Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

Elvis and JFK team up to take down a butt-sucking undead SOB in a nursing home. OR Elvis ends up in a horrible nursing home and struggles to find a reason to keep living. Pick one. You can't have both without muddying up the other.  While Bubba Ho-Tep should absolutely be praised for accomplishing what it does on only $500,000, it must also be dissed for its non-budget related flaws. Chiefly its duality but also in its production. If you read the back story on this movie, you'll learn that they had a mismatch with the cameras and the level of knowledge on how to run them. So what should have taken 15 days to shoot took 30. That made a lot of stuff in the screenplay that needed to be in film, end up on the floor and a lot of stretching of what was available (which isn't much). This is one of the lowest on content movies we've ever reviewed. Sadly, this is exceptional work by Bruce Campbell. He is putting everything he's got in the role and is clearly attached to the part, but the horrendous production (lighting, cinematography, makeup, script and plot) get completely in his way and drag everything he does down. Ozzie Davis is great (of course) but he suffers from the same tragedy. It's a shame that both have to lose their skills to a mountain of problems not related to them. Frankly, at the end of the day, the film is just ruined by it's lack of focus on what it's trying to do. Halfway through, it loses the themes and look it tried to establish in the first half, and the isn't setup to have the second plot work in anyway and thus becomes a lackluster conclusion to something you can't be attached to.  Some will disagree with us (this is beloved - but likely because people are trying to will it to be good) but this is a straight-up do not from us.

Each year we recount the creme' de la crappe, and discuss our very favorite 10 films (each) from the previous year in podcasting. These are the films that are the most important to see. This episode is like a cornucopia of terribly awesome stinkers. Stop what you're doing and watch these movies. Here are numbers 4-1 plus our very favorite movies that were released in 2018.

Each year we recount the creme' de la crappe, and discuss our very favorite 10 films (each) from the previous year in podcasting. These are the films that are the most important to see. This episode is like a cornucopia of terribly awesome stinkers. Stop what you're doing and watch these movies. Here are numbers 10-5.

A guy with unrealistically great hair, stands atop a giant earthworm (who isn't even wearing a costume) and uses his Alexa-style hand laser to be less effective in combat than just going and buying a regular laser gun. It's Dune and arguably one of our most controversial choices to lampoon. Dune is that unique mix of "well, that looked really good" and "this is a really accurate representation of the novels (sorta)" on one side while also being complete nonsensical crap and horribly cheesy effects and acting on the other side. Is it a stinker? Probably. Is it also passionately made art? Probably. Its not only a head-scratcher on how you want to label it, its a head-scratcher within its content. What are the damn rules of the Dune universe? I mean seriously. It's nonsense. There's a space guild that is also a little guy with a vagina mouth that acts as a Mass Relay (see Mass Effect games). There's a telepathic witch guild that gets mad if you have a male child because it won't fulfill the prophecy even though the male child CLEARLY is the prophecy? Also they are bald, because..... There's a guy just puts corks into people's chests or is it ALL the people that live on his planet, like a social security card. The universe's most important commodity is literally just angel dust but if you do enough of it you can bend space and time to your will. I mean duh phuq?  Aside from all that, it's a pretty basic plot though - these guys are bad and they killed the Duke, so the son is going to get some revengeance and end up as Neo. So try not to get too hung up in the details. The film is a complete mess. It's disorganized, incoherent, sloppy and too long and rambling. But there is a sort of wonder in its problems. It's the weird kind of stinker that you enjoy, not because it's unintentionally funny, but because it's unintentionally so confusing. Whether you love it or hate it, it's a must watch and must riff movie.

You didn't ask for it, but you got it. A sequel starring a different guy who finds out he's a werewolf and is good at sports, but this time he's in college! Things are about to get a little wild, right? Sadly no - this college is actually just a junior high school. Nothing says wild college party like punch and pie mixers, right? Getting fast and loose while the "Dean of Men" chaperones! Yeah, college! This is the nerd's version of college for sure. All these rascally rule breaking college freshman are about as nutty as the girl whose best friend is her mom (so, Jackie?). We've got to address the one major moment - frog fight. Seriously, not acceptable. There's some shots that appear that they used actual frogs to whap each other in the face with solely for the entertainment of dumb pre-teens, especially one that shows a frog with clear damage to its face. Man, screw the 80's. We really don't know what to tell you about this movie. It's typically offensive, suffers from awful writing, brings little plot replacing it with montages, isn't clear on whom the antagonist is, doesn't follow it's own rules, is quite unclear on the lore of teen wolves, and so leaves lots to discuss but not much to enjoy while viewing it. We can't really tell you what to do here - it's not great but there's enough here to enjoy a good riffing Sunday. But in total it's a do not from us.

The greatest question posed by man since 1986 is "what the heck do people see in this pile?" It's like working next to a construction site. Its like a toaster that always burns your bread. Its like a script that tries to make the leads the two most annoying people on the planet and succeeds. Running Scared sucks. Imagine yourself living in the universe as Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal's characters. Worse yet, imagine having to work with them. They're worse then Lumberg. Each and every Monday would be a compounding hell, when you the entire department is called in for the morning brief and you can't get through it because these two are trying to be funny throughout the whole thing. Keyword - "trying". The "jokes" are constant - yes, but not only are they not funny - they aren't even jokes. It's the classic trick that crappy comedians pull on the unwitting - make goofy voices and talk really fast and constantly. Those are clearly jokes, right? Wrong. I mean look at this: Excuse me, we're from Noisebusters. Do you know where the Menudo concert is? THAT'S funny? It's nonsense! It doesn't even make sense in the context of any of its own premises! Running Scared is a loud, constant annoyance and the sooner mankind realizes that it's a travesty, the sooner we can move on as a society.

It's got a random gorilla, a laser "unit", eyebrows that change from shot to shot, a trio of tough ladies, possible ninjas and a dubious plot to build the Infinity Gauntlet so you know this must be a Jim Wynorski movie. Bring on the chesty women! If you've ever seen a Jim Wynorski film, you know of two things to expect: the left boob and the right boob. This one is no different. It's just a silly budget movie with a fairly standard plot (a trio of chesty ladies team-up to destroy an evil plot to take over the world) but that's where the convention ends. Things get pretty loosey goosey with regard to its own script as Jim runs roughshod with his own project. It's glorious. This is not a tight ship that's being ran here. And it was never supposed to be. This project was intended to lose money as a tax write-off for a movie theater owner. But Jim just can't help himself and made one of his most fun films. There's errors and mistakes everywhere including very strange and cryptic ad-libbing that couldn't be reshot due to time constraints and location limitations. There's bad props and terrible costumes. There's strange sequences that don't fit into anything leaving the viewer having to try and make sense of all the nonsense. Arguably, it's one of Wynorski's "best" films as it's got all the hallmarks of his usual fodder but without the expertise that he garnered as his career progressed. It should not be missed by any fan of Stinker Madness's film selection.

The hottest awards for bad films in 2018 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2018 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below. Best bad actor - Dwayne - Rampage Toby Kebbell - Hurricane Heist Eric Johnson - 50 Shades Trevante Rhodes - Predator Shaq - Show Dogs Gerard Butler - Hunter Killer Jeffery Dean Morgan - Rampage Jamie Foxx - Robin Hood Jackson Rathbone - Samson  Tom Jayne - Predator - WINNER Hugo Weaving - Mortal Engines Jake Lacey - Rampage Tom Jayne - AXL Worst bad actor - Taylor James - Samson Dwayne - Skyscraper Bruce Willis - Death Wish Taron Edgerton - Robin Hood John Boyega - Pacific Rim: Uprising - WINNER Will Arnett - Show Dogs Jason Clarke - Winchester Toby Kebbell - Hurricane Heist Jackson Rathborne - Samson Alex MacNichol - AXL Best bad actress -  Julia Goldani Telles - Slenderman Maggie Grace - Hurricane Heist Olivia Munn - Predator  Dakota Johnson - 50 Shades - WINNER Natasha Lyonne - Show Dogs Helen Mirren - Winchester BDH - Jurrassic World: Fallen Kingdom Joey King - Slender-Man Malen Akerman - Rampage Melissa Bologna - Hurricane Heist Jahae - Mortal Engines Worst bad actress - Helen Mirren - Winchester Alicia Vankender - Tomb Raider - WINNER Eve Hewson - Robin Hood Neve Campbell - Skyscraper Lindsey Wagner - Samson Olivia Munn - Predator Hera Hilmar - Mortal Engines Becky G - AXL Elizabeth Shue - Death Wish Best bad movie - Predator Rampage Hurricane Heist Fifty Shades Freed Mortal Engines Hunter Killer Slender-Man Worst bad movie - Robin Hood AXL Samson Tomb Raider Winchester Pacific Rim: Uprising Mortal Engines Skyscraper Winchester Slender-Man Death Wish Riffer -  Mortal Engines - WINNER 50 Shades Rampage Slender-Man Hurricane Heist Winchester

There's a really good reason that this film disappeared from cable networks and the cultural lexicon. Take an heavy level of racism, add a cavalcade of annoying characters and jokes then sprinkle all that on top of inane plot and you've got yourself a monster bud movie. We'll give this movie one thing - the animatronics and puppeteering are great. That's it. Everything surrounding the work of the grips, best boys and effects team stink. Guttenburg is groan-inducing, Sheedy is baffling, Stevens is offensive and Johnny 5 needs to take a long drive off a short pier. Even for a "kids" movie it's just so damned annoying. Like dogs barking while you're trying to sleep. Skip this turd.

In a futuristic world, an evil billionaire recreates the dinosaurs (making them small, have normal arms, and recovering carnivores) and then hatches a villainous plan to wipe out all life on Earth, creating a utopia of dinos and humans - so just like the current status in the movie. WTF is this POS? Theodore Rex is insufferable. At no point in its incoherent rambling is a modicum of enjoyment to be had. It's baffling yet it hurts your brain. It's fast-paced, yet nothing is moving the plot forward. It's got incredibly bad production design, but what happens in the foreground is so painful that you can't mind everything in the background. The acting is awful, the costumes are amateur, the "jokes" are "huh"-inducing. Yet all that takes a back seat to how atrocious the screenplay is. This falls into the "we are talking like you, Earth human. All your base are belong to us!" category of writing.  While it's one of the biggest POS in history, it's just too insufferable to recommend. We absolutely hated it and just wanted it to end. It's truly one of the bottom 3 movies we've reviewed on the show. Stay away, all.

Andy Sidaris once again dials the nonsense up to about 50 and matches that number with topless women. This time the LETHAL team has to deal with some internal double-crossing or triple-crossing, we're very confused on how many crossings happen here.  We've seen that a lot of the reviews online for the 4th film in the LETHAL collection (this one proves that Seven is part of the franchise) that this one isn't good. There's no giant snake gimic, not as crazy stunts, and a much crappier version of the Malibu Express. Those points are all correct however, this is still a great time and as far as we can see has only one extreme drawback - the continuing degradation of the Abilene's in quality. Travis Abilene is the worst. He's just scummy. The actor belongs on the bad guy team - not among the coolest guys of all time. He stinks. Picasso Trigger is a lot more complex than the previous three films with a very convoluted plot and that may have been a major shift in how Andy and Arlene made their booby-movies. There may have been too much to get hung-up on and that may have distracted everyone from the formula that worked so well in the previous three. We'll see if the Sidaris ship corrects itself in Savage Beach.  With that disclaimer, Picasso Trigger is still a do and one of the best riffers you can pick up. 

From Wakaliwood comes Uganda's first action movie! This is Uganda! Yeah Yeah Yeah Okay! Commandos! Tiger Mafia! Tiger Mafia Commandos! VJ Emmie on the mic! So yeah, we make fun of it. Who Killed Captain Alex is one of the cleverly disguised as crap, but actually smarter b-movies we've reviewed on the show. We found the plot to be fairly conventional while watching the movie until the last 3 frames and we released that we had been duped. This was no common hyper-budget action movie. Nothing out of Vietnam, Philippines, or Mexico writes like this. Its absolutely riffing on the entire genre in the vain of The OP, Turbo-Kid, and Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. The hook is so subtle despite it being the title of the damn movie. Nothing looks as good as Who Killed Captain Alex does....on a $200 budget. The film-makers REALLY stretched their budget and that is completely part of its charm. Admiring their costumes, props (especially the guns that they craft from found-materials) and the sets is all part of the experience and puts a small on the face of anyone who has tried to make their own budget movie. The VERY best part of enjoying CA is how much fun everyone involved is having. Its clear that underneath any acting face is a giant grin. Everyone is having a blast at making this movie and it's well deserved that its now seen across the globe. Fantastic. We have 1 warning - VJ Emmie (the Video Hall riffer that runs throughout the film) is a little tough to take at first, but by the end of the movie, you learn the experience wouldn't be the same without him.  Thanks Wakaliwood!

A mediocre talent finds inspiration in an over-the-hill mentor and in doing so makes a nightclub successful. So Xanadu...right? Actually, it's also Chicago, Moulin Rouge and Coyote Ugly. Thanks Troy from Goonies! Let's face it, gang. Burlesque is about 30 minutes too long and suffers from the typical drag of poorly thought out projects - there's too many subplots and no main plot. While most of them are just meh, one subplot is insufferable - the romance. What's her name Aquafina falls in love with her (seriously gay) roommate/coworker. And their relationship is like watching paint dry, then become acid and fly into your face. It is intolerably uninteresting until it causes you physical pain. The songs don't fit the theme (they are pop hits, not the cabaret/vaudeville that fits with burlesque dancing). The dancing is pretty bland. The costumes are about as burlesque as a road stop strip joint and they are too few anyways. I can't understand why the signing/dancing movie fan would ever like this. I'd be pissed. It's like Batman Returns - a Batman movie with no Batman. There's nothing here for anyone. Steer clear.

After years of steering well clear of one of the most notoriously bad movies of all time, we finally tackle the most butt and crotch heavy superhero movie ever made. Clooney brings the turtle-neck and somehow manages to not push Robin and Bat-Girl off the rooftops. Is it possible this isn't the torture-fest we expected? In short - yes! It isn't the torture-fest we expected. We actually had quite a bit of fun with this turd. Don't take us incorrectly, this is a travesty, but after 22 years its inching itself into the "so bad its good" category. There's just so much wrong with it that really the only thing holding it back is Robin & Batgirl who are painfully annoying. If the movie had just been Clooney blowing it and Schwaz just hamming it up, it might be in the hall of fame. Unfortunately, you are stuck with the corporate toys of Robin & Batgirl. The pacing here is good, so you're not stuck wallowing in boredom. The set-pieces are ridiculous. The writing is over-the-top hammy. The acting is terribly entertaining. The makeup, the costumes, the hair all are laughably terrible. All that adds up to being hated by all at it's release but now makes for a great laugh. Go back and do this one over - it's not epic, but it definitely can start to be enjoyed for it's crumminess.

A super-elite team of hot ladies formulate to take down all of the drugs in the US. Instead they get a high school teacher kidnapped, a teenager shot and possibly killed, ruin a man's salesman career, and watch a man get eaten by a dog all so they can take down roving tampon salesman. Seven From Heaven indeed! Man, when you line up movies from the late 70s this is strikes all the bells. A hot van with rockets, machine guns and a dirt bike with machine guns on it in the back - check. Busty ladies with no bras kicking ass - check. Drunk Peter Lawford - check. A winded Jack Palance chasing Darby Hinton over patios - check. Explosions, explosions, explosions - check! So why isn't this in the top 10 greatest bad movies ever? Well...a its PG...weirdly. The opening shootout is like a GI JOE episode; hot lead is flying everywhere but not one person manages to get shot or sploded. There's little left to the imagination with the chests due to very loose shirts and no bras, but there is 0 nudity. Then there's plenty of "comedy" foley work when people jump or punch guys. A little live-action cartooning that we all hate so much. Why did they choose to shoot for PG in a drive-thru movie? The PGness doesn't fit and drops it down a couple stars for sure. Then there is 2 absolutely unnecessary and boring scenes that account for about 20 minutes (the Nazis and the beach scene). Those are eyeroll-heavy and unfortunate. Outside of those factors, this thing is hot trash. For its problems, there is a ton more good here to make up for them. It's faults keep it out of the greatest bad movies ever, but it's strengths would have got it in the discussion at least. So this is a must-do from us.