How to Glow: The Jewish Woman's Marriage Boost

I am so excited to bring you this interview with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier, founder of TheShmuz.com and author of the new book, 10 Really Dumb Mistakes that Very Smart Couples Make. We dove into a really interesting discussion about how men and women communicate differently, how we perceive and give criticism differently, and how changing our approach can have a powerful impact on our marriages. Referenced in this episode: Check out Rabbi Shafier's book here To learn more about TheShmuz.com

Sometimes it's not about coaching yourself, it's about acceptance. It's so easy to fall for the myth that we're supposed to always feel good. Ironically, thinking we're always supposed to feel good... feels terrible. It creates so much resistance. Today I'm sharing one of my "one of those days" days. And I know you have them, too. Here's how we can allow them, which actually allows us to tap into a deeper level of our own truth and helps us move past and through so much more easily.

I love Purim + Thought Work! So many women struggle on Purim. It's normal-- but it's not necessary. Tune in to hear how you can make a thought-plan for Purim to make it a day more meaningful and enjoyable (yes even with the wildness, the mess, the over-sugared kids, and the vomiting husband)! Want to join us next month? We'd love to have you in our community! kaylalevin.com/coaching to get on the wait list!

Pursuing happiness tends to make it even more elusive. Most of the women I know and work with know that sitting on the couch with bonbons when life is feeling a little unsatisfying is not going to do the trick. So in this ongoing conversation about self-care, I’m going to make another distinction that I think can help us. There are activities that make your life better.. and there’s rest. And both are critical. When we use “self-care-type activities” to FEEL BETTER (to feel happy, fulfilled, enjoying our life), I’m not sure it’s so effective. When we rest because we are so drained or depleted that there are no happy thoughts to think, (or–please–catch yourself before you get to this point when you can) we set ourselves up to rejoin a life that has meaning and purpose which then leads to real fulfillment and happiness. You can rest on your couch or at a 5-star-spa for all I care, but know that your rest isn’t going to give you what you really need. It’s crucial, but it’s function is just to get you back in the game.

It's about to be one of the busiest seasons of the year and I want to give you a skill to get back a lot of your time. One of the main reasons we waste time is called buffering. Buffering is any time we engage in an activity and we lose out in the end--usually to avoid some negative emotion, whether that's loneliness, disconnection, boredom, anxiety... pick your poison :) Today I'll go over how to identify your buffers, why it's so crucial that you learn the skill of NOT buffering, and how you can go about it.

This week we are revisiting and going deeper on the whole idea of mashpia/mekabel AKA provider/receiver. What does this concept mean in the context of a Jewish marriage? What is the Jewish ideal for how a woman "receives"? What have we picked up from other cultures about what it means to be provided for, and what downsides does that bring? How can we strengthen ourselves without burning ourselves out or neglecting our own needs? Excited to share this episode with you. If you want to take this work deeper, make sure to join us in How to Glow next month at kaylalevin.com/coaching

This week I'm offering you a tool to help you get more clear on what you want from your marriage.  So much of the time, we "hint" at what we want and really believe we've been clear. There are a few tools I teach to help you do a self-check of whether your communication was clear enough and what to do about the vulnerability we feel when we make a real, authentic request from our husband. Ready to take this work further? kaylalevin.com/coaching

This episode is a long time coming! Many women struggle with feeling a REALLY strong negative reaction when their husband is sick--whether annoyance, judgement, resentment, frustration, even fear.  This. Is. Normal. Even very lovely, wonderful, nurturing women struggle with this. Today I'm going to help you with what to do about it.

HOT TOPIC today, ladies.  Whether this is relevant to you personally or not, I encourage you to listen for the tools I share in the context of this question. UPDATE: As of the posting of this episode, doors are open for How to Glow! GET IN TODAY for my best tools, live and written coaching, and the chance to hear other people get coached and grow from that! https://kaylalevin.com/coaching This week I'll be discussing... How to know when you need acceptance/thought work vs. a boundary How to deal with internal triggers The effect that western society has had on both women AND men -- and how understanding it will help you navigate this How to have a productive conversation when you've been hurt

This week I want to offer some really practical solutions for when life--or your marriage--is getting really hard. When you should NOT be trying to do thought work How to get past "cliche" forms of self care to something that would really be helpful for you The role our lower brain plays in our well-being and how to deal with your nervous system Clarify what your signs are that you're spiraling How to use your brain to help you find solutions when you're feeling stuck Registration opens at the end of the month for How to Glow. Join us here: kaylalevin.com/coaching

"I had an idea for a podcast topic that I don't think you covered. It is actually relevant to current (Jewish) events lately. I want to know what to do when you or your spouse is having a crisis and is not dealing with it properly. Or if there is a crisis in the world that you or your spouse is taking very hard and not functioning as they normally do. If it is you, that is one thing but what do you do when it is your spouse? Especially when it comes at a busy/high stress/just wrong time?" This is such a relevant question right now.  Listen to this week's episode to hear the following tools to help when your husband is struggling to navigate a stressful time... How to use self-awareness to reduce resistance "Zooming out" to create patience and long-term vision for your marriage Asking powerful questions to create meaningful solutions Shifting from "needs" to get yourself out of victim mode Get more support inside my private membership coaching program, How to Glow.

Not to be contrary, but this week we'll be talking about why you might need to take a BREAK from setting goals. This episode is for you if you have a goal that's been lingering for a while that you just can't seem to work up the motivation to achieve.  Listen to hear... Some "symptoms" that you are in need of a goals detox How tying your self worth to your accomplishments is actually making it harder for you to achieve your goals Why taking a break from having any goals will allow you to reset your entire approach How accepting where you are now and loving yourself as you are is your fastest track to growth I'd love to hear your thoughts and what goals you're ready to let go of! Be in touch at kaylalevin.com

We talk a lot on here about getting our needs met, because that's one of the main questions I get as a marriage coach. Today I want to share two tools that will help you get more of what you want--whether specifically in your marriage or in your life as a whole. Listen this week to learn: The main reason you aren't pursuing what you want Clear, doable strategies to help you clarify what you really want in your life How taking pleasure in your life now creates more momentum for pursuing your goals Where easy dopamine sources might be blocking you from pursuing your goals and loving your life Registration opens soon for How to Glow. Make sure you're on the wait list at www.kaylalevin.com/coaching!

When we say "marriage is hard" we mean to encourage. We mean to empathize, to validate, to normalize the struggles that can so often happen in marriage. But I want you to know that there's a major negative impact of saying this so unquestioningly.  Make sure you listen this week as I pull in thought work to understand why the phrase "marriage is hard" can be one of the biggest disservices we do for one another and for ourselves, and why I think we should all chuck this well-intentioned phrase right out of our collective vocabulary.

This week I'm teaching you how to manage when you are TIRED. When you're up a lot at night, or have a very schleppy life-situation, or an extremely physically demanding job. Often we make the mistake of thinking that thought work doesn't apply to our physical experience. I've seen time and time again that this is not true. Our thoughts about our discomfort create the true bulk of our experience. Whatever your situation, I invite you to listen this week to hear... - How to stop resisting and adding drama to physically demanding parts of your life - The real benefits you can gain when you embrace physical discomfort - How to get out of "energy scarcity" -- when you're worried about spending energy now because you might not have it later - How to trust yourself to make decisions about how to take care of your body Join us next month in my membership program, How to Glow, and bring any of your questions about this topic or others to our live coaching calls! kaylalevin.com/coaching Mentioned in this episode: Ellen Langer Study Ellen Langer books