How Can I Say This...

When we think of negotiators, we often think of people who are trying to find a bargain, job seekers, or people on the front lines of a hostage situation. Those things might be true some of the time, but there’s so much more to it than that. Life is a negotiation; and right now, it’s showing up in the form of negotiating new structures, working arrangements, and relationships in light of the coronavirus pandemic. We’re all negotiators.Our question this episode: what are the benefits of bringing yourself – your true self – to a negotiation?My conversation with Mori Taheripour focuses on her new book, "Bring Yourself: How to Harness the Power of Connection to Negotiate Fearlessly." We talk about the different traits of effective negotiators (it's not what you would assume), the role of empathy in successful negotiations (and relationships), and what to keep in mind when you're negotiating ideas with someone you disagree with (she feels hopeful we can find common ground).Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at HowCanISayThis.com. Your reviews, ratings, shares and subscribes are encouraged and appreciated! Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

When we’re in close quarters with someone for a long time, even the strongest of relationships can be tested. In this episode, I offer you a simple mantra that can help you stay calm and compassionate while we shelter-in-place. #spaceandgraceHosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and downloadable mantra images at howcanisaythis.com. Your feedback, shares, reviews and ratings are welcome! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s a phrase I’ve heard over and over these past few years: there’s no point in trying to talk to them. Them is always the person with whom we have strong disagreements, or it might represent an entire group of people we’ve decided are unreachable. But there is a point; it’s just not what you might think. Our question this episode: how can we get past our surface differences to find our common humanity? My guest is Kern Beare, founder of The Difficult Conversations Project. More information at howcanisaythis.com. Shares, ratings, and reviews are always welcome and appreciated. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

When we think of forming new habits, our minds go to the obvious – changing what we eat, how much we exercise, what time we go to bed or get up in the morning, deciding to meditate. Those are all good habits to pay attention to, and there’s one more to add that can change your life just as much. Our question this episode: which small word choices make a huge difference in the effectiveness of our communication?You can find past episodes, find out how to leave a review, and learn more about the show at howcanisaythis.com. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There are many ways to evaluate the health of a social connection. We know to notice eye contact, body language, tone of voice and balance of listening and talking. But what about laughter? We intuitively know that when we laugh together, there’s a high probability we like one another or have something in common. It can also signal discomfort, a power indifference, or low self-esteem. Our question this episode: what are the ways laughter and humor advance or distract from our communication?Part one of two.Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. Thanks for listening! To access past episodes, learn how to leave a review, or contact Beth, visit howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There’s a widely circulated saying that people fear public speaking more than death. That funny but misguided bit of trivia distracts us from the opportunity we have whenever we’re given the literal or metaphorical microphone and invited to share our thoughts. Our question this episode: what strategies for overcoming public speaking anxiety can help us be better communicators? If you don’t consider yourself a public speaker, I invite you to think again. I can’t remember who planted this idea in my head, but there’s truth to it: we are all public speakers, every day. Whenever we open our mouths to speak to someone, we are communicating publicly with the intention of being persuasive, giving or receiving information, or accomplishing a goal. You don’t have to be on a stage or behind a podium to carry yourself and your voice with authority. My guest today is Michelle Barry Franco, and she shares strategies that help you speaking from the stage with ease also apply to having more courageous everyday conversations. Find more information, past episodes, and submit your communication question at howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"Almost all words do have color and nothing is more pleasant than to utter a pink word and see someone's eyes light up and know it is a pink word for him or her, too." ~Gladys Taber Our words are paint strokes on the canvas of life – sounds cheesy, but it’s true. We create a certain picture with every word we choose, both in thinking and speaking. Our question this episode: what world are we creating with our words? How Can I Say This… is a podcast focused on building connection and community through courageous conversations. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and archives at howcanisaythis.com. Your reviews, ratings and shares are welcome and help this community grow! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

You’ve messed up. You feel embarrassed, you know what you did was a mistake, and you own up to it. You say you’re sorry. And even though you acknowledge it, the other person still wants to chew you out. They want to make sure you know how badly you’ve screwed up. It feels terrible, and you shut down.Our question this episode: what’s the harm with shaming the shameful?This episode was inspired by a post I read over the break with the clickbait headline, "How Should I Tell People a Shameful Secret About My Dog?" The question itself was interesting, but it was the response the columnist gave that really got my hackles up. I’m not going to be talking specifically about the issue the post brought up, but more about the dynamics that played out on the page that we can all learn from.Learn more about the podcast, listen to the archives, get info about leaving a review, and submit your listener question at www.howcanisaythis.com. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Being successful in our professional lives depends on lots of people agreeing on certain principles. Show up on time. Follow through. Take your responsibilities seriously. Respect your boss and your colleagues. But what do you do if those shared expectations are violated? Our question this episode: How do you behave when your direct report behaves disrespectfully and refuses to acknowledge that you found the behavior disrespectful? This episode features a listener question about working with a disrespectful colleague. The ideas I offer certainly apply in a professional setting, but I hope they also might be useful in any relationship where it feels like respect and lack thereof is a problem. I also share a couple of must-listen podcast recommendations if you want to better understand your fellow humans.Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com. Ratings, reviews, and shares always welcome! Subscribe to always receive the latest episodes. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On February 20, 1954, Albert Einstein said the following during an address to the Chicago Decalogue Society: “…in long intervals I have expressed an opinion on public issues whenever they appeared to me so bad and unfortunate that silence would have made me feel guilty of complicity.” As a public figure with a particular reputation and credibility to maintain, Einstein had to weigh the pros and cons of making his private opinions public. Not everyone feels they have the luxury of making a choice, and you don’t have to be Einstein to know that sharing your positions and views can backfire in today’s especially volatile environment.Our question this episode: how do we decide when to publicly speak out or stay silent about our personal views?This question of, “should I be telling them this?” is important to leaders, business owners, teachers, lawyers, doctors, and other professionals who often are expected to have a certain neutrality when it comes to their public personas.Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com. Your ratings, reviews and shares are encouraged and welcome! Thanks! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s that time of year, when we look forward to food, drink, and time with people we care about. It’s also when we might dread time with people we care about, because that time is filled with talking, and that talking might go in directions that cause conflict. And no, I’m not talking about debating who will win the big game or which movie you want to watch. While Thanksgiving 2016 was probably the most stressful in recent memory for families and friends with differing political views, the Thanksgiving of 2019 is likely to be a close second.Our question this episode: how can we come together when our views threaten to drive us apart?Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at www.howcanisaythis.com. Your reviews, ratings and shares are always appreciated! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Once upon a time, if we were upset or disagreed with a person, policy or decision, our thoughts on the matter rippled out maybe as far as our second- or third-degree connections, but not much further. Things moved fairly slowly, and we could generally trust our information sources. But now, almost everyone, with a single click on the word “post” or “tweet,” can share their thoughts with friends and strangers alike, and we can unknowingly spread misinformation or rumors that have the potential to harm others. And if we take the bait when others post provocative content, any possibility of civility goes out the window. Our question this episode: what are some best practices to help us engage constructively with one another on social media, rather than destructively? Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com. Subscribe to stay updated on future episodes. Your shares, reviews and ratings help spread the word and bring more courageous conversations to the world! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

There are lots of mantras I live by, including "I’m open to outcome, not attached," and "I can handle whatever happens." I’ve recently adopted a new mantra based on some recent experiences – experiences that have found me angry and upset – and it’s such a good I have to share it. Our question this episode: what can we do when we’re so mad we can hardly see straight?Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at www.howcanisaythis.com. You can support this podcast through your ratings, reviews, shares, and subscription. Thanks for listening! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

How many times have you been in a conversation and the other person says or does something unexpected or hostile, and you think to yourself – where did THAT come from!? In fact, you might have thought that very thing about yourself! We might think that frustration, anger, confusion, or other emotions that block productive conversations “come out of nowhere,” but the truth is that they always come from somewhere. Our question this episode: what influences our capacity for connection with others besides what we say and how we say it?Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at www.howcanisaythis.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

If we hang around with someone long enough, there are little things that pop up that can distract us from heart of the relationship. It might be the way another person eats, dresses, or even folds the towels. And those might seem trivial – after all, differences or annoyances in those areas aren’t make-or-break issues. But they’re not so trivial when they become distractions that suck up our attention.Our question this episode: how should we approach sensitive topics that have to do with someone’s personal habits?This episode focuses on a listener question about giving feedback to someone about a personal quirk. When I read the question, I found myself stumped a bit, so I decided to call on my friend and colleague, Arden Clise. If you’re a regular listener, you might remember her from our conversation in episode 5, which serves as a good companion episode to this one.Here's the listener question, submitted anonymously:"How do I tell a member of my family about their eating habit, about eating with their mouth shut without hurting their feelings?"Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at www.howcanisaythis.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.