Our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt
Summary: The Art of Friendship. Pursuing social/racial/economic justice through the art of friendship. A thought-provoking conversation series, changing the world with the friends we show up for, seeking wisdom -about our society, culture, history, and life experiences, transforming the way we heal and build our worlds, from families to corporations and neighborhoods around the world. Words create coherent energy of compassion, appreciation, love, and respect for all life, ourselves, humanity, and our natural world. Friendship is the key to social / economic justice, health, joy, and peace for ourselves and our global family.
Episode Sit Still! Nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica: Petite Sensei (Francoise Petite)– make yourself at home in the uncomfortableness. We talk about being comfortable in the many forms being comfortable and uncomfortableness exists. Fawn brings up her friend Eowyn and the subject of being comfortable with money no matter where you sit in the financial realm. How does being still and not being still; multitasking contribute to loneliness? How can the alarm clock help you? Capacity is a big factor in the loneliness epidemic or in people having their relationships fractured. We don't have enough capacity to be able to offer anything to anyone else. When you have so many things vying for your attention, you end up with a piece of over here, a piece of you over there, and you're not there. You’re not present. You're scattered throughout all these other places and tasks. And that's where you are fragmented all over the place. So you're not able to totally be with your kids a hundred percent and not to be there for your friends. So you can't notice that one look that you need to notice that would quite possibly save someone’s life, or a look someone will give in a split second that gives you information. You'll miss out on stuff like that. And that's being distracted. We are distracted from each other.
Show notes Episode 33 “Capacity - moving to expansiveness – neuroscience, neurobiology and the social engagement system” with our guest Pamela Stokes There is a connection far beyond our bodies. There is a part of the neuroscience and the neurobiology that is called the social engagement system. And it's a grouping of five different things in our physiology that allows us to connect with ourselves. But also to connect with each other This week we get into the neuroscience of our connections with one another and we figure out how to begin the healing process for our society. Some topics include: the science of brain and body, trauma based therapeutic movement and brain training, movement and neuroplasticity, mindful motion, the insula cortex and how it is the key that allows us to connect with others. This episode is really big on more than one level. It’s a little over 90 minutes, but it’s packed with techniques that will help our world. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to miss a minute of it. We begin with the question of how to get out of operating from full capacity mode (meaning we all have so much on our “plate” from responsibilities, to worries and thoughts, to trauma, fear, and pain) and unable to be open to others, to getting to an embracing, loving, giving state; getting back to social engagements and selfless constructs, after so much we have been through. Also, can trauma actually be beneficial? How can we be there for each other (as a society) when we are all in pain? Who gets to go first in being heard and cared for, when we all need comforting and help? Today, we have some answers that will begin this process. Guys, everything is going to be OK! - more than OK, actually! to connect with Pamela https://www.linkedin.com/in/moveintoresilience/ https://www.moveintoresilience.com/about-pamela/ Let's connect! Email us through: www.ourfriendlyworld.com and also: www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com Please leave us a review on iTunes to help our podcast reach more people. Thank you, Fawn and Matt
We talk about rituals in life from big rituals to small rituals. We can develop connections with people when there's a ritual, and it can be the ritual having a cup of coffee, taking a walk, going to the farmer's market or sharing a table is a beautiful ritual. And that's one of the things I would like to say is, we can benefit from getting in the habit of sharing what we're not comfortable sharing until we're comfortable at it; for example, sharing a table with a stranger. This brings us to this episode’s nugget of wisdom from our mentor, Santa Monica. Today’s topic stems from Musashi Miyamoto and the “A Book of Five Rings” as we discuss the fifth rule: “Distinguish between gain and loss in worldly matters.” Capacity. We define it. We analyze it and we come to the conclusion that love has infinite capacity.
Episode 31 “Unseen Forces” Perceive those things, which cannot be seen. Understand what cannot be seen by the eye. How do we access this information undetectable to the human eye? How do we access information beyond the five senses? That's because we have a six tenths and everybody, every human on the planet has a sixth sense. “Be patient with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for answers. It cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer some distant day. - Rainer Maria Rilke Letters to a Young Poet. Rachel: “Science is huge. It's a big world, science. Everything about being human; of frequency, frequencies, you know, there's hundreds of thousands, if not, who knows, maybe unlimited numbers of frequencies and all of those frequencies are part of this creation that we belong to.” Rachel: “Being able to share freely our different human experiences, this is how we all grow and evolve together into communities that care about each other's health.” To reach Rachel Chevalier:https://rachelchevalier.com/
2 nuggets of wisdom from Santa Monica: Calmly and reverently carrying on, holding your center in love, no matter what is going on around you in the outside world. It is an honor to be invited to someone’s home. Treat it as such. We also talk about “entitlement” and what that means. What are we entitled to in life? This leads us to the topic of appreciation. This week we travel to different countries (via a book and our kitchen table) to discuss how we’re supposed to behave in different countries. If we are in quarantine and can’t travel for now, might as well brush up on etiquette from different countries. Which countries do you greet with a handshake? Who kisses once on one cheek and twice on the other cheek, hold hands, not hold hands, late or punctual, to gift or not to gift when visiting someone’s house, where to not use your hands for gestures as you speak, eye contact or no eye contact, to say yes or no thank you when you are offered something, to use a fork or spoon, to compliment or not to compliment…every culture is different. We need to behave ourselves, understand each other’s customs, marvel in each other’s beauty and enjoy each other’s company when we get together again. Snippets from our talk: To take one step towards the next step; to go from left foot to right foot, is all about imbalance. It's a leap of faith because in between the steps, you don't have any balance at all; no connection to the earth. You're basically mid-flight. We work with that imbalance and get to a point where it becomes a beautiful, graceful step. Walking is really kind of this controlled fall. Everything is always in a state of imbalance. Just make the world more beautiful, and in a reverent way, hold that beauty until that beauty, that love, transcends everything. Even if you have misunderstandings and conflict, if it is coming from a place of love, it will be understood. “If you have no peace in is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” - Mother Theresa “Your words have power. Use them wisely.” - anonymous. “Raise your word, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” - Rumi. Reach out to us: www.ourfriendlyworld.com Insta: @befriendlyworld Twitter: FriendleeBe
Show notes #29 Friends with Money with Farnoosh Torabi We have Farnoosh Torabi, an honored friend, American journalist, author, television personality, and personal finance expert, as our guest this week. With Farnoosh’s wisdom, things are illuminated! As Matt, Fawn, and Farnoosh converse together, Fawn realizes that some of us (she and some of her friends) live in a state of purgatory with money. We are trapped and confined to a memory or experience with money that unless we switch our thinking and snap out of, we’ll stay in hell instead of moving on, thriving, having fun, enjoying life, and creating the lives we want to be living. We explore the concept of friends with money, by not only talking about how friendships affect economy, but also how to make friends with money as an entity in Fawn’s case, because she feels mad at money (like money is this friend that has shut her out and she wants to be in that inner circle again), longs to be friends with it and get over a world of pain she experienced with it. Farnoosh creates a path to a major transformation for Fawn and Matt (listen to the very end after Farnoosh signs off) as they talk about what transpired after the show because of their time together with Farnoosh. There was not only a major money shift, but a miraculous friend connection with someone they were talking about on the show. Tune in! Some memorable and noteworthy quotes from this episode: “Oh shit, the universe was listening. I was like; I told the universe I was going to marry this guy eight years ago. It didn't forget.” “Listen, you're putting too much on money. Money is not anything. It's a rock. It's air. It's nothing, you know? It doesn't have opinions. It doesn't judge. It doesn't!” “It's not about you versus money or money versus you. It's like; who do I want to be? What is the impact that I want to make in the world? What is it that I love about myself that I want to amplify, and what I want to really contribute in a bigger way, and how can money be the tool for me to that end? And that is it. Money is YOUR servant. You don't serve money. Can you guess who said them? (It’s Farnoosh Torabi) Minute 40:53 Farnoosh tells an inspiring story about overcoming money adversity. To support Our FriendlyWorld with Fawn and Matt podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes! Keep in touch: www.ourfriendlyworld.com
Fawn shares her experience on one of her photoshoots in India and explains the correlation to the beginning of moving back to Santa Monica and a very unusual message she received (a tiny little message that normally may have gone unnoticed) that was the first of many from this city that became her mentor. This pearl of wisdom leads us to this episode’s topic of paying attention to TRIFLES. Trifle definition: noun, 1: something of little value, substance, or importance 2: A small quantity or amount of anything. 3: Pewter of medium hardness. 4: a dessert typically consisting of plain or sponge cake often soaked with wine or spirits (such as brandy or rum) and topped with layers of preserves, custard, and cream Verb, 5: to deal lightly or without due seriousness or respect. 6: to amuse oneself daily 7: to play or toy with 8: to act or talk in an idle or frivolous way. 9: Nine to waste time to idol, 10: to pass or spend time idly or frivolously Fawn and Matt discuss A Book of Five Rings and the philosophy of Musashi Miyamoto, a Japanese samurai, from whom the lesson “pay attention to trifles” comes from. Teaching from Fawn’s college professor, Hank Wessel: pay attention to what seems boring or normal. And in that, you'll find immense beauty and profound, mysterious qualities. Pay attention to things that everyone ignores. That is where the genius is. Fawn’s thought: This also goes for paying attention to ideas and people that often go ignored. Pay attention to the aspects that the main stream is not looking at. The qualities and details that most people do not look at, recognize, or see, is really the thing that is the most interesting and soon to be followed by these same masses that have to be shown by other “trend setters” as what is cool or beautiful. The masses are just stragglers on the wave of profound thought. They are piggy backers. Matt: If you stay alert and aware, even when everything seems so ordinary, you can spot the extraordinary. That's, when sometimes you'll see $20 on the street or, you know, you'll be paying attention and somebody will say something that'll key something. One of those interesting moments, and it's a way to become closer to people. People love to tell you about the things they feel passionate or interested in, but sometimes they only hint at it or they give you a whisper… They'll say one word and you can choose to follow them down the rabbit hole or not. Fawn: Sometimes it's not a word (that exists as a trifle). Sometimes it's the disappearing of the lips that will happen in a split second. There are micro movements people make that will tell you everything in a tiny split second of a shrug of a shoulder will tell you everything. If someone's in pain and they're hiding something, or when their lips disappear, it means the person is not comfortable hearing or seeing something that's in front of them. Paying attention to the tiny details will give us a better understanding of one another and therefore better friendships; and not just with friendships, but with family. Like especially with kids: Question: “How are you doing?” Answer: “Fine.” Question: “What'd you learn today?” Answer: “Nothing”. But within those short statements we'll come across with a shrug of a shoulder, which means there's something uneasy, something that they're not sure about. So we have to figure out a way to communicate past that trifle of statements. If someone asks you how you're doing and really we're trained in society to say “fine, how are YOU?” where we can't really unload our pain because it'll scare off or overwhelm the per
This episode features our friend Paul Martin. He songs to us and IT IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! He IS AMAZING! First: Santa Monica pearl of wisdom from 5th floor quiet painter neighbor. You never truly know what someone’s life experience is until you are invited in, or you invite THEM in.Sometimes you may look at a person you think, “Oh my God, I am probably not their cup of tea. They will probably hate me”, or you can see major differences between you, and that “there's no way that this person will like me”. Give it a chance. You never know! Fawn and Matt share their difficult weekend as Fawn pushes back the tears of her sadness and anxiety, and tells how she had to type the words “I NEED A FRIEND” to her friend Beth Hewitt (of the podcast “Visualize You w/ Beth Hewitt). Fawn describes how that changed everything and reads what Beth wrote back to her, out loud for any of you to receive Beth’s words to help you feel better as they helped Fawn. All the tears and emotions happen before Fawn and Matt introduce their honored guest Paul Martin, who wisely and kindly says: “It's really nice to hear you embracing your sadness… what I've learned, especially over the past few years of, you know, I used to be, um, an alcoholic and an addict or thing that pushed away me embracing all of those certain feelings and now that I'm clean, I get to fully embrace them. And even sadness has like a true kind of beauty with that. In a weird way, it has its own yeah sacred, special place. Um, but to truly feel it and like engage and embrace it like you did. It's just like, it works wonders. And in a weird way, like if you have the, like the perception of the it's there for a reason, you can actually sometimes like, enjoy it whilst it's happening as well; not just the benefits after”. Fawn, Matt, and Paul discuss how different cultures handle emotions and drugs. We discuss embracing each other’s emotions and what we should do when we see someone crying. Paul’s music is an embrace from an old, caring, loving, entity: And as Paul says: “…getting in touch with that vulnerability of letting go and staying in that safe space” is what it’s about. “…so there's feelings can come up and they can just feel that beauty of light. Like that's a kind of, that's like a happy sadness, and it's very important, I think, to get in touch with that side of your emotions.” We also talk MEDITATION, as Paul is not only a super talented Musician, but also a meditation coach who studied in Thailand. Paul: “…we're put here is to understand life and experience life and to understand the difference between yin and yang, what we perceive as good and bad.” Paul: “all anger derives really from the sadness.” We get into the discussion of social media… Fawn: “So I think social media is actually parallel to real life because in real life, I mean, I'll just speak for the communities we've noticed in the culture we've noticed in the United States, where so much is is superficial and you know, it's just superficial and you're not really there for each other, right. It's just, you're going to present the best face possible. You're going to present yourself as the greatest, the best, the richest, the prettiest, whatever, but very few people actually. Well, like, be real with you and have a heart to heart, total open path, open sec, you know, open segway; open heart. And it's the same in social media. That's what I think some people are now piercing through is that superficialness. It happens outside of social media.”
Show notes #26 Prosperare Nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica – receiving a treat through your window, just exactly when you need it. Prosperity – PRO= towards Spera=hope spera. sperare Verb = hope for, hope. Looking at prosperity. Pro pro means towards. Sparity Comes from Spera it's Latin, Spera means hope. Prosperity, if we break it down means towards hope. My question is how can we look towards hope? What is prosperity? Fawn: “Prosperity is a universe inside of you. Do not look outside at other people. When you find yourself looking at your friends and feeling like you're left out, that right there is the opposite of prosperity. That is scarcity.” ???: How can we go from hopeless to hopeful? How can we go from feeling left out, shut out and uncared for to realizing a muffin flying through your window? Fawn: “You can use scarcity as a tool. You can use it as anger for fuel, enough to get you to a point where you're realizing you're not where you want to be. That's okay. When you feel that, instead of continuing on with that feeling of jealousy or hopelessness, we can use that feeling to get to our own core and find what we need. If I find myself feeling left out like that, that left out feeling, I'll go in the bed under the blankets and maybe have a good cry, go inside and think about my own universe; the universe inside of me. That's where my genius is. That is where it is for all of us. It’s at that center where it all gets activated. Some people call that place “the unknown” “the void”; a place where the focus is not on anything or anyone else but it is where genius is. The universe at your core will begin to magnify. From there, anything you focus on becomes activated becomes a magnet for your greatest desires, guaranteed. That's how I get my mind into the mode of prosperity. I either bake cupcakes or have a good cry. I rebuild my universe inside of myself.” Matt: “Now you see, the way I come to it is I like to surround myself with wonderful people and I've been very blessed knock on wood that I've been able to do this with both my friends and my family. And for me, when I hear about one of my friends doing something awesome, I'm very stoked for them. I'm extremely stoked for them. And typically I want to find out, well, how did it happen? Because maybe there's a template in it that I could follow, or at least it gives me a better understanding of them as a person. Now, when I feel down and everybody does it, it depends on the type of down obviously. But, if it's specifically related to work, I find one of the easiest ways for me to feel better is for me to go through my list of past accomplishments. And I've done some (in my mind at least) pretty amazing things as a software developer, as you all know. I build things from nothing. So it's just kind of like, it's almost like imposing your will upon a blank sheet of paper and making something that you can be very happy with, or that someone else can be very happy with because maybe you're creating it for someone else. And so that process, that creative process is very hard to not make you feel like this, a limitless abundance out there because you realize the I. When I first started working on this, I was a complete idiot. And then I figured stuff out and I got a little smarter and a little smarter and a little smarter, a little smarter until, “wow, I did this really amazing thing.” If it comes down to less of , a work-related and more of a, financial , kind of world then I look at the things that I do have, those material possessions , and I see the wealth and the places I've chosen to invest my money as it were. And I look at my rack of music. I look at m
Show notes #25 “Peculiar” Nugget of Wisdom: Jesus and the Bread Guy – Fawn recalls “… two things, two, if you pick two things in the neighborhood, within the community that are a constant, you never thought about together at the same time; in the neighborhood, you never thought had a connection. If you take two things or two people that are consistent in the neighborhood that you never connected; like they are not going to cross, or it didn't even cross your mind, but when you see it, it makes total sense. Have you ever had an epiphany like that?” This story is about two main fixtures in the Santa Monica/ Venice neighborhood that one early morning Fawn became aware had a divine, spiritual connection to one another that brought her a deeper understanding of our connections within our community. PECULIAR - pe·cu·liar /pəˈkyo͞olyər/ adjective strange or odd; unusual. Similar words: Strange, unusual, odd, funny, curious, bizarre, weird, uncanny, queer, unexpected, unfamiliar, abnormal, atypical, anomalous, untypical, different, out of the ordinary, out of the way, exceptional, rare, extraordinary, remarkable, puzzling, mystifying, mysterious, perplexing, baffling, unaccountable, incongruous, uncommon, irregular, singular, deviant, aberrant, freak, freakish, suspicious, dubious, questionable, eerie, unnatural, bizarre, backasswards, eccentric, idiosyncratic, unconventional, outlandish, offbeat, quirky, quaint, droll, zany, off-center, wacky, freaky, kooky, screwy, oddball, off the wall Opposite: normal, ordinary Particular; special. Similar words: distinctive, characteristic, distinct, different, individual BUT ALSO: Peculiar comes from Latin peculiaris, an adjective meaning "privately owned" or "special" that is derived from the word for "property," peculium. ... Peculiar borrowed the Latin meanings of peculiaris, but it eventually came to refer to qualities possessed only by a particular individual, group, or thing. An article by Jess Zafarris: The Etymoooology of “Peculiar” “Peculiar” comes from the Latin peculium, literally “property in cattle,” a meaning that lingers in “peculiar to,” meaning “belonging solely to.” Its “odd” sense arose after the term evolved to mean “distinguished, special,” describing a person or thing of great wealth or renown. Peculium was used to describe property in general, for cattle were considered the most important form of property, and wealth was often measured in livestock. Cows were especially considered a mark of wealth and social standing because they were used to expand the scale of crop production, to haul goods and weapons in trade and war, and were also (obviously) a rich source of protein. Owning, purchasing, and breeding cattle was considered an investment in the future, and practices involving cattle were handed down from generation to generation—meaning that cattle played a not-insignificant part in establishing early ruling classes and families. Peculium gave rise to peculiaris, “belonging exclusively to one person,” which carried its meaning over to English in the 15th century. From there, in the 16th century, “peculiar” came to mean “distinguished or special,” suggesting someone endowed with great wealth (not necessarily in cattle) or esteem, or something else particularly renowned or remarkable. This noteworthy sense led to what might be considered a more common use of the word today, “unusual, strange, curious,” from the 17th century—though, of course, its sense o
Episode #24 – US/THEM/SYNTHESIS - Is it possible to have synthesis? How can we have Synthesis in society when there is so much of “us” versus “them”? Pearl of wisdom from Santa Monica: the light within can really touch someone out there that you may not know. What you do in your own home can seriously affect someone on the outside. SYNTHESIS: 1) the combination of ideas to form a theory or a system. 2) The production of chemical compounds, by reaction from simpler materials. Fawn: I have an issue with “simpler materials” for so many reasons. If you're going to take it outside the science scope (I'm going to talk about synthesis), like communication with people and culture, using the word “simple” is a mistake. If you look at something through a microscope, you can get more powerful microscopes and keep going and going and going and going as you look at any given thing. Does anything ever stop being or existing? Like numbers, is everything infinite? You look at something through a microscope, you see the smaller particles. You magnify it even more, you see even more. A flower is complex. If you look at the design of anytihing in life, if you really look at things, everything is incredibly complex. Another thing about synthesis; another definition is to combine a number of different pieces into a hole. And it made me think of the term “melting pot”. The description of a culture or society being a Melting pot always bothered me. It never sat right with me growing up. I heard that a lot, but I never really thought about why it bothered me. I was always asked (it was actually demanded of me) to erase my culture; to erase my identity, not only growing up in the United States, like to become Americanized, but also within my family who was very terrified of having to escape from a country that was in turmoil, to erase who I was. And even though my family loved their culture and wanted to keep their culture, they had to flee the country that they were originally from, come to a new place and where they had to deal with a whole new set of problems and persecution in so many ways. There was this confusion of, do we assimilate? Do we keep our traditions or get rid of them? Do we teach our traditions and culture to the next generation? How do we do that, when the culture you live in despises you and the next generation is caught in between these two worlds? I noticed this peril not just with the family I was raised in, but with so many different families across so many different cultures other than mine. I watched the struggle with: do we keep the traditions, do we do a dare speak together, out in public in this other language? I just don’t like the analogy of a “melting pot”. Instead of a melting pot, I think it should be a dish that holds the integrity of every ingredient not something that melts and becomes something else. I don't want to melt. I do not want to melt. I want all of my cultures. I want my languages. I want everybody else's cultures and everybody else's languages, everybody else's fashions, everybody else's ideas to hold their own and contribute a vast delicious balance of tastes that light up your life force when you taste it. I want it to remain whole. I don't think it's a good idea to melt into one thing and lose your unique flavor. I think if we can appreciate the integrity of each individual ingredient, that it will lead to world peace. We talk about assimilating and what that means. We ask if there’s a constant assembly line of hate. The focus may end on one group, only to focus on the next group. Eventually, you will be the target so best to stop the hate now. When your mind is open enough, you can see the profound in
Show notes #23 The Frog and the Scorpion Nugget of wisdom from Fawn’s neighbor in Santa Monica, upstairs Joey – the lesson of the hot stove. Today’s episode revolves around the fable, “The Frog and the Scorpion” “The Scorpion and the Frog” “A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "It’s my nature...".” Our super friend, psychotherapist KJ Nasrul joins us to discuss: the changing of minds; our belief systems, specially in times of argument. Can a person fundamentally change? How do you know when to reenter a friendship? How do you know when to end a friendship? THEN… Fawn: I have lots of people I had to totally cut off like the scorpion, right? The end from the very beginning, I knew their nature. I knew how they were, they were showing it to me, but I assumed, Oh, they'll never do that to me. You know, the last ones were some of the yoga crew around where we live. I saw how they treated each other, their family members. And I assumed they wouldn't do that with me. And we had the established where we're family, men were sisters. And then all of a sudden they treated me like family, which is how they treated themselves, which was not good. And I had to cut it off, and I knew they wouldn't change. They were the scorpion. And they already stung me and boy, did it take a long time to heal from that. So never again, because they tried to apologize. They tried to come back and I'm like, “Nope!”. Matt: But if you take a look at that, you just take a look at, let's say the yoga people, they get continual reinforcement to act the way that they do. They get continual positive reinforcement to act the way that they do because they have blood family, if you will daughters, et cetera. And they act that way towards them, but there's still that relationship. And so they've had continual reinforcement that they can act like an a-hole and it's going to be okay. You know, the way that, oftentimes families will fight and they will just lay it all out. They will just devastate one another and then they'll figure out how to get back together without talking about it. So there's no impetus for them to change other than the fact that they they've lost your friendship, but they can, they can find an excuse. They can excuse that away and make it your problem or your fault. Question: Have you been friends with a scorpion? Have been bitten, or knew that they would bite, but continued to have a friendship out of desperation of wanting to have a friend so badly that you played with “fire”? why do you think the frog did it anyway? Matt: Otherwise we wouldn't have a fable, but also I think that the frog dog is the optimist on the outside and the inside. He believes in the good in everyone and he believes everyone can change. And he believed in the logical argument back to emotion versus logic, the scorpion stung, because that's what he does. It's an emotional thing. Whereas the frog understood on a logical level that if he got stung, he would die in the middle of the river. And so he believed that the scorpion would take the logical argument, but the scorpion was never going to do that because i
Episode 22 - Emotion Motion – the Good, the Bad, the Ugly Nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica: Moses and the Ten Commandments – Why hearing a crowd chant your name is important. It is a healing. It is validation. We need that. My friend hearing his name chanted - that's a good thing. It gives you that strength and that validation, that power that says "I exist. I am powerful. I am loved". What is it about words? I always say words have vibration, words have power. There's so much energy associated with sound. The internal emotion logic works between two people. Two people are arguing and one person takes the emotional argument. The other person takes logical argument. We're working in a whole different system. We're working against imposter syndrome. We're working against everybody tells me whatever it is I want to hear, except for there's one person who says that hurtful comment. That's the only person (maybe I feel because I'm an imposter walking through the world because we all feel this way at some time where, you know, I don't belong. I'm not worthy. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not), so this is the only person who is telling me the truth and you start to become emotionally connected to the one person who tells you the truth. And it also can be because you are, you do feel like you're wearing this. It's like you're wearing a coat. This is your body. You're wearing it like a coat. And you’re you. You go through life sometimes worried that somebody is going to call you out on your BS. And so if somebody calls you out on anything, you feel like this is the one person who is being honest with me. This is why we are so emotionally attached to that ONE ugly comment. Anecdote: this company called Despair: they do these demotivational motivational posters. There’s one for dysfunctional. The only thing in common between all of your unsatisfying relationships is you. So it's really hard to shuck that off or understand that. More on criticism: (the unkind mean things people throw at you): …and then we have being a youth or being an unexperienced; un-fully formed kind of a person who's still trying to figure out who they are. And people love to tell you who you are. Why do they do that? Because they want you to be just like them. This concept takes you into a brand new completely other world of "the way I live is the best way to live. So you should live just like me, because then you living that way validates me". Matt: …”and that's a lot of what I grew up in was, I lived this way, my parents lived a certain way and the people who they associated with lived basically the exact same way. And if you didn't kind of live that way, you were a little, either a little off, if it was only a little bit different or you were nuts, if it was completely different or they couldn't even fathom how you would, but by the same token, because you're their child and they are tutoring you and they are, providing a role model for you, if you choose not to live the same way they did, then you invalidate them too. So there's a jumble of all these emotions caught up inside of people”. Fawn: Why do you think that that happens? Why do you think that people are so attached to you being like them as the only way to be? Why isn't it that they have a slate that says, you know what, you don't have to be like me, cause I want to be different; even if you are my child or my student. Why is that the common thread? Is it going back to when we were hunting and gathering, and you have to stick together. I mean, I don't understand where that thinking comes from. Matt: It does. It has. It evolved from this, team-based kind of a feeling where, I'm on a team, we're all going forward. And this gets, I think, lost inside of a lot of emotions, but on some level,
Your responsibility to party – How to be a good guest Nugget- The blind date – How to be gracious “To Be a Good Guest” When I was little, my immediate family quite honestly, was pretty stressed all the time and angry and kind of hateful. I was always surprised by how the relatives put up with. I actually had to cut them off. It's not something I did lightly. It took many, many therapists to get me out of that situation. As a whole though, my family and its dynamics was very much the movie, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. It was exactly like that but Persian. The relatives would get together every week; parties all the time, get-togethers all the time; always in each other's business and very loud and the dinners are not just like quiet dinners with seven people. As a child, every time I had to go to one of these parties, (I mean, other people would call them parties for us, it was just a Friday night), the amount of stuff that would happen in our home that I grew up in was just not happy. There was screaming, yelling, criticism, body shaming, all kinds of shaming, you name it. It was heavy. And this was right before going to see the relatives. As a kid, you can't just switch that off and go to a party and be the life of the party as a guest in someone’s home (at least, I couldn’t). Every time I was at a party, I would be in a corner sulking. At parties, I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to be around anyone. My feelings were hurt and no one else really understood that. My relatives would try to force me to dance and grab my arms, drag me to get up out of the chair, to get me away from the corner. And it just hurt my feelings even more. I didn't understand the concept of a party or being a guest, even being a host. To this day, when I have to go to a party I have inner turmoil because I feel less than, ugly, body morph issues galore stemming from those times as a child. It took years, many, many years to realize the responsibility I have as a guest and how important that is. It took being away from all that drama, moving away and hosting my own parties, attending all kinds of parties, to realize the art of being a good guest. What is it to be a good guest? As much as I have empathy for my childhood self, I realized the act of sitting in a corner, sulking and not being a participant is giving the haters all the power, it’s such a downer for the whole place and a waste of time. We are here to live and to enjoy life. And just like that, I realized all of a sudden, like a flip of a coin, that I was the life of the party. Here’s what I do: I interview people at parties like they’re major celebrities. I asked them questions about their lives. I marvel at what they are wearing, about how great they are, how great they look, and how interesting they are. I will give people the red carpet treatment. I enjoy the food and drink and express gratitude for the amazing feast. I dance like a fool and laugh. I help carry the party. And here’s the thing, the party is in daily life. These are the things I am trying to teach my daughters. But really they were born with these instincts, until we came across one mean person after another and now I have to make sure they are brave and strong again; so they can go out boldly, enjoy and embrace life again, before the time the haters tried to dampen their flame. We all need to embrace life again! My little girl (at two years old) with gusto, would step into every room and victoriously make an announcement that we were there (that we had arrived). We would go to swim lessons. We would push the doors of the public indoor swimming pool open together and with arms stretched out like she was embracing the entire place and all the swimmers, with voice echoing loudly she would exclaim that we’re swimming toda
Fawn and Matt break out all their dictionaries and read all the definitions of friendship and have a good laugh. Then THEY break it down for real. Fawn feels a kinship, like a family type feeling about certain people, to which Matt says they are not friends because they don’t even know you! Fawn says we're all connected, at the risk of sounding way too woo woo. So yeah, this person doesn't know I exist perhaps, but they've touched my life profoundly. And because they touched my life, I shared how they touched my life with my close friends and so they also get touched and changed because of this person. Do they (the person that hasn’t met us) know how they changed lives? When I tell other people about this person and it changes their life, it's a ripple effect. My idea of friendship is getting a little bit more fluid, especially in the time of 2020, and the fact that we can't be together. Before 2020, our criteria was that to have a substantial friendship, you had to be together within a close proximity and not on social media, but in real life. What are we going to do? How can we define it? Are we growing as friends? Are we growing together towards something? Matt: I'm still gonna take the hard line and say, there's a mystical connection that happens when you're physically present; physically adjacent to one another. Fawn talks about how sometimes all she has is a tree to lean on… “I'm just saying, I'm trying to get it (the support of a friendly force) wherever I can find it. And if you think about it spiritually, you're never alone. There's always, you're a part of everything. Everything is a part of you. You have to broaden your scope.” Fawn and Matt totally disagree about what a friendship is. Fawns point: it is about connection. You have to recognize the connection. So when you are in a physical friendship situation, you can say, yeah, this is the connection. You have to look for it, even though you're locked down. Well, if you want to talk about it, as far as it feeling like you have to exercise those muscles, you have to exercise attention to the feelings. You need to have those feelings to live. It's like water and air. You need those feelings. And I'm saying to you sometimes you're in solitary mode and you need to have those feelings, first of all, within yourself. You have to be your own friend. You have to recognize happiness within yourself and not from the outside world. And that's key to friendship. You have to have that knowledge. You have to have that expertise about the feeling of friendship when you meet other people. It will enhance everything because you know that feeling, you know that dance, and you can pick it out from the ether. THEN A MIRACLE HAPPENS! Fawn convinces Matt to shift his view! Matt: Friendship has to have a component of effort. There is no passivity in friendship. Leave a review on iTunes to be eligible to win a print from Fawn's coffee table book. Send us an email with a screenshot of your review to be enetered.Go to our website to eamil and to leave us a message: www.ourfriendlyworld.com