wonder how we learnt what gay sex was and when we were first conscious of gay people existing. We try to dissect our emotions and attitudes towards sex when our peers were first talking about it or when we started seeing it or experiencing it ourselves, to try to understand and break down the way we think and feel about sex now. We talk about what we wish we could tell our younger selves and what we wish we'd learnt that we didn't. During the segment we asked you what myths about sex you believed when you were kids, and we laugh about the misconceptions we all have when we’re young, like thinking that sex is just a naked hug. At the end of the episode we advise someone who posted on our university confessions page of what to do if you catch feelings for your friends with benefits. Please send us your suggestions and stories! We love to hear from you. Get in contact with us on our Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Please don't forget to rate us and review us and tell all your friends about us! It helps us out so much. See you next Tuesday! Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

The idea that money equals success surrounds us. Instagram models with huge mansions, endless closets and trips to the clearest blue waters all year round. That's become the epitome of success; of envy. But does money really make us happy? For our segment this week we asked our followers a series of questions revolving around how important money is in comparison to love. We sit down with our guest Theo Whitmore, who, in his 20s, thinks that we should prioritise money, even if that means sacrificing the promise of love. We discuss whether success really comes completely down to making lots of money. He shares his view that actually, in order to optimise one's chances on finding the best possible partner one must first focus on themselves and building their wealth. We ask each other how big of a role money plays in choosing a partner- does having money make people more attractive? Would we date someone that has a lot less/more money than us? Theo confesses some of his worries that someone may be after him for his money, or that he may feel emasculated if his partner has more money than him. Ultimately, even though our views differ a lot to Theo's, we enlighten each other on why someone might choose to prioritise love whilst others may choose money. And as Theo said, sometimes we don't have to choose between the two, as there is such a thing as loving money. You can connect with us through: Instagram- @sextraspodcast Facebook- Sextras Podcast Email- sextraspodcast@gmail.com Please don't forget to leave us a rating or review if you enjoyed, and share and subscribe. See you next Tuesday! Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Everyone suffers in love sometimes, but what would love look like if either party were unaware of what makes them insufferable to be around? We think it's important to be aware of what makes you difficult, even if only occasionally, and who knows? Maybe you won't be quite so offended next time someone you love points out something you need to improve in yourself. It can never hurt to notice the small things about yourself that might bug a partner, and it's so easy to overlook these things if you're used to being alone. But you're not alone! We're all difficult to love in our own way. This week we start the episode by reading what our listeners think makes them difficult to love, diving into whether being picky makes you difficult and discovering that a lot of people think being insecure makes them difficult in love. Then we break down what we think makes us difficult in love, using our attachment styles as a way of understanding why we are a certain way, and laughing at the fact that we are complete opposites in love. We learn that Honey thinks she's too independent and can't rely on others, which Maria confirms she can find annoying in Honey and in people she loves, and try to understand the dynamic between anxious and avoidant attachment styles by attempting to understand ourselves as partners a little better. If we learnt anything at all, it's that having compassion for those who live and express their love differently to you is always helpful. You might think you know why someone doesn't know how to comfort you when you cry (they clearly don't care) but really this plays a bigger part in them attempting to understand you and worrying they might disappoint you. We hope we open your minds and inspire you to contemplate your difficulties in love, or to have a conversation with your partner about their attachment styles and love languages. This video was inspired by a video by 'The School of Life'. You can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UewdiBh_52U Don't forget you can write us a review on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser, and please share us, rate us and subscribe! Feel free to connect with us on: Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com See you next Tuesday! Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

In light of the upcoming US Presidential election, we welcome our first American guest, Alex Turner, a dear friend of Honey's and a passionate activist. To open the episode we play another game of Stereotypes, where we discuss your views on Americans, Republicans, and Democrats. Alex later breaks down how the voting system works in America and deconstructs why it's so important for everyone to get out and vote for Biden in the 2020 election. Alex informs us of the harsh truths about the impact of Trump's administration and the potential damage it could further have on women and minorities should he be re-elected. Alex highlights that people, and particularly women, of colour are adversely affected by climate change and prejudices in the healthcare and justice systems Then, we dive deeper into the history of discrimination that women, particularly women of colour, face in terms of the healthcare that is accessible to them and the rights that women have (or too often don't have) over their own bodies. Ultimately, we inform people of the reality of their vote and its impacts on individuals' lives. We want to remind people that there is hope for change, but there is work to be done to get there. And just because this is happening in the US and not where you live, beware, because it very quickly could be happening to you, where you live. If a man like Trump can be President, anything can happen. Don't forget to vote! #Biden2020 Special mentions in this episode: New Books in Gender Studies, ep.98: 'Michele Goodwin: "Policing the Womb: Invisible Women and the Criminalization of Motherhood"'. You can find Alex on Instagram @al.williams.turner You can find us on Instagram @sextraspodcast or Facebook at 'Sextras Podcast'. Feel free to message us or email us at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. Please don’t forget you can leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser, and you can subscribe and rate us, too, wherever you get your podcasts! Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Long distance relationships can be hard. Nobody - or very few people - thinks to themselves 'Wow! I would love to live far away from my partner and only be able to see them once in a while or maybe not even once in a while and our whole relationship will basically be on the phone'. Yet, many people still find themselves embarking in long distance relationships because they’ve gone to university; they can’t move because of work; they can’t get a visa; or more recently because of whole-country lockdowns during the COVID-19 pandemic . As one of our listeners put it, it’s very easy to say you wouldn’t be in a long distance relationship until the person you love has to live away from you. And it’s true- we do many stupid things for love, and long distance may be one of them. But how hard are long distance relationships really? We tell our personal stories and what we find difficult, such as being sexually frustrated, feeling jealous of not being involved in our partner’s lives, irrationally worrying that they’re cheating, or feeling depressed when they leave after visiting. But we offer advice on how to get through these, and also talk about the benefits, and how sometimes it can really help the relationship grow. People in long distance relationships really have to work on their communication skills, meaning they maybe even have better conversations (because, let’s face it, that all they do even when they’re sexting or having phone sex) and develop their trust in ways people in normal relationships will never be able to experience. Sometimes they’re healthier than normal relationships, as codependence isn’t allowed to breed where it otherwise would. Long distance relationships truly do test your love for your partner, but they’re worth it. So, does distance make the heart grow fonder? We don’t know, but we do think it helps! Please don’t forget you can leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser, and you can subscribe and rate us, too, wherever you get your podcasts! For more content or to contact us, follow us on Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Or email us at: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

In the progression of your life, you may one day be confronted with The Elusive Female Orgasm. The likelihood is: you either have a vulva yourself, or will one day want to sleep with someone else who does. And yes, these two things sound kind of scary but we’re here to tell you that they’re really not. We open with a segment discussing some polls, in which we asked if people were having orgasms and whether that changed if they were with a partner. We break down why there might be an orgasm gender gap and how we can reduce it. We share some tips on how to find out what gives you pleasure and break down specifically what you can do, as well as how to communicate those things with a sexual partner. We have a brief input from our friend Sam, in which she tells us about her journey to orgasm along with some very wise advice. Our friend Violeta also joins us and answers some questions about her own path to masturbation and how that helped her in her sex life. We’re not experts in any way but we have vaginas, and we also didn’t know that they’re actually called vulvas until way too late, but we know that now, and we learnt how amazing they are and how much there is to do! Special mentions in this episode: 'The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow' on Netflix As always, please don't forget to share, subscribe and rate and review! You can follow us for updates, more content, and to contact us here: Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

We have the wonderful Tori joining us this week, and we dive deep into bi girl stereotypes during our segment. We break down the harmful effects of being seen as slutty, greedy, fake, ‘just hopping on a trend’ and how the ‘bi girl’ identity is so often invalidated. Tori shares her experience as a queer person joining and leaving the church, and the difficulties in coming out and finding one’s identity. To end the episode, Tori tells us about the reality of having a following on social media and the negativity she witnesses everyday, as well as giving us advice on how to rise above the people that are choosing to spread harmful massages. We end up having a full discussion on social media and its potential but also its power for destruction. You can follow our lovely guest on: Tiktok: @toriskingdom Instagram: @toriskingdom And you can follow, dm, and support us on: Instagram: @sextraspodcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Facebook: Sextras Podcast Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Getting naked in front of someone can be pretty scary. So much so we end up spending the entire time thinking about whether we groomed our pubes to perfection rather than actually enjoying the sex itself. This week, we have a chat about the little pressures and insecurities that build up when in sexual situations, like whether your body looks good, or whether your vagina is ‘normal’. We talk about our personal struggles with finding confidence during sex and being able to feel sexy. In the segment, we mention when you guys feel your most sexy and acknowledge that feeling sexy doesn’t necessarily involve being sexual. Perhaps, what leads to better sex is recognising your own sexiness and letting that play out when you’re being vulnerable with someone else. Instagram: @sextraspodcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Facebook: Sextras Podcast Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Unfortunately, as women of the bisexual persuasion we are outsiders to and therefore unknowing of the inner workings of gay men. However, our beautiful guest William Taylor joined us this week to gaysplain his own experiences as a gay man. We break down stereotypes about gay men during the segment, is it true that gay men are all slutty? We then dive deep into the potential impact of these stereotypes, particularly exploring the school experience and the difficulties of coming out and being a minority, or feeling like you are in some way ‘missing out’. Will then gives us an insight into the realities of the hookup culture in the gay men community and clarifies some misconceptions about gay sex. Be proud of who you are! We’re proud of you. Please subscribe and write us a review, you can do so on Apple Podcasts and Podchaser. Let us know what you enjoy and why you'd recommend us to someone else! Instagram: @sextraspodcast Facebook: Sextras Podcast (or join our Facebook group 'Sextras Listeners Community') Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

For the first time ever on Sextras, we recorded in the same room and had a chat about friendships and how they intertwine with your romantic relationships. We open with a segment in which we asked for your honest thoughts and opinions on your best friend’s significant other. With responses of concern, to dislike to jealousy, we explore the different obstacles you might face when dealing with your best friend and their significant other. When then dive deeper into our own experiences and consequent advice. Such as, establishing boundaries in what you share with your friends and assessing when you might want to comment on your friend’s relationship. As well as looking at the bigger picture and commenting on the fact that what your friends choose to share isn’t always the whole story. Join us in our chat about whether we care if our boyfriends like our friends and if our friends like our boyfriends. Instagram: @sextraspodcast Email: sextraspodcast@gmail.com Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam