Summary: <p>Relationship Saboteurs<br> Presented by: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes<br> Executive Director, AllCEUs</p> <p>Counseling CEs for this topic can be earned at <a href="https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/612/c/">https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/612/c/</a></p> <p>Objectives<br> ~ Identify the causes, consequences and interventions for some of the most common saboteurs<br> ~ Identify interventions for issues that are commonly seen in relationship sabotage.<br> Fears<br> ~ Most saboteurs are protecting themselves from their basic fears<br> ~ Most sabotagees end up experiencing these same basic fears<br> ~ Fears<br> ~ Isolation<br> ~ Rejection<br> ~ Loss of control<br> ~ The unknown<br> ~ Failure<br> Insecurity<br> Effects on the Saboteur<br> ~ Constantly anxious<br> ~ Hypervigilant to cues of abandonment<br> ~ Untrusting<br> ~ May constantly question/attack partner<br> ~ Constant reassurance from partner prevents feelings of failure, rejection, isolation<br> Effects on the Sabotagee<br> ~ Can feel smothered/isolated<br> ~ Exhausting having to constantly reassure<br> ~ Can feel a lack of trust<br> ~ May feel like he/she is walking on eggshells afraid of the unknown…what will set him/her off next?</p> <p>Needing to Control<br> Effects on the Saboteur<br> ~ Exhausting having to always be in control<br> ~ Exhausting always worrying about loss of control<br> ~ Relationship failures due to inability to trust partners to not abandon or reject them<br> ~ Relationship failures due to trying to control another person<br> ~ Involvement in relationships with dependent, insecure others<br> ~ Can distract from relationship problems (The Hero, The Enabler)<br> Effects on the Sabotagee<br> ~ Often feel invalidated/disempowered/loss of control<br> ~ May not feel heard or appreciated / Rejection<br> ~ May not get needs met<br> ~ May fear failure if he/she does not meet the saboteur’s needs (if you can’t/don’t…then we are done)<br> Fear of Intimacy<br> Effects on the Saboteur<br> ~ Inability to develop a meaningful connection based on your authentic self (Fear of rejection due to low self-esteem)<br> ~ Untenable anxiety when placed in a vulnerable situation<br> ~ Maintain walls to prevent from getting hurt<br> ~ Push people away when feeling vulnerable, emotional, close. (Prior abandonment issues)</p> <p>Effects on the Sabotagee<br> ~ Inability to really get to know and trust the other person<br> ~ Gets pushed away or lashed out on if he/she gets too close (Isolation)<br> ~ Often ends up getting hurt and pushed away because his/her authenticity is too much for the saboteur (Rejection, failure, loss of control)</p> <p>Pessimism<br> Effects on the Saboteur<br> ~ Prevents him/her from getting hurt.<br> ~ Prior experiences create a self-fulfilling prophecy<br> ~ Allows easier relationship termination and “I told you so” face saving<br> ~ Creates an aura of negativity<br> Effects on the Sabotagee<br> ~ Prevents him/her from feeling secure, confident and happy<br> ~ Can draw an otherwise happy person into the abyss anticipating failure<br> ~ Can lead the sabotagee to feel powerless to meet the saboteur’s needs relationship termination, loss of control, rejection, isolation<br> Needing to Be Center Stage<br> Effects on the Saboteur<br> ~ Ensures the other person is always attentive to them. (Helps maintain control)<br> ~ Provides a sense of self-worth/external validation if always the object of attention (Avoiding rejection or isolation)<br> ~ Can be devastating if the person fails at something. “If I am not the best, then I am nothing” (Failure)<br> ~ Distracts from any other problems in the relationship (The mascot, the Hero)<br> Effects on the Sabotagee<br> </p>
