Summary: When I was in college, I had my first experience in mountain climbing. <br> I was traveling in Guatemala for a summer missions outreach when one morning, we woke up before dawn and rode a bus to the base of an active volcano. About twenty of us had decided to begin our climb in the dark so that we could summit the mountain at sunrise. <br> The night before, our team leader had talked to us about the climb. He explained how difficult the terrain would be as well as the altitude changes. He encouraged us to find team members whom we could stay with on the hike. He cautioned us that climbing was just as much emotional as it was physical, and that we must be committed to finishing as the last 100 meters of the climb would be the hardest.<br> This past week, I was talking to my wife about friendships. She had just been reading the book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Friendships-Dont-Just-Happen-GirlFriends/dp/1618580140" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Friendships Don’t Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girl Friends</a> by Shantel Nelson. In the book, the author refers to a study released on friendship in 2008 by professors from four universities called the Social Support and the Perception of Geographical Slant in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. <br> Participants in their studies were asked to estimate the incline of a hill in front of them. Over and over again, those who were accompanied by a friend (or even thought of a friend) estimated the hill to be less steep than participants we were alone. The researchers concluded that: “This research demonstrates that an interpersonal phenomenon, social support, can influence visual perception.” (You can find <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3291107/" rel="noopener" target="_blank">the report and abstract here</a>.)<br> It may seem common sense that the support or presence of a friend encourages or positively motivates us. But this study suggests that the presence of a friend actually changes your physical and emotional perceptions. <br> Why Your Friendships Matter<br> One of the biggest challenges I find in education leaders is the tendency we have to work in isolation. We may be surrounded by students or teachers all day, but it doesn’t mean that we have the interpersonal support or presence of other adults to help us navigate difficult moments. This is one reason why I believe so many school leaders struggle or burn out. The need for relationships, however, is one reason highly performing schools encourage professional learning communities – teams of educators who meet regularly and work interdependently to find shared solutions for student learning.<br> You cannot do your best simply through self-reliance. I know I struggled with this in my early years of school administration: In my first year as an assistant principal, I would carry around a yellow note pad as I walked my school. When teachers or students stopped to talk, I would jot down any concerns or questions they had. Then I would spend time after school each day following up on any of these issues that needed to be addressed. In my mind, I was being the kind of principal I had always dreamed of having as a teacher: the person who could be available any time to find solutions, answer questions, or put out situational fires.<br> What I didn’t realize was the misperception I had about leadership. I thought leadership meant being a kind of “super-man” who could single handedly manage the most difficult situations of a school so that teachers could teach and students could learn. Although I was responsible for the outcomes of the biggest challenges in my schools, I was missing out on an important truth: our biggest challenges in our schools are best solved together, not alone. Over the years, I began to realize that when I finally reached out to my colleagues and friends for feedback and support, I found better solutions. <br>
