Summary: <a href="http://therecoveryshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/DSC_5016.jpg"></a>Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense.<br> Here's our outline:<br> <br> Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down?<br> <br> * “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.”<br> * “If I don’t think about a problem, it will go away.” (Tom)<br> * “Instead of doing something, I chew over my problems in my head, over and over.”<br> * “I escape into a book/movie/tv show/video game/… when I don’t want to face something.”<br> * “Conflict just shuts me down. Sometimes I can’t even talk.”<br> * “I keep busy with unimportant tasks, so I don’t have to face the things I don’t want to do.” (Tom)<br> * “When there is chaos around me, I can’t do anything. I just shut down and retreat into my skull.”<br> * “I hide by not answering the phone, or not opening mail.” (Tom)<br> * “I fantasize about a better future, but I don’t seem to be able to do anything about getting there.” (Tom)<br> * “In an airport or other public space I make sure nobody will sit next to me.” (Tom)<br> * “I avoid difficult conversations at all costs.”<br> * “There’s only one way to survive life. Shut down, or get hurt and die.”<br> <br> <br> * What have I learned about myself, and about my ways of “shutting down” and “escaping”?<br> <br> * Conflict avoidant.<br> * Lack of self-worth/self-esteem.<br> * Fear of criticism, rejection, other mental/spiritual harm.<br> * Fear of bodily harm.<br> * Fear of intimacy.<br> * Denial — if I don’t “know” about a problem, maybe it won’t happen.<br> * Isolating<br> * Depression<br> <br> <br> * When can it be healthy to “shut down”?<br> <br> * Detachment<br> * Taking a break<br> * Resting<br> <br> <br> * What tools can I use to face daily conflicts, problems, and discomfort of dealing with other people?<br> <br> * Serenity prayer.<br> * Other prayers.<br> * Inventory. (I can’t change something if I don’t see it.)<br> * Gratitude.<br> * Check in with program friends.<br> * Living in the moment. “One day at a time.”<br> * Meditation.<br> * Practicing Step 10. “… and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”<br> * Self-acceptance<br> * Vulnerability.<br> * HOW: “Honest, open, and willing.”<br> * Detachment — “it’s not me/mine”<br> * Scheduling activities with others to prevent a self-isolating funk<br> * Progress not perfection<br> <br> <br> <br> Some online resources<br> <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hold-me-tight/201004/suppressing-emotions">Suppressing Emotions</a><br> <a href="http://tinybuddha.com/blog/emotionally-closed-off-healing-pain-and-learning-to-love/">Emotionally Closed Off: Healing Pain and Learning to Love</a><br> <a href="http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/detachment">Why Anxiety Causes Detachment</a> “Why anxiety causes detachment” (about the “bad” kind of detachment — distancing, emotional shutting down)<br> Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. This one is “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email <a title="Send us mail" href="mailto:feedback@therecoveryshow.com">feedback@therecoveryshow.com</a> with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.<br> <br> Links<br> The 12 Traditions as a Guide to Relationships (PDF)<br> Music from the show<br> Christina Perri: Jar of Hearts<br> <br> Alessia Cara: Here<br> <br> Cocteau Twins: Throughout the Dark Months of April and May (and, yes, I mis-stated the title as “… March and April”. Wishful thinking?)<br> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rhdLo_hHs8<br> <br> <br> <br>
