Summary: Recently, the United States mourned the passing of Arizona Senator John McCain. <br> Before his death, Senator McCain was asked by a reporter what words he hoped to see on his tombstone. He replied, “I’ve been a small bit of American history, so I think if there’s something on my tombstone, it’ll be ‘He served his country,’ and hopefully you add one word, ‘honorably.’” (<a href="https://dailycaller.com/2017/11/29/mccain-reveals-what-he-wants-on-his-tombstone/" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Source: Dailycaller.com</a>)<br> How do you judge endings? In his book, <a href="http://" rel="noopener" target="_blank">When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing</a>, Daniel Pink explains research by behavior scientists that study how people evaluate the moral behavior of others.<br> In this study, researchers created two versions of a man named Jim. In the first version, Jim is a successful CEO who for decades is kind to his employees, generous with his time and money, and lives a full life of service to others. However, in the last five years of his life, he becomes greedy, vindictive, and a moral failure. <br> The second version of Jim is also a CEO, but for decades he lives of life of self-interest, takes advantage of his employees, and he is stingy and ungenerous. But in the last five years of his life, this Jim turns a corner, becomes a man of generosity, kindness and benevolence. Which man lived the better life?<br> In the research, participants overwhelming chose the second Jim. Why? Because people instinctively believe that the ending is what counts. Daniel Pink calls this “end coding.” Sometimes we have a tendency to overestimate the importance of endings in the ways we think (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/When-Scientific-Secrets-Perfect-Timing/dp/0735210624" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Pink, 154-155</a>).<br> I have to admit when I read the accounts, I was confronted with my own mindset about life endings. I am disappointed when a person whom I admire has a failure of trust – especially when it happens at the end of his or life. But I have never paused to ask myself why the ending to me is as (or more) important than the whole.<br> Do Our Experiences Change Us?<br> Part of the reason, I believe, is that people associate a person’s character based on how they are formed by experience, adversity or success. Michelle Obama once said, “Being president doesn’t change who you are, it reveals who you are” (<a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/itsallpolitics/2012/09/04/160581747/michelle-obama-being-president-reveals-who-you-are" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Source: Npr.org</a>).<br> Mrs. Obama’s quote is a good reminder that circumstances often reveal who we are. But with all due respect, I would still argue that experiences can also change you. <br> For example, I remember the first time as a school administrator when I managed a situation involving criminal activity on a school campus. I was a young administrator with little experience in investigating or interrogation. Sure, I had spent more than a decade in the classroom, but it was different managing school-wide policy while confronting street-smart kids–some of whom also had parents who enjoyed calling in powerful attorneys. <br> In the classroom, I had dealt with isolated crisis situations. But in the office, I had new perspective on day-to-day situations that brought me face-to-face with some of the worst cases of human behavior in the school– sometimes involving student misdeeds and at other times when students were victims of their own parents or guardians. <br> As a result, I found myself changing. Whereas, I once thought of myself as a naturally trusting person, I began to form a wariness and distrust of others. When I had once thought it easy to explain the rules,
