Summary: I wrote this short poem in an attempt to explore just how some of our Facebook friend lists got so out of control. Enjoy. Be sure to read both pages. ODE TO FACEBOOK FRIENDS I signed up for Facebook, I didn’t have to think twice. So many were joining this over-sharer’s paradise. Twas two thousand and seven This could be fun, I thought. I can share a few laughs and all the great photos I’ve got. Click here, Facebook said. To find all of your friends! And all the people from high school, and all your old girlfriends. “Woohoo, this is awesome!” I screamed with a smile, as I sent hundreds of friend requests, and I built my profile. It was finally my chance to prove that I am the man, to stack up my friend count, in every way that I can. First by dozens and then hundreds, oh how the number did grow, and it didn’t take long before I was lost in its throes. I became friends with the quarterback from my senior year, and then friends with the prom queen? I grinned ear to ear. And then Sarah Stephens who was always out of my league, along with many others with whom I was always intrigued I added the jocks, they were so cool back then. I added the cheerleaders and the school president. But why stop there? Why not have them all? I added the band geeks and the freaks in the hall. I added the guys who were top of their class. I added the girls who were kind of badass. I added the nerds who played cards after school I added the geeks Who in drama did rule. If you were in student counsel you got a friend request from me. If you were in shop or home ec, you became part of my spree. No, we didn’t really have to know each other at all. We didn’t have to even say hi in the halls. CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE My only requirement was that I knew who you were, and if you accepted my friend request our friendship was sure. But high school was only a small part of the ruse. The Facebook push to be popular kept us all so amused. Grade school to middle school I searched through them all I linked up with every old friend who would answer the call. I even added teachers who I’d had way back when, as if they were part of my life’s overall plan. And cousins. And siblings. I added so many. And parents. And grandparents. And that homeless guy, Vinnie. And let’s not forget all the times I did shirk, as I searched for any person with whom I had worked. I thought way far back to my first job at Wendy’s, and later to that temp girl. What was her name? Cindy? Then to add to my numbers, I began my big search for all of the people that went to my church. And because I was married I looked past our big brawls and one at a time I added all my in-laws. Two hundred. Four hundred. Then double even that. I was finally a baller. I was now a tom cat. And the years went by quick and my list grew to more, and I started to realize… that it was kind of a bore to log onto Facebook and see so much crap about the breakfast you ate and your this and that. When I really don’t know you if we take it down to the gist. And I really don’t care to if we’re both being honest. We didn’t care about each other then. So why pretend we do now? For the sake of a number? No one looks anyhow. And so I hope you’ll forgive me If tomorrow you wake, and we’re no longer besties, you know, the kind that are fake. I’ve decided I want Facebook to be a place where I go, and see the people I care about in my feed as it flows. So don’t go getting your knickers all up in a twist, or try to reach out or raise your fat fist. If you happen to notice, which I doubt that you will Do us both a big favor, And just wave, farewell. Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing LOL. Your comments. Please. PS. This blog post has also been recorded as a podcast. You know, if you’re into that kind of thing.
