Summary: (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/marty_lefkoe_headshots_Blog_053_201_edit_235251x3002-150x150.jpg)Bonnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai (http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html (http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html)), which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Read her original blog post and see my explanation why so many of us have these regrets. “For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. … (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/wp-content/uploads/bigstock_Arlington_Cemetary_Fall_Foliag_4447732-300x240.jpg)“When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:” 1. “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. “This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.” Notice that Ms. Ware said they knew they had surrendered their dreams “due to choices they had made, or not made.” And what determined their choices? Beliefs such as: It’s selfish to do what I want. I’m not worthy. I don’t deserve to have what I want. Mistakes and failure are bad. If I make a mistake or fail I’ll be rejected. What makes me good enough and important is having people think well of me. The way to survive is to do what others want me to do. I’m not good enough. 2. “I wish I hadn't worked so hard. "This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence." The behavior leading to this regret is caused by many beliefs, the most important being: What makes me good enough and important are my achievements. What makes me good enough or important is being successful. 3. “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result." Here are some beliefs that could keep people from expressing their feelings: My feelings are not important. If I express my feelings I’ll be rejected. What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me. Anger and conflict are dangerous. 4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. "Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying." Not staying in touch with friends could be caused by such beliefs as: What makes me good enough or important are my achievements. What makes me good enough or important is being successful. You have to work hard to make money. If I express myself I’ll get hurt.
