Summary: Psst, you. I want to talk to you about the Soulmate List. Also known as the Life Partner List, it's the itemized, prioritized, idealized roster of traits, tastes and druthers of must-have qualities we want the person of our dreams to possess. It's usually a make-or-break proposition, high-stakes in its attempts to define who and what our ideal mates must look like, sound like, feel like, be like. And depending on how serious we are about our List, it can backfire and blow up like mad if we get too attached to it and take our eyes off of life as we knew it. How much does he love me? Let me count the ways. 1.) First things first. He must be fine as all get out. Chiseled, buffed, taught, supple, hot and cool in all the right places. 2.) For as great-looking as he is, he's also got to adore me in equal measure. Fawn over me, praise me, cuddle and coo me, too. Oh, and leave no mountain unmoved to ensure I know how much he cares. 3.) When he's not maintaining his awesome physique, and keeping his hind parts high, mighty and muscled for nobody but me—and when he's got a break from moving mountains on my behalf—the Ideal Man of my Dreams List will be busy bringing in the organic, consciously-fed, humanely-treated meatless bacon. Most of which he loves to fry up for me. 4.) Did I mention the Ideal Man of my List is an excellent chef who trained at Le Cordon Bleu, and is obviously fluent in French? 4a.) My Soul Mate, as described on my List, shall also happily put his big strong hands to work washing the dishes after dinner, while serenading me from the kitchen—after surprising me with his latest culinary masterpiece. 5.) Which also means the "dessert" is always tasty and never disappoints. No cream puffs for me, thank you! 6.) The Man of my List will hold doors open and lift heavy things in addition to mountains—things like furniture and recycled organic hemp bags filled with non-GMO groceries. 7.) He does the driving when I ask, he reads my mind, and even cries when appropriate; just enough to remind me of his deep river of strength and security churning mannishly beneath his steely composure and behind savage breast, which allows for just the right amount of occasional manly emotion. And now, the teachable moment: Let's say you want someone or even some thing that's going to bring you pleasure and enhance your life. Using the example of Manifesting a Miracle Man, let's say you want him to be friendly and outgoing. Fair enough. But what if, whenever you go out to social settings, you retreat to the darkened corners of the party, back by the coats where no one can see you? From that vantage point, back behind the synthetic potted palm trees, you watch as your Mr. Wonderful works the room, much to the delight of all the single ladies. What if he's actually looking for you in that moment, but you're feeling too self-conscious, hidden and undeserving to show yourself to him, let alone to anyone who might be the brother, sister, kid, neighbor, colleague, Ex or parent of that guy who's truly perfect for you? Now let's say this chilling realization makes me think twice about my List, showing me that I could stand to scale my expectations back a bit, that I could benefit from developing my own social skills if I expect to be a match for the Man of My List. Because, frankly, even I can't see being comfortable with a social butterfly when I'm about as engaging as the coat rack. I happen to think that when we look for our Ideal Mates, Soul Mates, Perfect Matches, Life Partners, Better Halves—even our Unsuspecting Future Ex, let's face it—we're looking for the best, most balanced version of ourselves to be reflected back to us in their eyes—and actions. And if these desired traits aren't already available in us, present for all the world to see, then it's probably time to turn the search for the Great Mate inward on ourselves, so that we not only learn how to cultivate the traits we seek,
