Summary: I had my own experience in which I had lived a believer too long. I was a junior in college and I was definitely living two lives. On the one hand, I had started a Bible study with a very good friend of mine. The school where I went was non-Christian to say the very least. For example, we had to jump through so many hoops to just start that Bible study, and yet the Gay and Lesbian Club were financed to the hilt by the school. But even with this, I was trying to lead. I was taking risks. I was on the cutting edge of living Christian ministry (or so I believed). Jim Eliot, Tony Campolo, Billy Graham--those fiery, passionate followers of Jesus were my heroes. I had such great motives. The problem was—it was just so difficult to get my actions to follow. You see, I was also another person. When one has an impersonal relationship with God, they inevitably do not know themselves or their calling either. Again, they will go where the wind blows. Even with all of my confidence on the out-side, internally I was a mess. I played a good game; I knew how to impress; I knew how to wear the mask. But I was also the person who had dark secrets in hiding. At its core, God was not my security; relationships with women were. God was not my god; sexual relationships were. During that time, I was in so many different relationships with women and most of them were with those who wanted nothing to do with God. Just like me, they were out for a good time. As I’ve said, a lot of those relationships were sexual and that furthered my plight. At this point in my life, there was one woman I had had my eye on for a long time. To this day, I remember her name; it was Julia.
