Summary: There’s no mistaking when you’re on the receiving end of a good f-ing. It can hit you like a hot hammer between the eyes taking you completely unawares, tingling your extremities, leaving you breathless and wondering what you did to deserve such good loving. It can also unfold like a lotus in the spirit—cracking your heart open and connecting you to something far deeper, warmer and more expansive than you'd ever imagined. In another sense, a good f-ing is a lot like crossing against the light at rush hour only to find your pants are falling down once you've stepped into the road. It’s all you can do to make it to the other side without exposing your nakedness when you never intended to. Face it, when the F word comes for you, you’re rendered vulnerable like you wouldn't believe. Because getting f'ed carries with it the subtlety of a sucker punch. It empties you out, it fills you up, and most definitely rocks your world. And there’s nothing like it when you get it good. On the giving end, the F word tastes funny in the mouth at first, tart in its newness, requiring repeated attempts to build confidence over time. We're shy in the beginning, not knowing how we'll be received in addition to negotiating our own ambivalence in the situation. Will they embrace us with warmth and understanding, knowing all too well the shockingly tender position we put ourselves in when we're new at doing it? What if that person laughs in our face at our stammering attempt to engage in such intimacy? In the end we just can't know until we've stripped ourselves bare, thrown our hearts over the fence and ventured emotionally bare-assed behind the lines. And, frankly, it's my hope that we never become so seasoned and all-knowing at f-ing that it becomes a heartless mechanical act drained of all sincerity or anything resembling real feelings. With time the jitters fade and angst takes a back seat to the sweet, full-bodied satisfaction of doing it well. We learn to loosen up and throw our backs into it. I suspect there's a special place in heaven for those who give themselves freely to the act of f-ing. After all, they make the world a better place, don't they—one F at a time? I mean, think about it: When good f-ing comes from the heart, we can feel it. It's that intention that creates a bond of trust and intimacy all its own. Because of it, we delight in the tenderness of the moment and give ourselves permission to finally relax. So, how do we get good at doing it? No matter how much we’d prefer to sidestep this fact, none of us arrives on the scene fully adept at f-ing. So take heart. And get busy f-ing, people! Get hold of that person you've had a hard-on for who knows how long and let them know you've done some thinking. Tell them in all sincerity that you'd like to F them and that you're not looking for anything in return. You could also go one better by swallowing your pride and asking them to do it to you, too. This is the modern age, people. Go for it. But if that's still too much for starters, maybe you'd do well to start where charity begins—at home. In other words, perhaps you'd prefer a gentler intro to f-ing by starting with yourself. Further, I suggest you keep breathing while you're at it, as this kind of exercise is definitely not for the faint of heart. It takes real maturity to put yourself on the line like that. You risk rejection, alienation and worse. But once you've done it, once you've unburdened yourself of this pressing, primal urge and finally gotten it off of your chest by sharing it with that designated someone—or by giving yourself this rapturous gift—you gain a new appreciation for the act and come to respect the power you wield when it's firmly in your hands. And, seeing what a good f-ing can do will only make you want to do it more. Before you know it, you'll be encouraging others to start doing it, too. And who wouldn't want to get in on the action? Look how radiant it's made you!
