Talking Bottom

Series two concludes with the episode that didn't screen in the UK until several years after it was made. Richie and Eddie lose a bet and find themselves roughing it for a week in deepest darkest Wimbledon Common with just a tin opener, a packet of chocolate hob nobs and a World Ranger Storm Buster IV Tent to keep them alive. Luckily, nature provides all they could need: a fresh water supply with delicious fish, dog shit everywhere the eye can see and a particularly keen flasher. Soon, hunger overtakes them both and there's only one thing for it - Womble hunting.   Mat, Paul and Angela discuss  comparisons with Rik and Ade's work and Samuel Beckett's plays, shooting in TV studios, the delay in transmission for the episode, annoying campers, Eddie's girlfriends, breaking the 4th wall, Richie and Eddie as kids playing dress up and flashers. Plus, the Talking Bottom quiz brings the series to a close with the most fiendish questions yet!

MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS! It's the season of goodwill and peace on Earth in 11 Mafeking Parade. Naturally, Eddie has left a series of booby traps out for Richie, who starts the day masquerading as Santa Claus in order to get at the sherry. Before you can say "half past eight and all's crap", Richie severs his finger preparing the food while Eddie decorates the flat. With the arrival of Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog and the incineration of the turkey, potatoes and Christmas pudding, it's time for traditional Christmas games such as everyone choosing Goldfinger for charades. But the arrival of the son of God soons upends their plans - thankfully Richie takes things in his stride as he relishes being the mother of the new Messiah.   Angela, Paul and Mat festively ruminate on booby traps, slaptick violence, deleted scenes, shit Christmas presents, fake turkeys, puns and double entendres, Jonathan Ross and terrible visual effects. And jingle balls ready for the Talking Bottom Christmas quiz!

After a busy morning scamming the police for eight quid each, Richie and Eddie retire to The Lamb and Flag, where they are able to swindle free drinks by pretending to be Health and Safety Inspectors. Soon, Richie's fictional war stories get him in trouble with a genuine Falklands war veteran, but his severe beating is interrupted by drunk bookie Tight Mouth Larry spilling not only his guts but the name of a dead cert in the 3.30 at Chepstow. Now the residents of Hammersmith just need to acquire as much cash as possible to put on the stallion guaranteed to romp home; Sad Ken.   Paul, Mat and Angela discuss Richie and Eddie in society, money making schemes, the Falklands and politics in the show, Kryten from Red Dwarf and what a RD/Bottom crossover would entail, the guest stars and their terrible crimes, Richie's lies, editing out songs sung by characters, footballers names and police drubbings. Plus; fingers on sphincters for the Talking Bottom quiz!

Richie's planned evening with scrabble and a fish supper start badly when Eddie spends the dinner money getting drunk on Old Spice, then gets worse when 11 Mafeking Parade is burgled. Managing to take the thief prisoner, they soon find themselves in possession of a large amount of valuable swag - this could finally be their chance to live the high life in the Bahamas. But what to do with the burglar? There's only one solution: murder him. Mat, Angela and Paul talk murder, Live and Kicking, the copyright status of "Do Your Balls Hang Low?", Chesterfield, and Nigel from Eastenders. Also; the best trick question the Talking Bottom quiz has ever seen!

After falling behind with the rent for the TV due to Eddie purchasing some magic beans and Richie squandering the cash on a trip to Doctor O'Grady's Personal Organ Enhancement Clinic, the pair wallow in the depths of boredom with crosswords, a custardy pants tournament and Put a Bit of Sellotape on the Fridge. Inspiration strikes and an evening of chess with improvised pieces, Esther Rantzen cocktails and smoking jackets turns into an all nighter finishing off the industrial strength floor cleaner and Richie being taught the rules of chess 124 times. Eventually, the game must begin - there's only one thing for it: Attack, attack attack. Angela, Paul and Mat ruminate on crosswords, replacement chess pieces, mountain gorilla organs and the time they tried actual Esther Rantzen cocktails at a Rik Mayall memorial convention. Plus - the Talking Bottom quiz! Here's the link to the chess fight rehearsal video we mention: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c26ggjpMGw

Talking Bottom returns with Richie devising the perfect way to get his end away and marry into royalty - joining a dating agency and getting matched with a Moldavian Viscountess by the name of Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob, played by the wonderful Helen Lederer. Eddie takes the role of butler for the evening and prepares a dinner of squashed potatoes and caviar. But the stakes are high as the evening has been funded by selling Richie's kidney. Paul, Mat and Angela talk dating agencies, smashing blouses, live studio recording, equal opportunity violence and sex mo's. Plus the Talking Bottom quiz is back with the toughest questions yet!

With series 2 starting next week, Talking Bottom takes a quick look back at series 1;  the reaction to the show, what we learned and confirmation of Steptoe and Son as an influence. Plus Angela reveals the answer to the question of if a Young Ones reunion in Bottom was ever intended - having asked Ade Edmondson directly!

Talking Bottom reaches the end of the first series with Richie’s birthday episode. Comrade Richie is another year older and excited about his impending party. Eddie’s gift of a red hot tip pays off and ensures enough booze for the thousands of birds anticipated to attend. Unfortunately, a freak accident leaves Richie’s leg in plaster and wheelchair bound. Luckily Eddie’s pals Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog are on hand to join in with a game of sardines and get through the Emmerdale Farm compilation. Wait until Norris McWhirter hears about it!   Mat, Angela and Paul talk birthdays, enemas, prostitute horses, penis spudguns, the Singing Detective and muse on the possibility of an intended Young Ones reunion in Bottom that never happened. Plus, the most controversial Talking Bottom quiz to date!

Eddie’s Sunday afternoon watching Big Jugs is scuppered when Mr Harrison the landlord appears, needing cover for the shop downstairs as his stupid mother has selfishly died. Richie jumps at the chance for some power and a white coat while Eddie can’t wait to get stuck into the snacks. But a series of difficult customers persuades the lads to skive off to the roof to watch the cricket; a flawless plan just so long as Richie’s rain dance doesn’t work and the thieving locals don’t notice the shop is now unattended.   Angela, Paul and Mat look at Richie’s patriotism, watching porn with your mates and what Ethel Cardew would be like if we met her. Plus an attempt to work out who actually owns 11 Mafeking Parade and fingers on sphincters for the Talking Bottom quiz!

“Thieving bastard ***os!” Yes it’s the one with THAT dub! Richie’s plan to con his auntie out of some much needed cash takes a turn when the old bag dies, leaving him £600. A celebratory trip with Eddie to the funfair results in them blinding a Carni and a curse being bestowed upon Sir Richard Richard VC; he’ll be dead in three days. Can Richie survive that long without visiting the lav? Who ate the Taiwanese ranch style jumbo fishburgers? And what time is Neighbours on? Paul, Mat and Angela go over the “yobbo” edit, at what age can someone still be an orphan and dropping a piano in a TV studio. Plus a surprise discovery of some additional dialogue that never made it to broadcast and the Talking Bottom quiz is back on topic after last week’s controversy!

Richie’s got a great plan to guilt trip his best friend into buying him a drink; a suicide attempt. But Eddie’s spent all his savings on some vintage porn and a bet on Miss World. If only they can last the evening without beating each other up or destroying the TV.   Mat, Angela and Paul discuss the episode shot as the pilot before the rest of the series and muse on Eddie and Richie’s relationship and how they may have originally met. Plus: a reading of some deleted dialogue from the original script and the Talking Bottom quiz featuring the hardest questions so far!

GAS MAN! GAS MAN! GAS MAN! Talking Bottom delves into what could be the show’s most famous episode, where Richie and Eddie hatch a fiendish scheme to keep warm in snowy Hammersmith; but the Gas Man may be about to rumble them – resulting in a trip next door to see their friendly neighbour Mr Rottweiler. What could possibly go wrong? Angela, Paul and Mat discuss stealing gas, cartoon violence, sound effects, Richie’s mania, Mafeking Parade’s odd door number system and wonder what position Rottweiler and his girlfriend where actually in. Also; fart buzzers at the ready for the Talking Bottom quiz! The "Americans watching Bottom" vid we refer to can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd_JNdv8esY&t=13s

Two blokes and a bird celebrate the episode that introduced the world to Richie and Eddie - two sad losers on the fringe of society who are desperate for booze, women and cash.   Paul, Mat and Angela compare the show to Rik and Ade's previous work, discuss what makes the show so special and talk a load of bollocks. Plus: the Talking Bottom quiz!