The Money Mindset Podcast

In this episode Dan talks about how couples can start working together as a team to manage their money. Resouces mentioned in this episode: Radical Candor (affiliate link) 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (affiliate link) How to Talk About Money With Your Spouse: The Ultimate Guide About Dan: Dan helps newlyweds get on the same page with money and stop the money fights before they start. Website: adultingwithmoney.com Email: dan@adultingwithmoney.com Social Handles: @adultingwithmoney on FB and IG, @adultingwmoney on Twitter YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/adultingwithmoney?sub_confirmation=1 Full Transript: Hey, this is Ashley with the money mindset podcast and today we are talking with Dan Heinz with adulting, with money.com. He helps newlyweds get on the same page with money and stop the money fights before they start. Welcome Dan. Thank you Ashley. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy for you to be here because you know, couples fighting about money is such a huge factor and just stress in their lives and their family situation. So, you know, I'm so excited to talk to you today about things that people can do to get them on the same page with their spouse. So, so excited about this podcast today. Yeah, and thank you for having me. I mean I, I even had, I was just telling you before we started recording that I had a dentist appointment this morning. Uh, and so I was telling the a dental, a dental, uh, assistant hygienist, um, about what I do and she, Oh, and so she started asking me all these questions and I'm just like, ah, ha, ah ha. You know, just sitting there and like, well, I can't really answer you, but I'd love to. Exactly. And it's so important for people to talk about this. So I love it when people just randomly start asking us questions about, you know, managing their money better. So yeah. But when they have all this stuff in your mouth, it's like, what are you talking to me? Oh yeah. Well, and it's, and I'm so grateful that I come off as so helpful and that people just start asking me questions. Um, you know, I, I really do take that to heart as to say, well, if they didn't like me or trust me enough, they just wouldn't be asking periods and be like, Oh, that's neat. And then they move on, they move on. Just a polite nod and a wing, like, okay, well that's nice. So how's the weather going? So tell us a little, a bit about yourself and how you kind of got started on this journey with helping, uh, newlyweds with their money. Oh, sure. Yeah. So, I mean, long story short, I have an engineering degree and then I got an MBA and I was with Edward Jones as a financial advisor for a couple of years. Um, but I knew that I figured out that wasn't really the past path for me, but really my personal finance journey I guess, um, started when my wife came home one day with these giant bags from target and while she had bought, I think pillows, that's why the bags, the bags were extra big, just gotten married. I was sitting on the couch in the apartment, I can see the front door and I can still see it now. And she walks in and the first thought I had was, what the F did she do? Okay. And, but, you know, being a new husband, I also, my second thought was immediately, I need to never think that again. Okay. So I wasn't, but I wasn't sure how like, okay, now I know what I want, I know why I want it. I want to keep our marriage going for more than six months. Um, and so that, how do I go about doing that? And so that really sent me on my journey to, to try to figure it out. Um, but I realized pretty quickly that a lot of these personal finance books and financial coaches and stuff that you listened to oftentimes are geared towards a single person. Like I'm a big fan of Romy SETI and his book, I will teach you to be rich and grant. Um, I can't, his last name is French. It's not, no a Sabbath's here. Um, but that's not the French way of saying it. But anyway, super nice guy. He has another book called financial freedom. Um, but it's a, you know, it's, it, it takes a little while to get to talk about like, okay, I understand it, but how do I get my spouse on board? How do I get my partner on board? And so like, cause when you want to start budgeting and you bring that B word of with your partner, they just, their, their, their buttholes just clinch up like, Oh, what are we getting into? Right. And so that's where I come in as a coach is to say, okay, I'm going to help you guys. I'm not going to, but you're adults. I'm an adult. I'm not going to tell you exactly what to do cause you, you lead your own lives. But tell me about what's going on. How can I get you to, to a better spot? Um, and so as a coach, I listen a lot and then I tell you what to do, but I let you play with stuff and toy with stuff and you know, um, you know, I'm not trying to assume that you're a square peg and I'm going to pound you into a round hole either. So that's kind of, I guess that was, you know, how I started my journey, but also how I help as well. That's great. So what are you have like first some tips for newlyweds or just people trying to get on the same page as their spouse, even if they're not newlyweds, you know, they could be married forever, but they really want to start or one of them really wants to start getting their money under control. What, how do you help somebody like that? Right. Um, I think the first lesson to learn is that you might be thinking about, Oh, should we have joint accounts or separate accounts? That's usually what a lot of couples like jump to like how should we, uh, organize our finances or our bank accounts? But the problem is, uh, goes back to like goal setting. So the best advice I've ever gotten in my life for anything is that when you want something, you have to first define what you want. Um, and you also have to define why you want it. So like that died, uh, that dental hygienist this morning, um, she was like, Oh, we, I think we should get separate accounts. And I said, well, what is it that you want? And she said, well, I really want to save for retirement. I said, great, why do you want it? She was like, well, I want to retire one day. I said, perfect. And then the third thing after those two is who, who can help me? Because you've never solved this problem before. And it's better to go out and find someone that has solved it and then they can just tell you the how, um, the, the trouble is, and having an engineering degree myself, I do this a lot and I've had to overcome it is I jumped straight to the how, how I know what I want. Uh, but what, how do I go about getting it? So I'm wrapping that back to the, the joint accounts and the separate accounts. That's a great question, but it needs to be like the fourth or fifth question that you're asking. And in a, in the beginning you have to sit down as a couple and talk about what, what is it that we want and why do we want it? So, so that's what I do with all my couples. And that's my first suggestion is just start having conversations about and start talking about, well, what is it that you want and, and, and why do you feel bad about some things that are going on? Or why do you feel good about some things going on? Um, that's really kind of where I start. That's great because you know, you really have to think about yourself as an individual and then put it together as a couple and work towards the same goal. So I love that. That's how you start with it. And yeah, you hit the nail right on the head with the individual part, especially with newlyweds is because as a society we are getting married at an older age, which also means that we've gone through college and, and used our own money, maybe gotten our own debt. Um, you know, had our own job, our own apartment, our own car, our own bank accounts, bank accounts. And then all of a sudden you're trying to combine that with another person who's been very individual with all of their stuff. And so how do you come together as a team, as a family, as, as a couple and, and start to do that together. Um, and so that's also really what I'm helping with when it comes to newlyweds, is to, to bridge that gap from individuality to, okay, now we're a team and specifically a team with money. How do we do that together? That's great because you know, uh, as you were saying that, I was just thinking, you, they, you also have your own money habits, whether they're good or bad. And so you have to work together with your spouse is good or bad money habits as well. So I love that, you know, you uh, work with them to work together like that. Yeah. Yeah. Or develop new habits together is to say, well, let's, you know, maybe there's a not a good or bad bad habit that we have at all, but just let's, we need to start a new habit. Yes. That's a good way to think about it too. Cause you know, especially with newlyweds, it's like a start to kinda recharge and kind of restart your whole money life and habits and everything. So what is something, um, or maybe the most important step to start communicating better with your spouse about money? Like how do you help them communicate better? Yes. So the first thing I do is have them go through basically a goal setting session. But when I say goal setting the, well, let me back up just a tiny bit. There's a great book I've read that's called, um, Oh gosh, it just popped out in my mind it is a book. Um, and in the book there's a this advice that when you're having meetings, sometimes people are coming into a meeting with different expectations. And by expectations, I mean, some people were like, Oh, we're having a brainstorming meeting. And some people were like, Oh, we're here to meet to get something done. And so when you have people that are like, Oh, let's talk about stuff and throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. And some people were like, I got stuff to do. Let's make a decision and move on. That's a huge conflict in that meeting. Um, and so when you, um, so the first thing to do radical candor, that's the name of the book I knew, I think of it as radical candor. So anyway, so when it comes to couples is I have just do a brainstorming meeting. Like, Hey, let's talk about it. There's no decisions that are going to be bad. Let's just talk about it. Um, so I'll have them go off on their own for five minutes and, um, write down as many things as they can think of with money. What is it that they want? What is it that they're afraid of? What do they want to pay for? Um, all everything that they can think of. And if they can, if they can't think of it in that in five minutes, then it's not important today. It might be important to some day down the road, but just today, what is it that you want? And then come together and talk about those lists. Like what is on your list and why is it on your list? Why do you want a big emergency fund? And, and we, you know, we dig into like, well, this is how I grew up. This is how my family handled money, but I really didn't like it or this is how we handled money. And I really liked it. And so you get to know each other on a little bit deeper of a level when it comes to money, but you're tying it specifically to like, okay, how do we each feel about debt in general? How do we each feel about, um, you know, our student loans in general. Do, do either of us want a house? And then after that I have them pick the top five things on their list that they want to deal with individually and then come together as a couple and have a top 10 list. So that means that something's going to be number one and number two, but your top five as an individual will be on the, the top 10 list as a couple. And again, I, you know, I talk about this all in my guide, so everyone listening, um, we'll, we'll give the link later, but the guide has these step by step process that you can do later with your partner as well. Um, and so, but yeah, have them create a top 10 list and say, okay, what's number one? Let's start going after that. How are we going to go about that? That's awesome. I really like that idea because you know, you're really focusing on the individual mindset, why they think what they think about money, and then coming together as a couple. So, and everyone is afraid of being wrong or, um, made fun of or put down, even if it's your partner, you're just like, you know, there's still a little bit of either embarrassment or fear that they're not, they're going to think I'm weird or think differently. And even though you're married or maybe about to be married, um, it's still there. I mean, and maybe it's not money. Maybe it's, you know, sex that you're feeling very uncomfortable about or just talking about kids or something going on in the family. So certainly, certainly it's there and it's normal to feel a little bit of hesitation. So I, the first thing I do is just try to set up this meeting to say, Hey, we're just talking about stuff. We're not gonna make any decisions. We're not here to judge anyone. We're not here to, uh, we're just here to learn and listen to each other. And then we'll go from there. But we gotta we've gotta have that broad conversation first and then we'll get to the, like the how and the what to do next, the strategy. That's great. Do you, um, work with couples like online or do you meet with them in person or both? I've done both. Um, I'm mostly online, so I mean if, uh, if you're listening to this and you download my guide, I've got a YouTube channel that I'm starting up. Um, so if it's something that you want to follow along, I'm trying to make my business completely online. So, so starting out, um, I, you know, I've dealt with individuals and couples. Uh, there was this one woman that, uh, I helped and she was in the Navy and over in South Korea. So we, the time change was a bit tough, but we made it work and we, we were, I was able to help her out and coach her. Um, I've had a couple here in my area. Um, I've had couples in California that I've helped, um, and uh, Ohio and Indiana. Um, and so it's, it's all over Florida. Oh, that's great. Yeah. I love working online and working with people online and we do it by video calls as well. And so, I mean certainly I want you to see me and I'd love to see you guys is that, you know, on the couch together, snuggling or maybe not snuggling, depends on how to say, um, and then help you the best I can. And it's, you know, I really as a coach, I look for those nonverbal cues is when I ask a question and I see how the eye contact is working, uh, or not working, uh, between you as a couple or with me just as a coach looking at the camera. Um, those, it helps me a lot, be a better coach as well. So I love doing video calls. Now you did bring it up earlier. Um, I was, I was wanting to get your thoughts cause I get this question all the time, but what do you think about shared bank accounts? Like is it a hard and fast? Yes. You need or maybe, maybe not. Like, what do you tell people when they ask you if they should or, um, what they should do about bank account? Yes. And that's exactly what the dental hygienist um, asked me this morning and I tell people that it's an important question, but it's a secondary question. Um, I had this post that I put on Reddit in the personal finance subreddit and it made it to the front page of Reddit. And so, yeah, so you know what that is, but for anyone that has no idea what Reddit is, um, it's a website and basically to get to the front page, a lot of people have to like upload it. They have to like it. And I got like something like 400,000 views and 17,000 up votes and uh, like, uh, like 1700 comments on this post. I mean, a lot of people were just arguing back and forth and we were, but whatever, it Rose to the top. And what I learned from reading hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of comments was that there are very happy relationships and marriages where everything is separate, where everything is joint or there's something in between. And the common thread is communication is that if you're not talking about money on a regular basis, and regular could be [inaudible] yearly, it could be monthly, it could be quarterly, it could be weekly if you really need to. But if, if you're talking about money on a regular basis, you have that habit, um, then you're going to be fine. Cause that's where most of the troubles come into is that, you know, I, it's like, Oh I want a separate account so I can just do what I want. But the deeper level to that is that maybe your isn't listening to what you want or, or you're feeling guilty of buying stuff. So you want to hide your money over here and not have to ask for permission. Um, and so the, usually when I hear that, I know immediately that there's kind of a, a deeper level to that. So it is an important question. We should talk about separate and joint and all that stuff, but that it's secondary. It's not the first conversation we're going to have. Yes, I agree 100% because there's so much more to it about, you know, why they want a separate one or don't want a separate one. And it all goes back to their individual mindsets about money, which we've already talked about as well. So it kinda just, it all comes together, but it usually comes out from this question, just like you said, you have to back out, figure out why they're asking in that money, that money mindset that you talked about. I know Ramit Sethi, his, his, he did a second version of his book and he talks about something called money dials, where we all have kind of that one topic or that one thing that we actually really love to spend money on. Um, you know, sometimes it can be closed, sometimes it can be travel, you know, maybe, uh, you know, it could be guns or it could be a hobby. It could be computers, it could be video games. Um, that we're, we love actually enjoy spending money because what we're spending money on is valuable to us. And that's why we have that first conversation is to find out like, what is it that you really value as an individual and then how do we kind of, how do we combine that as, as a couple? Um, for myself personally, I love spending money on, uh, educational things. I love going to workshops and seminars and buying online courses. I am, I just am constantly trying to improve myself, whereas my wife, she just spends all of her money on a heart. Our dog, she just loves our dog. She wants, you know, a nice carpet. And she in Disney world, while I like spending money going to Disney world too, that's where, that's where we as a family, as a couple of, we are 100% together on, Oh good. Yeah. But you need to be to spend that much money on godly, his knee. Oh yeah. Yeah. So, and I know that, um, there's like, Oh, well, you know, I'm a spender or I'm a saver. And I, you know, I, I don't like to put people into those categories. It's, it's more about trying to understand yourself as an individual and the nuances and to say, okay, well, you, you don't, just because you're a saver, quote unquote doesn't mean you're a saver and you're frugal on everything. Um, and just because you spend on one thing doesn't mean you spend on everything. Um, and so it's defined that nuance as a couple and to say, okay, well what, let's, let's dig a little bit deeper into that to figure out how we fit. How are puzzle pieces fit together? I love that. Uh, so I, and I always ask people what their favorite nonfiction book is because, you know, the studies have shown that millionaires, uh, read at least I think it's one book a month. And so I always love to find out people are reading and what their favorite nonfiction book. Sure. Okay. Um, well, gosh, I've already mentioned like five already, but I, so for me, my favorite is the seven habits of highly effective people. Um, and I guess I really pick that because that was the first nonfiction book that made me realize, wow, I don't have to like go to school or a teacher or a particular, you know, you know, the, the system in order to learn something amazing, it can be in a book and I can read it. And so, you know, and this was before that blogging really got started. Um, and so, you know, it was books and magazines for a bit there. Um, before blogging got popular enough, they're like, Oh, well I can follow someone on a blog or a podcast or YouTube to learn stuff. But the, for me, especially being in engineering and being younger person, that one of the habits is seek first to understand then to be understood. And that's basically a motto that I've kept for years to say, okay, rather than being some sort of pretentious person and trying to be a know it all. Is this like, yes, it's good that I know many, many things, but I don't know everything. And when I'm listening to someone, I need to understand exactly where they are and where they're coming from in order to help them next. And so that's, um, you know, I got that habit from that book. Uh, and that's been kinda always on the top of my mind and why it's my favorite, not to say it's the best. I think I got some other favorites that I really like. Uh, but that was the first that really kind of unlocked that door for me. Yes. That's a very good book. I love that quote. That'd be perfect on the, uh, you know, Facebook share it on, but it a graphic. Yeah. Stephen Covey, the seven habits of highly effective people. Now, do you have any last words of wisdom? Um, follow me on YouTube. That's, that's my, my next step. Um, I'd, so I'm starting my YouTube channel today. I'll have a video up by the end of the week and I, my personal goal is to have a video up every week for the next year. So the first 52 episodes or videos or, or whatever you want to call it, but I, I mentioned earlier a guide. And so I've written a, a 20,000 word ultimate guide and it has that brainstorming that, that, um, goal setting exercise that I talked about. So if you go to adulting with money.com/b M E so that stands for budget's made easy adulting with money.com/b M E you can download that for free. Um, and so that's, uh, so that's where you can get that guide. Uh, but then also follow me on YouTube adulting with money. And that's the last piece of stuff I've got, unless you have any more questions. No, that was there. My next question was going to be where to find you. So I think you've got that covered. Everything is that adulting with money, correct. All your social media. Yup. Adulting with money.com on Instagram. It's adulting with money on Twitter. It's adulting w money because adulting with money's too long in my handle. Facebook, it's adulting with money. And then you can search for Dan Heinz as well. Um, and yeah, it's uh, but yeah, definitely YouTube is what I'm going to be focusing on the most over this next year. I can't wait to see it. I try, I started YouTube, like I have like four or five videos up in the night. I just gave up and moved on. And that's okay. I mean, certainly I'd, if you were a client of mine, I would say, Hey, you tried and you, and you found out it wasn't for you. The same thing goes with money. Like, Hey, we need to try some things and try this app, see how it goes. And if you don't like it, we'll try something else. Exactly. So I might get back to it. We'll see. But I'm really loving doing this podcast and getting to talk to people like you. Yeah, no, thank you. And thank you for having me. I really do appreciate it. You're welcome. We will talk to you later. Bye. Alright, bye Ashley.Special Guest: Dan hinz.

Here are my top 10 budgeting tips so you can manage your money better and start living the life you want! Resources mentioned: [The H.O.P.E. Money Roadmap](www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/HOPE) [The 7 Day Pay What You Want Budget Challenge](www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/budget-challenge) Full transcript: Hi, guys. Today, I'm going to be talking about 10 budgeting tips. These work great for beginners. If you have a low income, if you just can't figure out why you're not saving any money month to month, these 10 tips will help you get on track with your budget and start saving money so you can pay off debt and live the life you want. Number one, the number one budgeting tip is be realistic with your income and your expenses. More than likely, you are spending more on certain categories than you even realize. This is true for me and this is true for numerous families that I've helped. This is why the very first thing I have you do when you're starting your budget is track your expenses and where your money has been going for the past month to three months. Because more than likely, you may think that your budget and what you're spending is this amount, but most of the time it's way bigger. For example, before I started really taking a hard look at our budget, I was budgeting like I think on paper like $800 a month for food. This is for a family of four, one being a newborn. She really didn't cost much. When I went through back through our spending, we're actually spending like $1200 on food. I was spending a ton of money at the grocery, a ton of money eating out. We were throwing away all this food anyway. It was just wasteful. Now we spend $600 a month on food, which includes eating out. Number two, revisit your budget at least once a month. It's a set it and forget it type of thing. Things may come up in the month that you didn't think about. Things change. You need to keep an eye on your budget. Otherwise your spending will get out of control and you'll be back to wondering where your money went. Number three, examine your expenses and cut costs. Look at your budget, prioritize your spending, and figure out what you really need and what you really want, and then figure out how to make it work in your budget. If you can't, start cutting things out that you can't afford. Number four, make budgeting fun. It shouldn't be this overwhelming, dreadful thing that you just avoid because you just don't want to deal with it. Make it fun. Have budget meetings. Bring snacks. Play around with the numbers. Just dream about why you're doing what you're doing and what you want to get out of it. Make it fun, which brings me to number five, which is include fun and savings as expenses in your budget. You don't want your budget so tight that you can't even do what you want to do. What's the point in that? If you make it so restrictive, you're not going to stick with it. Okay? You need to include having fun, realistic amount of money here, having fun and then of course, savings as expenses. Pay yourself first and have a little fun. That will it make easier to stay motivated, keep going and reach your goals. Number six, make a new budget for every month. The budget is generally the same month to month, but you still have to examine different things for each month. You've got seasonal expenses. You've got different taxes, vehicle registrations. You've got different things for each month. Your general framework of your budget maybe the same month to month, but you still have to look at each month and see what you need to adjust for that month. Number seven, use savings funds for expenses that aren't monthly. Savings funds are sinking funds. Sometimes when I say that, people don't know what I'm talking about. Sinkings funds are just savings funds for things like Christmas, clothes, gifts, holidays, vehicle maintenance, house maintenance, savings, your general savings account. All those are four things that don't come up month to month. I pay trash quarterly, so I have to save for that. There are certain things that you need to keep in mind that you need to put in your monthly budget that doesn't come up every single month. Number eight, keep it simple. Don't over complicate it. Don't overthink it. Do what works for you. If you're nitpicking what to put, one item, which category to put it in, it doesn't matter. It's your budget. Put it in whatever category that you want. The point is is that you plan for it, you have the money for it and that you need to track it. It doesn't matter. You can put paper towels in your food budget. That's what I do. You can make a housing budget. That's fine too, but don't make it overly complicated. You don't want to have to go through the grocery store line with 10 different transactions so that you can keep track of it. If you want to put everything that you buy at the grocery store under food and groceries, do it. Just adjust it so you have money in your food and grocery budget to cover it. Don't make it overly complicated. Don't overthink it. Keep it simple. Number nine, plan for it to fail. Especially in the beginning, you're going to screw it up. You're going to make mistakes. I still make mistakes. Nobody's perfect. It's going to fail from time to time. That's why you want to have a plan for what you're going to do when that happens. That's what your savings and your emergency fund are for. That's what you need to do mentally is prepare for it to fail, so that you don't give up when it happens because it will happen. Number 10, have a miscellaneous category. This is for all those little things that are just so minuscule that you didn't even think about putting it in the budget, but you don't really want to put it in some other category because it's just minor. This could be things that you have forgotten. It could be just something small. You want to stop and grab something at the grocery, at the convenience. You make a mistake in your budget, this is kind of like your buffer. Most things you can cover with a category, but there maybe something that comes up that you just didn't think about or didn't plan on, or you're not to the point where your savings funds are fully funded, or you may have money for one thing and forgot that there's something else in that category. That's what your miscellaneous category is for. Keep that in mind. Plan for it to fail. Give yourself some slack. Know that it's going to take time to really get the hang of this and feel like you know what you're doing. It can take like three months to make a new habit. Just keep that in mind. Don't give up when it fails and things don't go the way that you planned. You just got to keep going. That's how you make the changes for the long-term that you need to do so that you can get your finances in order, pay off your debt and start living the life that you want. There's no point in just keep going and going and going in a dead end job when you can make some changes, improve what you need to do and live the life that you want stress-free, about money anyways, and keep going. Be sure to subscribe, like, comment, share. Let me know what is your biggest budget category and what you do in your budget so that you don't forget things that just... just always feels like it's something, right? Also, I've got the top 10 budget tips in a handy little printable. I will drop the link for that. Be sure to grab that. It's free. I will talk to you later. Bye.

How Kelly paid off $30,000 in student loans in less than two years and then paid for a wedding in cash! Hear how she went from the spender to the saver in her family and plans to pay off her house 18 years early! Plus her number one tip for managing your money better so you can pay off your debt! Resources mentinoned: [7 Day Pay What You Want Budget Challenge](www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/budget-challenge) The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson (affilaite link) Kelly McColgan runs the YouTube channel and blog Freedom In A Budget where she helps change the stigma that budgets are constricting and controlling but rather give you freedom! Kelly shares her journey and tips on how you can live a great full life once you become in charge of your money through the aid of a budget. Website: https://freedominabudget.com YouTube: Freedom in a Budget Social media @freedominabudget Full Trascript: Today we have a special guest, Kelly who runs the YouTube channel and blog, a freedom and a budget where she helps change the stigma that budgets are constricting and controlling, but rather give you freedom. Kelly shares her journey and tips on how you can live a grateful life once you become in charge of your money. It's through the aid of a budget. So welcome Kelly. Thanks for coming. Thank you for having me. This is awesome. Thanks. I'm so excited to talk to you today. Um, and you know, just getting to know you and talking with you, uh, you know, you're debt free and that's awesome. And I really love talking to people that are debt free and figuring out, you know, how you got there, how you started and things like that. So, um, can you just take a couple of minutes and tell us about yourself and how you started on this journey? Absolutely. I was living paycheck to paycheck, wasn't making my bills, I was making somewhat decent money. Um, but you know, just not making ends meet. And my now husband and I were dating and we wanted to get married and my inlaws said that they didn't want us to get married and so we got our finances in order and it was a hard blow. It was, it was a lot to take in. But through that we ended up finding Dave EMC and finding this community and got really hugged in. And from there I started by youtube channel for accountability and it just kind of snowballs, you know, with the dead snow. But also with just my like financial literacy and just learning so much about personal finance and I became obsessed with it and that's why I started the channel was because for the community but also I needed to talk about it because my husband was just getting sick of all the time and two and a half years later, here we are, you know, we paid off all my loans, we cashflow to wedding, we just bought my dream car, a Jeep Cherokee in cash and we just stay for down payment and bought a house a couple of weeks ago. Just went on an Alaskan cruise a week ago. And so it's been, it's been so fun. That is awesome. So can you tell us how much you paid off and how quickly you did it? The paid off. It was just my student loans. My husband didn't have any debt and it was $33,000. And that was over the course of about a year and a half. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, we did receive, uh, a little bit of an inheritance that helped finish it off. And then the rest of it we just put into investments in this charter to saving for the wedding. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Do you use your degree? No, I know me either. I talk to so many people that have so much student loan debt and then they don't even use their degree. So that's, that's funny. Um, so it took about a year and a half and you said you found Dave Ramsey, so can you kinda tell us kind of how that journey progressed for you? Like, was it really hard to start or did you, are you like me and you just jump all into things? He actually had a bad stigma and like my group of friends, um, that I would hang out with just because he was very intake credit cards and they, you know, didn't really understand like, okay, you don't agree with this one part of him, but the rest of his principles are amazing and you know, they really help people get out of debt and they, you know, really are great for those people that need that starting point and being like, I need to learn how to deal with my money and manage it. And so, um, a lady in our church was moving away and they were actually millionaires and they had taken financial peace university years and years prior, probably 15 years prior. And she gave us a workbook and the DVD. So I just did it myself and that's when I started watching youtube videos and I became obsessed with youtube videos, um, cancelled my cable and just watched youtube videos. Hey, that's awesome. So did you get any negative comments or moments when you wanted to give up negative comments in the community or, yeah, like usually people, like, like you said, it's your friends that didn't want to give up credit cards. You know, sometimes we have friends or family members that don't fully understand what we're doing and so they will make negative comments about trying to pay off debt or not using credit cards. And um, you know, I had somebody tell me, uh, stop acting like you're broke and things like that. It's like, well, I'm trying to act like I'm broke so I can build real well later. You know, it's just a matter of priorities and, uh, deciding where your money is going to go each month. And that's really all it is. It's not a matter of, you know, necessarily acting like you're broke. I'm living within my means and working toward my goals. So, you know, sometimes people just have negative comments about this journey. We have more of it in the budget, no tins. And you know, like, especially I think my husband got it harder than I did just because it was very clear that I was not budging on, you know, my budgeting and you know, from the living. Um, but for him, eating out was really hard and he used to eat out every single meal, like do not cook at home at all. So it was a really big adjustment when we got married and he had to start eating my lunches that I would, he was like, yeah, they're good. But I like going out. I like having the variety of being able to look at a menu and pick anything I want. So that was a, that was a struggle for him a lot. And he's getting better. But yeah, it's a work in progress for sure. My husband is the same way and uh, that was like his time to get out the shop and relax. You know, he stands on his feet all day and he works in a building with no windows and like, he still is still a struggle. Um, but we've definitely cut it down. But you know, I still have to budget and for eating out and you know, it's just kinda like his entertainment I guess. We don't really budget a whole lot for entertainment. Like we plan date nights every now and then, but it's not like a regular budget item. So where that is. So that's kind of his entertainment I guess. So to speak of his, of his, but um, so if you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself about money? Oh goodness. Only spend what you need and don't, I had this thought process and especially in college and you know, when I first started getting more of a real grown up paycheck of if I had $20 in my bank account, that's $23 to spend. And like when I think back, I'm like, Kelly, what were you thinking? Like, no, you need to be saving that. You need to be putting it towards, you know, extra payments on this or whatever. Like not let's go to Marshall's, let's go to target. I have $20 to spend. Okay. Kind of like, I don't know, I was so dumb with money. Like so yeah. So would you consider yourself the spender or the saver? Cause usually in relationships there's one or the other. I used to be vendor and now I am 100% saver. 100% like it drives my husband crazy of how much we have to like he has to reel me in of like spend a little money like we were in Alaska and I was like, I had to do all these Uber's and everything and I was like $50 for new Uber. And he's like, yeah, that's normal. I'm like, are you crazy? I know that. Yeah. But I guess you don't have much of a choice. I mean, so what is your number one tip or piece of advice that you would give somebody that wants to be debt free? Also track your spending a hundred percent track everything in a budget and so many people got just so overwhelming to them. But if you spend 10 minutes every other day tracking your spending, it really doesn't take long. Now if you wait until the end of the month, it may take you an hour to go through all your bank accounts or receipts or everything like that. But if you're in it every couple of days, that's really going to be a big game changer. And also you can see where you're at half weeks a month, like are you overspending in a category and then you can kind of reign it in. Whereas if you wait till the end of the month and it's like, oh well I overspending groceries, $400 I guess. Oh, well, okay. Yeah, absolutely. So definitely tracking that was the big thing for us. Like whenever I started this journey as well, we were spending so much money on food and eating it. Um, was there any categories that surprised you whenever you started tracking your expenses? Eating out? Yeah, it seems to me like for most people, every now and then I'll get an email where it's something different. But I'd say like 95% of the time it's food between eating out and groceries and restaurants and all that kind of thing. Um, so you said you just bought a house and paid for a jeep in cab. So tell us about that. Like how long did that take you to save up that much money? Um, it took us maybe a year. Yeah, just about a year cause we started saving right after the wedding, um, to buy the jeep and then after the jeep, then we started saving for the down payment. And that took maybe, um, eight months probably around there. Did you do like what Dave recommends at 20%? We did it just because we live in south Florida and for us to do 20% down and closing costs and then have a few thousand dollars for like repairs and stuff, we would've needed a a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah, that's a lot. Hey, some is better than none. I mean really like it doesn't, you know, even if he can't, like I'm sure people in California that would be insane to try and save up 20%. But you know. So what are your current financial goals? We are trying to put, um, a thousand extra dollars a month towards the principal of the house. And I did the calculations for that. If we do that, we're able to pay off the house 18 years early, $130,000 worth of interest. Wow. Blows my mind. I wonder, you don't want to pay for Uber. So we're doing that and then beefing up our investments, which is really fun too. And I'm learning a lot about stocks and dividends and everything. It's a whole new world for me and a little overwhelming at times, but it's really, it's really fun and exciting. Yeah, that can be confusing for people. So what would be like if somebody came to you and they really need help, um, you know, with their budget or reigning in their spending, is there anything that you would recommend them doing? Like writing it down or using an app? Like what do you like to use for tracking your expenses in your budget and things like that? I use excel. I'm an excel nerd. I've used all the different apps and try them out and everything and they just, they were okay. But I just, I dunno, I love excel. I use them all for my work and everyone makes fun of me for how much I use spreadsheets. Um, so I think that's the best way. I, I love how it's customizable. You can transfer, promotes the other. It's very easy. Um, and I do have templates on my Etsy shop as well as my budget templates. Oh, awesome. Yeah. I love using spreadsheets cause you can play around with the numbers. So I like, especially when I was paying off debt, it was like, okay, well if I can find an extra $200, how will it change everything that I love about, cause it's easy to play with the numbers. Um, so what do you, do you have any tips for somebody that is just starting to try and cut back expenses and live frugally? Um, what are some of the things that you do to kind of cut back expenses and save money? Just doing a little out of time. So many people like when they, you know, want to cut back their grocery budget, they try and go so drastic and they try to cut hundreds of dollars a month. Like that's not realistic. You know, especially if you have a big family and everything, it's, it's going to take time. So cut $25 a week. Once you get used to that, did that for a couple weeks, then cut no $25 to now your $50 from where you originally were. They cut a little bit more and get used to it and then you can slowly over time get to where you want to be. Um, same with eating out or pocket money or whatever it may be. Just make those small changes. And then also for ward yourself, if you're making a, you know, if you're hitting a milestone or you know, every $5,000 worth of debt that you pay off, um, go and do something or have a, something to look forward to. It doesn't have to be a lot, but just those little rewards along the way, they're really going to keep you motivated. Yeah. That's awesome. So did you use the debt snowball then? Can you kind of tell us about that and explain kind of how you did it? I didn't have too many debts, just a, just a couple of student loans. Um, but just, you know, putting them in order of smallest arches, regardless of interest rate, and then paying the minimums of one and then once that one is paid off, then go onto the next one. Um, and honestly, I, I'm not 100% on the snowball. If people want to use the debt avalanche, I think that the a hundred percent. Okay. As long as you're just sticking to one. I see so many people that jump around from one to the other. It's not working, not motivated. Find one that works for you and stick to it and just, you know, when you're not motivated, just keep on plugging along and it'll pass. We'll get motivated again. It just, just keep on going. Yes, exactly. That's what I try and tell people too, is like, just make progress. As long as you're heading in the right direction, you'll get there. Just something heading to where you want to be. Um, and I always like to ask people what their favorite nonfiction book is. Do you have anything that you're reading currently? Um, oh gosh, I'm reading a lot. I just moved to, my commute is two hours a day now for work, so I'm doing a lot of audio books. Um, but I think my all time favorite is the slight edge by Jeff Olson. And it just talks about those little changes that you make every day or every month or whatever they may be when you make it one time, it just make a difference. But over the course of a month, a year, whatever it may be, it's a huge impact. And those changes can be positive or negative, but they really add up over time. Oh, that's a great, I haven't heard of that one. I'll have to look for it added to my list. And where can people find you? Oh goodness. I am all over the place. I mainly on a youtube freedom minute budget. I just started a blog about a year ago, reading minute budget.com on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. All of the above. Oh, that's great. And do you have any last pieces of wisdom, words of advice? Just get plugged in. Find people that are doing the same thing that you're doing, whether it's, you know, in your real life, and if not, then find community on mine. There's so many Facebook groups. There's, you know, Youtube. Um, there's so many different ways that you can get plugged in and encouraged, especially when you're feeling down. Absolutely. Well, thanks for coming on and talking with us today. I appreciate it. Thank you so much for having me. This was a blast. Thanks.Special Guest: Kelly McColgan.

In this episode we discuss how your money mindset is formed whether it's directly or indirectly and how you can change it to improve how you handle money. We even discuss getting on the same as your spouse by evaluating your own mindsets sepereately. Resources mentioned in this episode: [7 Day Budget Challenge](www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/budget-challenge/) Millionaire Next Door Mind Over Money Start with Why About Derek: Derek Hagen Financial Health Advisor and Financial Behavior Coach Bio: Derek Hagen is the founder of Money Health Solutions, a financial therapy and consulting firm that helps clients develop a healthy relationship with money and align their money and their values. Newsletter Signup: www.MoneyHealth.blog/join Money Health (Blog): www.MoneyHealth.blog Money Health Solutions (Advice): www.MoneyHealthSolutions.com Instagram: www.Instagram.com/MoneyPsychology Facebook: www.Facebook.com/MoneyHealthSolutionsLLC Full Transcript: Before we jump right in, can you just kinda tell us a little bit about yourself? Okay. Yeah. So Derek Hagan, I live in suburban Minneapolis and I work, as you mentioned, many health solutions working virtually with people around the country and in Canada actually to help them achieve a stronger relationship with money. I come from a world of high minimum investment advisors and I never really felt comfortable. They're really, because I come from premium, modest, a background, borderline poverty, poverty, and it w it was a different aspect trying to help people whose biggest challenge in life is to make sure their grandparents get the most money from their state. And I grew up in a world where my friends and my family members were now figuring out how to get their money to their grandkids, how to get their money to their landlord by the end of the month. So I wanted to try and figure out a solution where I can help the other 99% I know you know people who don't pay above $5 million to start investing. And so that's kind of where the Genesis of money house solutions came from. Bringing advice to people who are struggling with how to think about money and their relationship with money. So with that, I really love what you're doing with your podcast too because I think we're pretty much aligned in there. Yeah, I, I was pretty excited when I was reading your bio and I was like, yes, I've got to get you on the podcast because this is exactly what, um, I'm trying to do and trying to get people to think about is, you know, their mindsets and all that. And you know, we had it very similar upbringing. You know, my family is not, uh, was not well off, is still isn't, you know, we're working class and so, um, I really loved that. That's kind of what moved you towards your mission. So kind of can you kind of lay out for me how you help your clients, um, kind of where do you start with their mindset and getting them to kind of make those changes so that they can make better decisions about their money and create better habits with their money? Yeah, that's a great question. And then I think, and you might know this as well, it kind of starts with understanding that you have a mindset about money or money mindset. Most people don't even, they don't know that they think money is this thing and you've probably never talked about it because we're not allowed to talk about it. And in the United States, and if you do, there's a lot of funny emotions that get sprung up when people start talking about money. So just starting to get people to understand you have a money mindset. So kinda, I run my life around this 80 20 rule. So if we can get awareness, if we can get people more aware that you have a relationship with money or that you have a money mindset that's going to get you above and beyond what most people, most of your friends are doing, because you're now starting to tackle how you think about money. And that's, it's not easy, but it's, it's step one in it. It gives you most of the way there. So I kind of start with, let's look at our past. You know, what did you learn from your mom about money? What did you learn from your dad about money? What did you learn from it? Your, the interaction of how your family talked about money. And usually when I ask people that and your listeners might be thinking as well, I didn't learn any lessons. You know, cause there's a difference between direct lessons. Here's how check Texas work, here's how your checkbook works, here's how your paycheck's gonna work. Like there's so few direct lessons. So what we do is we get these lessons indirectly. I watched my mom and dad fight about this, therefore I learned this lesson. You know, I watched whatever it is I watched the lights get shut off. And so I learned about this and I watched my friend buy these fancy clothes. So I learned this. So we have an enormous amount of surveys about money that, uh, that are, that actually contribute to what we learn about money, even though most people don't think they learned anything. So it's, it's about starting to unpack some of these memories that we have about money. [inaudible] and how do you think just in general that there that all of us really all of our mindsets about money, whether we realize it or not, like effects how we spend our money? Yeah, great question. There's an idea called money script. In a script you can think about it either as like a play or a movie where it's dialogue and you have to read from the script or if you're more tech savvy. A script is kind of like a automated set of rules that a computer follows, but in both cases the script just runs automatically and you don't really have any say so. So money script or these little rules that we've created in the deep, in our minds, we don't know that we're following them without some awareness or some exercises to figure them out. They're mostly built throughout childhood from these lessons, these indirect and direct lessons that we learned. And they're also built from something called financial flashpoints, which is of like the money version of trauma. And it doesn't even need to be a big event that one time where you got embarrassed or picked on at school for wearing the wrong clothes or that one time you saw your mom slapped your brother for talking about money. These are all true stories that I've seen. These are highly emotional events that happen to us and they all feed these money scripts. And so the money script could be anything and you've heard them, you've heard it. We don't talk about money in this family. You bird, you shouldn't buy anything unless it's the best or your self worth equals your net worth. And there could be competing ones, you know, more money would make my life better is an exact opposite of rich. People must have gotten that way by taking advantage of people. So whatever it is, whatever the rule is for you, they generally fall into four categories. One is the category has the label of money avoidance. So these are kind of people who [inaudible] to have a negative view of what wealth does to people. Money corrupts or rich people are greedy, or, uh, there's virtue in living with less things like that. And a second one would be, uh, money worship. So this is the idea that more money is going to make me happy. I had a little bit more money, my life would be better. It's easy to have these scripts, but when you look at the research, people with 50,000, think 100,000 income would make them happy. People at a hundred, it could be two 50 people at two 50 think it's going to be a million. So it's just this treadmill that people are after trying to figure out how money's gonna make them happy. [inaudible] it's never enough. It's like, it's like the money's dangling in front of you and you're chasing it. You're never going to catch it. Right, right. And then there's that, Oh, sorry. I'll just finish off that last two of those money status, which is chasing money for status purposes. So were money, worship was chasing money for your own internal reasons. Money status is equating money with success. And then the fourth one is money vigilance. This is probably the better quote unquote of the four because this is, you should always save for a rainy day. You shouldn't talk about money, but taken to an extreme, you turn into Ebeneezer Scrooge where you have an emotional attachment to money and saving and you've not able to use it to, you know, enrich your life. [inaudible] and that just reminded me, um, I was watching some news program the other day and it was a round table discussion and they brought up, uh, what success means to them. And so everybody was telling, uh, you know, what being successful means. And so that really plays into your mindset as well. And one of them, uh, mentioned that they thought it was how much money you make, that is what being successful is. And so we each kind of have our own idea and perception of even just what successful is. Um, you know, and just like you said, some of it is um, status and how much you make and then you know, others it's, you know, giving to others and you know, maybe the type of job you have, not necessarily how much money you make and things like that. So really, I mean even just stuff like that, when it comes to success and money, it all goes back to that those money scripts like you talked about, absolutely 100%. And that's part of what people like you and I are trying to contribute to the world is the idea that you have your own values and you have your own definition of success. So please spend some time and figure out what that means to you because if you don't, it's way too easy to be swayed. Now, this used to be just your neighborhood. This is where the Joneses came from. My neighbor bought a new car. I think I need a new car now with social media and everybody's just broadcasting the best parts of their life. Way too easy to think that without a solid foundation of our own values, we let the social media tell us your friends or followers of people that we're looking at. We let them dictate how we should define success. And it does it need not be that way. If you just kind of focus through the lens of what's important to you, it becomes a lot easier to kind of ignore that. You can be happy for people. Look, I'm happy that you bought that new car. I don't value cards, for example. Right. Instead of feeling that guilt or that shame that I don't have that car, it makes it easier to kind of flow through life and be happy for people, for having their values, but recognize what yours are. Absolutely. Um, and so how do people go about once they recognize, okay, this is what I'm thinking and it may or may not be accurate, um, but this is how I view money. How do they go about kind of changing that mindset so that they can, you know, plan for the future and make better habits? That's a, that's a great question. So most of the time just having this awareness as part of that 80 20 rule, just having awareness of where these beliefs and behaviors came from. Even if you're not fully accurate, you think this might be where it came from. That's often enough to start to challenge your beliefs cause most people don't know why do I go shopping when I'm stressed out digging and find out that, Oh well let's, because I was deprived. For example, I'm, this was never a one on one relationship, but for somebody who stress shops, it could be that maybe they felt deprived when they were a child or that could be a thousand other rules, but whatever that is, once that switch is in your brain, it becomes a little bit easier to say, Oh, that's why I do that. I guess I don't need to or let me figure out a different way that I can satisfy that my needs when I'm feeling this way are like that awareness isn't enough, but usually it is. Then you can start to challenge those beliefs and to challenge those beliefs. There's a couple of ways to do it. My favorite is to try to think of a counter example. So whatever belief that you have that's limiting. Can you think of a counter example? So for example, if you remember math class and they start to do proofs and things like this, you can't prove every iteration of an equation. But if you can find one instance where it doesn't work, now you've just proven that rule. It only takes one. So it's kind of the same thing with our beliefs. If I think rich people are greedy, for example, which is kind of a common one, can I think of an example where that's not the case? And the closer to your inner circle, the better. Maybe you've got the rich uncle or maybe you've got your boss or something. Somebody who is, yeah, they're actually a good person and I think they have money. So you can start to [inaudible] start to peel back the layers of that onion of maybe, maybe I've been wrong, maybe I've only been seeing part of that equation. And so you can zoom out and see a bigger picture. It challenges your beliefs. And when you challenged those beliefs, it now opens you up to create your craft new beliefs for yourself. Oh, that is really good example. That just reminded me of the book, the millionaire next door. I'm sure you've heard of it. And it's, you know, people have this idea that millionaires make $1 million a year or they live like, you know, the celebrities that we see all over TV, but in reality, they're not like that at all. Like they make average income, you know, they don't buy new cars. They were like $20 jeans. Uh, you know, they just spend their money wisely and invest their money. So that really goes back to that belief of, you know, well, I'm never going to be a millionaire, so why even bother like investing or anything like that. But in reality you can be. And so that's kind of one of those money mindsets that you can start to shift. And it's, it's a pretty good book. I mean, it has all the statistics and all that stuff about, they studied a bunch of millionaires. Um, and I think there's some other books similar to that, but that's kind of the most part. Yeah. And that's when I, I've recommended that one a lot to my clients. It's a, it's fascinating because again, it can become common knowledge for people like you and me in the industry to, to understand this, but sometimes it's easy to forget that the masses, normal people walking around who don't talk about money, they don't know that. So it's like if you, if I give you $1 million and you spend a dollar, you don't have $1 million anymore, so you can't be a millionaire by spending all your money. Oh, that's good. I never thought of that. We have $1 million. You spend a dollar, you're not wondering where I'm going to have to use that one. That's really good. So it's a really cheap example of what it means to not spend. Yes. That's a really good example. So, and I get this question a lot. And so, um, you know, on those podcasts I've talked about, um, kinda help for married couples and getting on the same page and, um, getting like working on your mindsets individually so that you can work in together because obviously you each have your own ways of thinking about money and, but you need to come together so that you can reach your common goal. So do you have any tips and advice for couples that are just really struggling to get on the same page financially? Yeah, so I'll try to give you the biggest bang for the buck, um, because this is the kind of topic that can take weeks to really, really grasp. But, um, the two biggest pieces that will get you the most way there is first understand that we've all got these basic needs and all of our behaviors are just desperate attempts to try and meet these needs. So you've got, and some of those are opposites too, right? We all have a need for autonomy. We need to make our own decisions. We also have a need for connection. So those are kind of different. So the funny example is, do you know anybody who's kind of felt lonely? So they text people on their phone, Hey, let's go hang out. And then you hang up and you think, Oh man, I really want to be alone. Yeah. Yeah. Because those are two competing needs that you have. So we've all got needs and values and the way that we approach shows isn't always productive. So here's a simple solution. If your spouse, and we'll keep this about money, if your spouse comes in home and says, okay, Hey, we need to just got back from the dentist for example, and junior needs braces. Oh, we can't afford bracelets, easy boat. There's a fight. Are you open up the American express bill all of a sudden? Oh, there's like [inaudible] well, yeah. What is more likely? Is it more likely that your spouse is trying to attack you? Or is it more likely that there's a need that's not being met? So if you just take a step back and ask yourself that question, [inaudible] almost almost never the case that they're trying to attack you. There's always some reason that there acting the way that they do it. Same with you. Everybody has these strategies that we use to meet our needs and our values. So take a step back. Are you trying to harm me or is there something deeper? Now let's talk about what steeper, and this is not making it sound super simple, okay? Because you're going to be emotionally flooded as well. As soon as people, as soon as we hear something that sounds like criticism, it's very common for us to go into defense mode and defense mode sometimes mean a, a counter attack and that's what, and then boom, now you're in a fight. So it does take some time to actually take a step back, cool I and say, okay, well what's happening here? Tell me more about that. Right? Let's get a conversation going about what actually is on your mind. Because when you said that I spent too much money, that was an attack that I don't need to respond to because there's something below the surface that we need to figure out what it is. So that's tip number one is just trying to figure out or it's trying to take a step back and try to get some space between stimulus and your response. Because if you re if you respond too quickly, it's not likely to go super well. Yeah, yeah, that's important. Especially, I mean not even just for money, but yeah, take a step back and cool off. Yup. That's a, that's a huge, that's going to be the biggest bang for the buck. And then the second tip in terms of you know, goals and, and what do you want it to life as a family, as a couple and as individuals. This is a neat little exercise. So write down, maybe each of you would write down five or 10 financial goals that you want. So things that you want to spend your money on in the, you can do short term, medium, or long term. But let's just keep it general. Let's write down five financial goals. Each of you. And when you come together and you talk about what were your five, what were my five, maybe there'll be some commonalities and those will for sure going into the couples goal list and then you can start to figure out as you're talking, maybe there are some goals that you didn't think about when you were writing it down. Those can go on the couples of goal list and then ones that personally has this person been, doesn't have, and vice versa. You can start to think about is there ways that you can accomplish that goal and I can accomplish my goals. Or maybe there's some, you know, some trade offs and we need to make to make something happened. Can we tweak these goals? But starting off with individual goals that you want to do, each of you want to do, and then coming together and having a civil conversation about what does that mean for the, for the partnership. And I'm further, we would ask people, when you see that list of goals, this is gotta be at no shame, no blame conversation. It's too easy to look at that and say, we're not. No, we're not going to pay for all four years of college. You are young that's going into that attack mode again. So let's start and say, okay, well tell me why that's important to you. And you can start to peel back and get to the core of, Oh actually I thought it would be nice to pay for all of doing your college, but I can see your point now that maybe we can only pay for two years or something like that. So avoiding the temptation to judge is, is really hard, but it's going to be very productive if you can get yourself to do that. Absolutely. Um, and the last general question I have, I always ask everybody what their favorite nonfiction book is because reading is so important. Um, even for your money and just your personal wellbeing and everything. So what is a nonfiction book that you would recommend? And I have to pick one. Well, it give me more than one. It doesn't even have to be money-related. It can just be any nonfiction book. Great. So, um, well so millionaire next door, let's just throw that one on the table already. And then there's a book called mind over money by Brad Klontz and 10 clients, which really tackles the psychology of money. So I'd recommend that one for sure. And then in terms of a non-money related book, start with why by assignments. Sinek is absolutely amazing cause that gets you thinking about how we've all got a reason that we do everything and that often goes unexplored too. So start with why Simon Sinek, mind over money. Brad intent clients. Awesome. I'll have to check those out. I'll add them to the list and then I always link to them in the show notes as well. Oh, so do you have any last words? It's done. Any last pieces of advice? Uh, last pieces of advice is going to sound like a broken record. But take a step back when you're talking about money and try to call yourself down before responding. Put a little space in between your response and the stimulus and ask yourself why. Even if you have to ask yourself why a couple of times that'll make your money conversations start to go in the right direction. Absolutely. I mean, and that even works not even um, you know, with couples but also with yourself. You know, if you really wanting like this designer purse, you know, don't buy it right away. Just kind of step back, think about it for a little bit, think about why you want it and then I'll really help you make the decision whether or not you can't afford it or if you really should buy it or something like that. Is that kind of what you're yeah, that's for sure. And if you, if you go through the exercise to figure out why money is important to you, what are your values, your core personal values, then you can view all your purchases through that. And then that space between stimulus and responses to ask yourself, is this something I value? How will I feel tomorrow if I buy this? Do I even have room for it? So then, then if it's Amazon, if you're doing stuff online, for example, throw it in the cart or throw it in the list. [inaudible] come back to it in three days and see if you still want it because that'll, it gets rid of that. I want it now. Yeah. We all get. And then when you come back and you say, I'm never gonna read that book. Delete. Yeah, exactly. I do that from time to time. Or then if I just like, I'm like, Oh, I need to buy this. And so I jump on and I order it and then two days later a package shows up and I'm like, I don't even like, what did I order? I don't even remember. Wait, wait, what's coming today? What is this? Oh yeah, I forgot about that. It seemed like very important at the time. Yeah, exactly. Um, and where can people find you? So I know you have, um, a lot of resources on your blog and, um, so you want to give people your website and social media where they can find you. Yeah. The best places to find me are. So I write about the psychology of money@moneyhealth.blog and there are use kind of personal stories and I'm just kind of quick sketches to try to get past to the complexity and really get to the heart of, of the matter and try to help people conquer their relationship with money. So that's the blog and then I offer advice over@moneyhealthsolutionsdotcomsomanyhealthdotblogistheblogwhenelsesolutions.com is the advice side of the business and you can see links to the different social media outlets on there, but those are the two main places people can find me. Awesome. And I will link to those in the show notes as well of course. And be sure to go check out his amazing resources. I was checking him out this morning. He's got a lot of good free resources for you as well. So thanks so much Derek, for coming and talking with us today. Special Guest: Derek Hagan.

How Kim paid off $45,000 in student loans in 3 years by negotiating her salary and being intentional with her money. About Kimberly: Kimberly Hamilton is the Founder of Beworth Finance. After earning her Master's degree in 2012, Kimberly moved to Washington, DC making $15/hour, with over $40,000 in student debt. It was a crash course in learning how to manage her money. Over the next few years, she would develop a system of managing her finances that not only enabled her to pay off her student, but also to buy her first home before her 30th birthday. In doing so, she noticed a lack of easily understood information regarding not only personal finance management, but also first-time home ownership, investing, and saving for retirement. Beworth Finance was established to address that gap. When not running Beworth, Kimberly still works at that same consulting firm, which now pays entry-level staff a higher starting pay. She is a travel junkie, wannabe foodie and personal finance nerd. Website: www.beworthfinance.com Social Handles: @beworthfinance Resources mentioned in this episode: [The Budgets Made Easy Membership Community](www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/membership) [7 Day Pay What You Want Budget Challenge](www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/budget-challenge) Beworth Finance Finlit 3 Myths Busted to Help Milliennials Invest for Retirement Books mentioned: Financial Freedom: A Proven Path to All the Money You Will Ever Need by Grant Sabatier (affiliate link) Full transcipt: This is Ashley Patrick with the money mindset podcast and budget's made easy. And today we're talking to Kimberly Hamilton, who's the founder of be worth finance. She a travel junkie, want to be footie and personal finance nerd. She teaches courses on how to be better with your finances and she makes personal finance more approachable for the average moneymaker. Welcome Kimberly, how are you? Hi Ashley, I'm great. Thanks so much for having me today. Oh, you're welcome. I'm so excited to talk to you today because you've got a pretty cool story, you know, on this podcast and on my website. I love sharing debt, pay off stories. Like for me it's super motivational. I, when I was paying off debt, I would read them and listen to them every single day to help keep me motivated. So that's kind of been my mission is sharing other debt payoff stories. Uh, so yes. So I just really love it. Um, so can you tell us a little bit about yourself and just kind of like your background and how you got started on, um, teaching finance and paying off your own debt? Sure. And I'm happy to do that. You know, I think it's really interesting that you share these stories as motivation because I think so often it's the case that so many people have all different types of debt now. People have gotten so used to just dealing with it as opposed to talking about how people navigate conquering their debt and strategies to do that. So, so props to you. Um, for me, and my issue was, was student debt. So I've never had, um, medical debt or credit card debt like that. But you know, I'm, I'm a proud new Yorker. I moved to Washington D C to work for a government contractor in 2012 and for me, I, when I started I was making less money than the student debt I came out of grad school with. And I think that could just be really debilitating for a lot of them to have sort of a lower starting salary knowing you have all this student debt that's kicking in and, and no one was really talking about it. And to be honest, for the first six months I didn't really know what I was doing. I wasn't looped into, you know, these motivational stories of other people and how they tackled it. So for those first six months, I was making the minimum payments because that's what I thought I needed to do. And I think a lot of people, um, you know, so many more people are moving away from their hometowns and making more money and things like that now. And it's easy to think that those people have it figured out when I think a lot of people struggle with how to pay off their student debt. Um, so I was one of those people and about six months in I decided to get educated about money and really started learning about fit things that seem simple now, but you don't know what you don't know. Right? So at the time I didn't know that I should be making extra payments. I didn't understand the money that I could have been saving and an interest if I paid my student debt down sooner. But after six months I figured that out and that's sort of when I decided to double and triple down on my payments. Um, I worked side jobs when I could. I sold things on Craigslist. I negotiated my salary year after year to try and make bigger and bigger payments towards that. So, so that's the short story, um, of how I got started. That's awesome meat. It's great that you figured that out so young and early in your career because like for me, I paid on my student loans for 10 years and I had only paid off $3,000 and 10 years taking the minimum pay. Like it's insane to me. And so I just love it when people figure it out early and don't waste all that time, you know, building real well. So how much debt did you, and how quickly did you pay it off? I had, I'm a little over 45,000 and I ended up paying it off in a little over three years. That's awesome. And so tell us, um, and that was all student loan debt, right? Nothing else. All student loan debt. I was lucky enough to, I didn't have any student debt from my undergrad, which was amazing. But for me it was the decision to go to grad school that put me into debt. And I think with student debt in particular, it can be really tough because you think you're making the right decision and you think you're investing in your education and you're going to come out on the other end of it and make a higher paying job. And that doesn't happen for everybody. Um, so it could be a little bit of a rude awakening when you know you're working so hard to get yourself ahead and then all of a sudden you're faced with how do I know, navigate those and money can be such a taboo topic that I think not enough people are talking about it or talking about strategies of what they can do to get ahead. Um, so I was, I can't even say that, you know, I, I heard a podcast or I came across the information on my own. I think I just had so much anxiety about my debt that it forced me to really take a hard look at it. And that's when I started learning some of the tips and tricks you can do there to get ahead. So what do you think? Did you have like an aha moment or was it just kind of just stress dude, just building up about the student loans? I, I think the stress was always there. I did have an aha moment though. I mean, they have so many calculators. Anyone can, you know, Google, um, uh, uh, calculator on what an extra payment would do. And for me, I think it was the day that I used one of those and I found out that if I had taken 10 years to pay off my loans, um, I would have paid an extra 22,000 and interest [inaudible] the price. Yeah, my loan. And I was just like, this is ridiculous. Like, right, yeah, we do the calculator. You're like, no, no, no. Um, and finding that out and thinking, wow, what could I do if I did have an extra $20,000? And you know, for five years when I moved to DC, I think paying off debt does, you have to take a hard look at what you have. And if you don't, um, if you're not making enough income to make those extra payments, you're probably going to have to make some sacrifices. And for me, I had three roommates in DC for quite a few years, but that really helped me. Housing could be such a big cost in someone's budget and that really helped me pay off my debt quicker. And then I having that extra $20,000, you know, I've, I bought my first apartment in D C two years ago. And so I think it was, that was my moment thinking, Oh my gosh, what could I do with an extra $20,000 if I could pay this off a bit more quickly? Um, and at first I was only thinking of cutting off a few years, but once you sort of get started and making some of those changes to your lifestyle and getting more disciplined, I do think it gets easier. Yeah. Yeah. That's so true. It's like, how much faster can I do it? Okay, I've made this much progress. Now what else can I do? And it just like built so much momentum that makes you want to do it faster and faster. Exactly. And I think luckily those habits stick with you after you pay off your debt as well. Or at least I hope they do. You know, that's sort of my number one advice to people is don't let that, that discipline and that drive stop the second you're debt free. You know how you can use that to start building wealth and, and you know, even if you're the first one out of your friends or family to make some of those decisions, don't be scared of letting that discipline, um, dive with, with your debt. Absolutely. Cause I know with me and that I've heard it the same from other people. Like when I was paying off my debt, I was so intense about it. It was almost easier than saving money. Cause then once we were debt free, you know, I bought some things that we had been holding out on so that we could pay off the debt faster. You know, if it could wait a month or two, it waited. But then it was like once we got to the saving money part, it was like something was constantly coming up. And luckily, I mean we didn't go back into debt or anything like that and have no plans to do that at this point. You know, we have enough money saved up that, you know, we shouldn't have to for anything at this point. But sometimes it's hard like when you have the debt, you know, it's like you owe somebody else and it's motivating to keep going. But then when you're just saving for yourself, it's like it's so easy to slow down. And I think that it's great that you kind of focus on, no, just keep going and building those. Right. I mean, I do think you'd have to build in, you know, the thing, obviously you build in the things that are really important to you and I think you have to build in some of the fun stuff too. Otherwise you're never going to develop that discipline to begin with, cause upset. So for me that thing was, was travel. Right. You know, I mentioned I'm a travel junkie and it's something I have always considered distantly done no matter where I've been at in my finances. But they have changed what used to be, you know, when I was paying off my debt, what used to be a weekend trip or you know, time going to New York to visit my family. Now I could take, I got back from France in may and that was a little bit more expensive than a trip to visit family in New York. And so I do think you can change some of those things, but from the get go, keeping what's important, um, and some of the fun stuff in your budget I think is an important to you just may have to think about how you change how you do it. Yeah, exactly. Do you have any, um, actionable tips, like specific things that you did to pay off the money that somebody else can do? Specific things that I did. I mean, I think I mentioned it earlier, but taking a look at what you're really large expenses are. For most people, that's housing, transportation and food. Really analyzing those in your budget and where you may able to be able to cut back. Or is it worth living? You know, an extra 20 minutes, it could mute if it's going to save you, if it's gonna enable you to pay an extra few hundred dollars every month on your debt. And the impact of that can be thousands and tens of thousands of dollars over time. So I encourage people to think about that. I do, I understand that sometimes people just aren't making enough money to make those extra payments. So I encourage courage people to look into all the different various ways you might be able to generate extra income now. Um, whether that's, you know, having a side hustle or Airbnb being your place or what have you, just to generate that extra income. I'm building in the small wins like I said earlier. And then something interesting I did, I'm not sure if they do it anymore, but I would actually use, um, I was with Citibank at the time and, and I don't recommend any specific bank, but I was actually able to use my credit card points to make extra payments on my student loans. Oh cool. I think not a lot of people look into, so I encourage you to check it out cause that was actually really helpful. Even if it's just, you know, a lot of people think to get ahead of their debt, they need hundreds and hundreds of dollars. And um, I think it's important to appreciate even what like a $50 extra payment can do. And I think that's total totally doable to find over the course of a month. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I, one thing that I did with paying off my student loans was I figured out how much interest I was paying every single day and it was almost $5 a day. So even if you just, if you only have $50 that month or $100 a month, that's still lowering how much interest you're paying every single day on those student loans. And it adds up in course of a year and over time. So I think that's great. And I love that you had, what'd you say, three roommates? That's, that's insane. Like did everybody get along? For the most part, at least for the most part, we actually did. You know, I think in big cities, having more, having a roommate or having multiple roommates may be more common than living in rural areas. We had a, we had a crazier too along the way, but for the most part it worked out and I'm happy I did it because I wouldn't have been able to pay off after I paid off my loans. I stood an extra year and I wouldn't have been able to afford the down payment on my apartment had I not done that. That's awesome. So I always like to ask people, um, and you did say that your, um, undergraduate was, you didn't have any student loans, so this was all your master's, so, um, do you use your degree then? Yes, I do. Um, my nine to five when I'm not running Beechworth, which I call my six to 10, my nine to five, it's an international development. Uh, I work for a company that does government contracting and foreign aid and my masters degree was in international affairs. So, uh, yes I do. I do use it. I don't think I'm happy to see that they are starting to bring in some [inaudible] more trade schools and vocational schools and things like that. I think some of the decisions that people feel like they have to do, like I have to buy a house or I have to get, um, the, you know, the advanced degree or whatever. I think those are very personal decisions. Um, so I encourage everyone to think about them carefully. But yes, I do use mine. That's awesome. Cause a lot of people, including myself, don't use their degree. Like I never technically needed a degree for what I did and what I do now. My degree is not in finance or anything like that. Um, but I have thought about getting my master's ums or in business or finance or something. But yeah, I said, there you go. It's absolutely, yeah. So it's so, I mean it's just crazy to me. I mean, and I was the same way that, you know, we spend so much money on this degree thinking we need it when in reality a lot of people don't. I mean obviously some people do. Um, but yeah, so I was, I always like to ask that question. So do you have, so if you don't mind me asking, how did you get through your undergrad without any debt? Um, I had family support court and I had a partial scholarship. Oh, awesome. Awesome. Um, okay, so you did mention something earlier that I want to touch on is negotiating your salary. Um, so I think you said you negotiated every year with your, um, is it with your employer? Um, do you have any tips on how to negotiate? Because you know, especially women were afraid to negotiate. I think, um, you know, we don't think that we can or that it's not worth it or you know, we're just insecure about it or whatever it may be. So do you have any advice on negotiating your salary? Absolutely. And I will say, I think one of those years I skipped, I gave my employer a break. There's this misconception that just because you went in for a raise or something last year doesn't mean you could do it twice. And that's entirely not true. Um, I think similarly to the decision to go to school, which you were just talking about, you know, that that's an investment in your education. Um, I named my company be worth finance cause I want people to be worth the investment in themselves. And I think it's a similar mentality when you're talking about negotiating your salary. Um, some points of advice I would give are to prepare well in advance. So don't wait, you know, until the two weeks before or the week before to to get sort of your, your pitch together. I think it's really important to develop a relationship with your employer so you can check in, you know, six months before you may be up for a raise or as advanced as you can to sort of set benchmarks to make it more difficult for them to say no the day of. Right. So what are your performance indicators that you're going to strive to me over the next six months to make it difficult for your boss to say no to that raise or to that higher pay band and keeping track of how your responsibilities or how your role may have changed and really how your maybe going above, above and beyond to get the work done. The statistics, and I have this on a, I wrote an article on this recently, I'm on my blog, which people can find that be worth finance.com/finlit, one of the statistics of the amount of people that do ask for money, it's a very, very high percentage that actually get it. And, but I think it's so difficult to sort of pump you pump yourself up for that ass, right? So that's why those setting those benchmarks and setting those performance indicators in advance really help. Um, I'd always say go for higher than you think your employer's gonna land. So you're asking for, you know, if you really want a 10% raise, asked for the 15 and see what happens there. And then everyone's fear is always the worst case scenario is they say no. And I try to tell people not to look at that as a negative because if your boss said no this year, that gives you a really awesome window of opportunity to say, okay, well, you know, I understand it's not in the budget or maybe I'm not performing where you would like me to. How can I change that? What can I do in the next six months? And maybe you don't wait a whole nother year to go for that next ass, right. Set it up so that you have benchmarks and you have indicators you can meet, um, in the near future that you can revisit those and then it's going to be really difficult for them to say no to you twice in a row. The, the cost of replacing a high performing employee is likely much, much tired than the raise that you're asking for. So that's always something to keep in mind as well. A lot of people working in HR know that already, but it's easy to forget when you're on the other side. Oh, absolutely. And I think that we, like, I didn't know some of that. And of course I work, I worked in a government job so there's, you know, set, pay raises and pay scales and all that. So there really wasn't room to negotiate on my end. But even if I was in a job where I could negotiate better, I don't think that I'd have the confidence to do it. But I think after listening to you explain it like that, it's like, Oh, that makes total sense. You're, you're, you're right. So I think that people should definitely negotiate more and um, the better. And then of course I'll link in the show notes to your articles so that you can jump over there and grab those helpful tips as well. The other thing to keep in mind, just quickly on that point, Ashley, is even if you're really constraints, like you said, you, you know, you're within a certain pay band or it's not in the budget or what have you. Keep in mind that you can negotiate benefits as well sometimes. So it's not necessarily always be about your salary. If you could increase your employer match, for example, to your retirement plan or we were talking about side hustles earlier. If you can negotiate more, you know, paid time off, more leave so that you can generate more income that way. Those are also things to consider. Oh, I, yeah, I didn't even consider that either. That is great advice. Um, so one more thing. What is your number one tip or advice for someone wanting to get started on managing their money better? Whether it's paying off debt or budgeting or anything. Like what's your number one tip for people? Ooh, well number one is, is hard, but you know, I think you really need to be realistic with yourself in terms of what challenges are you facing with your finances, what are your, what are your habits that you know are going to be really difficult to, to break and be honest with the goals that you set for yourself as well. I think, you know, a lot of people have this feeling like learning about finances only for someone that works in a bank or is only for our financial advisor. And so something I really try to tell people out at be worth is D, don't be, don't feel embarrassed if maybe you're not as educated about money as you would like to be. You know, I try to break it down so it's more relatable to get rid of some of those fears that people have. Just being honest about, you know, this is where I'm starting, but I want to learn more about how to pay off my debt or how to invest, um, knowing what your habits are so that you can build that in to how you're going to go about achieving some of those goals and then not being ashamed of you. If you know that you want to take a crazy vacation every year or you want you, if your dream goal is to have, you know, a car you really like or whatever it is, that's fine. Just build it in to something that's realistic and to a financial plan that's, that's gonna work for you. Um, because of if it doesn't work for you, then you're never going to meet any of the goals that you set. So really just being real with yourself in terms of, um, where you are with your finances and, and not being scared to take them one step further. That's awesome. Um, okay, so I lied. I said one more thing, but I have actually a couple more questions if you have tech. Um, I also saw recently that you were on Forbes, which is crazy. Congratulations. That's awesome. Uh, and it was about three myths, myths busted to help millennials to save for retirement. And I really just wanted to touch on that really quick, um, because the myths are really accurate and so, um, can you talk about that real fast? Sure. Um, you know, jogging my brain a little bit here, but thank you for the congratulations. I mean, being honest of yourself where you are with your finances. It's sort of a whirlwind to go from seven years ago I was, I was struggling with all this anxiety about debt and then to have a publication like that was pretty cool. But what I had wanted to do with the article is there are so many reasons, well first of all, millennials get a lot of flack for PE. They're not saving as much for retirement as they should be. And there are a lot of systematic reasons about that stagnating wages being one of them. But I wanted to get just like the things you hear around the office about why millennials, you know, people 22 and 35 aren't saving as much as they should. And so some of the myths that I included in that article were things like [inaudible] people have a fear, a lot of people will jump job to job because it's a way to, they're scared about negotiating a salary like we talked about. And it's a way to increase their income if they jumped from employer to employer. And a lot of people feel like they'll lose if they start contributing to their retirement plan, that they won't have access to that money. And so that's not, it could be true, but that's not necessarily true. And it's something to check when you're accepting a new position with a new employer. What the vesting schedule is like for your retirement plan because it's possible that you could, I'm 100% vested, which is basically the point at which you can walk away from an employer and have access [inaudible] to your money to those friends. Um, so that's not always true that you're going to lose your retirement benefits just because you change employers after one or two or five years. So I encourage people to check that. The other one that I remember from the article is that so many people are starting their own companies and doing their own side hustles and working for Uber and things like this. And I think it's a common misconception that if you don't have like the standard nine to five, if you're not working in an office that you don't have a retirement and plan to contribute to. And so a lot of people are just, you know, stashing their money or saving it somewhere instead of putting it in a tax advantage account that could really save them tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars over time. Um, so I talk a lot about independent retirement accounts, IRAs, and in the article and throughout be worth, I recommend that everyone, if you're eligible to get a Roth IRA, which is, uh, a retirement vehicle, you could set up completely on your own, um, with a Roth IRA. The cool thing about that is any money that you contribute to that Roth IRA with other retirement vehicles, you would be penalized if you take that out before you retire, which a lot of millennials get scared about not having access to those funds with the Roth IRA, at least any money that you contribute to it, you can take it out without any penalty, without paying any additional taxes on it. So that's something I always recommend people check out. But there are, there are several different types of these individual retirement accounts or, um, there's a spousal IRA if you work and your partner doesn't, there's, um, a SEP IRA if you're a small business owner. So these are all ways millennials can save for retirement without having your standard nine to five. So don't think, just because you don't have a traditional employer, that's not an option for you. That's awesome. And I'll link to that article in the show notes as well so you can go and check out the full article on Forbes. That's awesome. Okay. And you also have an upcoming course. Uh, would you like to talk about that? I would. Thank you. I'm very, very excited. It's actually, um, being tested by some of my viewers subscribers now. So if anyone wants to check it out, you can get on the email list for be worth at the bottom of any web page on my site. And the first course that'll be launching, uh, later this year or early 2020 is called the money moves accelerator with be worth because I know so many people, uh, get anxious about talking about money. I wanted to provide something that people could take at their own pace and not if they're worried about having those conversations with people. I wanted them to, to have a course that they can take, you know, in the comfort of their living room, but still digest that information and have a, a way to really improve their finances. So they're, there are four modules, so the money moves accelerator. I'm focusing on how to build a budget, how to pay off debt, and that's not specific to student debt. Also covers his credit card debt, medical debt in that as well. Um, the third module is how to level up your finances. So automating your money moves so that there your budget's more easy for you to implement. And the fourth module is saving for retirement or investing for retirement. If you're at a stage where you're investing 10% of your income or less, if you're already on top of that and you're investing 10% of your income or more than you would fall into a later course from be worth. But I'm very excited to get that out. The whole course will take people about two and a half hours to go through, separate from the work they'll have to do on the side and setting up their budget and things like that. So it should be a quick way for people to make some really impactful, um, moves when it comes to their finances. And I'm, I'm very excited to get it out the door and in the next few months here, I'm excited for you too. I think it's going to be great for people to really, um, start working on that. Especially, you know, at the beginning of the new year when people start making resolutions and they decide they want to manage their money a little bit better. So I think that's awesome that you're doing that to help people. Um, one thing that I do like to ask everybody is what their favorite nonfiction book is. Cause I'm always looking for more books on learning how to grow and self-improvement and all that kind of stuff. Um, and of course this podcast is all about, uh, improving your mindset and things like that. So what is your favorite nonfiction book? Oh, I love the book question. I'm actually in a book club and I've been trying to sneak in some finance books there. We tend to go more fiction lately. But I think my, one of my most recent favorite books on the nonfiction side, I actually did a giveaway contest on my Instagram account not too long ago is called Financial Freedom by Grant Sabatier. He is part of what's called the financial independence retire early movement. Um, and so the book is really [inaudible] a story, but he also weighs out quite a few strategies that he used to go from. He was living with this parent, you know, he had a standard nine to five living with his parents had $2 in his bank account, which she actually took a picture of it included in the book, which is, um, pretty brave of him to post there a mass thing over 1.2 $5 million in wealth before he, uh, I think when he turned 30. Wow, that's awesome. So there are lots of tips. Even though I think it's really easy to say, Oh my gosh, that's never going to happen to me. Or maybe, you know, I'm 31 but maybe someone listening to this and saying, you know, I'm already 40 so retirement at 30 isn't going to happen. But I think even opening your mind to those possibilities and he talks a lot about where he invested his money or the strategies you use to generate additional income. Everything from um, you know, air being, being your apartment, two different side hustles you can do and where to invest those funds. I think even just learning about those opportunities, even if you have no plans to retire early, can do nothing but help you in your finances and it's just a fun read. Awesome. I'll have to check that out. Um, all right. Any last words of wisdom? A lot. You've had a lot of good tips in here, so you know, you may not, I don't know if you'd think of anything else. Um, I think, you know, I think I said it before, just, just don't be a lot of people. It's so easy to, to look at money as a negative thing and no matter where you are, just get started and you know, don't, don't let your debt, um, stop you from taking control of, of the rest of your life. And so I think, you know, not being intimidated to get started, no matter where you are in your financial journey, it's never too late to, to make a few steps to improve that. So, um, I'm sure all your listeners are already one step ahead cause they're tuning in to begin with, but I think that's really important to keep in mind. That's great. And where can people find you? Oh sure. Um, well they can visit the website. I have some free tools up on there as well, like the smart money moves checklist, which is a really quick, um, three minutes checklist they can use to make sure their finances are headed in the right direction. So you can find all of that@www.beworthfinance.com as in be worth the investment or be worth the time. Um, and I'm a big fan of Instagram, so you could find me on Instagram. That'd be worth finance as well. And I look forward to hearing from everyone. And thanks for coming. It was such a joy to talk to you today. Thanks so much, Ashley.Special Guest: Kimberly Hamilton.

The H.O.P.E. Money Roadmap is your guide to go from Hopeless and Overwhelmed to Prosperity and Enjoying life in 6 Simple Steps! Get a FREE Quick Start Guide at www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/HOPE

Learn why you should pay yourself first and side hustle ideas! Patrina Dixon, the It’s my money lady with itsmymoneyjournal.info Bio: International Speaker, Award-Winning Author, Finance Coach, Blogger and Podcaster. Find out more at www.itsmymoneyjournal.info Follow Patrina on IG and Twitter: @itsmymoney_ or Facebook: @itsmymoneyjournal Resources mentioned in this episode: Four Financial Languages Automatic Millionaire [7 Day Pay What You Want Challenge](www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/budget-challenge) Budgeting for Beginners: A Step-by-Step Guide Full transcript: Hey, it's Ashley Patrick with the money mindset podcast. And today I am so excited to have Patrina Dixon a k a. It's my money lady with, it's my money journal.info a on the podcast today. She's going to be talking about budgeting and side hustles and all those great things. She's an international speaker, award winning author, finance coach, blogger and podcaster. Welcome, Katrina. Welcome Ashley. I'm so glad to be here. Thanks for having me. I am so glad to have you here. Uh, so why don't you just jump right in and tell us a little bit about yourself. Sure. So in addition to the things that you, you've named, I'm also a mom, which is actually one of my favorite roles. I'm a husband, or excuse me, a wife to my wonderful husband. So I love to add those because you know, the titles give like the personal tie. Those are my wise, like I, you know, I do what I do to show my daughter, if you put the work in, you can accomplish goals that you want to accomplish and live the sort of life you wanna live. So, um, she's, she's my why and then my husband is my, you know, one of my hugest supporters in addition to, um, my mom. So that also about me. Yes. Having a big why is so important. So I'm so happy that you said it like that because that's like the big thing behind developing your money mindset, which is what my podcast is all about. And you know, just having your big why and knowing your reason for continuing. So that's, I love that you said it that way. So tell us a little bit about what you do to help people with their finances. Sure. So, and being a certified financial education instructor, uh, it affords me the opportunity to work with individuals one-on-one. Um, so I have clients that I work with to really be their accountability partner because a lot of what I share with them or not, um, is not hard. And some of them have tried it in many different ways. Um, so it's about showing them and having them be accountable when they meet with me on the frequency for which they do that. Okay. Did you do this? Did you stay on track with what we talked about? So it's that one-on-one. Um, you know, like I said, training being their accountability partner, helping them to reach their financial goals. And then on a larger, um, a larger scale, I, uh, facilitate workshops with both youth in adults. So I'm, yeah, I'm hired in to come in and talk about topics like budgeting and side hustles, entrepreneurship and things of that nature. Again, all financial concepts to help folks find additional dollars by decreasing spending that they're, that they may be doing or side hustles, meaning additional ways for them to earn dollars so that they could pay off debt or increase their savings. I love that. I love that you are doing workshops with a young people because it's so crucial to really develop the money mindset and how to handle your money at such a young age. Do you feel that when you do these that they're really receptive to the information? Yeah. No. So Ashley's interesting that you asked me that. So I'm a much older person and I'll say wiser a person. When I originally started, I was a bit delayed. Am I journey, um, because my goal was wanting to work with young people and I had a lot of people say to me, like, young people are not going to relate to you. You're much older than they are. How you're not, you know, when you were their age, things were different and you know, you'll get that resistance. But I'm finding the exact opposite. Um, you know, I, I try to get as much information about the young people that I'm going to speak with so that I can come in and sort of meet them at their level, if you will. And I'm there. I'm getting, uh, you know, they, they are very engaged. Um, you know, uh, the, the questions that they asked are right on point. I, um, you know, get wonderful responses to the surveys as to thank you so much. Please teach my mom or my dad or whomever. Um, yes, they, you know, interestingly enough, they are really receptive and because of their engagement in their responses to surveys, it allows me to get, you know, be in front of additional youth by way of sharing those in the organization. Sharing. Yes. Thoughts about my workshops to others. Oh, that's awesome. So just out of curiosity, have you been doing it long enough to have them, uh, come back like a couple years later? The like give you feedback on how it really like impacted their life on how they handle money? Yes, yes. Oh Wow. Great question. So yes and yes. So I'm in two different yeah. Ways have I had that sort of feedback. So I'm actually one of the interns that's working for me now. She attended my workshops through the wide WCA and now she's actually one of my interns. Like, oh, help me do this. Yeah. So it's really great. And then I've actually, I do a, a local TV show here just for a local station here. And um, I had a couple students on one that had gone through a book club that I used to host as well as one that had gone through my workshops. And both of them came on talking about, uh, decisions that they've made regarding money that was different before they went through my class. So it was like, okay, I'm one, one young lady said that I had a dance to go to and then another event she had to go to, she was like a totally different people that were going to be there. Why did I need a new dress? I didn't need a new dress. So I saved the money from like that. My friends were spending on a new dress for the second event when I knew I wasn't going to see the same people. So she was like, I started to think about my money differently after going through your workshop. That's awesome. That is so great that these young people are getting such a great headstart in life because I agree low and Morton does start young, you know, we all make mistakes with our money and the younger you can learn it the better. So that is, I love that. Absolutely. What is your number one budgeting tip? Like whenever you do these workshops, whether it's with the youth or you know, young adults or whoever, like what's the number one thing you try and stress to people? Pay Yourself first. And I say that, and it can be done in many different ways. Uh, pay yourself first because when life happens, like the car break down, the water heater breaks, you have to take care of it so you have to pay yourself first. So, um, there's like I said, oh, there's many different ways that that can be done. I encourage people to, um, automate paying themselves first. So just like a, you know, you have your 401k, your taxes, whatever it is, come out. Also have your contribution to your savings to come out first. So spend your money on you by habit directly going into the savings account of your choice. I always encourage web-based savings accounts, but whichever of your choice, just make sure that that's done first before you start doing everything else. That's great. Now what about, do you ever get people, and I see it so much in today's society, especially like I even saw it this morning on Facebook, but people don't believe that they can get ahead. Like they feel like they're just stuck in this cycle of not making enough money, not being able to save for emergencies. You know, they think that millionaires were born into it, which, you know, those of us that know the research, know that most millionaires are self made. You know, and you know, I think there is a disconnect between what people think is a millionaire. Like, you know, they think they make $1 million a year versus like they have a net worth of $1 million. So, you know, there is definitely a disconnect in our society about that. But you know, for somebody that's really struggling to believe that they can get out of the cycle and they can budget and save money, do you have any tips or advice on just getting past that mindset and shifting into believing that it's even possible for them? Yeah. You know, again, another great question and I actually in all candor, um, sometimes struggle with uh, no knowing folks that I know that need to learn the various different tactics and strategies that I can share with them or others can , um, getting them to understand exactly what you're saying. Like, you need to invest a little in yourself so that you'll be in a better place financially. And it's because of what you said, their mindset, I can't do it. I don't have enough to do it. They can't wrap their head around paying someone to help them manage their money better. So, um, yeah. So, so how do I help with that or what do I see? I see it. Um, unfortunately it's a very hard nut to crack and I would just say it's a little by little, I love Shannon testimonials because when folks can see somebody that looks like you, maybe you've grown up with or what or whatever have you are doing exactly what you can do as well. Sometimes that encourages them to try to, you know, take that step or that leap forward to do the same thing. So testimonials are really critical. I tried to put them on my site, on my social handles so they, they can see that it happens. Um, the other thing I would say is I'm continuously trying to, uh, share when there is all free opportunities for folks to be a part of that. When there's community events or when there's um, you know, like, like a podcast like this that's available where they can listen and they can hear this is a person that started here and here's where they are and here's what they did to get there. I think sometimes it's like a story resonating with them that they can say, oh wait a minute. That's my exact situation and what that he or she do. Oh wait a minute, let me try that. So it's about, you know, you have to continuously put, put it out there, make this stuff available and, and hopefully eventually, you know, you would start to see a mind shift change. Yes. That is so true. Like that really helped me when we were paying off all of our debt. As I would lay in bed at night and read debt, pay off stories, like we just read a couple and then I would go to bed, go to sleep because it was like I saw other people doing it as like they can do it, then I can do it too. So that is, and of course I listened to tons of podcasts and stuff. You know, it's just actually right. You got to find what you can to, you know, get motivated. So now another aspect that you know, you help people with is making extra money. So we may have this person that they're starting budgeting. Um, they're really, they, they know that they can do it or at least they're starting to believe that they can do it, but they really just aren't making enough money. Like they don't have enough money. They have too many bills. Like even when they sit down, they do their budget. Like it's not necessarily a spending problem with an income problems. So what kind of tips or ideas do you have somebody that just needs to make some extra money? Yeah, so now I don't, I want to make sure that we're clear in saying sigh hustles in my eight view side hustles are different than second jobs. And I say that because I liked it. The find a side hustle is fine. I think a way to monetize things that you are passionate about and enjoy doing. Um, a second job is you can go out and you know, work at the mall or whatever have you and you're still, you need to, you know, punch in at a certain time, punch out at a certain time, take your lunch at a certain time. Maybe depending on the job you get where a certain thing in my mind, although that will help you increase the amount of income that you have. It is different from a side hustle. I see a sigh hustle as something that you're doing that you're getting paid for, that you love doing. So when I work with clients, when they are looking for ways to increase money coming in, what do you enjoy doing? If you didn't have to go to work, what would you like to do? If it's baking, if it's um, I don't know, drawing, whatever it is. People need artists for books. People that are authors. Sometimes they need illustrators. If you like baking during the holidays, people that are very busy can't bake that pie or those muffins that they need. Maybe you can pick up an income like that. So it's what would you, what do you enjoy doing? Like if you didn't have to go to work, you didn't, the kids are all taken care of and they're playing. So what would you like to just sit down and do? Even if it's reading, maybe it's getting paid to do reviews. So that those are the ways that I a, um, try to encourage people to make that extra income. So it does it seem like it's another laborious thing that you have to do and it's actually something that you can't wait to do and you're getting paid to do it. That's it. Great. I mean, those are really good ideas. I mean, that's how a lot of things like on Etsy and um, you know, uh, this people do sewing and crafts and things like that, you know? And that's Kinda how they get started with that. So I love that you are taking the approach of finding something that you love so that, you know, cause sometimes it can take you a while to get out of debt and things like that. So if you're finding ways to make extra money that isn't so daunting, like delivering pizza or something like that, that's those are really, if you, if you like driving. So maybe Uber eats or maybe you know, Sherry's different. So it's like it's trying to get out of them, you know. You know what, uh, Ashley, what I find sometimes in some, some of my clients live locally, so I've meet Facebook face to face with them. Um, they are, they literally pause for an extended period of time because they really don't know what they have a passion for because they just haven't had time to indulge in that. So it's always interesting because it's like, I, I um, I am not too, shouldn't be the one telling them this is what you should do to do as your side hustle. It's more about pulling out of them what they enjoy and is, it always amazes me when some folks take a, you know, take quite a bit of time to figure out what do I like, like I don't know, cause I haven't done something that I did in a long time. It's about getting that money, paying bills, but when you, when you see in their face, when they start to really think about it and then, you know, articulate it and then it's like, wow, I never even thought about that. Like I love watching that happen. Yeah. That's awesome. Because we get so busy with just the day to day life and kids and running here and there that, you know, we can, as adults we kind of lose sight of what makes us happy, like our hobbies and things like that. Like it just, that's one of the first things to go. So, you know, they probably haven't thought about it in a long time, like, or even thought about how to make money with it, which is a huge thing. Like they may just do it for fun or do it for their friends, but to actually have somebody tell them, hey, you could make money doing this is probably very eyeopening for them. Yes. Yes it is. Um, okay. And I like to ask everybody what their favorite nonfiction book is because you know, they say most millionaires read at least one book a month and it's really about self-improvement and changing your mindset. So I know I kind of threw that question on you. Do you have anything that comes to mind that is like, you know, a nonfiction book that is your favorite? Oh my gosh. I read a lot of self-help books like um oh or I should, I guess finance top finance topic book. So I guess that could be in that category cause I can't, yeah. Okay. So, um, you're the, I'm trying to think of what I'm packing cause I'm actually prepared to go to fin con. Are you on to think gone? No, I don't get to go this year or next year. I just realized yesterday that I can't go next year either. I'm really sad. Oh, why are you a, because of the dates that I've already gone out of Kansas for my grandma's 80th birthday. So it's, you know, I have that. So I don't know. You must do that. So let's see. The books that I've, I'm most recently acquired a need to finish reading. So I would say it's the, um, four financial languages by, uh, Tara or madam money. Uh, that's one that I have. Um, let's see. Automatic Millionaire, I purchased that actually a while ago. I haven't finished reading that either. I'm really bad about that. Oh, that looks good. I gotta read it. And then it says, um, speakers is another book by a woman named Cheryl Wood. Oh, okay. I haven't heard of any of those. And that's why I love about this question because usually it's books I haven't even seen or heard of. So I'm adding those to my list. All right. Where can people find you? Oh yes. So, um, my website is, it's my money.info. So that's I t s m y m o n e yjournal.info. I'm on Twitter, Instagram. It's, it's my money underscore and Facebook is at, it's my money journal. Awesome. And do you have any last words of wisdom? Yeah, so I said it earlier in the recording, but pay yourself first. I know it may sound very difficult to do, or you have to make sure you pay your mortgage or rent a car payment, whatever it is. I don't care how much it is, if it's five, 10 or $20 make sure that's the first thing you do because when life happens, you have to take care of it. That's great. Thank you so much for coming on and speaking with us today. Oh, they actually, thank you for having me.

These simple tips will help you get started on paying off your debt today. Learn the ways that I stayed motivated to pay off debt fast while I was paying off $45,000 in just 17 months. Resources mentioned in this episode: Debt Pay Off Tips Debt Success Stories Budgeting for Beginners: A Step-by-Step Guide No-Spend Challenge tips and printable No Eating Out Challenge Printable Debt Snowball Bundle! Get your free worksheets and spreadsheet! The Debt Snowball Method Explained Billcutterz (affiliate link) Wallet Card

Jessi is a wife, mom, personal finance coach, speaker, blogger extraordinaire, and all-around personal finance expert after overhauling her own family's budget. Her family of five paid off over $55,000 of consumer debt in two years and is now 100% debt-free with a paid-off home all on a salary of $47,000! Since documenting her journey on her blog, jessifearon.com she has been able to help thousands of others achieve their version of financial independence by embracing their own real life on a budget. Follow Jessi at http://jessifearon.com or on social media @jessifearon Resources mentioned in this episode: Debt Snowball Bundle: https://www.budgetsmadeeasy.com/debt-bundle/ Crucial Conversations The Millionaire Next Door The Monk and the Merchant Full Transcript: So why don't you just go ahead and tell us a little bit about yourself and kind of how you started on this journey. Okay. Well, I am a wife of 10 years and we have three children and we live off of adjustment, husband's income. Um, and we have been for the last almost eight years now. And I'm, I am a certified financial coach. I became a certified financial coach after we, um, became consumer debt free. We paid off just over $55,000 of consumer debt and two years on one income a right before the birth of our third child. And we are now as of January of this year, 100% debt free when we paid off our house. Wow. That's so exciting. I can't wait to get the hundred percent debt free. That is amazing. Especially on one income. Like that's really hard for people to fathom, even with two incomes who are doing it on one I'm sure. Like just blows people's minds. Well, it wasn't easy, but it's so it's been so worth it absolutely worth every single sacrifice that we made. That is awesome. So can you tell us kind of what started you to um, pursue being debt free? Um, so it actually kind of started, the story is kind of starts in, uh, 2012 so in 2012, um, I gave birth to our first child. I also graduated from college and I became a stay at home mom. And we also ended 2012 pregnant. The boys have Irish twins and so we started, yeah. Oh. And in 2012 my husband had a horrible work related accident where he fell out of a two story window that obviously he is fine, but you know, he, um, he shattered his left wrist and fractured his right elbow. And the problem was that when he's left handed, and so he obviously couldn't go to work anymore, um, was for a couple of weeks, but he had to have emergency surgery on his wrist because of the potential nerve damage. The fragments were like pinching against his nerves and there was danger of them like severing his nerves. Oh my goodness. So he would lose all ability to actually use his hand. And so we had an emergency surgery problem is, is that we didn't realize that my husband's employer didn't have workman's comp insurance. We had told the hospital it was a work related injury. So when we found out they didn't know workers' comp, we tried to get our insurance to pay for it, but they of course kicked that back because it's a work related injury. And so we had to drain all of our savings in order to get my husband this surgery cause they literally would not take him back there until we paid them the cash. And so we did that. And so when we started 2013 we were hurting pretty bad financially and we were expecting our second child. And so I was sitting there trying to like figure out, okay, what's money going to look like? You know, when our baby comes, like what is money gonna look like? And I started to realize that we were going to be broke. Like we were going to be running a deficit every single month. There was absolutely no way we were going to be able to pay all of our bills. And all of our responsibilities, they just, it wasn't going to happen. And so it brought about, you know, really hard conversations of, you know, me going back to work, going back into the corporate world, which would not have necessarily been a big deal, but the reality is that we would be, but half of my paycheck was going to go towards just daycare for two kids under two years old. And then we live in Metro Atlanta. And so there's traffic and there's all these things. And we just realized that we were gonna have this really rushed and chaotic life that we didn't really want for our family. That's not what we had envisioned for our family. And so we had to make these really tough decisions of how do we fix this? And so we decided right then and there that we were going to become debt free. And I'm so grateful that we did. Um, it has allowed me to continue staying home with our kids. Um, which is such a blessing and it's honestly, it's taught us how to live just on the money that my husband makes, like taught us how to live with within our means. You know, you hear that all the time, like live within your means, but sometimes I think we don't know what that means. Um, we don't know how that practically plays out, but when you truly do just live off of what your paycheck is, it's totally life changing. Yeah, you're absolutely right. So what, um, well I'm first I'm really glad that your husband's okay and that it turned out everything turned out okay. Um, you know, and a lot of times with people now I know it's true for me since like it was true for you. It's usually like this, the catalyst for starting this journey is like something major life that, you know, and at the time you're like, how am I going to get through this? And then once you're on the other side and it leads to being debt free, you know, you're at least I was, I was thankful for that struggle because it led me here even though at the time it was, you know, I'm sure your husband is, I'm sure he wished he didn't have to have surgery. And so I'm sure that was really painful. But you know, the catalyst to get you there, you know, usually it takes something dramatic like that to kind of get you moving. Exactly. And so that's always like, yeah, they'll push that you need. So. So can you tell us just kinda like what you did, like what changes did you make to actually become debt free? Well, the first thing that we did is that, um, so we had been married, oh my goodness, you married by like five. I don't know. We've been there for five years, but like we've been married for like four or five years. Like we weren't newlyweds anymore. And it was like the first time we were actually sitting down and really talking about money, like not arguing about money, but like talking about it. And planning our money and sitting down and looking at how much we were spending every single month. I mean that was life changing. Just pulling up all of our bank statements and categorizing everything out and realizing that we were spending an obscene amount of the money on one. Just stuff that we couldn't even identify where we were spending money on, you know, and we were just, overspending is so many different areas and it was just mindless stuff. And it was like once we sat down and we became real with our money and we started, you know, focusing on, okay, where's our money going? It totally changed the story for us. That's awesome. That's usually the, you know, the biggest mindset shift is when you sit down and actually see where it was going. Um, you know, for us it was food and eating out. I was spending so much money on groceries we were eating out for like every meal. It was ridiculous. Actually. We had spent over $1,200. This is back when we were a family of three. Okay, $1,200 on groceries. And I'm like, what? And worth rolling so much of it away. And then, oh that much we were spending on Papa John's. Yeah, exactly. This is the same price. We were like three with a newborn. So before, but you know, she wasn't really eating it and it was $1,200 and I was like, what are you doing? It's ridiculous. So yeah, that's funny. That's like the same amount too. So how, did you have any issues with it getting your spouse onboard with a budget then? Or do you have any tips for that? You know, I kinda thought I was going to have issues with it cause my husband is naturally a spender and I'm a saver. And so when I first tried to bring up the conversations, I didn't quite realize that I was really just yelling at him and nagging at him. Like I thought I was being helpful. Like, oh my God, you're spending so much money on red bull every single month, you know? And instead of like actually trying to sit down and have an adult conversation, I was instead like trying to act like I was his mom. And so I had to realize that, you know, this wasn't just about me, that we in fact were a team. We committed our lives together. We're gonna figure this out. And so, you know, I had to pick a good time, not like a time right when he comes home from work, you know, and he's like, you're tired. Um, but you know, pick a good time to sit down with him. I had already run all the numbers, so I didn't like, you know, expect him to have to do that with me. I'd already run all the numbers, had everything tallied up and brought it all to the table and I showed him everything so he could see like the proof in the pudding, so to speak. He can see those details. And once he kind of realized that, you know, he was like, you know what? You're right. He was like, here, take, he's got his credit card out of his wallet and hand it to me. He handed me his debit card. We have actually had, we have shared my debit card, the one with my name on it for years now because my husband's like I don't want it. I don't want to. Even our bank knows that my husband is actually the one that uses that debit card occasionally. Like they know that don't even send him his own debit card anymore. That's awesome. You know, cause sometimes like with my husband it was kind of the same thing. Like I did all the leg work and showed him the numbers and stuff. But you know it's still hard and you know, do you have any advice for people where their spouse isn't like on board with it where they like they don't, they may sabotage it, you know though like okay I I understand. But then they still go and use their debit card at the gas station, you know, a couple of times a week. One of the best books that I read that was super helpful for figuring out how to communicate. Now it's not necessarily like a marriage related book. I think it's actually labeled as a business book, but it's just about like communicating and uh, in relationships in general, it's called crucial conversations. Borrow that from the library. It is so good. One of the things they talk about in that book is how we have to realize that we sometimes tell ourselves a story about the situation. And so in our mind we're going into these conversations, but we're speaking through the lens of the story we have already told ourselves. And that story may not be true. And so for me, I had to always kind of recognize, like if I'm telling myself the story, I need to bring the story out in the open and say, okay, this is what, you know, this is how I'm seeing this, you know, x, y, Z, you know, whatever. Is this how you're seeing it? And that kind of has that really has changed the way that we communicate because it puts us on the same page. We're not just assuming we're on the same page anymore. We actually know that we're on the same page, if that makes sense. Wow. Yeah. That's, I'm going to have to go find that book. I haven't heard of that. So that, that would be really good for me because I'm a visual person. And so that sounds like that would kind of help me. Yeah, it's really, really good. Like I said, they talk about, you know, just all sorts of relationships, whether it's your coworker, whatever. It's just, it's really, really good. That's great. Yeah. Cause I mean, a lot of our perception and what we expect from people or is, or, you know, IX think that people will do is based on our expectations, but they're not always the same. Like they may think that you want this and you want something else. So it's really, that is very important to be on the same page about what you expect, so. Exactly. Exactly. Um, so did you, during this journey, like I know for me, I would get comments, um, you know, it must be nice or you're so lucky I can never do things like that. So did you ever get any day or maybe you still do? Um, I think I saw your post this morning on Facebook. Uh, tell us about maybe some negative comments about being debt free or during your journey and, um, like how, how do you deal with the negative comments when you are, you know, working on a financial goal and maybe your friends or your family don't understand that this maybe saying no to certain things to get to your bigger goal? Like how do you deal with that? Well, at first it was really hard. Um, we had one particular family member, obviously I won't say who it is, but one particular family member who, um, like ripped me apart personally for saying that because they found out that we weren't using credit cards anymore. They told me that we were gonna destroy our family, that we were gonna fail. Like, don't, you know, you need a credit card for emergencies and all of these things. And then a few months later, um, some extended family members that come into town and everybody was wanting to meet at this restaurant. But Pat and I couldn't afford it at the time because we were so on our debt free journey and we just didn't have the room in our budget. And this family member was like, well, I will pay for you. I will pay for you. And we were like, no, you're not understanding. We're, we're telling you no, because we don't have the money to do it. We appreciate you wanting to pay for us, but you're going to need to respect our, no. And it was really hard, but we had to actually keep saying over and over again, you're going to have to respect what we're saying. So if we tell you no, you need to respect it. And it was, and it was really challenging for a very long time, especially with that particular family member. Um, but it just comes down to really holding your grounds. You have to hold your ground. You don't have to fight about MCL about it because it's your family, you know, this is your family and you have to make those decisions for your family. And so you have to just kind of stand your ground and, and be firm in what you say. Yeah, that's hard with, I mean, and it's important, like you said, to set up, um, boundaries and so that people know what to expect, that you, you know, you're not making up excuses or anything, you know, be honest with them that, no, I can't afford it, I'm not going to go. Um, instead of being, you know, like even wishy washy, that even for me, that would be hard, especially if they offer to pay for it. You say no, it's like, you know, cause you don't want to borrow money or feel like, exactly. Well, and that was the thing. So it was, let's just say that this particular family members, the type of that that wouldn't in there. That makes sense. You know what I mean? And so we knew that we couldn't accept that offer as generous as it was, because it wasn't actually being given in a generous way. It was given in a way like, we want you at this restaurant and you're gonna be there type of way instead of more like, well, hey, you know, I don't mind, you know, paying for you guys. It's not a big deal. If you still want to go, let me know, I'll pay for you. It was instead of like, no, I'm paying for you, you know. Okay. I got you. Yes. So it was very smart for you guys to set up those boundaries ahead of time. I'm sure. Well, I hope that it's gotten easier for them over time. It has. It has, thankfully. Thankfully now they realize like that, no, you don't have to have a credit card. No, you don't have to, you know, live life that way. Like it's okay to put off going out to eat for a little while so you can save money and pay off debt. It's okay to do those things right. And you know, and I like to tell people to budget in the fund because I mean, if you're just always saying no and never doing anything, it's hard to stick with the plan and keep going when, if you know, you're miserable all the time and can't have any fun. So, um, you know, how do you guys still budget in for date night and going out to eat and stuff? Well, I'll tell you that my husband and I work, we're kind of weird. We have realized that we're not the biggest like date night people. Yeah. That often. Like we've tried a couple of different times. Like I mean we stole like every once in awhile we and him will like have a date night and go out to eat or whatever. But like word, not like regular go out to eat people anymore. And I think it's because like I really challenged myself when we were on this debt free journey to get really good in the kitchen. And my husband even says, he's like, honestly I don't want to eat other people's food. I like my wife's a good smart man. Totally. Exactly. And so it is funny because sometimes like we've been to like, we went to this one restaurant, there's this new restaurant in town, it's our last date night and mean it was kind of expensive, but that was fine. It was budgeted, but the food was honestly terrible. Like, yeah. And I would have rather have just made a pizza at home like, right. You like that. So I'd like you save up and you have all these high expectations cause it's like you don't do it very often. And then for the food [inaudible] like that's just, yeah. And so we've kind of like, we've transitioned, like when we do have our dates to it being less like going out to eat and we're just going and doing something, whether we're just going hiking or something, like just something for us to go do together. Oh, that's a good idea. Um, so d what kind of kept you going while you were paying off debt? Cause I mean, I'm sure it wasn't always easy and you know, hard to say no to some things. So kind of what kind of helped keep you motivated? Honestly, it was, it was my kids. Like knowing that I, I didn't want to like [inaudible], you know, I didn't want to put them into daycare because one, we really weren't gonna be able to afford it. But two, it was like, I enjoyed it, getting to be here with them. I enjoy the fact that if the school nurse calls because my kid is sick, I can drop what I'm doing and go get them. Like I love that. And I realized that that is something that my family truly needs. Like they need that, that family member that is here and um, is ready for them whenever they need them. And for me, that's what kept me going is that I wanted to, to be here cause I do really believe that, you know, the mom sets the tone of the household. And I know for me and my personality that if I did go back out into the workforce and I had that lifestyle, like I would be crazy all the time because I don't like being rushed and I don't like being frantic and I don't like running late and I don't like those things that I'm like, it would just never work for me. Yeah. Same here. Like I have been home now two years and I just like the thought of going to work and like being rushed. I'll, I mean, I was stressed out, you know, my kids were sick all the time. So then I was having to miss work for that and it was just stressful. So I really like being able to work at home and you know, be there for certain things. But you know, honestly I also enjoy having alone time and working, like being at home, like where I have more control over my schedule and, and you know, just what my kids need at the time type of thing instead of being like confined to an office. Yes. So what is your number one advice or tip for people that want to be dead? My number one piece of advice is to make sure that you want to become debt free. That you don't compare your debt free journey to someone else's. Don't assume that you know that just because this one person has paid off this mass amount of debt and they make less money than you and they did it and say you know a year that you're going to achieve that same fee in a year because then you're going to disappoint yourself if you don't meet that goal in a year. Set realistic expectations for you and for your family and for your own debt. Pay off plan. Don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed or fall into that comparison trap. Yes, that is, that is really good. That's very good advice because especially with social media and stuff, it's like, I mean even just anything in general, uh, you know, life, vacations, kids, everything. It's like you're constantly comparing yourself to what you see but you may not see the sacrifices that they make. Cause you know, people want to post happy stuff. Not like I will, I'm sitting at home saving some money, you know, today. Exactly. They don't want to post the messy stuff. They don't want post the fact that it's, you know, Friday night and their husband's working lay and the kids are being crazy. You know, they don't want to post about that, but they, you know, they're not going to go out to eat or anything. They don't, we're going to order the pizza, they're going to help it out and find something to make in the, in the Pantry, whether it's PB andJ or cereal. Right. Like they don't want to post about that stuff. Exactly. So it's just so important not to compare yourself. Um, so just, let's see, a couple more questions. Uh, what are your current financial goals? Our current financial goals are to Max out our, um, our Roth IRA contributions. So we are working very hard to try to achieve that. It's funny, it's easier to pay off the debt than it is to save money. I don't know. I know it is so true. I don't know why, but that is true. Like we've had, you know, it's been a struggle for us going from two incomes down to one the last two years. And so like it seems like saving or especially the Roth is always like, even though I budget it first, you know, it never, it never seems to happen like, or it's sporadic, you know, and it's something is always coming up. But it's been, it's actually been a pretty big challenge mentally for us to go from two incomes to one. Even though we're debt free, it's been really tight. Like I wouldn't have even been able to stay at home if a, if we still had debt. So, um, you know, just, just mentally and just something just is constantly coming up that we didn't think about or something like that. Like did you have any tips from going from two incomes to one or you know, surviving and staying sane on one income? You know, it, yeah, it can be so much of a challenge. It really can be. And I mean, I think it's amazing that you guys have done that, um, after becoming debt free, you know, because it is such a lifestyle change and that for us, like we, when we got pregnant with our oldest, we knew that we wanted me to stay home. And so the best thing that we did while I was still working is we changed my paycheck from being a direct deposit into our checking account into our savings account. That allowed us that kind of time to figure out how to live on just my husband's income. Cause yeah, it was very rocky for a few months. Like we were just constantly to go back into savings to pull money from my Bates things. Um, you know, so definitely if you are planning to make that leap from one income to, to save as much money as you can. Um, just so you have sort of that buffer because it's going to be a bit of a challenge, but don't allow the buffer to be an excuse to not budget and planning your money accordingly according to the one income that you're now trying to live off of. Absolutely. Okay. One last question. I always like to ask people about their favorite nonfiction book because you know, studies show that millionaires read like at least one book a month or something to that effect. So I always like to ask people about what their favorite book and why. Oh my goodness. I have so, so many. Um, but I would say my favorite book would be the millionaire next door. Mm. Yeah, I have that one. I haven't actually finished it. I started it, but I had never finished it. I mean, it kind of reads like a textbook, not going to lie. Yeah. But it's, it is very insightful into what actual millionaires will look like in the United States. Um, and it's just, it's fantastic. It's like just fascinating to read it. It really is. And it really motivated us to really get this whole retirement game started. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I've really enjoyed it just because it, it does give you a realistic view because I talk to people all the time and they, they really believe that millionaires inherited money or had like their parents help or whatever. But that's not true or accurate at all. Like most millionaires are self-made. But I think there is also kind of a disconnect of what people think is, or who they think is a million. They think people that drive Lamborghinis are all millionaires and that's not really the case. Or that they make $1 million a year, which is, you know, a millionaire or somebody that is a, has a net worth of $1 million and they only be making like 50,000 a year. So I think that's kind of where the disconnect is too. So we see, you know, the Kardashians on TV and stuff and that's what a millionaire does, but that's not really accurate. So you're right, that book does give you a more accurate representation of what a millionaire is and that, you know, and Kinda like their spending habits and things like that. So that is a very good book. Um, but I've just get in the habit of like starting a book and then I never, I don't finish it. Uh, not always actually did finish when it was a quick read. It was um, uh, the mock, the monk and the merchants. Oh, I love that book. Oh my gosh. That is such a good book. That is a good book too. Yes, yes. And it's a really quick read. Like it didn't take long at all, so I read that in one night. It was so good. Yeah, it was really good. So that I did finish that one over the weekend. So, um, alright. D uh, any last tips or advice for people? I mean, you know, don't be afraid of the sacrifice that's involved with becoming debt free. Um, I know a lot of times that we can be met with a huge sacrifice that we're going to have to temporarily give up in order to become debt free or to save money. Um, just keep in mind that it's, it's temporary. Life is so much longer than just a day. You know, don't, don't stress about the one sacrifice that you have to give up for just a short period of time to gain what you truly, truly want. Oh, that's awesome. Um, where can people find you? They can find me on social media @jessefearon and they can find me online at jessifearon.com that's great. I'm so happy that you are here with me today and I appreciate you coming on to speak with us. Well, thank you so much, Ashley, for having me. I really appreciate it. Thanks.Special Guest: Jessi Fearon.

Get the advice and tips you need to get on the same page as your spouse about money. It's so important to examine your individual money mindsets then come together for a common goal. This can lead to a greater understand of each other's points of view which can lead to better communication and money management. Adam H. Kol, J.D. is a Couples Financial Counselor. He helps couples who love each other make sure that the money conversation doesn't get in the way, allowing them to experience greater peace and love. Adam draws on over a decade of experience as a Certified Mediator, Communication Coach, and a former Tax Attorney and Financial Advisor. Adam received his law degree from Duke and a Master's in Tax Law from NYU. Through working with Adam, couples have gone from the verge of divorce to being best friends, all while making huge financial progress. Adam’s work is informed by perspectives of equity and social justice. He is an experienced community organizer, as well as a lifelong musician. You can find Adam's amazing resources at www.ahkcoaching.com and follow him on social media at @ahkcoaching or on Linked in at Adam H. Kol, J.D. Resouces mentioned in this episode: The Essential Money Conversation Checklist: http://eepurl.com/gbTPc1 To schedule a complimentary Financial Harmony Consultation with Adam: http://bit.ly/financialharmonyconsultation Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/moneymarriage/ Favorite nonfiction books: The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts Structure of Scientific Revolutions by Thomas Juhn Full transcript: It's exciting and I'm grateful to be able to share what I do. Uh, which is, I specialize in working with couples who as you said, I mean they're in a relationship, things are going pretty well. Um, just money is a difficult topic for them. I mean I've also worked with couples who are having more avoidance or fights around money. Um, I've even had couples come to me on the verge of divorce, as intense as that and I've been able to help them get back to being best friends again while also paying off a ton of debt and getting businesses restarted and all kinds of wonderful outcomes. Uh, my goal is to help people and couples come together, get closer, more intimacy, more connection, more love and more partnership. And I actually do that through working on their money stuff, helping them talk about money, helping them understand their own relationship to money. And I like to use art as well to help people kind of draw out their own interrelationship to money so that they can use that to further their partnership with their significant other. Yep. That's great. Because, you know, we each have to work on our own money mindsets, but then when you're with a couple of, you know, you, you have to work, you both have to work on the individual mindset and then work together. So that's a pretty, um, pretty big task to try and work on your own mindset and then drain other on it. So, so what is the number one thing that couples can do to work together on their finances? Yeah, I mean, the number one thing is, is talk and listen, right? Like, um, the money is an area of life and relationships. Just like so many others in our minds, it's, we kind of separate it and make it as if it's somehow really distinct. Maybe because we're afraid of the numbers and maybe because we didn't grow up talking about money. It's a taboo topic. We're afraid of it. There's some shame around it. All of which is very common. Um, but the biggest thing is to talk, so your partner, share your thoughts, share your fears, share your hopes and dreams and ask them about theirs and listen to theirs. Right. And, um, a lot of times what I see is that couples will get caught up in, uh, some something on the surface level. Like, oh, we shouldn't have spent $45 on this item. And what's really missing is that they are not align, they're not on the same page. And the way to get there is through that talking and through that listening. And so I always tell people to, you know, dream together. So just like you said, you know, make sure or work on your goals and have the same like big goal. Um, and you know, a lot of times, and um, correct me if I'm wrong on your aspect and how you see things with working with couples is, um, I totally where I was going with that. Oh, compromise. You know, sometimes you just have to compromise a little bit because you know, especially if both people think that they need to be right or their way is the right way. Um, and it is just kinda like compromising a little bit, giving a little bit both of them so that they can come together and work on the [inaudible] bigger picture. And so like you said, you know, worrying about like the smaller amounts but focus on the big things. Yeah, absolutely. And of course each situation is different. And for some couples, the, you know, the smaller things may be important if you're living paycheck to paycheck or really struggling. Um, and that happens a lot to families in the u s uh, but it's like about having that, like you said, those shared dreams. And um, I once said like, there's not right or wrong in relationships. There's just intimacy and you know, there's this point where you're like, well, what is right? What is wrong? Like, who, not to be all philosophical, but it's like, is that really what matters? Right? We get caught up in it because we're human and we have an ego and it's our blessing and our curse. And yet like to be able to step back and say, okay, is how I'm showing up right now in service of the kind of partner I want to be in, the kind of relationship I want to have. Right? And it's okay if the answer's no because again, you're human and we all have times where we show up, not the self we really want to be. However, to be able to be in that inquiry, that self reflection, notice it and then step back and be able to be like, whoa, take a breath. Go to your partner and be like, I'm sorry I was kind of being a butthead. Right? And, um, can we revisit this? Because you love your partner, you have shared, you want to live your best lives individually and as a couple and as a family if you have one. Right? So the point is to get over there, right? Not to necessarily be right or wrong. Um, and that just the best way to get there, like I said, is just to take a breath, step back, take a look at your behavior. As I once saw someone say like, am I in like a space of love right now? Am I coming from love or am I coming from like fear? Right? And if you, the more you can come from love, the better your is going to be. And then by the time you get down to the budgeting, then it'll be seamless to implement the expertise of whatever you're doing in your budget or someone like your programs. Because if you're on the same page and there's no resistance, now it's just a matter of doing the work. Absolutely. So where, where should couples start when they can't agree on how to manage their money or their budget? Like when they're just butting heads. Like what is some advice that you would give a couple that comes to you and they just cannot seem to agree on how to handle their money? Yeah, it's a great question and it's very right. And this is something that cuts across the income and like class categories, no matter how much people are making or not, they will often still have this struggle. Um, and the first place that I like to go with couples is to have them each do a little bit of digging into their own money mindset and then share that with each other because it's a safe entryway to the money conversation. See, a lot of people are used to either not having money conversations or when they do, they're like super awkward, super uncomfortable. They may lead to a lot of arguing or tension. And so I like to get it started by getting a healthy conversation under your belt. And when you're just talking about your own history with money in your own past, there's not really anything to argue about. It's just kind of like, here's how it was for me growing up. This is some of the messages I internalized about money based on Xyz, based on my family, based on my gender or my race or whatever, and the societal norms and stuff like that. You know, I find that to be a pretty safe conversation for people to get started with. Um, and the other thing is to just have the courage to ask for a conversation with your significant other. And to frame it in a constructive way. Like it's not like, hey, we need to talk about our budget. Right? It's actually like, you know what, I love you. I want to have the best possible life together. We can. And money I know is an important part of that. And I'm a little bit anxious because we haven't been talking about it or are actively managing it. So like when can we have a conversation about that? Right. Something like that that actually frames it. So they see that your teammates, right. Cause a lot of times, like you said, they're having trouble managing their money together. It starts to feel like they're in opposition to each other. Like they're kinda not rowing in the same direction and just reasserting like, hey, we're talking about this because we're teammates because we're looking to both have great lives. Like, I want a great life for myself and I want a great life for you as my partner who I love. Um, so really just creating that context is powerful. Yes. I love that. That's really great advice. So what tips, um, just to kind of flow into the next topic, this is kind of related then, is what tips would you have for couples to kind of goal plan together? So once they get like on the same mindset or they, you know, maybe understand each other's mindset a little bit better and then moving forward to the next step, you know, goal planning so that they are working together toward the same goal. Yeah, just like be inside of like love and curiosity within four and about each other. Like, because it's very common for people to not even, we don't even know what we want, knowing what our partners want. Um, and that's an inquiry that is ongoing and changes over time. Um, so just really creating the space to have that conversation. If you've never had it before, you know, it doesn't have to be painful or exacting. It's just like whatever intimacy looks like for you and your partner, you know, do that. Some people, it's light a candle or open a glass of wine or have a nice meal or just cuddle on the couch, you know, whatever it is, create that space where your care for each other as present for both of you. And then just talk about it. Um, and one thing I've been playing with and just kind of an idea that I've had that I tossed out to my girlfriend recently came out of one of my coaching calls, um, is to play with different scenarios. Like be like, what if we did this? Because sometimes I feel like we have this pressure that we have to just somehow magically know what our top choices, like what we want. And it almost like we have to call Alessa out of thin air versus being like, okay, what if we like worked 50 hours a week now and then retired when we were 55 versus like, you know, working 40 hours a week now and like retiring when we're 65. Like how do you think about those two? Right? And it's not that life is necessarily gonna go exactly that way, but it's always powerful to have a plan and you can always adjust. But like, you know, actually kind of sketch out some different ideas or scenarios and then talk through what are your thoughts on something like that. How does that make you feel? What would be not so good about that? What would be really awesome about that? Right. And ask these like, I like to call them, well they're called open ended questions where it's not like a yes or no question because it's like you want to retire at 55 is like a yes or no answer and that's fine sometimes, but it's like, what are your thoughts on retirement? Or like, tell me about how you think about when you want to retire or like what are the important considerations for you around retirement, right. You give the other person this like expansive space where they can really think for themselves and, uh, get a richer response. Yeah. And just kinda dream together. You know, my husband and I, um, you know, with building my business and really wanting to make this like a fulltime thing possibly even for both of us and you know, we sit and we dream about what if we got an RV and just traveled out west and just traveled the country and you know, just having the freedom to be able to do whatever we wanted to because you know, with, with my job in podcast and a blog and all that, I can, you know, as long as I have a computer and Internet I can go anywhere. So, you know, just being able to like dream with your partner about different ideas of what you might want to do or do want to do in the future and Kinda like how to make that happen. I think that is great. Absolutely. I love what you're visioning as well with your husband and you know, I encourage listeners, I give yourself and your your significant other like complete latitude, like even ideas that might seem ludicrous or like, oh I don't know, we can't do that. Just dream. Just let them just let the words flow, let the ideas flow. Even if all you get is a temporary feeling of excitement and like that excitement and nervousness and the liveliness, right you've been, that is a beautiful thing to experience. But um, just let the ideas flow. You never know. I mean, I was, I have a couple I'm working with. They came to me like their relationships great, but money is uncomfortable for them. They've been slacking on tracking it. Um, and so they wanted some support in that area. And where the conversation actually flowed was too, that each of them is underpaid in their current jobs. And in having them examine that and uh, get coached to the point where they can go have a conversation with their boss. It's just like transpired. All these different things have transpired and now the wife is like, I actually don't know if I want to stay at this job. I might even want to change careers. There's some interest in starting my own business or even going back and taking some classes and then, yeah, that's true. We're not tied to the bay area anymore. If I'm not gonna work at that job, we could go wherever we want, like our husband's job. There's opportunities for him everywhere. And now they're just like thinking, right. They're like, maybe we're gonna get like a beach house in Monterey and go live there and like, awesome. And I don't know where it's going to go. It's up to them. Right. But they have now seen so much of what's possible doing this work. Yeah. And they're excited about it now where when they came to you, they were, you know, stressed out and fighting and now they are dreaming together and seeing what's possible for their future. And that's, you know, that's what I want for people. That's so exciting. Yeah. In fact, like, you know, there's folks like, you actually were like the budgeting experts and while I budget with my clients, my expertise is really on that emotional communication mindset, coaching piece of it. And like what tends to happen with my clients is like, I'll send them a budget template to fill in, but then they just do it themselves. And like with this couple that I was referencing though, I was like, yeah, now like when I do the budget, I'm, I'm super excited. It's not like stressful anymore. I just do it cause it's like I know that it's helping us achieve our goals. I'm like, okay, awesome. Great. Yeah. Cause the, you know, it's really just the foundation or the stepping stone to getting, you know, what their big picture, their dream, you know, and that's, that's awesome that it's not stressful and overwhelming now because they have something to look forward to and something that they're working for. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. They're awesome. So what, um, so I get this a lot. Like even when, um, you know, somebody, they come to me, we're working on managing their money. Um, they get the budget done. They, they are excited about it, but then their spouse just is so reluctant they won't get on board with the budget. They sabotage it. Like they still take the debit card and they go to the gas station. Like they're still spending, even though you know, they need to work together. What is your advice for somebody that's like working really hard to do what they've done? The ground work, you know, they've laid it all out, the PR, you know, the spouse may be like, okay, I'm good with that. But then they turn around and they sabotage the budget anyway. Like what is your advice for a couple that is, that is dealing with that they're just one, one partner is just completely sabotaging it or not. I'm not, they're not on the same page, but they're just recklessly spending still. While one is trying really hard to manage the money better. Yeah. Yeah. Great question. And I mean there's almost like a couple of questions in there. Um, but if the, you know, I guess I'll, I'll answer kind of like two questions that I heard. The first one is if one partner is struggling to have like the other person's not on board in general, then that's really where some of the things I've been talking about through this call and some of the other things I talk about, like on my youtube videos there are just really helpful for getting the conversation started. Because my recommendation is always, especially if you share funds with your partner, if you two live together, if you're planning a future together, then have like get them on board, right? These are conversations you should be having with both of you as far as creating your goals and your visions and your budget to implement that. So that, you know, that's really the first place and that's just where getting in their world, understanding what's going on for them. And even if you have to, like I said, that framing of, look, I want to have a great life with you and I know this is an important part of it. Um, so when's a good time to have the conversation? Not like, do you want to talk about it? Like we need to talk about it. And you know, there's, I was at a, on a panel earlier this week and, or I guess it was technically last week now I got asked a very similar question to this and I said, you know, we need to expect our partners to be on board for these conversations just because it's been a taboo topic and past generations that doesn't work because we're missing out on our opportunity to thrive. And it's creating anxiety and resentment and fear and worry and tension and fighting. It's number one cause of fights and relationships. It's the number one or number two cause of divorce in every study I've ever seen. Uh, at least for like us marriages. And this is a country with a huge divorce rate. So this is not some small beans, small potatoes, whatever you want to call it, kind of issue. This is something that needs to be tackled. And so you like, you got to come at it with that, right? The same way you come at it with like talking about where to live or where to have children or if there were challenges in your like intimate life. Like if those things, the same degree of seriousness with which you take those because of how much they matter to the integrity of your relationship, I think money's the same way. And you know, there's no one way to do it, but holding your partner to account, like, look, we gotta be talking about this. This is an essential issue that touches every aspect of our lives. You want to buy a home? How are we going to do that without being on the same page financially? You want to have kids, how are we going to do that without being on the same page financially? You want to retire? How are we going to do that without being on the same page, financially start a business, et Cetera, right? It is that important. Um, and of course every day we're spending money. Every day we have bills to pay. Every day we buy lunch or groceries or whatever. So my, it's like we need to be holding our partners to account like, we need to talk about this. Right? Um, and you know, if they're hesitant, of course you want to bring compassion and love, you know, like why, you know, what comes up for you around this? Why, you know, where do you think your hesitancy comes from? Or like, why don't you like it? Um, you know, and there's, that's where having them do some mindset work and understanding their money story can be really powerful because there's a reason they don't want to talk about it. You know, like for example, men, we're socialized that our value is in providing for our family. And so if we feel like a conversation is implying that we're not doing that job well, um, not at a conscious level even, but like unconsciously, it just triggers like a sense of shame. Like, we're not good enough. We're not doing what we're supposed to do as a man. And that becomes like an existential crisis. Even though the man may be completely unaware that this is what's happening for him, it's nevertheless often what's happening. And so, you know, to be able to traverse that bridge and get to the other side is not always easy, but it takes some listening, some questions, some empathy, some understanding and some patients, um, and uh, of course women have their own ways that they're socialized about money. And that's like I said before, it's not just about gender, it's about race and sexual orientation. All of this stuff plays into how we see ourselves and how other people see us money. And so, uh, it takes a nuanced approach to really break through those barriers. Um, but the number one thing is to keep bringing your love, your empathy, your curiosity to that person. And it's honestly the same answer as if they're sabotaging the budget even if they agreed to it. Right. Cause if you just got them like you agreed to this budget and now you're sabotaging it, I mean you can, you know how that's going to go. It's not saying you shouldn't hold them accountable right in that spot. It's more like, hey, you know, I feel really like you want to kind of own your feelings. Like, I feel really anxious when I'm ICU using the debit card because we had agreed not to and this plan is really important for our future. So I get scared. We're not going to be able to have the life we want. I'm like, can you tell me what's going on there for you? Right. Like, ask an open ended question again. Like, can you tell me what's happening there for you? Like, or you know, like in a non accusatory way, just as much as, as neutrally as possible. Right. Because there's a reason they use that debit card. They may not know it, but there's some sort of reason that they did. Right. Um, maybe they just don't like being told what to do. Right. And again, that's an unconscious thing. And so they're acting out kind of like a teenager, but that's cause it's like, you know, childhood crap that, Ooh, excuse my language, but childhood that hasn't been, uh, hasn't been dealt with. Right. Um, and so there's a lot of important work to do around mindset, which is a lot of the work you're doing, which is why it's so great. It's really important to examine that stuff. That's great. I hadn't even thought about some of the subconscious things like that, so I'm really glad that you mentioned that. Um, so do you have any resources that you would recommend for couples? Um, either your stuff or you know, stuff that you highly recommend to kind of maybe help them work together to get on the same page? Books or workbooks or anything like that? Yeah, absolutely. So, uh, one place that you can find me is I have a Facebook community. It's totally free and there's, we're having all kinds of conversations like this all the time. It's called money and marriage, but instead of the word and it's not written out, it's the like symbol, the ampersand, some money and marriage a and for sure if you go and join there, let, let me know that you heard about me through this podcast and uh, that'll be exciting to see. And I partnered there with another financial coaches and expert with couples and she's more the tactical and practical expert and I'm the more emotional and communication experts. So we provide a real full spectrum of content there. Um, and I have, uh, another thing, uh, that I put together and perhaps we can link to it in the show notes or something like that is a, I call it the essential money conversation checklist. And so it's just eight steps that you want to take in each money conversation and you know, they're not what you'd think up front. You might kind of have a feel for what they are after listening to me speak here. But it's about like getting connected to your partner, making sure you're hearing and validating their feelings and then sharing your own and making sure that they understand where you're coming from. And then from there, once you two are actually on the same page emotionally and you're actually in partnership, that you really from there start to look for what compromise might be like, um, rather than trying to jump to it. You know, that's the number one thing I see couples want to go straight to the action items. And a lot of times there's some work beforehand that could really make it more powerful and more long lasting. So I'll definitely put that link out there for you all. You got the money and marriage Facebook group and if there's anybody listening who's like, you know what, I'd really love to work with Adam directly. I work with couples in a wide range of situations. Like I said, even people come to me where it's a really serious challenging topic that's leading to a lot of fights, intention, happy to work with you. Also couples who are like our relationships, great. Money's just a kind of difficult topic. We don't know a lot about it. Um, also work with those couples and uh, have specific content for engaged couples to plan the wedding, make sure that they are sticking to their budget, talk to the family about the spendings and families usually chip in and uh, also to help them merge their finances with their fiance. And then I have also a specific content for a first time home buyers to be able to get on the same page with their partner for what's gonna be the biggest and longest purchase of your life. You know, you want to make sure that front end. So I help people get on the same page with that and get on top of their finances. Oh, that's great. I will link to all those in the show notes as well. And just one last question. I like to always ask people what their favorite nonfiction book is. So whether it's, you know, related to couples of money or just something, um, you know, some kind of self-help improvement life improvement book. Uh, I probably should've warned you before so you could think about it. In college I took a course, I minored in philosophy and I took a course on the philosophy of science and I read a book called the structure of scientific revolutions. I think it's Thomas Kune and it was such like an incredible study of how scientific theories, uh, evolve and become the accepted theory. And then when the data starts to not, uh, fit, then how there's like this kind of interesting process that seems to repeat itself. And uh, then they eventually get replaced by a new theory that fits the data better. And I don't know, something about the way the world works and the way humans operate and like how there's like the zealots of the old theory and they try and cling to it even though the data's no longer fitting it and they try and change it to fit the data. And it's like, it just is a fascinating study of human psychology for sure. Um, but also right now I'm like reading, let's see how far into it I am. I just picked it up off of my table like maybe a quarter of the way through this book called the wisdom of insecurity by Alan Watts. And it's a remarkable piece. Like I can only read a couple pages at a time. It's just such a, so much depth of [inaudible]. I don't even know the book. It's really, it's really just about the nature of how life is fundamentally insecure and like, and uncertain and how we grasp for certainty and how that actually causes so much of our pain and suffering and about that we can actually live in love live in the moment live now if we relinquish that desire. And for me, someone who has dealt with a lot of anxiety and desire for security, that's a big, a kind of growth edge as they call it these days, like a place for me to expand. So I'm really getting a ton every time I pick up that book. That sounds really interesting and we're going to have to check that out. Yeah. Well thanks for coming on today. Do you have any last words of wisdom? You know, um, my pleasure. Again, thank you for having me. Um, what I really want to impart to the world is that having these dialogues can bring you closer in your relationships and people kind of stay away from the money conversation because they think it's going to go poorly and, um, they're going to just end up uncomfortable or fighting. And the truth is right. Like if you don't talk about it, that's what's going to eat away at your intimacy in your relationship, let alone your finances could very well be worse off. But it's by having these conversations and having them in a constructive, productive way, which is what, of course I am to support people in doing that, you can actually have a better life, stronger relationships, more freedom financially, and actually live in a line, a way that's more aligned with your values and your goals. That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming. It was such a pleasure to talk with you. My pleasure as well. Thanks, Ashley. Thanks.Special Guest: Adam H. Kol, J.D. .

This is my story of how I paid off $45,000 in just 17 months while working as a detective. Resources: Full Story Debt Snowball Bundle Follow me at: [Instagram](www.instagram.com/budgetsmadeeasy) [Facebook](facebook.com/budgetsmadeeasy ) [Twitter](twitter.com/budgetmadeeasy ) [Pinterest](pinterest.com/budgetsmadeeasy ) YouTube Full Transcript: Today I want to talk about paying off debt because it gives you so much freedom. You're able to do the things that you want, save for the things that you want when you're money isn't going to things that you've already paid for already bought, you know it's, it's stuck in the past, you're still paying for the past. Let's start paying for the future and saving for the future and that is possible when you are debt free. All right, so my journey starts back in 2012 we'll start there. I'll try and you know, make this quick, but I want to give you just kind of the overall picture. So in November of 2012 we bought our dream house. We sold our starter home. That just really didn't work well for our family and bought our dream home. 10 acres, uh, had a big shot for my husband. Uh, those, you either don't know him, he's a big car guy does. Um, he works in racing, like cars are his thing. I always have been. So this as a 40 by 60 shot, 10 acres would it, you know, we're, we're out in the country but close enough to uh, grocery shores and stuff like where it's just really convenient and it's just works very well for our family. Well, shortly after we bought our dream home, actually like two months later, um, we found out that I was pregnant with our second child. Our first child was only 18 months, somewhere in there. Whenever we bought our house, well, our new house, the property, everything was great. But the house, the layout didn't work. It had, it was basically a small two bedroom with a separate in law suite that had a small bedroom, a living room, kitchen, bathroom, all that. But it was only accessible through the garage or outside. So this was not going to work for two kids because our second bedroom and the main house was like, it's so small, it's barely big enough for an office. Like you can barely fit a twin size bed in there. So two cribs were not gonna work like in, there's three doors because there's a door to a bathroom, the main door and the closet door and there's like no room in there. So what we decided to do was to enclose the screened in porch and connect the in-law's suite to the main house. I would add a bedroom at a place space and then make it flow where we can get to the whole house without having to go outside, you know, would work better for do's little kids. Right. So we were trying to where options, figure out how the heck we were going to pay for this. So we got a couple estimates and it was going to be like $25,000 to do this. And that is with the roof already being there and the foundation aren't even being there. We're literally just in closing the screened in Porch area and you know, finishing touches and it was still $25,000 okay. So we're weighing our options. We just bought this house, there's no equity in the house. And my husband started talking to people that he work with that we thought, you know, were financially savvy. You know, they seem to know what the heck they were talking about with money and things like that. They told us to do a 401k loan. A, it's a low interest rate. You're really paying yourself back and you know, if you lose your job, you know you've got other options and your income will be lower. So it really won't be that big of a deal. Well I hope you can see where this is going. So we finished the renovation, the money is spent and gone. We have our second child, newborn. I returned back to work in January of 2014 I come home like the first week of January, just are the new year. Literally just went back to work. I was a detective at the time, and I walk in the door and my husband's already home, which was kind of odd because he doesn't get home before me. And I can tell by the look on his face, something is not right. But he is a jokester. And he, even after being together almost 20 years at right now, I still can't tell when he's joking sometimes. So I was like, okay, what's going on? And he says, I lost my job today. And I thought he was kidding. I'm like, you're joking. You know, you did not. He's like, no, for real. I lost my job. And I could tell that he was being serious. And so after, you know, I panicked and freaked out and cried and all that stuff. You know, I looked through our savings, um, talked to, he ended up getting a severance package. Um, you know, he started looking for a job and then we got a letter in the mail about this 401k loan that we'd only paid on, you know, I think like six months at this point, and we had 60 days to pay it back. Well, the money's gone at that point. We owed $20,000. You know, I don't have $20,000 laying around or I wouldn't taken out 401k loan. Um, and my husband didn't have a job, so how am I going to get another loan to pay off this loan? I, you know, with my income, I could not even pay all of our bills, you know, and I had to worry about feeding two children and making sure that, you know, we had electricity and a roof over our heads and I certainly wasn't worried about this 401k loan, so we ignored it. Um, my husband ended up finding a, everything was great. He's been at the new, his new job like five years now or something like that. He loves it much better. Uh, but then the next year we got a little note in the mail about, uh, you know, a tax statement thing saying basically Canada as a withdrawal and we were going to have to pay taxes on it. Like it was income and penalties and fees and everything for taking out so much money out of our 401k. So then more panic set in again. It's like, what am I going to do? We went from getting back like $4,000 to owing over $6,000 to the IRS and that's not something that you want to do. Like Oh, in the IRS is panic mode. So I started trying to figure out what, how the heck are we going to pay this? I had some money in savings, but I didn't want to wipe that out. You know what if, what if my husband loses his job again, you know, I'm not going to be without some savings. So decided to do a um, cash advance on my credit card. That was 0% interest for 18 months and just wrote it off as a lesson learned in life, never to a 401k loan again. Well, the next month I started getting the bills for the credit card. I don't know what the heck I was thinking. I just thought I had 18 months to figure out how to pay this off. Like, I don't know. I don't know why I didn't think that I would have to pay it every month leading up to that 18 months, but for whatever reason, I didn't. And so I started getting the bill in the mail and I'm like, I have to pay this. I've got to take it out of the budget. I don't know how I'm going to pay it and how the heck am I going to pay off? And I think it was at the time, it was $6,000 in 18 months. I'm like, how the heck am I going to pay this off in that time? So I started looking for debt, pay off plans, came across Dave Ramsey, zero based budgeting, the debt snowball, and I'll explain all that. And my life was changed forever. So those 401k loan was really the catalyst to making the big changes that we needed to in our life and in our finances. Uh, so even though it costs us a ton of money, you know, I'm still thankful for the lessons that I learned from it. You know, e everybody makes mistakes and you have to learn from it. Move on. You can't just keep beating yourself up about it. So what we did was I read the total money makeover, and it was life changing, I read it in like two days. And to me it was very inspirational. Now I know some people, if you've ever listened to his podcast or his well, his podcast or his TV show or whatever, uh, either love him or hate him. So just sworn warn you. Uh, you know, but I really liked the message in the foundation behind it all. So basically you start with catching up on your four walls. That's food and you know, you had to pay for food, clothing, your housing and your transportation so you can get to work, keep a roof over your head, keep clothes on yourself and feed yourself. So if you're behind on your bills, that's where you start. And you start with a zero based budget, which is planning for every single dollar in your budget. So before I would just write down how much I expect us to get paid, what the bills were for each paycheck. I, and I still do, I've always done it a budget by paycheck and then whatever was left over, we would just spend, like I would say, oh we should spend, you know, $800 a month on food and 400 on gas and Yada Yada. But we would just swipe the debit card and not pay attention where our money was going. So one of the first steps in this plan is to track your expenses so you can see where your money has been going. And that is one of the most eye opening steps you can do. It's one of the hardest steps, but you have to do it because that is where you will know what changes to make and you will know where your money has been going. So if you're one of those just like me, that at the end of the year and you're doing your taxes and you see how much money you made and you're like, where the heck did all this money go? Because I have nothing to show for it. Like I made all this money, I should have something to show for it. This is where you start. This is where you see where that money has wind going, and then you build your zero based budget around that. So like for me, um, I was, we were spending $1,200 a month on eating out and groceries. So I was spending so much money on groceries for at the time. Remember, this is just a family of four with one being a toddler and one being a newborn. We were spending $1,200 a month on food. It was ridiculous. So I knew that that was one of the places to cut back. Um, and then I also, you know, cut back on, uh, you know, services like my cell phone bill, the TV bill, like all that kind of stuff. Alright, so started with a zero base budget, cutting expenses, seeing where your money is going, and then whatever is left of your budget. So remember, the a zero waste budget is planning every dollar. So after you get all those things planned for, everything is in, then you've got so much money in leftover that goes toward your goals. So first you want to save $1,000 at a minimum, and I can go into this in another episode, but you know, for a lot of people you may need to save more than a thousand dollars. But you know, some of you may have never saved a dollar in your life, so thousand dollars seems huge. So you know, that's a minimum. Just get to there and then reevaluate your goals and if you need to save more or if you can go on to paying off debt. So once you save your thousand dollars, then you start paying off your debt. Everything extra in your budget goes toward the debt snowball and the debt snowball is listing out all of your debts from smallest balance to the largest balance. Your regardless of interest rates, there are some instances where you will want to factor in interest rates or even payment amounts depending on your situation. But in general, for most people that just doing the debt snowball is what will be the most effective method for you because it's more motivating. Uh, you get the quick wins of paying off the small balances and you see, you can actually see the progress quickly and that will motivate you to keep going. Um, if you focus on the interest rate only, you know, that could be your biggest debt and it could take you forever and then you'll give up. Like there's no point in that. Start on a small debt, get it paid off so that you're motivated to keep going. Okay. So we already had the thousand dollars saved. Like I said, we had money, I'm already saved, but I didn't want to use it just in case. So we were able to just jump right into the debt snowball. And the first we only had, so at that time we had the credit card that the taxes went on, which is like $6,000. We had my car, which was $14,000. And then we had my student loans, which were $25,000. So the very first thing we did was focus on the credit card and we got that paid off in like two months or so. Um, you know, at this time I didn't know I would be talking about it so much. I didn't track like I don't remember exactly when we paid off the first credit card. Uh, and then we paid off my vehicle so we got that paid off at the end of the year. So I do know that. So we started this journey in May, like may or June. And so by the end of the year we had paid off both of those. So that was like half of the debt. And then January 1st, 2016 we started focusing on my student loans, which was $25,000. And I had only borrowed $28,000 and I had been paying on it for 10 years and I didn't even use my degree. I was a detective, like I had a degree in psychology cause I was going to be a counselor. I always thought I was going to be a counselor. That's what I had planned on doing all through high school, all through college. And then my last semester of college I decided that I was sick of school and I was done. And I was going to go be a police officer instead of going to get my masters degree. And then I had all this student loan debt for no reason. But anyway, that's besides the point. So my interest rate on the student loans was ridiculous. It was like six point something. So in 10 years I had paid off $3,000 and we, let's see. Um, so in 10 years I'd only paid off $3,000 and I was paying almost $5 a day in interest every single day. It was like $4.62 cents, something like that, $4.64 cents, whatever. And that's one of the things I did to keep me motivated to keep going because it was like, you know, once you get halfway through, when she would kinda get toward your last year, biggest one, it can seem like a mountain, even though you've made all these big changes and climbed all these smaller hills is like, oh my God, I'm never going to be done. So I calculated how much I was actually spending every single day in interest. Um, and some other things that we did. We, um, at this point we decided to shut off our retirement contributions because I realized how much I did the math and saw how much faster I could pay off this debt if we did that. Um, we already have quite a bit saved, um, in our retirement accounts and I still had a pension that I had to contribute to and the town that I worked for, um, well in the state, they, um, the local government, they have to contribute to my 401k as well. So we still had money going into retirement, um, but not our own money into our 401ks. So we cut that out and that was actually a couple of hundred dollars. So that helped us speed up paying off my student loans. And I only recommend that to people. If you are all in, you are intense about this, that you're not going to go and spend it on other things because you will, um, you will see that you have all this extra money and think that it's extra and spend it and then not turn your retirement contributions back on. So I don't take this recommendation recommendation lightly. So you really need to think about it before you do it because retirement is crucial. So just because I only did it halfway through, like I didn't want to do it at first. So once I sought ran the number, saw how much faster we could do it and be done, I decided to do it. So, you know, think about it really hard before you actually shut it off. Um, we sold some big things. We sold a trailer and a four wheeler, which for those of you that don't know, my husband, this is huge. My husband is a hoarder. He literally has every single magazine he's ever had his entire life. Literally it's still out in the shop in bins. It's ridiculous. He says he knows, you know, where they all are and what they say and he still looks at him. So to get him to like really sell anything was a major, major feat. And really without him being fully onboard, we wouldn't have been able to do it this quickly. Um, so, you know, if you're struggling and doing it this on your own, I've got, um, I guess coming up on a, on another episode coming up soon about getting your spouse onboard and living on one income. Um, but anyway, back to why that they all stories. So, you know, we made a lot of changes to do it faster and faster. You know, I didn't just, now I do jump into things, but you know, I went into this and made small changes as we went and as I saw progress and how much faster we could do it and keep going, we made changes gradually. You know, I didn't just do my zero base budget, do my debt, snowball, do cash envelope, shut off the retirement contributions, sell everything all in one day. Okay. This was a increase in intensity and change of behavior over the 17 months. So, you know, that first month, don't beat yourself up if you're not all in, just keep making the steps and changes in the right direction and you will get there. And as you see the progress and as you see that debt balance going down, you'll be more motivated to do it faster and find things to do to make it happen faster and faster. So like another thing I did was I sold like all my lamps and my wall decor, like I'm wanting to eventually change the style anyway, but like it looked like we just moved in. Like I literally sold the pictures off my walls and all my lamps. Like I was intense about it once we got to that point. And I just wanted it to be done with my student loans because I was seeing how much money we were spending every day for that, you know, when you're spending $5 everyday just to have the loan there, that's insane. So I wanted to add in my life and gone forever. And so that really helped motivate me to go and do it faster and faster. Uh, some other things that we did or that I did to, um, stay motivated while doing this was I joined, uh, groups that were about budgeting, Dave Ramsey paying off debt. Um, and that really helped keep me motivated to, uh, talk to other people and see other people doing the same things that I did or that I was doing. Um, another thing that I did was I read debt, pay off success stories like every night before going to bed. And that's one reason that I share so many on my website as well. And you can go to my website, go to debt and debt, sex success stories, and you'll be able to see like all the ones that I've done so far, debt free interviews. Um, let's see, what else did I do? I pay a [inaudible]. Okay, so we cut back our food budgets. You know, I've talked about how we were spending $1,200 a month. We cut out there that down to $600 a month. Um, and initially we cut out lunch, but that didn't work very well. So we ended up adding money in for lunch, but it wasn't every single day for my husband and I, that was our social time to get out of the office. We have stressful jobs and like that's our time to talk to people in distress a little bit. So we did add that in. Um, we realized that we just, that was something that we needed to do. Uh, we also, you know, we said no to things like not everything. Like we still had fun, we budgeted money in for things that we wanted to do, but we did, we didn't do everything that our friends wanted to do. Like we still said no to some things because it wasn't a priority right then. And then if, if there were something that we wanted and it could wait until after we were debt free, it waited. I mean, the last month that we had, my husband actually asked me were more debt free, can we buy shaving cream again? Like that's how intense I got there at the end because I just wanted it gone. And so like I bought generic stuff. I didn't, if it literally, if you could do without it for a month or two months, I didn't buy it like it could wait. And then of course then once we paid it off, you know, I caught back up on things. I just wanted it out of my life and I wanted the freedom and be able to say that I did it and you know, feel like I accomplished something. And that's what I did. And you know what, we were able to pay it off in seven in, well the student loan was 10 months. So that was 10 months of it. We paid it off in October of 2016 total of 17 months, $45,000. And you know what, I'm so glad that we did. You know, I had people asking me while I was doing this as if you died tomorrow, would you still be, um, would you still be doing this? Like, and I said yes. Like I want my family to be set up financially to be able to live without me, to be able to grieve, to do what they want to do once I'm gone and without doing this, you know, my husband would have to go right back to work, uh, not have any time off. You know, somebody is going to have to pick up the slack at home with babysitters and house cleaning and all that stuff. You know, and I have life insurance, I have a plan, we don't have debt. So that it just make things a lot smoother and easier if something does happen to me. But you know what? I still enjoy my life. It's not like I'm not having fun. I still had fun and it was temporary. Now I'm on the other side of it. Been debt free for, um, almost two years. No three years now. Yeah, almost three years now. And of course I'm still thankful for. I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I made the sacrifices then so that I can live the life I want now because without it, I wouldn't be able to be at home with my kids, building my business. I'd still be stuck in a very stressful job that I just was burnt out on and didn't want to do anymore. And I wouldn't be able to take my kids to school over day, pick them up, work on my business. Um, help you guys get your lives. And finances together so that you can do it too. If I was still in debt, I would still be working a regular job and being on call and having to see and deal with things that nobody really should have to see and do. And so that is why I am very, very thankful that we made the sacrifices to get to where we are now. You know, and I, and then human now I still have people say, well, you're just lucky. I, you know, that must be nice. Yeah, it is nice. But I'm not lucky. I worked hard. I made a plan. I followed through on that plan and I did what I needed to do so that I could live this life that I want now. And that's what you have to decide for yourself is what are you willing to sacrifice now for what you want later. And once you do that, everything else will fall into place. You will know what you need to say no to what changes you need to make so that you can get to your bigger goals. And you know, don't let anybody discourage you and tell you that you need to have debt, that there's good debt, there's a, you know, you should always have a car payment. You should always have a mortgage payment, student loans, good debt, no debt is good debt. You know, mortgage is not considered in this debt free journey just because it is a much bigger loan. But we are working on paying it off early. Like that is the end goal. Uh, but for right now, you want to concentrate on your consumer debt. So your credit card, your car payments, yes, you can be without a car payment. You don't have to always have a car payment. You just have to decide that that's what you're going to do and then do it. Uh, and you know, find the ways to make it happen. You know, and like I said earlier, you may not be able to do it as fast as I did. Um, but that doesn't mean you can't do it. It, it'll, it'll happen in your time and as fast as you can do it. So. Okay, I'm going to quit on my rant today and I will talk to you soon. We've got some great guests, podcasts coming up. Uh, and I will be talking about how our 401k loan cost us almost a million dollars. So, uh, look forward to that. I am so excited about this podcast and sharing these stories with you to help motivate you to pay off debt. And remember, you can go to budget's made easy.com for all my free resources and helpful advice and follow me on Instagram at budget's made easy. I will talk to you soon. Bye.

Welcome to the Money Mindset Podcast where you will learn simple ways to improve your lfe and your finances. Resouces for you: Blog: [Budgets Made Easy ](www.budgetsmadeeasy.com ) Beginners Guide to Budgeting How to Stop Living Paycheck to Paycheck Guide Full Transcript: Welcome to the money mindset podcast where you will find the inspiration and motivation you need to manage your money better than you can stress less as living the life you want. I'm Ashley Patrick, founder of the money mind mindset podcast in budgets made easy. This is your place to get the tools, knowledge, and inspiration to improve your finances and your life. My mission [00:00:30] is to inspire and motivate you to take the steps toward becoming debt free and building real wealth. That can seem overwhelming at first, but when you break it down into simple steps and focus on just one thing at a time, the possible the impossible becomes possible. The important thing is to take small steps in the right direction and you will get there, but it all starts with changing your [00:01:00] mindset around money. Believing that you can do something is half the battle. Once you believe that you can do it, then you can take the steps and make the plan to actually do it. If you don't truly believe that you can do something, then why would you even try? That's why I am focusing on changing your mindset so that you can change your life. It all starts there. No matter what your financial goals are, whether it says stop living paycheck [00:01:30] to paycheck, whether you want to save money, pay off debt, save for your kid's future, you have to believe that you can do it and that you, that it is really an option for you, which spoiler alert it is. So that's what I will be focusing on in this podcast along with tips on budgeting, saving money, and paying off debt so you can stress less and live the life you really want because that's what I really want for you. [00:02:00] And that's what my mission and my goal and my whole focus is for you, is to get you to change your mindset around money so that you can get past that first hurdle and make the changes and take the steps to really take control over your finances and your life so that you can do what you want to do. I mean, because that's what happened for me. So dinner news myself real quick. You know, a couple of years ago I was an extremely [00:02:30] stressful job. I was a police officer or detective for 10 years, you know, I wore child abuse cases in things that people don't want to, you know, even think that exists in this world is incredibly stressful to kids sitting in traffic just just to get to work and back home. Like traffic is ridiculous around here, you know, and I really wanted options and the only way to do that was to pay [00:03:00] off my debt. Once I was able to pay off my debt, which will be in more detail in the next episode, $45,000 in 17 months, I was able to have the freedom to make the choice to stay at home with my kids. Once I had my third child and if I still had debt, I wouldn't have even had that option. There's no way I would've been able to stay home. So being at free gives you options. It gives you freedom. You get to do what you want to do. If you want to be able to take [00:03:30] a different road in life, go try something new. Try a different job. It gives you the ability to do that. Um, it gives you the freedom to be able to make choices based on what you want instead of what you have to do to pay the bills. So that's a little bit about myself. Uh, my ma, my website and all my social handles, everything is budget's made easy. So it's budgets made easy.com. You can get all kinds of freebies. I've got a budget worksheets, I've got, um, you know, [00:04:00] how to stop living paycheck to paycheck guide, uh, debt, snowball worksheets, you know, everything is there. There's also the budget challenge, which is a seven day pay, what you want, budget challenge, which is actually pretty neat and I really love this idea. So the idea behind it is that you pay what you want, minimal of $5, because you do need to have some skin in the game and some motivation to actually follow through. And so that is why I did pay what you want because [00:04:30] you need to choose an amount that will motivate you and get you to actually do it and follow through with it. It's broken down into tiny little baby steps every single day, seven days. Like even the seven days is not even making your budget. Your budget is like three days worth. So you know, you can have your budget ready to go and just a couple of days without the stress and the overwhelm of knowing where to start. This is where [00:05:00] you start. So the biggest thing people tell me is, I'm overwhelmed. I don't know how or where to start. This is where you do it. Budgetsmadeeasy.com/budget-challenge and you can get started today, have your budget done in just a couple days. Get past that overwhelm, get past that mindset block and just get started. Just do it. Okay, so in the next episode and going forward, I will be talking about how we paid off the debt so that you can do it [00:05:30] to debt payoff, tete tips, tips on budgeting, saving money. I've got lots and lots of guests, uh, that we've already started recording interviews. So I'm so excited about that. You get to hear about how other people paid off debt and how they're managing their money in such a way that it works for their family and their life. And that's another thing before I get off here that I want to really stress to you, myself and Dave Ramsey and Susie Orman, everybody, [00:06:00] you know, they give you general advice, good budget tips, good money tips, but it's personal. It's why they call it personal finance. So what works for one person may not work for you. You need to do the research and, and you know, look at how different people do things and figuring out what's gonna work best for your family. Because you know, you may need to save more than a thousand dollars is your starter [00:06:30] emergency fund. You may need to pay off something that is in a different order than the debt snowball and that will go into what all that means in more episodes. But you just really have to focus on your situation, see what will work for you and what will motivate you to start and keep going and finish. Cause that's the most important thing. As long as you keep moving in the right direction, you will get there. You may not get there as fast as [00:07:00] me or somebody else, or maybe you will. Maybe you don't have as much debt as I had. You know, everybody's situation is a little bit different, so don't compare your journey to somebody else, but you just need to get started. Keep going, stay motivated. And that is what this podcast and what I'm all about. I am so excited to get started on this journey with you. Be sure to check out budgets made easy.com for all your helpful resources on getting started by [00:07:30] making your budget, working on your mindset, planning your goals, and everything in between. To get started on your budget, go to budgetsmadeeasy.com/budget-challenge and get started working on your budget and planning out your goals today. Be sure to check out the links in the show notes for all your helpful resources. And the next episode I will be talking about how we paid off $45,000 in debt in just 17 months. [00:08:00] I'll see you there.