Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Everyone is welcome in Your Mom's House. It don't matter if you're black, brown, purple or Asian - oh or gay. We accept you all. In this episode we discuss the recent announcement of Jason Collins - the NBA player who just announced that he is gay. We also discuss the reactions to his announcement and their role in free speech, tolerance, and righteousness. Sound un-mommy like to you? Well, we are soon back to discussing meeting our heroes, white trash Italian food vs. uppity Italian food, Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut in the "where the dudes at?" genre. Gimme some mo (jeans)!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mommies like when things smell good and we think you should join us in a world of wonderful spa smells to keep the bear inside calm and submissive. We prepare for diarrhea abroad. Is it time to just give in and expect it? A brown river will soon flow from us and we try to embrace it. Different people cope differently with stress - even your mommies. Both jeans open up about opening up and smokin trees, ya'll. What do you know about that life? Camping sucks. It's unanimous. Shake That Bear. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mayday Mayday Mayday! Mommy Down! That's right, this episode there's only 1 mommy, 1 pair of lower, looser jeans. It's sad, but don't worry. Tina mommy will end up being okay. She's resting and getting new denim to make her feel better. This episode we have the very funny, unpredictable and completely outrageous, Brandt Tobler in the Dome. Nicky Santoro is a more welcome sight in casinos than Tobler. If you think I'm kidding, just listen. Tobler's stories are so incredible you genuinely feel like he's telling you fiction - but he isn't. He's done more and seen more than most people see in 10 lifetimes. It's always great to get a comic in the building with all kinds of crazy stories to tell. Buckle up on this one. We guarantee you'll be wanting to hear more from Tobler. Don't forget to follow him -- @brandtTobler  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh my my, what a treat do we have for you. Fantastic, funny, a true delight - Mrs. Catherine Reitman joins us in the Mommy Dome. An old comrade of Tom's, Catherine fits right in like she's been in 1000 times. We get into Downton Abbey and oh heavens my is it simply delightful to converse with someone who appreciates all of Mr. Fellowes work. We discuss mommyhood (real), conflict, childhood, passive aggressive/sarcastic parents - yeah, real interesting, kid. Catherine shares what it's like to grow up in a wildly succesful family, but not turn out to be a huge a**hole - what's the secret? Listen and find out! Lots of Hungarian heritage in this one - BAZMEG!!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tina and Tommy have their jeans so high you can barely see their eyes on this one! They get warmed up with prison talk and how they better get ready to eat some box and throw some punches to survive (if they get locked up). Tommy reveals that someone from his past is Filling Up and Sealing Shut one of his All-Time Faves! In our Real Talk segment we explore the sad truth that some reality tv is anything but real, especially TLC's hit show Breaking Amish. A toilet paper test FINALLY reveals who is using the most TP in the mommydome and a MOMMY JEANS EXCLUSIVE - Maria, who TALKS LIKE THAT, is finally on the show in full Maria-Mode. Plus a review of Tom's new album from his mother.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matt Braunger is one of our tallest and most bestestest friends and we are more than smiling so hard that he's back, that our teeth might fall out of our heads. We talk about music, hip-hop lyrics, embracing what you like instead of saying what you hate! How about THAT? Yeah, we're adults. We talk weirdos at shows and ones that offer you their wives! HELLO! Matt talks about his recent trip to Korea and all the brown that followed. Matt reviews ANIMAL SONG and more. It's such a good episode you'll probably order new jeans online while you're listening.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, Canada. Oh, Canada, you need more lyrics in your national anthem and PLEASE train your singers when they pipe out OUR national anthem or perhaps they will be decapitated on the ice? Maybe. Hit the high notes, sister! We recap a magical weekend in Portland and Seattle, a weekend that was all about that deep blue color that pumps thru our veins - denim. A special phone call with Joey Diaz unlike any other call you could ever imagine. Diaz, as always, inspires, bewilders, and makes us laugh until we nearly stroke out. BREAKING: We get the inside scoop on the fiasco that was Brendon Walsh's nearly-guest hosting The Tonight Show while Jay Leno was sick. All we can say is, Thank God Jay felt better before Walsh covered for him.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It sure is getting cool out there. Maybe you should add a layer of denim to your wardrobe. Music is so important to so many of us that is why we totally understand the plight of the juggalo. A juggalo is man or woman or person who wears makeup and does PCP and also cooks fried chicken. When you buy a ticket abroad - buy it for the correct country. Otherwise, you might end up visiting Christina on accident. Tommy took someone to Spain and it wasn't Tina! Listen closely to find out who and why. "Lou Reed died. Who cares" - Tom "Lou Reed influenced everything. Even my farts" - Christina. We debate who really left a mark on music, Lou Reed or Jodeci. Get that jean jacket ready!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tommy was recently on a flight with GREG JENNINGS. Yes, that one. The former Packer and current Viking who knows how to catch and run with the ball, but most importantly always PUTS THE TEAM ON HIS BACK, DOE! We want a wine vacation. Who's with us? Tina covers her Top 10 Goth Jams - get ready to cry! Another NEW song drops from DYA-BEAT-USS and it's the bizness, kid. A very spicy Fill Her Up and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wussup playa! Wut you gonna get dat gurl for Chrissmas? We hope you got all the denim that you asked Sandy Claws for and we hope you got nothing but denim from all your loved ones. We have many special gifts for you this episode. Fan favorite, but rare guest, ARPAD is back! Yup, Tina's dad and everything that annoys him is on the phone doing what he does best - calling out all Bull S**T. Advertisers, BEWARE. CP's pops is not falling for your gimmicks. Actually he is fully rebelling against them. He is also NOT A FAN of political correctness. At all. It's not Happy Holidays to him. It's Merry Christmas or GFYS. If his tirade doesn't convince you, we also have Top Dog speaking in eerily similar fashion. Plus, Aunty FeeFee, the 69 Boyz, Dominic the Donkey and a whole lot MORE! (Santa's Evles??? Maybe). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our philosophy has always been push as hard as you can until it hurts and then tell us about it - and you did! Your poop triggers are fascinating and unique. STOP THE PRESS - Stevie has been sighted in Nashville! This is HUGE news. Please, if you are in the Nashville area approach with caution and let Stevie know that the mommies are coming to town! You gotta take care of your FEETSIES. You're saying a lot if your toes are all mashed up and flakey. Hands too. I guess Tommy is freakin out man cause his fingers are ALL chewey! Ewwwwww. Plus a huge video reveal: IFartInYoFace is the King A** Ripper and we celebrate his gift with all of you. All others bow in his presence or face his wrath (from his butthole)! Get a whiff of that! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

LaLaLaLaLAAAA! Can you sing? Good for you. This week our guest has a golden voice, twisted mind, and strong hands (Tom's ass found out the hard way). That's right, Brian Haner, who some of you know as Guitar Guy stops by the Mommy Dome to continue our love affair that began in South Africa. If that sounds confusing listen to the episode and solve the mystery! We have great conversation, Brian sings for us, and we even get to play Tom Or Black! This is the time to pull that denim up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get your orignial jeans on because we're going back to basics -Tommy and Tina and nobody else. Great audio from the holidays including OMG Seriouslahhh Maria ordering Starbucks LIVE! Plus Top Dog and Charo discussing dumping in a hazardous situtation, how we would kill each other and dispose of the body and more! WARNING - we hit on brown talk a lot. Including a SHART story you didn't know about! Wipe Down! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you smoke crack? Exactly. Canadian jeans step up and do the dew! We love audio that paints a picture. We have some that straight up blasts your face! If you can squirt, let us know how you do it - for realsies. We rank chocolate candy treats and Tina ranks Almond Joy at the BOTTOM! Do you think she's a communist???? Bunz strongly disagrees. Which country makes the best, most delicious chocolate treats? A serious debate takes place. Does size matter? Yes. For sure. Definitely. Your small penis size is bad luck and not your fault and now there's a movie about that. Tom used to be a doctor. Tina talks about T.O. - yes the former Pro Bowl receiver was on an Oprah-like show. Abusive dads often create great athletes/accomplished men - so maybe not a bad idea to beat your kids? Trashy panties smell good.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

OMG, you guys. We got such a huge response to the Maria call that we revisit it and all its hilarity. According to Christina, Tommy doesn't show much excitement about anything. Well, that is, until you propose that he might be able to get away with murder! That's a fun scenario that we break down because everyone wants to do it, don't you agree? Tina and Tommy also talk about going back in time and what they would do if they could take each other on a first date knowing what they know now. As you can imagine, it's quite romantic. We read a listener email that asks the HARD questions. Do we answer them? Oh yeah. What would you do if you had 6 months to live? We do it real big. Tina has opened a savings account to go to space. Please donate.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices