Deconversion Therapy

Bonnie and Karen discuss signs from heaven. Does God send signs to show his love, direction, or hilarious humor? Or is life random? Plus—they get kicked off an ex-Christian forum for being “therapists,” God sends Karen a busload of male dancers, and they read a letter from Faith, who proves her name is ironic.

Karen and Bonnie discuss Proverbs 31—being a gawdly woman. They’re off to buy flax and wool to sell at the market, deliver sashes to who knows who, get up at the crack of dawn and make stuff for their household, while also dressing them oddly in purple and red. If you don’t know the verses in the Bible that tell all the tasks women need to be up to, then crack the Word.

Will you be on the toilet when the rapture comes? This week, Karen and Bonnie fumble through some rapture theories, reminisce about the times they thought they’d been left behind, and, well, that brings up the book series Left Behind—which spawned D movies starring Kirk Cameron and Nicholas Cage. Plus a gross letter about feet from a listener.

Bonnie and Karen attempt to explain why the incredible story told in the Netflix documentary that has everyone freaking out, Abducted in Plain Sight (spoilers ahead), makes more sense when you grow up in church. More notes on our website.

In this episode, we reveal who we are: REALLY BIG CELEBRITIES. Or perhaps we discuss some real ones who are showing up as trendy Christians on social media—Chris Pratt, Justin Bieber, Sherilyn Fenn, Kendall Kardashian. We kick off the show by telling you about a great podcast that takes on the more serious issues of deconverting from religion: Out of the Fold. They aim to unite all apostates in a supportive atmosphere. Check them out. *Plus, we just opened a Facebook Page and Facebook discussion group. Please like, join, share. There’s a meme contest going on right now. If we choose yours, you get a podcast shout-out and a heathen prophecy. Our discussion group is private, so your mom won’t know a thing! Karen gives a shout out to her soulmate David Spade before we introduce our new segment, “Quest to Not Be a Whiny Asshole.” Basically, it is something that made us happy from the previous week. Bonnie proves nicer and more intelligent than Karen by bringing up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs diagram and brags that she’s NOT severely lactose intolerant like Karen but still is in love with a creamer called Nut Pods (which Karen says reminds her of gonads). Bonnie also brings back the convo to tennis and Rafa Nadal as she talks about her friend Brewster asking her about a perfect day and recounts enjoying the US Open tennis Fan Week. Karen reads a letter from listener Eloise talking about how she, like Karen, was a tiny Bible scholar of the Bible. So much so that 7 or 8-year-old Eloise corrected her pastor during a sermon! She wishes her head had been filled with helpful information like the periodic table of contents. Me, too, child. Me, too. Yet, it was that study of the Bible that led me, Karen, right out the ass end of Christianity. Karen’s QN2BWA (Quest Not to be a Whiny Asshole) was about schooling a super Christian on the fact that Paul never met Jesus. Again, Bonnie is the nicer of us, obviously. Bonnie paraphrases an article from VOX about the new wave of Christianity being popularized by celebs like Chris Pratt, Justin Bieber, etc. The spin is about how the “new” church like Zoe, Hillsong, and whatnot. But Ellen Page slaps back on social media and talk shows that Chris Pratt’s church is anti-LGBT and how it leads to self-hate and worse among youth. We give free publicity to more celebs when Bonnie reveals she might be the same person as Sherilyn Fenn from Twin Peaks. And a story where Burt Reynolds would rather drown than be witnessed to. (Also in this episode: Eckhart Tolle, Russell Brand, Blair from Facts of Life, and Farrah Fawcett).      

On this week’s episode, Bonnie and Karen discuss the fateful missionary trip of John Chau, a zealot young missionary who was killed by a remote tribe in late November of 2018. Then they recount their bumbling efforts of ushering people into the kingdom.

Bonnie and Karen give a little intro about what the podcast is about. Basically, nothing of substance. But they love to talk about the humorous memories of being “on fire for Jesus.”  The Good Thing of the Week: Karen is thankful for kinetic sand. It is amazing for stress relief. Oh, you have noooo idea. Search for “sand cutting” and “rug cleaning” on Instagram. You’re welcome. Bonnie is thankful tennis is her church now, and Rafa Nadal might be a deity.  They then reveal that they are super sporty sports people who sport at everything!  Thanks for all the letters and feedback we’ve been getting. It’s embarrassing and great at the same time. We read Claire’s letter about how one of her camp counselors embarrassed Claire and her boyfriend because they were sitting too close. Those same counselors got knocked up. Who would’ve thunk?  Bonnie and Karen recount church camp and how we COULD have been eaten by gators.  Then Bonnie horrifies Karen by telling her about the documentary Jesus Camp. It is an insane recounting of Becky Fisher leading kids to pray and do strange interactive exercises having to do with George H. Bush and taping tiny baby fetuses to their hands. Then good ‘ol Ted Haggard shows up to offer validity to the movement.  Karen vows she’ll watch the movie, and invites other to watch, too, write in their thoughts, and we’ll discuss it in a future episode.  Follow us on Instagram, Twitter, and send us your funny stories or comments at deconversiontherapypodcast.com.        

Bonnie and Karen bring out the ol' cassettes and talk about Amy Grant to Led Zeppelin.  Show notes: Bonnie and Karen say hola to everyone. Right off the bat, Bonnie accused Karen of making up the word “podcatchers”--which is a word! We’re now on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, PodBean, Castbox... And unbeknownst to them, they have a blog--which they’ll post to any day now. Karen starts off with thanking the good people on Reddit. While not trying to solve the JonBenet Ramsey case, a lot of them are in communities our listeners might be interested in: Exchristianwoman Exchristian Atheism Bonnie rejects the nice things people are saying about the podcast on Reddit. Can’t have that devilish pride, ladies. Jesus takes all the glory. Bonnie begs Karen to one day tell her “bra story.” It will happen. Oh, it will happen. But not today. Bonnie’s “happy of the week” was discovering the song Ohio River by Love Jones. FIRST FAKE COMMERCIAL: Since we have no sponsors yet, we’re gonna sponsor our own damn show and give a shout-out to Godless Mom. Karen reads a hilarious letter from listener Andrew about a youth group bonfire. It’s lit. Backmasking makes a comeback. You can listen to your favorite decree to hail Satan or do the marijuana here. (Queen, The Eagles, ELO, Jeff Lynn, Led Zeppelin) Plus hear about Disney’s Night of Joy and all those bands we loved: Stryper, The Resurrection Band, Petra, Amy Grant. Find us on Instagram (our favorite), Twitter, and our website, where you can send in your own funny stories to be read on air. Technology improvements are still in progress. Yeah. Yeah.  

Bonnie and Karen read their first submitted story by a listener! The subject is how Christianity shames females into thinking all sexual "sins" are their fault, even when they didn't participate! They discuss how rapey ducks can be and how it's always the female duck who is the "stumbling block" to the "thought life" of said dicks, we mean ducks. Karen recounts having to forgive a fellow missionary when he confesses he thought about her while masterbating, and Bonnie asks the question we all want to know: Was Fonzie having sex with all those girls he brought to his apartment above the Cunningham's garage on Happy Days?

Yeah, the audio sucks. We know. Think of this podcast as a Chia Pet, watch us grow and things take shape. In this inaugural episode Karen informs Bonnie that people in their church were screwing in the closet in the foyer of their church during church services in the eighties. Bonnie sees that story and matches it by hinting the same thing was happening in their church’s outdoor baptismal when church wasn’t in session. Growing up at the same Southern Baptist church in the 70s through 90s, Bonnie tells about their church schedule from early on Sundays to socializing on Saturday nights. There. All. The. Time. It was a time when you were just dropped off places and other adults might watch out for you, or not. Mostly we were all good, but Bonnie and Karen’s friends did sneak some of Bonnie’s mom’s vodka once. Karen tells a bit about leaving religion. She was an overseas missionary in Thailand and got those “seeds of doubt” planted and then watered! Bonnie and Karen talk about the kick-ass book Pure by Linda Kay Klein. We talk purity rings, purity balls, beautiful dresses, over the top event details, and giant crosses some of the girls carry.   But a lot of Christians and former ones are now talking about how the purity culture messed them up. Guilt resides in the body, man. So many people Bonnie and Karen grew up with got married early just to have sex. There was even TWO secret marriages at their Baptist university because they would rather lie to their parents than to have God upset they were sleeping together. We’d love to read some of your funny stories on air. What most of us miss about not being in church is the loss of community. Thanks for listening. Can’t wait to read your letters. Go to www.deconversiontherapypodcast.com and follow us on all them socials.   Twitter Instagram    

Karen and Bonnie grew up in the evangelical church. It was the eighties and high hair and giving a good "testimony" was all the rage. In each episode they'll highlight something from the cloaked and weird world of religion--taken from the news, their own experiences, or listeners.It's fun. It's entertaining. It's about the same waste of time as Sunday School.