Our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt show

Our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt

Summary: The Art of Friendship. Pursuing social/racial/economic justice through the art of friendship. A thought-provoking conversation series, changing the world with the friends we show up for, seeking wisdom -about our society, culture, history, and life experiences, transforming the way we heal and build our worlds, from families to corporations and neighborhoods around the world. Words create coherent energy of compassion, appreciation, love, and respect for all life, ourselves, humanity, and our natural world. Friendship is the key to social / economic justice, health, joy, and peace for ourselves and our global family.

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 Asimov, the Foundation, and the Atomic Knife | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:50:19

Today's Pearl has to do with fine lines and the path that we walk on. We discuss having the intention, awareness, and the wherewithal of knowing how we walk in the world.  One of those paths we referred to as “A.W.O.L.” which in Santa Monica, California, stood for “Always West of Lincoln”. Then there’s the Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James) which is a large network of ancient pilgrim routes stretching across Europe and coming together at the tomb of St. James (Santiago in Spanish) in Santiago de Compostela in north-west Spain. We talk about this path and Fawn talks about listening to Caroline Myss and her experience as she walked part of this path and the insight she (Caroline Myss) shared. There's a fine line to everything. We can walk on a path and if we veer even one step to the left or the right, we’ll have a completely different experience. As a photographer, Fawn is especially true in her field of art and how looking at the same thing, we will all have a completely different perspective.  Matt: “I think generally speaking, when you're walking the path, you're meant to walk, it feels easy. It feels comfortable. It feels right…and so it's about trying to find where that spot is or where that path is.” Fawn: “I felt like a needle in an acupuncture session (there are some paths and places that I feel perfectly in tune with and others I pop out of and just don’t belong in)…it's just taking into consideration everything that's involved; even the forces that you may not be aware of, that you can't see, you have to feel for it.” On today's episode, we are talking about foundation -  Isaac Asimov's “Foundation”. Matt explains the story and explains how Asimov is one of the great classic science fiction writers (science fiction writers of the 1940 and 50s were the seers of our society). Fawn’s take on Asimov and the questions that arise for her are: what are we fighting for? What is it that we're striving for?  What are we going to create as far as a society in which there's balance, truth, and something symbiotic. How are we going to create that? Once again, we bring in Aristotle and his Nicomachean Ethics (the three kinds of friendship) and bring it into focus as it relates to Asimov’s “Foundation” story. Aristotle pointed out the three forms of friendship as 1), there are those who love you because you are useful to them. 2), there are those who love you because your company provides them with pleasure. 3), is what Aristotle says is when you know, you have true friendship, like lifelong friendship that will withstand: those who love you because you're a good person. In relation to the Nichomachean ethics and relating Aristotle’s ethics to Asimov’s Foundation: it's all about knowing who we are, knowing how we are useful, knowing how we are of service, and knowing how we make other people feel. Matt shares a painful lesson about a work relationship. Matt’s advice is to focus your attention where it matters and figuring out where it matters can be a tricky thing. Matt: “…and if you want to look at it, very digital and hard and logical and everything else, same goes for friendships. You know, you cast your net out upon, across the waters it feels like to me sometimes. And sometimes you catch a fish and sometimes you don't.  And where you don't, where you don't get something back; if your friendship is strictly a one way street, it's maybe not a friendship.” Fawn explains that to know if there is balance is key, and using Aristotle’s ethics we can save so much time and heartache because once we are in the beginning of getting to know another person, we can (in a non-charged way), look at a situation and figure out which of these three is

 Alpha Beta... | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:45:47

 Jennifer Lopez, (aka Jenny from the block, JLO) visits and shoots a movie in the neighborhood and comments about our little village by asking: “Does anyone work?” when filming the movie “Monster In-Law”. She was noticing our way of being in our community. The truth is we all worked but we didn’t all have traditional “9-5” jobs. We also knew how to luxuriate and enjoy every single day and to someone looking in from the outside, it appeared that we just hung and played all day. The Pearl of wisdom is to enjoy your life for God's sake. Just enjoy. Notice the trifles. There is really no need to rush. Put on your roller blades, roller skates, flip-flops, sit, sit at a coffee shop holding on to a cup of your favorite coffee, play, eat, watch the light change, drink a great delicious drink, ride a bicycle, feel the sand between your toes, feel the sun on your body, take a stroll, do a little dance down the sidewalk…you get the idea, right?   The focus of this week’s podcast is on the alpha, beta, omega, gamma, sigma… definitions of personalities that seem so rigid and outdated according to Fawn and Matt, as they break down the meaning of each stereotype and discuss who and how people really are away from these limited beliefs that society tries to impose. Fawn and Matt share their experiences.  Fawn shares her own limited beliefs about herself and how she realized that her friendship with one of her greatest friends got weird for her at one point, without her friend even realizing it, all because of her (Fawn’s) own insecurities about herself and her professional qualifications/identities where she felt “less than” or subordinate and not the alpha dog she perhaps wanted to be. The DEFINITIONS: (We DISLIKE most of THESE DEFINITIONS! They are awful! One of the sources for these definitions came from themindsjournal.com Alpha is generally considered the strongest of the group. They're very, very competitive. They're aggressive, very domineering. They're like the influencer. They're the ones that take charge. They're very bossy and often they're considered uncaring. They're just kind of like a bull. They just go and go for it. They take over. Beta is the supportive person, who is sensitive, modest, easygoing, and reliable.  They're collaborative. They tend to be more reserved. They're more responsible and they're often seen as insecure. Omega is the type of person that will be seen as neurotic, laid back, eccentric, and least likely to take initiative. They're considered, the lowest on the chain of command. They tend to have low self-esteem. They are seen as having dismal lives, and yet they're creative. They're, unambitious and unsuccessful in their careers.   Gamma are seen as restless, adventurous, and fun. They like to do their own thing and create their own rules without giving into peer pressure. Alphas may mature into gammas they say, and become more considerate.  Gammas are more social, socially conscious, and more diplomatic. For Alphas to become better human beings, they would turn into gammas.  Gammas generally appear to lack assertiveness. They freely express their emotions and they aren't very interested in status symbols or gaining popularity.   Sigma the definition is they’re sardonic, cynical, bitter scornful. (That's what Sardonic means. I had to look that up - a little side note; sardonic comes from the Greek adjective Sardonios, which actually describes a plant from a place called Sardinia that supposedly made your face contort into a horrible grin... right before you died from its poison. The Greeks used sardonic for laughter, but we only use it when someone's

 The Alliance | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:55:34

Nugget and pearl of wisdom from Santa Monica Days: Iraq and Iran – the adventures of turtle/babysitting. Fawn’s Santa Monica friends (Anders and Liz), named their turtles Iran and Iraq to bring peace to the Middle East. The reasoning for the choice of their names was that every time they called their turtles lovingly by their names, they not only sent their turtles love but they held loving kindness for the Middle East at the same time. Words have power. Fawn and Matt begin relating words, numbers, zeros, ones and computer coding. Matt corrects Fawn and says as a programmer, he thinks “all things are code, code is not necessarily math. It’s Boolean logic and saying it’s a bunch of zeros and ones fails to convey the true majesty that is.” This week’s topic is about the first time you felt the power of friendship and what it did for you and your life. The alliance that we talk about this week is all about the sense that together, you’re able to do ANYTHING. You can overcome racial injustice, you can overcome economic injustice. You're able to overcome any obstacle or any hurt in front of you, TOGETHER.   This is why we began this friendly movement, because we’ve found that our society has really deteriorated as far as people really being together in neighborhoods, offices and at home, and how in-person friendships, walking arm in arm is now rare.   Friendship and the alliance that is created within that sanctuary are incredibly powerful and we wonder why it has disappeared and why we've become so disconnected. Together, we can create great beauty, peace and strength and have a kinder, healthier, richer, more compassionate world, and a stronger, more balanced society.   Do you have a first Alliance story? When was the first time that you felt the kind of friendship where you felt the power of a union, the power of a bond that made you feel invincible? What was it that drew you together? What was the common thread?   Feeling the great life pressures, not feeling supported and feeling upset and overwhelmed (and maybe not even realizing you have been feeling all of this), can wreak havoc on us, our lives, our health, and our relationships, and as a result, bad things can happen. When you’re in the thick of it, you don't understand that you're in pain because it feels normal until you get a break from it (if you get a break from it).   So we need to support each other. People do communicate their deepest pains. It may be subtly. It may be slyly. And if you're paying attention, you can pick up on it and you can ask the questions.  A friendship is a cocoon where you can grow into what you're supposed to be, within a safe environment. You're protected within this friendship, within this circle. We've all been disconnected. Come back and don't judge so much. Everybody's in pain. Don't judge it. Let's just be together and offer comfort. Let's provide a safe space for our friends to express the things they need to, and then in return, they will provide us a safe space so we can communicate the things we need to communicate.   Many of us have been treated “less than”, felt generally alone and absolutely isolated. It is a horrible feeling. How can we be heard and also hear our fellow brothers and sisters? It's about trying to focus in on what we can do. And here's the issue: we don't have a society where friends are a thing, (like real, for real friends, not talking Facebook friends but someone who has your back and can offer a shoulder to lean on).     When we don't have friendship, when we don’t have support, our capacity is limited, and we tend to lash out. This is why making sure that we develop bonds with one another is so important. It’s time to begin talking and paying attention

 Agree to Disagree w/ Psychotherapist KJ Nasrul | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 01:06:46

Our nugget  AKA pearls of wisdom for this episode involves Dr. Bradley Nelson, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Gregg Braden, the Heart Math Institute, Electromagnetic field, Heart math, heart brain, heart wall, intellectual humility, social intelligence, IQ, emotional intelligence, shared reality, Magneto cardiogram and it measures the magnetic field of the heart. These machines record this field to be about 12 feet in diameter, but they're all saying that the machines are actually limited. That in fact they believe the, the field to be infinite, which makes sense. How do we “Agree to Disagree”, especially now with so much charged emotion within our divided nation in the United States? How can we maneuver the misconstrued tones, the arguments that grow, the unexpressed resentments, the unheard voices, the differences of psyche, culture, sex, race, social/economic, generational points of view, the mess under the rug? How should we step away when both sides are deeply emotional? Can we find a shared reality? Do we have a shared reality? How can we acquire humility and be open to being wrong – can we commit of the possibility of being wrong? The topic is super big, so big we are going to do many shows on this subject and we invite our special guest (our super-friend), Psychotherapist KJ Nasrul. We begin the conversation today.   About KJ: Kimberly "KJ" Nasrul is a licensed psychotherapist and musician nursing an obsession with words...and a gift for making grilled cheese sandwiches. She helps healers and essential frontline workers recover their resilient stories via music, art and compassionate conversations so that they can continue to uplift and heal their communities. When she's not planning her next traveling adventure, kJ can be found on her podcast Stories of Astonishing Light jamming with musicians, artists and trailblazers about creativity and mental wellness accessibility for all communities. KJ’s a Disaster Mental Health Responder (Psychological First Aid) and Quality Improvement Specialist for personal health privacy (so sexy, right?). Connect With KJ: website: https://blissbeginswithin.com podcast: https://storiesofastonishinglight.buzzsprout.com/ instagram:  @BlissBeginsWithin and @MusingsOnOther

 Emotional Currency | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:42:07

This week’s nugget is a 16th century Norwegian term, meaning to comfort or to console -  related to the English word “hug”. You need HYGGE in your life, especially these days, guys, this is how we can feel better! Here are some words words associated with HYGGE – comfort, cozy, relaxation, indulgence, and gratitude. This is about taking pleasure in the presence of a gentle thing, soothing things like a freshly brewed cup of coffee, cozy socks, food, drink, pastries, whatever your favorite things are, you partake in them and have them all around you. There’s even a HYGGE manifesto containing 10 things that will get you to a HYGGE state! We share them with you! There's a book that's called the book of” HYGGE  -  the Danish art of contentment, comfort and connection”. There's a quote from it:  “a practical way of creating sanctuary in the middle of a very real life and a cure for S a D” a cure for sad, which stands for seasonal affective disorder. In this episode, we learn about the unfortunate engagement Fawn had long before she met Matt, her fiancé’s very racist mother and the ultimatum she was given before her departure of her photography project to Ethiopia, how she came to being in the same room as Caroline Myss, and learning first-hand the meaning and significance of EMOTIONAL CURRENCY. Then of course, Matt has his take on the subject and the hilarity ensues over who came up with the concept. They both agree however that this form of currency is a major factor to consider in any relationship and discuss how to develop a healthy account.

 BUSY! | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:56:22

First, Santa Monica’s pearl of wisdom: This week’s pearl of Wisdom from Santa Monica comes via Fawn’s Santa Monica Bathroom conversation delivery and what was shared with her that was a game changer. There are three words that have to this day been chanted by Fawn and those close to her. We talk about a couple of things here regarding the pearl of wisdom. Number one is what you focus on grows. So focusing on money coming, it's going to make that grow and happen. When Fawn was first learning to drive, her point of focus would have her not able to drive straight because she focused on a short, short distance (because she was fixated on the hood of the car) instead on the road ahead. You need to look way down the road where you want to go. Don't focus on that spot so close to you. Look to where you want to go. Look really far out, look way ahead of you. Your vision always has to be shifting. It’s about knowing what the next step is, and knowing where you’re going. If I have both of those things, things will feel pretty darn good on any particular aspect of your life. Look to where you want to go. Look really far out. When you're riding a mountain bike down a trail, if you focus on the pothole in the middle of the trail, you're going to hit it. If you focus on the clean line around it, you're going to do that. So it's all about where you draw your attention. If you keep your attention focused on the negative, well then guess what the negative is more, more likely to happen. And if you focus on the positive, it's the positive. Show topic: “Busy” Have we become shackled by an invisible force? Fawn argues YES! Matt has his take on the subject that is more optimistic than Fawn’s. Fawn believes this is the four letter word that has contributed to the loneliness epidemic. From business, the corporate world, to standing in your kitchen, feeling overwhelmed, to feeling if you're not busy you’re are missing something, that you’re not doing enough,  to the feeling of guilt that is all over everything, we discuss what it all means and go with Matt’s sage advice: “on a day to day, focusing at least for a minute, a while, on the things that are truly important and realizing what those things are that you need to completely break yourself away from wherever you are. That's key.” Bottom line- everyone is operating at their highest capacity and we need to relax and appreciate each other.

 The Critic - Who's to Judge? | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:59:05

Critic: A person who expresses and unfavorable opinion of something a person who judges the merits of literary artistic or musical works, especially one who does so professionally Criticism:  The practice of judging the merits and faults of something. Fawn thinks they're the downfall of our culture, of our society. She can't stand them. ARE THEY VITAL TO OUR SOCIETY????What kind of critics are there? Art, business, coding, neighborhood people, friends, family, randoms, yoga women…Is there a semblance of a constructive opinion, constructive criticism????? We talk about the HATERS (thank you Katt Williams and Busy Philipps).Then there is the silent critic: complicitness This episode almost didn't get aired. Fawn ended up in tears towards the end and Matt stepped away from the mic. The issue was resolved. If only we could have more conversations like this one (that got uncomfortable for a minute), we would all end up feeling good.

 New World Mentor | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:52:13

What happened to the village? We always heard that “it takes a village”, but Fawn points out that most of the time; we’re left on our own. This leads us to mentors. Where are the mentors? Does anyone truly have the knowledge to guide us? From Fawn’s point of view, the world is changing so rapidly and radically that we’re all trying to figure things out and the role of the mentor, apprentice, journeyman...etc, is no longer really there…EXCEPT, Fawn believes that friendships, the friend, babies, and THE COW (tune in to hear Fawn’s story and inspiration from the cows in New Delhi, India) are the new mentors as we guide each other through life. Matt has a totally different take on things (of course).

 When People Are Against You | File Type: audio/x-m4a | Duration: 01:05:56

How do you handle criticism when it is beyond the simple critique? How to hear the good voices telling you, that you’re great, and why do we get stuck on the attacks and become unable to hear the good? Fawn shares her personal experience with her career, being a woman of color in an unkind, white dominated art world, how she was treated, resulting in her fighting back and making a radicle turn in her work , how she does business, as well as how she relates to people. Listen to the funny and revealing stories of the art photography world and her experience out in the bush on the border of Kenya and Ethiopia, how Matt’s code blends in to this issue and how to move forward while staying true to yourself. “Emotion builds Taj Mahals. Logic says F you and walks away. There is a certain element of compartmentalization. There's a certain element of looking holistically at your life and saying, does my life suck or does my life rule? If your life in general rules, one tiny little piece of one tiny little piece of gray sky, isn't going to affect it.” Everybody has moments that they suck, and everybody has moments that they rule. It's a question of what you focus on grows; where you want to spend your emotional currency.

 Play | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 01:02:18

PLAY – We begin to find out why Fawn’s nick name is “The Wookie” and why she struggles with playing all the great games: Pictionary, Scrabble, cards, music… We know all the great things friendship does for us spiritually, physically, emotionally, and the same, same is true about play.  Play is a source of relaxation. It feels our imagination, our creativity, helps with problem solving skills, and helps our emotional wellbeing. It takes our mind off of stuff. It helps with brain function, changes our perspective and even helps generate optimism.  And most importantly, it builds relationships and connections. Play is a basic need. In this episode Fawn and Matt talk about the science and emotional component to this very important and basic need and relate it to our lives, friendships as well as the power plays in corporations.

 Survival of the Fittest and the Unlikely Friendship | File Type: audio/x-m4a | Duration: 00:53:14

We begin with Rumi as food for thought and get right into it. Fawn challenges Darwin’s theory and uses the unlikely friendships as an example of how wrong Darwin’s theory is. Nature relies on cooperation and mutual aid, not competition. It's not about competing for survival. We're here to help each other. As the conversation gets even deeper, we talk about how compassion has a life force, that it's the glue and the foundation for love. Love doesn't last without compassion, which leads us to explore the role our jobs have in shaping our lives and how we can turn that around. We also have the 90 second rule to allow your to fully experience and feel, after which brings you freedom from negative emotions. Stay tuned for the last half of the episode as Matt really goes for it and lays down some fabulous wisdom.

 The Unresolved Emotion | File Type: audio/x-m4a | Duration: 00:50:10

We begin this week with 3 nuggets of gold information and carry on to the unresolved emotion that is at the root of it all. We talk about the Heart Math Institute research, Gregg Braden, the brilliant work of neuroscientist, Dr. Candace Pert, “Molecules of Emotion”, Mr. José Mujica, the former president of Uruguay, the 90 second feeling, the question of why we  have a 40 plus hour work week and how that runs our lives and friendships. Pay close attention to the end of the show to hear how it all ties together.

 Logic vs Emotion | File Type: audio/x-m4a | Duration: 01:01:37

Logic can’t get you out of something that emotion has gotten you into.  Fawn and Matt discuss the difference between logic and emotion, the importance of speaking, being heard, the state of the world, how to hear what is really going on and how respect plays the role in all of it. From mixed martial arts to Aikido to Nascar, to Nicomachean Ethics, Matt’s  super-secret  formula for pick’em survivor league (NFL),  to becoming like bamboo, the art of friendship  is further unpacked and  by the end of the episode things really go deep with one of the big reasons for how our society has become touched by the loneliness epidemic. Make sure you lean in towards the end of the episode for the revelations of imposter syndrome.

 Effort | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:50:09

Why don't we follow through (regarding friendship, our dreams in life, our goals, our health, all the things that need some action, some movement)? What is the thing that stops us from doing and creating? This week's episode, Fawn and Matt bring up Sumo Wrestling, Herman Hesse, Dr. Mario Martinez, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Carolyn Myss, Aikido, dinner parties, being honest, misunderstandings, and how effort is involved and the one key to make it all effortless.

 Full Circle - Aikido Method of Friendship | File Type: audio/wav | Duration: 00:53:18

Fawn and Matt discuss the philosophy of Aikido (the Japanese martial art founded by Morihei Ueshiba that operates using the art of peace). They describe the one purpose, which is to better the lives of people, especially those who attack you physically and emotionally and being able to bring harmony to each situation (as your job is to protect your attacker: "If your opponent strikes with fire, counter with water, becoming completely fluid and free-flowing. Water by its nature, never collides with or breaks against anything. On the contrary, it swallows up any attack harmlessly." - Morihei Ueshiba (translated by John Stevens) This episode further explores our interactions with one another at the office and in our personal lives and is about applying the Art of Peace to the Art of Friendship.  


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