The answers for everything Podcast show

The answers for everything Podcast

Summary: If you have a question, we have the answer. Give us a listen and exchange some of your free time for a little bit of humor and hopefully some education. Topics range from travel and ghost stories, bodily functions to literature and relationship woes to business planning. No topic is too out there and no question is ever wrong. Teapot and Mr. Clay have been friends for over 14 years and together they answer any and all questions.Join them as they take you on adventures with stories relating to the weekly topics.

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 Episode 22: I don't know about Jaws 5 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 47:46

          Good evening Knowitalls. We are in spooky season and that means that we have a bonus, Halloween-type episode for you this week. The Gelman dropped by in order to discuss horror movies with us and we recorded the whole thing; even when he went to the bathroom. He talks to us about what to expect and not expect when it comes to the horror genre and why he loves it. We promise you that he is as close to an expert in horror as one can get without getting an actual degree in it (we have not fact checked that statement so if we are wrong, we apologize)          Other than horror films, we learn a little about 1000 island dressing, well done steaks with ketchup and the difference of dressing up for Halloween in the prairies VS the rest of Canada. Oh yeah, we discuss a Werewolf story as well.Questions  that get answered this week:How many Jaws sequels are there?Does Jaws wear a leather jacket and sunglasses?What is the perfect meal that can be ordered at all restaurants?What movie made the Gelman cry?Can Mr. Clay combine an Irish accent with a Korean accent without sounding racist?

 Episode 21: The Venus flytrap penis | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 32:52

Episode 21: The Venus flytrap penis Welcome back Knowitalls. This week we teach you about packing carry-on bags for short or even long trips. Somehow this leads into a discussion on how Mr. Clay smuggled vibrators and dirty black gloves through security (for others, of course). Feel free to soak in all of the goodness when the hosts talk about the movie “Tusk”, how French people laugh, taking Mexican vacations and the usage of Polysporin VS iodine.Questions that get answered this week:Does teapot have a valid passport?Why does Teapot wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night?What security line does Clay consistently experience at the airport?How many hats has Clay lost in Norway?What do Odo and Quark’s genitals look like?Why does Clay have green, liquid poop?

 Episode 20: Put on that see-through shirt | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 42:21

Glorious travel plans meet immense travel misfortune in this week’s episode. There have been hints about the lost luggage Eurotrip but this week the whole story gets exposed. Listen up to hear about Scottish castles, bleeding thighs, Air France’s lack of customer service and some firsthand experience in witnessing Paris rioting after the world cup. We talk about see through shirts, ass sweat, bladder infections and Bastille Day. Questions that get answered this week:How big was the kidney stone that Clay peed out?If we smelled bad when visiting Paris, would anyone notice?What fireworks display makes the Disney ones look like garbage?How much swass could Teapot and Mr. Clay collect on a hot day in Paris?When did AirFrance message Teapot back in regard to her luggage claim?Do Teapot’s boyfriend and Clay compare dong sizes?

 Episode 19: Diet like a homeless person | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 33:00

Good afternoon Knowitalls. This week things are done a little bit differently as we bring you a bonus show with 3 unaired clips from previous episodes. These clip didn’t work with the flow of their respected episodes but ironically; they work well when they are all edited together. Teapot and Mr. Clay get into 3 topics then as usual they very quickly veer off in the opposite direction. The show starts with some talk about going to the gym, which leads into what food utensils are good for butt stuff (obviously) and then the show concludes with some salad and potato recipes that are designed to keep your boyfriend home and craving your food. No hidden meanings there… food actually means food and recipes actually mean recipes. It’s time to learn about teenage girls using the gym strictly for their instagram stories, Teapot’s time management skills, the difference in egg storage between North America and Europe and to wrap things up you get to hear about why Teapot’s trainer asked her to go all James Bond/Black Widow at the gym. Questions that get answered this week are:Who is a better cook? Teapot or her boyfriend?Is your diet as strict as a homeless person’s diet?Does Teapot have 2 gall bladders?Who doesn’t pay attention to medical surgery follow-up?Could a meat tenderizer or a whisk be a good sex toy?How long would Clay’s mom stand outside of the gym before asking for help? Nobody truly knows because she lined up last month and is still there.

 Episode 18: I would like a nipple extension | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 50:33

This week is all about the frequency of WTF moments that Teapot and Mr. Clay seem to experience. These moments range from lighting a man on fire, almost being kidnapped in Amsterdam (3 times on the first day, nonetheless), watching a grown man drag a child down the street in the middle of the night and last but not least, a very special moment when your friend’s girlfriend tries to give you a handy while you are all together at the movies.Get ready to learn about nipple extensions, robot hotel kiosks in Germany, automated hot food vending machines in Amsterdam, the Gelman, Teapot’s friendly face and step moms who need to be consoled after their husbands cheat on them. Mr. Clay gets a well deserved, long time coming reality check when he learns that everyone around him always feels wildly uncomfortable whenever he opens his mouth. Even his text messages cause people to cover their phone before they read them just in case a supervisor is within viewing capacity.If you are ready for some bad advice on how to solve family problems in regard to cheating dads then you need to press PLAY right now.Questions that get answered this week:Is getting a handy considered cheating?Is the random stranger from Amsterdam related to teapots mom?Why Is Teapot’s friend a ghost?What is every woman’s dream?Who owns Amsterdam?Why would someone ever say “Fuck it, free mints”?What situation calls for sneaking jacket-less and barefoot out of a window into -40 temperatures in the hopes that your shoes and Jacket are not stolen from the apartment hallway?

 Episode 17: I'm sorry about your penis | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 48:50

Another “Shoot the shit” episode with the hosts answering some “would you rather” questions and then telling some personal stories. Follow along as Teapot has an epiphany on dick pics, cringes at the thought of chewing on tin foil and decides on what her specialty would be if she did a webcam show. Mr. Clay will discuss where his grade 11 yearbook went and why it disappeared in the first place. Believe it or not but Mr. Clay does impressions; and this week he introduces you to his imitation of an older, Greek woman who tells her son to not let Mr. Clay turn him gay. #truetolifestoryQuestions that get answered this week:Shaggy - Was it him?If Clay only had taste buds in his butt. What would he do?While highway driving, can you get a girl’s number from a moving vehicle if your car is plastered with Porn pictures?Would Clay choose butt stuff with a girl celebrity or butt stuff with a guy celebrity?What did the Swiss man say to Mr. Clay’s mom when he looked over and saw the cucumber penis?Where is the most inappropriate place to pretend to make sweet, sweet love to your friend’s butt while in public?

 Episode 16-2: I always use the glory hole in Fantasyland for that | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 37:08

Episode 16-2: I always use the glory hole in Fantasyland for that*DISCLAIMER* there is no confirmation about the existence of that glory hole as Mr. Clay has looked for about 30 years now and has yet to find it. He will continue to search relentlessly until his dying daysLast week’s cliffhanger finally gets resolved this episode. Listen up and pay close attention as there are quite a few stories bundled up into this week’s episode. The hosts banter back and forth about seeing celebrities such as Johnny Depp, Tom Hanks, Tim Allen and Nicholas Cage while visiting the Disneyland Park. Take a half hour out of your day as you sit back, relax and listen to Mr. Clay and Teapot discuss Club 33 and Jay from entertainment 1. Last but not least, get ready to visualize a Shirtless Weber walking around Disneyland kicking ass and taking names (except for the short break he took while spending time in Walt Disney’s private, Disneyland office) Every week the title is chosen using a quote from the recording. Here are the 2 runners up:“Hey, do you want a handjob?”“I’m trying to fucking grow a snake head”Those two suggestions didn’t quite paint a Disneyland experience in a positive light like the chosen title does.Questions that get answered this week:Would it kill the Toon Town coaster operator to stay at work for an extra minute and a half?Why is Mr. Clay not invited to family picnics?How many times did a homeless man get mistaken for Mr. Clay’s dad?Can Teapot teach us all what a Foley artist is?Why would Epstein never stay in a hostel?Can Mr. Clay give his mom a heart attack by simply going to the bathroom at the Seattle airport?

 Episode 16-1: My first time is your best time | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 33:39

Episode 16-1: My first time is your best time Welcome back knowitalls. This week is the first part of a 2 part episode centered on Disney trip adventures. Teapot and Mr. Clay try to be humble and not come across as stuck up while revisiting their astounding amount of Disney vacations. It would seem that some of their park experiences helped shape them into who they are today. They will bring you stories about the Box “O” Pop, buying Britney Spears dolls, pasta out the asshole (literally?) and a delightful tale about a 9 year old girl (not Epstein related) story from the Finding Nemo ride in Disneyland Paris.Every week the title is chosen using a quote from the recording.Here is this week’s runner up: “Come on guys, it’s not like you’re going on a fucking Merry-go-round”.  Let us know if we made the right decision in naming the episode.Questions that get answered this week: Is it ok to lie to your friends about 4X4ing in rented Hummers, even though you know it will break their heart?Was it water or spit coming out of the hotel shower head?Is it racist to call your new Spanish friend “Pedro” even before asking him what his actual name is?What can be like 16 orgasms at once?When someone says “America” what should be the next two words out of your mouth?Why is cheesecake for breakfast a staple when going to Disneyland?Is Disneyland best described as “the fair on the best steroids that money can buy”?

 Episode 15: I've seen the inside of my Dad's butt | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 32:15

No Guest hosts this week as we have the OG crew in the studio!After a week apart, Teapot and Mr. Clay are at it again with some delicious storytelling about Jeffrey Epstein, camping with lots of family members while also having anxiety and they throw out some advice on driving through Death Valley. There is also some not so delicious discussion on Dad buttholes. Clearly the butthole discussion is not about the butthole of Clay’s Dad because tracking him down would take the skills of Sherlock Holmes, Batman and Google all working together for the task at hand. Bets have been made as to which Liquor store, Milk section or cigarette counter he may be hiding at. Sit back, close your eyes, open your ears (??) and take in all of the quality conversation this episode has to offer.Be prepared as you get introduced to the myth known only as “Judetastic”, Cousin Bleh from drawn together makes for a small topic and get ready to learn why Mr. Clay gets very jealous that Teapot saves money cuz her dad “knows a guy”. Sadly, the guy that Teapot’s dad “knows” has nothing to do with dad butts. Rest assured if he did, Mr. Clay would keep him on retainer.Questions that get answered this week are:Is it possible to do a road trip to Las Vegas and Anaheim but never see the strip or even set foot in Disneyland?How does a 2 Storey outhouse work?Where did Epstein get his money from? J/K…. they can’t answer that.What does Teapot’s dad use his “I know a guy” guy for?Was Mr. Clay 14 years old while in grade 5?Did Teapot date a 5th grader when she was 21?

 Episode 14: My pullout game is weak, Starring Randy Marsh | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 51:43

With Teapot on vacation and Mr. Clay running out of options, literally asking 103 different people to record a show this week, desperate measures had to be made. Sliding into the guest host position is none other than The Real Randy Marsh. Randy and Clay have a connection due to their past lives as born and Bred BC boys who ended up relocating to the prairies for work. This week the discussion revolves around that bond as well as a few stories about the mythical beast known as Weber, the BC ferries corporation, orange juice ads featuring lesbians, why Clay’s boss told him to “please get the fuck back to work” and although the Japanese word Kabuki and the Greek word Chabookie (tsibouki) sound alike, they mean 2 completely different things. One means blowjob… can you guess which one?Some questions get answered such as:Is ass the other vagina?Why do people stuff their front grill with cardboard?How did a Futureshop sale of 3 CD’s for $10 lead Randy to his new life?What position did the head of HR offer Randy? (It wasn’t Doggystyle positiion)Are pants optional while recording with Randy?Why should you never let a handicapeable friend use a pressure washer?Can you break a keg?Did Clay ever work for Weber inc?Did Weber inc really exist?Was Randy Marsh ever a Milkman? And if he was, did he work for Weber inc?

 Episode 13: Papa Smurf would be so tight | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 23:51

Lucky number thirteen (Insert air horn celebration here, woot woot!)There isn’t really a theme this time around so dive in for some random chit chat about Dwayne Johnson going to pound town on Teapot (no relation to the Dollar store in the UK), listen to Teapot decide why she would marry her own mother and then discover exactly what she finds appealing about her grade 9 math teacher (It’s not his math skills… if you know what I mean???). To make this episode a solid 22 minutes of entertainment, there is a snippet about roommates that touch themselves in front of people, a quick story about Mr. Clay’s rancid smelling farts and a revelation that “to-go” meals that are 100% entirely made up of cake are probably the greatest meal ever. Mr. Clay regrettably sounds a little racist when makes fun of how is friend sounds when she speaks Tagalog in front of him. (All joking of course)There are no listener questions this week but everyone will learn answers to the following questions:As a university student, can you live off meth and cake?Is opening one door and 3 windows going to be enough to air out the rancid smelling farts that Mr. Clay allegedly used to produce? Used to… not anymore. Nowadays they smell like candy. The good kind of candy, not the black licorice types of candy.When your computer dies, can you access Facebook photo albums or are they gone forever? Every person on the planet knows the answer to this one. Or do they?Are there any foreign languages that sound like chickens clucking?Will Mr. Clay’s mom ever understand technology?Did Teapot need her dorm room bathroom to be wheelchair accessible?When Teapot’s roommate got deported, should she have finished her ice cream before or after she consoled them? Marijuana may have been a factor for this answer.

 Episode12: Your face is a f**king carnival | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 41:36

Episode 12: Your face is a fucking carnivalWelcome back friends. This episode starts with stupid stories from our younger years and concludes with personal stories about doing magic mushrooms. The main talking points are related to high school skylight messages, night driving on magic mushrooms, Hansel and Gretal-ing with toilet paper, taking a leak on your friend’s lawn and also learning the nicest possible way to egg someone’s car. Get ready to discover how breathing can control your bathroom plunger and let your imaginations soar as Teapot gives us a detailed blueprint to her parent’s basement. (You will need those blueprints in order to avoid the sad room, the scary crawlspace and the bathroom that turns your pee green)Answers and questions, questions and answers!!Can you forget how to swallow?Why did Mr. Clay’s car make a collect call?After dating someone for a week, should you marry them?Should you cheat on your boyfriend with your high school crush?Why did someone threaten to throw a log of firewood through Mr. Clay’s windshield?Why did Teapot call Mr. Clay a piece of shit?Is $43.50 too much to pay for a lanyard?Do sex and drugs blend well together?Is Teapot’s friend the Devil?Why did Mr. Clay hide on the roof of the Husky Restaurant for over an hour?

 Episode 11: I could definitely rub a dude’s dick with a broomstick | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 41:29

Welcome back Knowitalls. This week Teapot and Mr. Clay discuss if money can in fact buy happiness. The episode begins with them pondering the stress of having too much VS not having enough money. Teapot reminisces about her teenage years when she lacked the need to curb her spending habits. They both get confused on the rules of a Genie’s 3 wishes but then on the other hand they are not confused with the idea that blowing dudes would lead to amazing vacations. Many, many questions get answered this week;What isn’t a normal monthly budget for booze?What exactly would Mr. Clay do for $20?Does Teapot still love Tokio Hotel, Metrostation and skinny jeans?Where is your sweet spot for your wealth?Is Teapot forced at gunpoint to record with Mr. Clay while they talk about weird shit?While perusing the Australian Facebook classified ads for sexual fantasies, what would $5000 get you?Why does Mr. Clay want to move to Alabama?What is more important: Getting lots of the dick in your expensive, private residence or living for free with your parents but getting very little to no dick at all? (Blood relative dick excluded, of course)

 Episode 10: Your mouth is sticking with all the goo | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 47:41

Welcome back Knowitalls. This week the topic is FOOD. We talk about when we shop, what we buy, what we definitely don’t buy and what food staples we keep in our houses. The stories take place from our trips abroad, from local shopping and also from family favorite meals. Have you ever gone on a limited edition, Reese’s Peanut butter cup scavenger hunt? Mr. Clay has. (Wanna hear all about it? Click the play button). If you would like to see some of the unique items found by Mr. Clay on his adventures then check out his instagram page @funkytreats.Stay tuned to get answers to the following questions.How many meals can coffee be a substitute for?Why does Teapot claim that she has a sack?What does ketchup belong on?When dining at McDonald’s, what would constitute a “Manager situation”?Does Teapot miss the meat?Why did Mr. Clay get an erection in the middle of the recording?Was the KFC: Cheetos Chicken sandwich worth a 12 hour drive?

 Episode 9: Yes that is arousing, I do like the nightstick | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 43:44

Episode 9 Brings Mr. Clay and Teapot to the realization that they speed more than they don't. They discuss if luck plays a part in what happens when you get pulled over and Mr. Clay takes a little journey down memory lane to the time he asked a cop to pose with him while flashing gang signs. The discussions all begin with the love for the Autobahn, the importance of playground zones in -50 weather and blowing dudes at stop signs. The adventure reaches its finale when they discuss The difficulties in paying European speeding tickets while not being a resident and how Mr. Clay was close to being caught while performing the duties of a drug mule. The big questions this week relate to how delightful a prison in Amsterdam could be and how fast one of them had to be driving to get a $351.00 speeding ticket.

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