Nation of Gamers

She’s a real beauty, ain’t she? Yep. This epsiode is a classic. Sure, she’s been downloaded a few thousand times, but she’s got plenty left in her. We stand behind all our podcasts here, and this one’s no different. Comes with a standard 30-day warranty, of course omitting any problems you might have with the treble levels. Those go out over time, and we can’t be held responsible for them. Let’s not focus on the bad, though. Just picture it; you’re walking down the street, ear buds in, listening to this classic podcast. The ladies love a man listening to a great episode, you know… Not saying you need any help in that department, just that they’ll notice you for sure. Yeah, you could go across the street and get yourself a new episode, but those guys over there don’t really care about the customer. They want to get you into the most recent podcasts; more profit margin there, you know? But I’m hear to get you into the show that’s right for you, and I’m betting that this episode will treat you right for a lot of years, and at an exceptionally reasonable price. Need some time to think it over? That’s fine. Here’s my card, give me a call anytime. Don’t wait too long, though. There’s someone else looking pretty hard at this episode, and I’d hate for you to miss out on it. This week on NoG, we take a look at used games. Are they good? Bad? Immoral? Does anyone care? Also, Brent only plays stupid web games. [GAME] Shank[GAME] Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World: The Game[GAME] Worms Reloaded[SHOW] The Tester[ARTICLE] The $435 Super Mario Bros. Sweater[ARTICLE] Penny Arcade talks about used games

Man, I am so hung over. I have no idea what day it is. What is this, Tuesday? I guess I should write the post for this week’s NoG… Wait, it’s Thursday? Well, suck. I guess I shouldn’t have crawled into that bottle of Maker’s Mark on Sunday after we recorded. Anyway, what did we talk about this week? Oh right, Monday Night Combat! That game is pretty sweet. If only it would come out on the PC, it would be even sweeter. Let’s see, what else… Should games be more like movies? Or less like movies? Something like that. Man, my head is killing me. Maybe I should have another drink… OH CRAP I’m out of booze. I guess now I have no choice but to contemplate the terrible choices I’ve made during my life. Oh yeah, we had a pretty good email that got us talking this week. That was pretty cool. YAY! I just found a bottle of 151 secreted away in an old boot! Where did that boot come from, anyway? Hmm… I have some vague recollection of mugging a hobo. Probably best that I don’t remember it. For the next couple of weeks we’ll be playing the new free Everquest II Extended thingie, so feel free to join us and let us know what you think. I gotta wrap this up, because this 151 needs a new home… IN MY BELLY. Do I have any mixers? Hmm, out of soda. I wonder if 151 and chicken stock is any good… Only one way to find out! [GAME] Kingdoms of Camelot[GAME] Monday Night Combat[GAME] Split/Second[ARTICLE] Warren Spector: Games should not be movies [GAME] Everquest II Extended

So after the last show, I was totally expecting to be the one saying bad things about Starcraft II. I was positive everyone was going to be like, “Oh, there goes Spencer again, talking bad about great games. Get a new shtick, pal!” Imagine my surprise when it wasn’t me, but another host who had the most bad things to say about Starcraft II! I’m not going to tell you who, you’ll have to listen to find out. But I’ll give you a clue: It may or may not be the person pictured above. Oh wait, I’m supposed to type a bunch of random crap here that makes no sense and is only vaguely connected to the subject matter of the show in any rational way. Okay, here goes: Badminton cat escapes from zoo while being ridden by a banjo playing ex-prime minister of Mars! [GAME] Cow Clicker[ARTICLE] Did Microsoft kill Xbox Live+Windows Live cross-platform play because console gamers were too bad?[ARTICLE] Against Immersion[SITE] SC2 Replayed

Frank: Did you notice that the Dead Workers Party has been putting Nation of Gamers out regularly again? Fran: Yeah, that’s great. I guess they finally solved the existential crises that plagued their production schedule. Frank: And how! The newest episode is sort of about Transformers: War for Cybertron, but it’s really about review scores. Fran: I dunno, that doesn’t sound very interesting… Frank: Oh, and they also try to not talk about Starcraft II, and they mostly fail. Fran: Starcraft II? Lame. Frank: What? Are you not into Starcraft? Fran: I don’t really like video games. Frank: Then why are we having this conversation on a video game themed podcast’s show notes? Fran: They promised me punch and pie. Frank: They lied. Fran: Those bastards! I will not rest until they have given me punch and pie, or perished! Frank: Woah. You’re intense. [ARTICLE] Lay Down Your Guns[GAME] Transformers: War for Cybertron[GAME] Castlevania: Harmony of Despair[GAME] Monday Night Combat[GAME] Worms Reloaded[SONG] Her Love for Cooking Mama by Eric Fullerton

This week we’re talking about Alien Breed, or is it Alien Swarm? It’s something with the word Alien in it. Oh and something about a golden wrench. [GAME] Alien Swarm[UPDATE] TF2 Engineer Update[GAME] Tom’s Crown Affair[GAME] Battle of the Immortals[VIDEO] Spencer Williams plays Altitude on the Mac as Eric Fullerton makes fun of him.[SONG] It’s Just a Game (but damn, it’s war) by Eric FullertonEpisode graphic by Matt Ward

OH MY GOSH DID YOU HEAR THAT E3 WAS LAST WEEK THERE WERE SO MANY NEW THINGS ANNOUNCED AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OLD THINGS REANNOUNCED I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TIME TO TALK ABOUT ALL OF THEM ON THE SHOW I KNOW RIGHT THERE’S JUST TOO MUCH LIKE DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT THING THAT NINTENDO DID YEAH THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME OR THAT NEW GAME FROM CRYTEK YEAH THAT LOOKS SUPER SWEET WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART I LOVED IT ALL OH MY GOD THIS SHOW IS GONNA BE LIKE SIX HOURS LONG I’M GONNA NEED MORE RED BULL HOLY CRAP DID YOU SEE THE KONAMI PRESSER YEAH THAT GUY’S HEAD TOTALLY FELL OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THINGS AND ONE OF THE DOOR PRIZES WAS A LIFE-SIZED STATUE OF GAIA FROM GOD OF WAR III THAT WAS TOTALLY EPIC BUT WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT I DON’T KNOW AND THE NEXT ROCK BAND GAME COMES WITH TOAD THE WET SPROCKET LIKE THE WHOLE BAND IS IN THE BOX WHY DOESN’T THEIR FRONT MAN WEAR SHOES I DON’T KNOW MAYBE HE HAS SOME WEIRD TOE FUNGUS METROID OTHER M LOOKS AWESOME OKAY SCREW RED BULL I’M GONNA NEED COCAINE PHEW! I’m tired just typing all that. The show this week has WAY too much stuff to talk about, so of course the four hosts choked halfway through and started talking about Wes’ third nipple instead. Also, this episode featured Spencer recording instead of the usual deal, so blame him when the quality sucks. E3! [VIDEO] Ninety-Nine Nights @ E3 (awkward!)[VIDEO] Scott Pilgrim vs the World: The Game[VIDEO] Mortal Kombat @ E3[VIDEO] Kid Icarus @ E3[VIDEO] Twisted Metal @ E3 (teaser)[SONG] I Love NoG by Crescendo1897

He was the first podcaster to write a song about Heavy Rain. And what a song it was! But for Eric Fullerton, writing and singing songs about video games was never the problem. It was the media attention that took it’s toll. Some of the greatest dangers came from within, such as the devastating love triangle that nearly tore the Dead Workers apart. But the weird times were just beginning. Eric Fullerton had to survive both podcasting breakups and equipment failures, but he somehow came out of the hard times bigger than ever. But then Eric found out that bigger isn’t always better. Now the legendary video game parody song singer/songwriter Eric Fullerton: Behind the Music. Okay, that might be false advertising. It’s just a show. We were all kinds of pressed for time because it was the night of the Lost finale, and also Spencer had some sort of weird cult thing he had to get to. Fortunately Eric saved the day with a heartwarming song! So there’s this game that takes place in a vagina…[MUSIC VIDEO] Press X to Jason[SONG/MP3] Press X to Jason

Halfway through this episode Brent’s cellphone mysteriously rings, and he gets up and leaves the studio to take the call. This is the first time in three years of podcasting that this has happened. Imagine the scene, if you will; Wes and Spencer are happily chatting as Brent sits uncomfortably, his eyes shifting back and forth nervously. Eric is strangely absent, apparently at “work.” The show’s topic is… I don’t know. Retro gaming? Something like that. Suddenly, Brent’s iPhone rings. He snatches it up and quickly leaves the studio with barely a word. Wes and Spencer are left, mouths agape, unable to comprehend the terrible circumstances that have befallen them. Struggling to keep things going, Wes weakly suggests, “Battletoads was a pretty good game.” “No,” Spencer answers, “no it wasn’t.” You can hear all that on this show. What you can’t hear is the conversation that was so important that Brent had to leave the studio. After all, he left the studio, so the microphones couldn’t pick him up. However, you can read a transcript of that strange conversation. Brent did not know that his call was being routed through an experimental Google Voice transcription engine. The result was donated by an anonymous source to this reporter. Only Brent’s side of the conversation was transcribed, leaving us to wonder at the identity of the caller and the dark words he imparted.BRENT: You’re late, I told you not to call during the show. *pause* No, I- *pause* I know, but it’s hard to keep my cover in tact if- *pause* Right. Well, if you’re done with that, can we get on with it? *pause* It was- it was a rhetorical question. *pause* Look, I don’t like this anymore than you do, but if we’re going to make it out of this alive we have to work together. *pause* All right, that’s what I like to hear! Now all we have to do is- *pause* What do you mean? What’s wrong? *long pause* Damn it! I should’ve known better that to trust you, even with something so ridiculously easy. All you had to do was go to the pet store- *pause* What do you mean, which pet store? Does it matter? The one that has feeder guppies, you idiot! *pause* No, the guppies are the key. This’ll never work without guppies. *pause* What are we gonna do with four hundred brine shrimp? Go back, get the damn guppies, and meet me at the drop point after World of WoW. *pause* Yeah, it just might work after all, and then we can finally get Jimmy the Legs off our case. *pause* Yeah, me too. I’ll see you later… Mr. President. *pause* No, I know you’re not the pres- *pause* Look, I was just kidding. *pause* Okay, you know what? Click. *click* And that’s all the information we have. In order to help us to unravel this terrifying mystery, we are offering a $5000 reward for information leading to the arrest of “Jimmy the Legs,” along with a $10,000 for information pertaining to the identity of the other party to this call. Oh yeah, and there’s a show this week. Or was it last week? I am totally confused. I think it’s about space rats. Enjoy!

There I was, cornered in a Bulgarian hostel by a fish with one eye. I had a pen in one hand and the state of Kansas in the other. Now I know what you’re thinking; it’s not even close to tomato season. I didn’t let that stop me! I gunned the engine in my rowboat and flew to Sheeptown, dodging wild UN weapons inspectors as I went. It wasn’t until my eyeballs exploded that I realized I was out of hair gel. Frothing with impotent rage, I turned my frustrations into the drive to finally win at Wimbledon. Lacking in celebratory crystal meth, I was forced to watch Season 4, Episode 7 of The Wire instead. Proposition Joe is awesome. Finally I collapsed, blood leaking from my punctured kitten. “Well,” I shouted into the unfathomable void, “at least now I can finally paint over that dreadful mural.” I woke with a start, realizing it had all been a horrifying coutroom drama starring the University of Notre Dame men’s basketball team. I think I may have gotten a little off track here. Just like this week’s show! What exactly happened, anyhow? At any rate, join Wes, Spencer, Brent, and Eric as they explore… something. I’m not really sure what’s going on. [SONG] Only by TheManWithTheGoldenBuns*COMPETITION* Design a Portal level! (forum reg required)

Little Karen leaped at the sound of the old, rattling 1977 Cadillac Catera pulling into the driveway. Only one car sounded like that; it had to be Grandpa! Nearly squealing with excitement, she rushed to the front door and threw it open. “Grandpa!” she shouted. “Well, hello, little Karen,” Grandpa said as he hobbled away from the car. “How is my favorite granddaughter on her sixth birthday?” In his wizened claws he clutched an inexpertly wrapped present, roughly the size and shape of a video game. Karen’s eyes nearly fell out of her head. She loved video games! Unable to contain her excitement, she darted forward and snatched the package from Grandpa’s grasp and ran at full speed back into the house. By the time Grandpa stumbled wheezing into the house, Karen had torn the wrapping off of her gift. Her earlier excitement was strangely absent as she stared at the game in her hands. The color drained from her face, a look of dawning horror overtaking her. “Well,” grandpa asked after an uncomfortable moment of silence, “do you like it?” Karen stood stock still, unable to tear her eyes from the wretched thing in her hands. Suddenly she jerked as if stung and tossed the thing on floor. She wiped her hands on her blouse, desperately trying to clean away some unseen filth. Without a word, she ran to the kitchen. Grandpa was appalled into silence, unable to comprehend the depths to which he’d offended his precious granddaughter. She returned with a can of lighter fluid and sprayed the game down liberally. Grandpa moved to stop her, but something in her eyes held him at bay. Her eyes spoke of great betrayal, of great pain, of the end of her short childhood. Tossing the now empty container to the side, Karen stared at her Grandfather with contempt as she lit a match. “This is the only way the house will ever be clean again, Grandpa,” she said as it dropped to the floor, touching off a horrific conflagration. The firemen managed to get everyone out of the house, but Grandpa felt little relief. He sat on a gurney, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, staring at the house going down in flames, a great sense of guilt and despair settling upon him. A fireman walked up and without delay asked, “What happened here?” The fire reflected in Grandpa’s sad eyes. “I gave her Pokeman: Heart Gold.” He shook his head. “That girl hates Pokeman.” Wow, I went a really long way for that joke, didn’t I? Anyway, join Eric, Spencer, and Brent as they explore their bottom five games, pulling in plenty of the Nation’s least favorite games to discuss as well! By the way, wasn’t there another guy on this show? What happened to him, anyway? NoG Blog: Bottom 5[VIDEO] Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing Review[VIDEO] How to beat E.T.[SONG] Autotune the NoG #3 by Ash Williams

We here at NoG are excited to announce our new premiere community service, Dead Workers Premium. This exciting new service will allow you to get involved with NoG like never before! Get access to exclusive show notes and hear podcasts like you’ve never heard them before! “Now hold on,” I hear you say, “I love Eric, Brent, Spencer, and Wes, but how much is this going to cost me?” I’m glad you asked! Downloading the show will remain free, as always, and you’re free to listen to the first ten minutes on our dime. That’s right! We’re so confident about the quality of our product that we’re willing to pay for you to listen! After the first ten minutes it’s just ninety-nine cents a minute to continue! Not happy with the show? We’re sorry to see you go, but you’re free to cancel at any time.* This week, take advantage of our special introductory offer and get Episode 12 of NoG absolutely free! Wes isn’t here, so we decided to cut everyone a break. The other three hosts reminisce about micropayments and DLC. Is it good? Bad? Ugly? I sure hope it’s good, because we’ve got a distribution line to support from here on out. *You cannot actually cancel at any time. By downloading NoG, you agree to pay for shows for two years. Every time you download another show, your contract is renewed. NoG does not guarantee the availability of episodes in your language of choice. NoG may not be downloaded in Europe, the United States, Australia, or anywhere that racketeering is illegal, but we won’t tell on you as long as you keep paying us. Remember, we know where you live. NoG Blog: Microtransactions and DLC[GAME] Sleep is Death[GAME] We RuleEpisode graphic by jfphotography

I woke in the morning To a glorious joy, Let’s celebrate all! It’s April Fool’s, oh boy! I paced and I fretted I hummed and I hawed, Without a good prank They’d all know me a fraud. And then with a start I knew that I had it, The finest tomfoolery That would prove my wit! I bounded to my computer Not a second to spare! I loaded up Photoshop And began to prepare. Here a transform, There a new layer, “This should be great!” I exclaimed with a prayer. At last it was finished, A gag I could not surpass. An L-block from Tetris Riding behind an ass. Why is it funny? I don’t claim to know. Just wait ’til next year… That’ll be a show. Brent’s not here this week, and that’s no joke. Seriously, stop laughing, it’s not funny! I’m not kidding around! If you keep giggling, I’m going to stop writing this post! Okay, that’s better. Even without Brent, the other three hosts soldier on to talk about April Fool’s Day and gaming with a special guest host; Nivekeryas! Now if only they could stop talking about Eric’s new iPad…

“Max, are you awake?” “Eh?” “I said, MAX, ARE YOU AWAKE?” “Oh fer cryin’ out loud woman, I’m old and hard a’ hearing, but I ain’t deaf!” “Do you remember when we were twenty-five…” “I can’t even remember what I had fer breakfast this morning.” “You had cyber-oats.” “Ding dang ol’ cyber-oats. Whatsamatter with oatmeal? Kids these days too good for oatmeal?” “You remember when we were twenty-five, there was this game we used to play. What was it called?” “Eh, you gotta give me more than that, Helen.” “You know, you were a little guy, and you ran around…” “Oh yeah… what was that called again?” “There were bad guys, and you killed them.” “I remember the one. You had a sword…” “More than one, dear.” “Yeah, but there was this one… I think the game was named after it. Why do you want to know, anyway?” “Well, it’s our ninety-third wedding anniversary this Thursday, and I thought we might play it again, for old time’s sake.” “I never liked that game.” “I know, but what was it called?” This week, Brent, Wes, Eric and Spencer Explore some of little games in life. At least, that’s what they try to do, before the ravages of old age catch up with them and wipe their memories clean. What happens when gamers get old? If they forget the Konami code, do they run out of infinite lives? Listen in for a lot of GREAT game suggestions from the Nation! NoG Blog: The Little GamesCrayola Art Contest – Listen to the episode to hear who won the StarCraft Beta Key. Here are the submissions: Crescendo1897 – Frank Lang – Boomrocker – TheKing[GAME] Press X to Jason (web)[GAME] Upgrade Complete (web)[GAME] Words with Friends (iphone/ipod)[GAME] RUSE Public Beta (pc)[GAME] Blur (xbox360)[SONG] D&D by Stephen Lynch, Performed by Tell BaileyEpisode graphic by Boomrocker (drawn with REAL Crayola crayons!)

Look baby, you knew what you were getting into when we started this thing. I’m a plumber. That means I travel through pipes to a magical mushroom kingdom where I fight a race of evil anthropomorphic turtles. It’s long hours and low pay. Sure, I pick up coins all the time, but they’re only legal tender in the mushroom kingdom and they’re only redeemable for green mushrooms. What the hell do you expect from me? It’s hard work, but do you seem to care? No! Over there, they treat me like a hero. A hero! And I come home after a long day on the damn desert level, still shaking sand out of my frickin’ overalls, and all you can do is complain about how I’m never home, how I don’t spend enough time with you and the kids, how we can’t afford to pay the gas bill. I saved you from a gorilla! A GORILLA! The least you could do is give me a little shred of RESPECT! Speaking of respect do you think games get enough? That’s the question with which the four hosts grapple this episode, although the discussion morphs into something else part of the way through. Guest starring in this episode is a sound effects board that is not at all annoying and doesn’t get old fast at all. NoG Blog: The Respect that Games DeserveListen for details on how to win a StarCraft2 beta key. It’s a contest, and it’s really easy![SONG] Autotune the NoG #2 by Ash Williams[VIDEO] Video Games and Facing Controversy[GAME] Edmund (not-fun game about rape, consider yourself warned)[GAME] The Path (pc/mac)[GAME] God of War III (ps3)[GAME] Chalkboard Stunts (ipod/iphone)[GAME] Tower Madness (ipod/iphone)[GAME] Chop Chop Ninja (ipod/iphone)Episode graphic by Robotpencil

By opening this bag of NoGgits NoG Brand Corn Chips, you agree to the terms and conditions of the EULA. All NoGgits are protected by state of the art Digital Rights Management even though the chips are a physical product. The bag must be connected to the Internet at all times while the chips are being consumed so that you may enjoy entertaining NoGgits infomercials. In addition, a series of unique product ID codes are printed inside every bag. Before eating a chip, first input the chip’s ID code. Failure to do so is a violation of the EULA and may result in less than satisfactory flavor. Sharing NoGgits is specifically prohibited by the EULA; tell your friends to buy their own bags. Uploading NoGgits to the Internet is also strictly prohibited, in addition to impossible due to our amazing NoGgits Cloud Service, to which you must be connected at all times while enjoying NoGgits. Disconnection from the NoGgits Cloud Service will interrupt munching and may cause stomach cancer. Rumors that NoGgits have already been cracked and are available on pirate torrent trackers are completely false. Enjoy your NoGgits! The four hosts just won’t shut the crap up! Is there a perfect DRM? Does it involve prairie dogs? Find out on this week’s exciting episode of NoG! NoG Blog: The Perfect DRM?Ubisoft’s new DRMTickTechBoom’s Youtube channel[GAME] Robot Unicorn Attack[GAME] GeoDefense Swarm[GAME] Warstorm[GAME] BlurEpisode graphic by defectivebydesign.org