Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura are comedians who are also married. They are the Mommies and they welcome you to join them. Dental updates! Dudes! Stories! Wiping!

Happy Thanksgiving! What are you thankful for? Hopefully, having Tommy and Tina in your life is at the top! If not, we hope you have a horrible holiday season. If your idea of celebrating thanksgiving is talking about suicide and death and how life will leave you any moment then this is the episode for you. Bryan Erwin is an old friend who should have been on the show AGES ago and now he's finally here. He's a comic and a dad and a husband and a felon. Just kidding - he really isn't much of a husband! HAHAHAHAHA. Bryan is simply the best. We talk about parenting and how you talk to your son about other stupid kids who try to ruin your kids life with regards to Santa and of course, sex. When our heroes begin doing bad commercials is when we know we are going to die soon. It isn't GREAZY. It's just life. Best of all, we get to introduce our buddy Bryan to some YMH classics! You'll see, mommy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura are comedians who are also married. They are the Mommies and they welcome you to join them. Dental updates! Dudes! Stories! Wiping!

Can someone fit their D**K AND Balls into a woman at once? It's something we explore at length in this very special Friday release episode. If you haven't yet figured it out this episode is very much NSFW or for those of you that listen on speakers in public places - this audio will definitely lead to you getting fired or losing friends/family. If every one knows that you're bald then when you wear a wig we all know that's not your hair, Jason Alexander. Pretty girls will always be annoying if you allow them to be. When you ignore the stupidity that oozes out of their mouths you're helping them become more interesting. This is the secret to life.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Baby Jesus was born and so we celebrated and now we give you this: More laughs and good times with Canada's finest, Ian Bagg! We play amazing audio of two of the dumbest women alive - YEAH! Ian also shares what it's like to live where the sun never goes down - CRAZY. We talk about the state of comedy and we read the craziest email ever sent to us by one of Christina's family members! FYI - it's pretty offensive! Merry Christmas, bright light jeans! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know what I'm sayin? We like to say it first! Sometimes you put your peepee in a scary place and you don't die - we celebrate that. We hear from a black man who isn't hung like a black man. If someone has had sex with 100 plus people do you count them out as marriage material? The Mommies don't agree. Oprah doesn't front. She's actually Mad Cool. I wish directors would act more like I wish actors would sing more. STOP PUTTING YOURSELF IN MOVIES. Is Alec Baldwin a homophobe because he said something bad when he was mad? Do simple words mean more than intent and action? Don't be a #$%^*. A break thru BROWN TALK and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh jeans! Tommy is back from Toronto and as usual has high praises for his neighbors to the north. Oh Canada! And it's official, Tom's album, White Girls with Cornrows has dropped. They discuss their appreciation for those that have purchased it and the fun it is to do a project like this one on your own. Tom and Tina have a very special segment in which they answer listener questions - it's Get To Know Your Mommy - interrogation style! Plus a very special Top Dog call - just take a guess as to what the topic is. Would You Rather's are back and much more! Buckle Up (your jeans, that is)! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are good shows as a comedian and there are great shows. Sometimes there are bad shows and then there's this. In Tommy's near 12 year career as a stand up he has had the full spectrum of shows, but nothing quite compares to the Massacre in Manitoba. In this episode we fully examine everything that went into a show going so far off the rails that Tommy had to leave before it was over. We play highlights - if you can call them that - and talk about some of our worst shows ever. In keeping with the Canadian theme we revisit Rob Ford and update you on what he's been eating.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yoooooooo! We got some jammy jams for yo you know what. Plus we examine the age old question - "How loud is annoying when having an orgasm?" Yup, that's too much. We appreciate each and every one of you "Little Mommies" and this episode we show that appreciation by talking to one of you on the phone and giving a shout out to many more! It idn't Greazy or nuttin. Jeans Connection is no longer a mystery - we have it TRANSLATED! Plus TOP DOG is back with more Brown Talk, Murder and a whole lot more! You're gonna wanna stab someone in the chest with a fork and knife after this one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you don't have teeth, why don't you sing a song? ALL black people can sing...is something a lot of white people believe. We're a couple of only a few who know this is a great mystery. After this episode you will also know the truth. We give you a FULL REPORT on how the THEO fundraiser was an overwhelming success. We are forever grateful to our friends, fans, Theo, and jeans. Memorable dumps are just that - great memories. We recap some of our fondest brown moments. REAL TALK - Gigolos is back!!! That's right, welcome BACK to Braceland! We have clips of the show and of Nick's NEW Sh***y song! Sex sounds! Fill Her Up and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Braceland! He's finally here. The star of Gigolos on Showtime and soundbites in our hearts, Brace, joins us for a lengthy conversation about life, karma, fitness, grooming, and pounding chicks. Tommy and Tina are overjoyed to spend time with affable and hilarious Brace. Also, get ready for updates on the move, becoming a C*m dog, Fill Her Up, and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't you look at me like that!?! I'm just trying to impose on you and your family because I'm insane! Cats love BBQ sauce. It's true. If you want to win a cat over, feed it BBQ ribs with lots of sauce. The mommies confess shameful acts of the past - can you forgive them? We love when people stop BS'ing with the PC talk and start droppin F-bombs. Please do us a favor and cut the F'in S and just give us the F's and B's and the C's, you know what I'm sayin? Is anything worse than a co-worker? We think back on our office working days. Good lord do we feel for those of you who are still doing that. Drink water. Poop more.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ryder Bones AKA Skyler Stone is in the building. We explore one of our favorite topics - crazy people! They're everywhere an often undiagnosed. Have fun out there! Skyler talks about his new movie, Walking with Dinosaurs and the show that got him started, CON. If you never saw it you missed out on the drive, dedication and manipulation that took Skyler from unknown to TV star in no time. Skyler's awesome voice inspires Tom and Christina to pursue voice over work themselves. Will they go for it? Plus, Dental Updates, Fill Her Up, an almost-Tom or Black and much more. Don't sleep on Mickey Streets! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If someone weighs 600 pounds and they want more food, give it to 'em! Extreme weigh gain has a profound impact on you physically and psychologically - and also on those who see you. If you're sick of being where you're at, listen to CT Fletcher spit encouragement. Tina loves to ride her BIKE! (BIKES!) and she wears her helmet like a good girl. If you ride a bike, please obey the rules of the road, fartknocker. Tommy is pushing hard to lease a LAMBO for business purposes. Will Tina approve of the deal??? The SHAHS are back on Bravo and we talk about episode 1 of the new season. We give our heartfelt advice to a Mommy in need and we update you on our Brown. Would You Rather and more. Wipe until you bleed! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before last Wednesday we honestly thought that Hilary Clinton was America's most polarizing figure, but we've learned that isn't the case. Perhaps no person has such a profoundly different affect on the American public than King A** Ripper AKA Gross Glutton Manners. The man who's farts can be heard around the world made some of you scream with laughter while other cried is complete disgust. We read your feedback as we prepare to do live shows in Texas. Learning isn't supposed to be fun. Stop being stupid, just learn like an adult. By reading. Books. Ladies, don't feel bad if your hangers flap around in the wind. Us guys still want whatever you got. Keep your chin and your jeans up.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices