Summary: <a href="http://therecoveryshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/DSC_3047.jpg"></a>Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”?<br> I recently read a book, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, subtitled “How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.” Much of what I read resonated with the work I’ve been doing in recovery, so I thought I’d try to express that resonance here.<br> <br> * Basic connections between her story and mine:<br> <br> * Contrast between “inside” and “outside”. Or maybe I should say “outside” and “inside.”<br> <br> * Outwardly successful in many ways.<br> * Inwardly isolating and “stuffing” (feelings and food)<br> <br> <br> * There is a “bottom” and a “moment of clarity.” Sparked by her sister’s observation that “you never say yes to anything”.<br> <br> * “I am miserable. ¶ Admitting this takes my breath away. I feel as though I am revealing new information to myself. Learning a secret I’ve been keeping from myself. ¶ I am miserable. ¶ Truly, deeply unhappy.”<br> <br> <br> * She recognized the need for change, and committed (to herself and her friends) to say “Yes” to everything that scared her for a year.<br> <br> * “Am going to say yes to anything and everything that scares me. For a whole year. Or until I get scared to death and you have to bury me. Ugh.”<br> <br> <br> * Emotional blackouts<br> * Her logic: “• Saying no has gotten me here. • Here sucks. • Saying yes might be my way to someplace better. … [or] at least someplace different.”<br> <br> * My entry into recovery: Trying to fix got me here. Here sucks. Trying Al-Anon might be my way to someplace better or at least someplace different.<br> <br> <br> * Both of us have patterns set in childhood<br> <br> * isolating, living in her imagination<br> * Fixing, rescuing, co-dependency<br> <br> <br> <br> <br> * Chapter titles include<br> * Yes to speaking the whole truth<br> <br> * My recovery: knowing who I am and living it. Being authentic.<br> <br> <br> * Yes to surrendering the Mommy War<br> <br> * My recovery: It is ok to ask for (and accept) help<br> <br> <br> * Yes to all play and no work<br> <br> * My recovery: take time for the things that feed ME, my soul<br> <br> <br> * Yes to my body<br> <br> * My recovery: Take care of myself<br> <br> <br> * Yes to joining the club<br> <br> * My recovery: I am a capable person, I have strengths, I don’t have to hide them, and I don’t have to compare myself to others (to my detriment)<br> <br> <br> * Yes, Thank You<br> <br> * My recovery: I can accept praise without diminishing it. “Thank you.” is a complete sentence.<br> <br> <br> * Yes to more year of yes<br> <br> * My recovery: This is a lifelong process. And I want to do it.<br> <br> <br> * Yes to No, Yes to difficult conversations<br> <br> * My recovery: I can say “no”. (“No.” is a complete sentence.)<br> <br> <br> * Yes to people<br> <br> * My recovery: I am not alone. The recovery community is here for me.<br> * My family is here for me.<br> <br> <br> * Yes to who I am<br> <br> * My recovery: learning who I am, and loving who I am (and changing the things I don’t want to be.)<br> <br> <br> <br> Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email <a title="Send us mail" href="mailto:feedback@therecoveryshow.com">feedback@therecoveryshow.com</a> with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.<br> <br> <br>
