Love & Life with Dr. Karin

www.loveandlifemedia.com If you’ve been on the dating scene for long enough, you’ve definitely heard this one, ”It’s not you, it’s me.” Maybe it was the explanation he gave when he broke up with you. Or perhaps it’s the reason she says she can’t commit. Either way, it’s confusing and unsatisfying—of course it’s not you! You did nothing wrong! And also, you’re awesome! Then again, part of you worries that maybe you did mess things up. Is it possible you said or did something to ruin the relationship? Well, yes and no. . . Join me to learn how our best intentions often work against us and actually increase the likelihood of us hearing, “It’s not you, it’s me.” I also examine psych research which reveals the one thing we should NEVER do if we hope to keep a relationship moving forward.

In her early twenties, Liz Forkin Bohannon identified an “integrity gap” between what she claimed she cared about—issues facing women living in extreme poverty—and how she conducted her daily life. So, she quit her job and bought a one-way ticket to Uganda. Fast forward to 2019, Liz is the CEO of Sseko Designs, a fair-trade, fair-wage fashion brand employing and empowering women in Uganda and the U.S.! In this segment of our Women Making it Happen in Their Careers series, you’ll hear how Liz’s “beginners pluck” helped her “actively co-create the world she wanted to live in” and how YOU can support Sseko’s mission! Spoiler alert: supporting Sseko’s missions involves shopping for gorgeous bags, jewelry, and shoes—what a fantastic way to help empower women! P.S. In our conversation, Liz and I realized we’re reading the same book at the moment so we meandered into a few psychological and sociological topics just for fun e.g. how comparing ourselves to others objectifies them, why risk taking is essential for building self-esteem, and how an inadvertent indoctrination of cognitive distortions is related to the rise in depression and anxiety in the U.S.

Sports anchor Laura Behnke had it all—high-powered career in NYC, fantastic friends, and amazing travels. The one thing she didn’t have? A husband. In fact, at 35 Laura had never been in a long-term relationship. And everyone wanted to know why. How could a bright, beautiful, successful woman like her be single? Over the years, Laura experienced her fair share of “single shaming” and frankly, she still experiences it, even though she’s now happily married—which is why Laura created her platform, Life Actually and its slogan, #OwnYourTimeline!Join us to discuss:Ways to deal with invasive questions about your love life—or lack thereof.How to reframe your experiences to take charge of your thoughts!Being a strong, independent woman who still wants a husband and kids.How Laura integrated what she learned in therapy to embrace her “life actually!”As Joseph Campbell put it, “We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that’s waiting for us.” Laura did exactly this and she’s here to help you do the same!

It’s definitely complicated in today’s dating scene—can we learn to date smarter, not harder? Of course, we can! In this Q&A episode, I respond to 3 questions from listeners striving to navigate the disorienting and often demoralizing dating landscape:1. “Danielle” wants to know if she should go on a second date if she’s not feeling sparks during the first date.2. “Sarah” wonders if after 5 ½ years of dating “Chris” on and off, should she tell him her true feelings? And furthermore, is a legitimate, committed relationship with him even possible after so much back and forth?3. “Lily” and her ex-boyfriend, “John,” have remained friends for years. He visits (from overseas) once or twice a year and financially supports her and her children (although they aren’t his). John is in love with Lily and though Lily loves him as a friend and appreciates his years of commitment to her and her kids, she doesn’t have romantic feelings for him. Then again, he’s such a good guy, she wishes she could fall for him and wonders if there’s a psychological block that keeps her from cultivating romantic feelings with a man who loves her so much as is deeply committed to her.I give in-depth responses to these in-depth questions—and Dan provides a male perspective for question 2! Join us to learn how to date smarter, not harder! MusicTrack Name: 'Good Day'Music By: Low Frequency Music @ https://soundcloud.com/user-551516820License for commercial use: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported "Share Alike" (CC BY-SA 3.0) License.Track Name: "Time Flies"Music By: "KaizanBlu"Licence: Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0)Track Name: 'Opportunity'Music By: Low Frequency Music @ https://soundcloud.com/user-551516820License for commercial use: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported "Share Alike" (CC BY-SA 3.0) License.

When a relationship breaks down, we want answers—especially when things end abruptly or we get ghosted. We feel hurt and confused, and we hope getting “closure” will somehow help us process our grief and move on. But will it? And perhaps the question most central to this conversation—is closure actually a thing? In this episode I delve into the concept of closure, addressing these questions and sharing two circumstances from my dating history—one time when I was looking for closure, but didn’t get it; and another instance when my ex asked me for closure, but I struggled to provide it. Join me for a deep dive into closure, as we examine why it’s so hard to get—and sometimes even harder to give.

Strong, independent adults in our twenties, thirties, forties (and beyond!) sometimes still feel pressure from our families—pressure to conform to family expectations, pressure to be at a certain stage of our lives, pressure to make choices consistent with our family’s values. Moreover, establishing a distinct identity within the context of our families often proves even more challenging for adult children from traditional upbringings and/or members of “third cultures.” Life coach Varsha Mathur shares her experiences with dating, marriage, and divorce as a “third culture” American woman of South Asian descent. Join us to learn:· How to assert yourself within your family in a psychologically healthy manner.· Why individuation is typically more difficult for members of a “third culture.”· The pervasive fear inherent to the individuation process—for both parents and adult children.· How to identify and manage covert “family rules.”· The difference between following your heart and trusting your gut.· When to open the lines of communication with your family and when to recognize you don’t owe anyone any explanations.· How to take back your power and agency.· How I used Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy on myself to take charge of my thoughts (and my life) after calling off my wedding! Varsha and I explore the challenges of individuating from family of origin—challenges that, for most of us, persist to some degree throughout adulthood—and provide strategies for how to remain close to, while also independent from, our families in adulthood.

Have you ever admired someone’s career and thought, “How did she do it? How did she make it happen?” That’s what I wondered when I met Showbiz Shelly, Chicago’s go-to entertainment expert. I always wondered how Shelly made a splash in this crowded media landscape, so when I started my occasional series about women making it happen in their careers, I knew I wanted Shelly to appear as one of the first guests. Join us to learn how Shelly moved from intern (passing out key chains and merch at neighborhood festivals) to midday host on Chicago’s hottest radio station! Hear how she pushed through shyness and anxiety to interview actors, musicians, and sports stars such as Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bieber, Angelina Jolie, Michael Jordan, and John Travolta. Be inspired by Shelly’s drive to make it happen and learn how you can make it happen in your career, too!

Dating is awkward and anxiety provoking—no question. So, if you’re dating with anxiety, it’s EXTRA awkward! Psychotherapist Alison Seponara, AKA “The Anxiety Healer” on Instagram, knows this all too well. On her Insta platform, Alison shares powerful cognitive behavioral techniques for managing anxiety, and just recently she’s started opening up to her over 45,000 followers about her pursuit of love and the role anxiety plays in this process. Join us to discuss:- Why the typical first date advice of “just be yourself” doesn’t work for those with anxiety.- How “inner child work” greatly alleviates dating anxiety.- Why taking time to visualize yourself with the love you’re looking for is a GREAT idea—and could even rewire your brain!- How your single years can be a gift to yourself and your future partner!- Why the cliché of “you have to love yourself first” is wonderful in theory, but simply doesn’t cut it. Hear Alison’s love journey and learn tangible, manageable strategies for tackling the dating scene AND overcoming anxiety!

Clinical psychologist Steven C. Hayes suffered from panic disorder. He tried all the therapeutic techniques he’d learned in his training and had employed with clients. But the attacks persisted. So, Dr. Hayes created his own therapeutic orientation—Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Dr. Hayes describes how through ACT we can resonate in the fullness of who we are and turn toward what brings us meaning and purpose in life! Join us to discuss:- How to manage our inner critic—what Dr. Hayes calls, “The Dictator.”- Our desperate need to belong and the ways we often self-sabotage in our efforts to connect with others.- Why a victim mentality feels vindicating, yet prevents us from getting anything we truly want!- How “defusing” from our thoughts empowers us!- Why our “problem solving mind” can wreak havoc on our emotional state.- Psychological flexibility and why it makes all the difference!- How we can more effortlessly live in alignment with our chosen values.Learn ACT therapeutic techniques you can integrate TODAY to reduce anxiety, increase your mood, and embrace the fullness of life’s experiences!Music by https://soundcloud.com/prime

Stepfamilies are the “new normal.” In fact, 50% of American kids will have a stepparent at some point in their lives (Health Research Funding, 2015). But, according to the Stepfamily Foundation, 75% of stepfamilies complain of “not having access to resources as a stepfamily.” For this reason, Kendall Rose wrote The Stepmoms Club: How to Be a Stepmom Without Losing Your Money, Your Mind, and Your Marriage. Kendall shares both her personal experience as a single woman who married a man with kids and the collective wisdom of the members of The Stepmoms Club. Join us as we discuss:- The imperative step you MUST take before marrying a man with children—and if you’re already married, do this immediately!- The “Stepmom Vortex” and how to avoid getting sucked into it!- Which blended family elements you can control and which you can’t.- Combatting the “evil stepmother” stereotype.- The infuriating Disneyland Dad Syndrome—why he does it and how to handle it.- The optimal way to deal with his difficult ex.- Why hitting the wall may be the BEST thing to happen to you and your family!- The unexpected blessings of a blended family.Learn from those who’ve been there—avoid the mistakes they made and find comfort in the camaraderie of your fellow stepmom sisters!

I’m so excited to kick off season two with Ken Page, LCSW, the author of my new all-time favorite dating book, Deeper Dating! Ken’s wisdom and teachings will transform your approach to dating, love, and most importantly—your relationship with yourself! Join us to learn:- Why you don’t need to figure out the origin of your fear of intimacy or abandonment in order to find true love. - The question you must ask yourself when dating and, how it leads you to love—and heals your soul in the process. - How to stop being attracted to people who aren’t good for you and start being attracted to people who are!- The essential quality your future partner must have!- How to break your fear of rejection once and for all!- Why safe, loving, good-for-us people can scare us.- The greatest saboteur of healthy new love!- How examining your prior, unhealthy relationships help you identify red flags to examine.- How to excise 70% of future relationship-related pain!Ken asserts your search for love is one of the most important, if not the most important, missions of your life! Be inspired by his passion and learn substantive strategies for deeper, more rewarding dating!Music: https://soundcloud.com/prime

It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week and I’ve got you covered with plenty of Love & Life episodes devoted to helping you stay happy, hopeful, and positive despite the frustrations and challenges of today’s dating scene. Learn how to deal with “single shaming” and discover the “date-onomics” which impact the dating landscape and your love life! You’ll feel encouraged and empowered as you discover strategies for how to thrive—not just survive—while living la vida solo. I wrap up the episode with a sneak peek into Season 2 of Love & Life. There’s so much good stuff ahead. Stay tuned!good morning by Amine Maxwell https://soundcloud.com/aminemaxwellCreative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: http://bit.ly/2vpruoYMusic promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/SQWFdnbzlgI

As parents, can we encourage excellence without pressuring kids to be perfect? Dr. Jeffrey S. Reber, author of The Paradox of Perfection: How Embracing Our Imperfection Perfects, examines the specific concerns parents face as we help children develop determination and drive while protecting them from the pitfalls of perfectionism and the language of flawlessness. We also discuss parenting in the age of “mommy shaming” and how to avoid passing on our own struggle with perfectionism to our children. Dr. Reber’s book provides parents with support as they wrestle with perfectionistic tendencies—both their children’s and their own! Music from Lakey Inspired https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspired/the-process

We all want to “live our best life,” but too often our drive toward excellence morphs into a quest for the impossible—perfection. Dr. Jeffrey S. Reber, author of, The Paradox of Perfection: How Embracing Our Imperfection Perfects Us unpacks the many layers of perfectionism—where it comes from, why we struggle with it, and how it alienates us from each other and ourselves! We delve into:•Perfectionism in the age of social media.•Vulnerability and perfectionism.•The most powerful aspect of psychotherapy—and how it relates to perfectionism.•The “deep shame” that keeps so many of us trapped in the pursuit of flawlessness.•How perfectionism in marriage prevents true intimacy.•Perfectionism in the age of the “gotcha culture.”Join us to discuss the paradox of perfection—how embracing our imperfections allows us to live lives of vulnerability, authenticity, and deep intimacy.

We have a core human desire to love and be loved and many, if not most, of us believe our relationships to be the most important aspect of our lives. Yet in most countries, there’s very little formal education on how to cultivate healthy relationships—with ourselves and with others! Because of this we model the dynamics we witnessed in our family of origin—and for many of us, what we observed in childhood doesn’t provide a solid foundation for our adult connections. With all the psych research on friendship, love, and marriage, it’s surprising we don’t integrate this literature into school’s curriculums. If this concerns you, please take a listen to this episode in which Australian dating coach Renee Slansky shares her mission to implement love education into schools’ curriculum and beyond!Music: https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspired/blossom