Summary: 2 Cor. 5:9-10, Gal 1:6-10, 1 Thess. 2:1-8, Acts 4:1-22, 5:27-29 Characteristics of men pleasers 1. They seek the approval of men above the approval of God 2. They love the praise of men more than the praise of God John 12:42-43 3. They adapt their message to their audience 2 Tim. 4:1-4 4. They carefully avoid negative pronouncements Eph. 4:15 5. They have been snared by the Fear of Man Prov 29:25 The people-pleasing pattern by Jay Early, PhD Read over these statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances: * I try to be who someone wants me to be. * I am afraid to rock the boat. * It is hard for me to know what I want. * I avoid speaking my mind. * I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion. * I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work. * It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I’m close to. * It is difficult for me to say No. * I avoid getting angry. * It is hard for me to take initiative. * I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel. * I want everyone to get along. If these statements fit you in certain situations, you may have a People-Pleaser Pattern. You don’t need to behave this way all the time. You may be pleasing only with certain people or in certain situations. Personality patterns aren’t the same as personality types. If you have this pattern, it doesn’t mean that you are always a People-Pleaser just that a part of you is. What People-Pleasing Looks Like If you have a People-Pleasing Pattern: * you often try to be who others want you to be, to agree with them, to fit in. * You may not be consciously aware that you are doing this, but there is a part of your psyche that wants to please others in order to avoid reactions that you are afraid of. When this pattern is activated in you, you may have difficulty expressing your feelings, desires, or opinions. You may not even know what you want or what you believe because it might be different from someone you want to please. You may end up thinking and feeling what other people are thinking and feeling, because any difference is threatening. In Love Relationships. When your People-Pleasing Pattern is activated, you may be attracted to people who are controlling, because they always seem to know what is best and are happy to lead the way. They may also be attracted to you because you will let them be in charge all the time. However, if you develop a love relationship with a person with a Controlling Pattern, there is a good chance that things will eventually go bad unless you both are working on yourselves. You are likely to get tired of your partner always getting their way. You may resent losing your autonomy and start withdrawing or become passive-aggressive. Hebrews 13:6 (which quotes Psalm 118:6) So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Psalm 27:1 - The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold1 of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
