Summary: Finding new love is the topic of the 11th episode of The OverDivorce podcast. Tom and Adrian begin the podcast by discussing the concerns about finding the courage to trust, and the irrational concerns around being worthy of finding love after divorce. Adrian discusses the futility of finding validation from outside and then discovering that validation comes from inside. Tom identifies the Morrissey Jay-Z conundrum. Adrian continues by identifying the male need to go after and hunt and the benefits of abstinence immediately after divorce. Tom asks how one knows the new relationship is not a rebound. Adrian shares how he created a list of what was important in a new partner to make sure the new partner was genuinely Ms. Right and not Ms. Right Now. Tom shares the value of taking stock over past relationships to find out what works and what doesn't. Tom discusses the biology of change, and the sociology of divorce in the current day and the ability of women to choose separation. Adrian discusses the perpetuation of family patterns and their role in defining behavior. He goes further to define the value of the divorce and it's ability to offer one time to reflect on areas of improvement. Tom extends the point by discussing the default nature of behavior-that with the lack of conscious decision people often default to observed behaviors regardless of their effectiveness. Adrian discusses the importance of time in assessing the rightness of a new relationship. Tom cites the old wisdom that fools rush in where angels fear to tread A transcript of the podcast is available here
