Summary: (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_053_2-01_edit_235-150x150.jpg)One of the most devastating problems people have is so common that nearly everybody views it as “human nature.” Few people even try to get rid of the problem because they assume everyone has it; it’s part of the “human condition.” What is this problem? Worrying about what others think and doing things just to get people’s approval. How you know if you have the problem (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Female_Caucasia_Employee_Bitin_4383623B.jpg)How do you know if you are one of the tens of millions of people who have this problem? Do you often walk away from people thinking, “Did I say the right thing”; did I offend someone”; “should I have said or asked …”? Do you frequently hear that “little voice” in your head saying: “What will they think?”? Do you often feel you need to be a certain way and you can’t just be yourself? Although these thoughts and behaviors seem to be a much a part of who we are, in fact, however, you can eradicate these thoughts and behaviors forever. How? By eliminating the beliefs that cause them. Although this problem can be caused by different beliefs in different people, there is one specific belief that anyone with this problem almost certainly has: “What makes me good enough is having people think well of me.” How this belief is formed and why it is so common Today, I’m going to tell you how this belief is formed, why so many people have it (maybe even you) and how getting rid of this belief will transform your life. Early in life many of us form negative beliefs about ourselves like “I’m not good enough.” (Almost every one of the 14,000 clients we’ve had from almost 60 countries around the world has had this belief.) Because most parents expect children to do things that are unrealistic for their age (such as be neat and quiet and come when called at the age of three or four), and because most parents get frustrated, annoyed or angry when their children don’t do what they’re told, most children conclude “there must be something wrong with me” when mom and dad are upset with me so often, or I’m not good enough. Because our beliefs about ourselves are usually formed during the first six years of life, most of us already have this belief when we leave our homes and go out into the world of teachers, other kids, school, etc. Obviously a belief like this would make us think as we start school: “How will I get people to like me and how will I make it in the world if I’m not good enough?” And those thoughts, in turn, would lead to us feeling “not okay” about ourselves and anxious to some extent. The belief gets formed And then one day a solution appears. We do something that our parents (or perhaps a teacher or coach) like and they give us a very positive response. How does that make us feel? Happy and very good about ourselves. The first few times that happens we feel good but don’t make anything of it. And then after this progression of events occurs a few times we conclude: If I didn’t feel good about myself, and then after getting praise and/or positive attention I do feel good about myself, what that means is: “What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.” Survival strategy beliefs This is a very special type of belief. It is a belief that tells us what needs to happen in order to experience being okay. And when it doesn’t happen we don’t feel very good about ourselves. Well, if we don’t experience being good enough the way we are and we need something outside ourselves to become good enough, how often would we want that outside something to occur? All the time! Anytime anyone doesn’t like us, rejects us, or thinks poorly of us, we have lost our “survival strategy,” our method for making us feel good about ourselves. At that point the underlying belief: “I’m not good enough,
